by Kim Holden
I shake my head. “No.”
We part ways to head to our next classes and I can’t stop thinking about everything that she’s just said. I thought Teagan had kind of gotten me out of his system after we kissed. It makes me sad if that isn’t the case. But, what really has me thinking is what she said about Dimitri. He’s asking about me, which means he’s thinking about me, which means maybe he still cares? I know I shouldn’t jump to such wild conclusions and I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up or even think about it all for that matter, but I can’t help myself.
I arrive at work a few minutes early after school. I’m still riding the Dimitri high, and I’m in a really good mood for a change. I don’t see Sunny’s car in front of the office, but sometimes she’s out visiting clients when I arrive. She’s given me a key to let myself in. I put the key in the slot, but the door is already open. I open it slowly and can hear someone moving around in the back. This makes me nervous. No one else should be here.
Stopping in the doorway, I yell loudly, “Hello?” I’m prepared to make a run for it if I have to.
I hear footsteps and then, “Ronnie?” Sebastian walks around the corner and into the front room.
I sigh in relief, and my body relaxes. “Oh, hey Sebastian. What are you doing here?”
He shakes his head like he really doesn’t know either. “Oh, Mom texted me during last period and asked me to get here as quick as I could after school because she needed help with some orders that just arrived.” He’s rolling his eyes dramatically. “She sort of told me what to do and then ran off to some meeting. She said you could fill me in when you got here.”
We walk to the back and start opening boxes. I actually do know what we need to do, and I’m grateful to have the help. This is going to take the rest of the day to finish, even with two of us, and it needs to be done by tomorrow morning.
It’s a little uncomfortable at first, being here with Sebastian. Sebastian himself doesn’t make me nervous. Friendship with him has come easily from the very beginning. Oddly, I’ve always felt some sort of unspoken bond between us. Maybe Dimitri was the common link. But I haven’t talked to Sebastian much since the breakup, and I’m not sure what he thinks of me for it. He and Dimitri are closer than any siblings I’ve ever met, and they’re very loyal to each other.
We make small talk for a while and then the conversation takes a more serious turn. Sebastian doesn’t beat around the bush. He’s much more blunt than Dimitri or his mother.
“So, Ronnie, what’s up with you and Teagan?”
This catches me off guard. “Teagan is staying with my family until school’s—”
Sebastian interrupts, “Yeah, I know about the living arrangements. That’s not what I’m talking about. What’s going on? Are you two seeing each other?”
“God, no! This is the second time I’ve been asked that question today,” I say, exasperatedly raising my voice. “What would give anyone the impression that anything is going on between us?”
He puts his hand on my forearm and half-laughs, “Easy, Ronnie. I forgot how easy it is to get you worked up,” he pauses, “It’s just that people are talking. I mean, he is living in your house and in pretty close quarters. It kind of makes me wonder.”
I feel my heart rate increase. I’m getting pissed. “What exactly are people saying?”
He starts unpacking a box again. “Well, rumors are going around, and for the most part I ignore them because I think I know you better than that. Still, last week Tate was over at my house and D. came home and started asking Tate if he knew what was going on between you and Teagan. He hears the same rumors I do. Tate told him you two were just friends, but after D. left, Tate told me he wasn’t really sure. He said that Teagan spilled his guts to him the weekend before when they got home from a party.”
“Teagan spent the weekend with Tate two weeks ago. Teagan said they went to a party, but said he didn’t remember much of it because he got so drunk.” I’m trying to keep up and fill in the blanks.
“Well, I guess he was pretty wasted and going on and on about you. Tate kind of blew him off because he’s heard it all before. I mean it’s no secret that Teagan’s into you. Anyway, Teagan claimed that he’d even kissed you recently, which I personally find hard to believe. So what’s up?” He looks up from his box, waiting for my response.
I shake my head harshly. “Unbelievable,” I say, talking mostly to myself.
He smiles thinking he’s correct. “Right? That’s what I told Tate. Teagan only wishes. I told Dimitri it didn’t happen.”
I’m still stunned. “Actually … it did happen.” I cover my face with my hands, feeling defeated.
Sebastian is shocked. “What the hell?” he says, slowly. “Are you shitting me?”
I rub my temples a few times, look Sebastian in the eyes, and inhale and exhale deeply before I answer. “No.”
He shakes his head. “Please tell me this happened after you broke up with D.?”
I nod and answer quietly. “Yes.”
“And please tell me that Teagan had nothing to do with your breaking up with D.?” He says through gritted teeth.
“He didn’t.” I feel so ashamed. Confessing all of this to Sebastian is almost as bad as confessing it to Dimitri himself.
He’s still shaking his head and looks disgusted. “Ronnie, I know it’s none of my business to pry into your personal life like this, but what in the hell is going on? What’s the story with you and Teagan?”
I weigh my options and consider not answering him. He’s really pissed at me and rightly so after what I’ve done to his brother. But, Sebastian is someone I trust. I also know this news has already made its way to Dimitri and I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. This is my opportunity air my side of the story, and telling Sebastian is second best only to telling Dimitri himself. Decided, I sit down and gesture for him to take a seat across from me. I look at the ground as I begin to explain. “Teagan is my best friend. We’ve been friends since we could walk. I always thought of him as the brother I never had, and until very recently I assumed that he thought of me the same way. Due to an incredibly sad twist of fate, my family has temporarily taken him in.”
Sebastian interrupts, “Right, because his dad moved out of state or something.”
I bite my lip and ponder how to answer without compromising Teagan’s secret. “It was something … a little more serious than that. I’m sorry, that’s all I can say out of respect to Teagan. The official story is that Teagan’s dad moved out of state though, so as far as you know that’s what happened, okay?”
His face softens a little and he nods in agreement.
“Most people don’t understand because they don’t know the whole story. In ways, I’m closer to him than I’ve ever been, but not how you think.” I shake my head; this is so hard to explain without saying too much. “Teagan needs me, but because he has feelings for me, I need to keep him at a distance. It’s a fine line. How do you hold someone close just so that they can hold it together, while at the same time distance yourself so that you don’t break their heart?”
Sebastian is poking at a hole in the knee of his jeans. He isn’t looking at me, but he’s listening to every word I say. It must run in the family—they’re all good listeners. “So, let me get this straight,” he says. “Teagan’s been through some pretty bad shit and you’re family rescued him and took him in. Now you feel bad because you know what he’s been through and feel worse because you know he wants you. You want to help him, but you don’t want to hurt him?”
“Basically, yes. I’m not attracted to Teagan. He’s a nice guy, but I don’t want that kind of relationship with him.”
He’s still playing with the hole in his jeans. “You left out the kiss. What happened there?”
I wait for him to look at me. “I don’t know, sometimes things just happen. It would be pitiful of me to say I was vulnerable, but …” I trail off, searching for the right words. “Have you ever kissed someone you ne
ver intended to kiss?”
His eyes narrow. “You mean, something totally spontaneous?”
“I guess for lack of a better word, yeah, spontaneous.”
He smiles. “Sure. I don’t really plan things like that. If something happens, it happens.”
“Well, it just happened.” I’m thinking of the conversation leading up to the kiss and a sad smile crosses my lips.
“There’s more. What?”
“I was just thinking about what we were talking about before he kissed me.”
He raises his eyebrows. “What were you talking about?”
“Your brother.” I suddenly feel very sad. The space in my heart that will always belong to Dimitri begins to ache.
“D.?”
My eyes are starting to well with tears. “Teagan was prying into my love life, and like a dummy I was letting him. This is really embarrassing, but he was basically chastising me for not having sex with your brother. He wanted to know why I never did, because he knew how much I liked him … and still do,” I confess. “I shouldn’t have even discussed it with him but it was completely selfish on my part. Sometimes just talking about Dimitri helps me remember that he was real. That what we shared really happened.” I blink through the tears. “Anyway, he sort of told me I needed to stop thinking about everything so much and just let things happen. And that’s when he kissed me.”
“Did you kiss him back or punch him in the face?” Sebastian is trying to lighten things up. Tears have an uncanny way of making guys uncomfortable.
“I didn’t at first, but—”
“But what?”
I clear my throat. “But then I imagined he was Dimitri instead.” I put my head down, too embarrassed to look him in the eye. The tears keep coming. I swallow hard. “I know I’m an awful person, but he caught me off guard.”
Sebastian’s voice grows quiet. “So, what you’re saying is … it didn’t mean anything to you? The kiss?”
“No. It meant nothing. You can think whatever you want about me; at this point I probably deserve it. But, it’s kind of hard to put your heart into it when you’re thinking about someone else the entire time.”
“No judgment here. If I had a dime for every girl I—” He pauses, and continues, “Ronnie, can I ask you something?”
I wipe my eyes and nod.
“Why did you break up with D. in the first place?” His anger has subsided. His voice is soft now.
“You mean aside from the fact that I’m a fucking moron?”
He smiles.
“I’ve asked myself that same question every day since it happened.” He allows me a quiet moment to collect my thoughts. “Without getting into all the details, I just had so much going on in my life that I couldn’t be the girlfriend he deserved. I was pretty lost. I mean, who am I kidding? I’m still lost. There were lots of things in my life that needed attention and that meant taking attention away from him. He deserves more than that. He always put me first. He was perfect. And I just … wasn’t.”
Sebastian huffs loudly. “Goddamn it! I knew this all happened for nothing. Why do you two always do this?” he asks, clearly frustrated. “Ronnie, listen to me. Nobody’s perfect. Though Dimitri certainly thinks of you that way, even though you can be a pain in the ass sometimes.” His eyes flash to mine. “No offense.” He exhales loudly again in frustration. “Oh hell, I don’t know how to explain this in a way that will make sense to you. It would so much easier if you remembered …” He searches the room as if trying to find the right words. “Do you believe in destiny?”
“Destiny?” What a strange turn this conversation has taken. What is he talking about when he says, if I remembered? Remembered what? “I believe that everything happens for a reason, if that’s what you’re asking.”
He shakes his head. “No, that’s not what I’m asking. I mean destiny.” He’s biting his lip and his eyebrows are pinched together. He’s choosing his words deliberately. “Sometimes the universe has a way of making sure that things happen, that certain events are put into motion.” The frustration is becoming even more evident. “What I am trying to say is that if there ever was a couple that was supposed to be together, it’s you and Dimitri.”
I’m shocked, frozen in place, staring at him, hanging on every word.
Realizing the effect his words have evoked, he smiles and his voice softens. “Ronnie, it sounds like you’re going through a tough time right now; that you’re confused about a lot of things. Please, don’t worry so much.” He punches my shoulder lightly. “It’s ruining everything.”
I half laugh through the residual tears.
“Just remember who you are, deep down. The real Ronnie. Search for her again.” He points at my chest. “She’s inside there. And even though she’s a pain in the ass, she’s one of the coolest people I’ve ever known.” He smiles. “Oh, and how about making up with D.? The guy’s irritable as hell when you’re not together. He’s lost without you.”
I look down at my hands which I’m unconsciously wringing in my lap. “But he probably hates me.”
“D. could never hate you. He totally adores you. And if you were honest with yourself, you’d see that you feel the same way about him.”
I’m starting to cry again. “I miss him,” I whisper.
He stands up and wraps me in a hug. “I know.”
We stand there in an embrace for a few minutes and he lets me cry on his shoulder.
Releasing me, he claps his hands. “Okay, back to work. I don’t want you to get fired.”
I wipe the tears from my cheeks again. “Thanks Sebastian.”
He winks. “Anytime.”
Life is sometimes … destined.
Chapter 13
A heart full of words
And an uncooperative mouth
Make an unfortunate pairing
Sebastian spends the next week after school at work helping me out per Sunny’s request. Business is picking up, which is great, but Sebastian and I are having trouble keeping up working only a few hours a day. It’s obvious Sebastian doesn’t particularly like the work, but he’s diligent and doesn’t stop until the job is done. I know he has another job, though he’s never said what it is. Although he’s pretty strapped for time, I like having him around.
It’s Friday evening and just about time for me and Sebastian to go home when Sunny arrives back from a consultation. She breezes into the office. “Hi, you two. Sorry I’m so late getting back; it took a little longer than expected.”
I haven’t seen Sunny in person since Monday. Something about her always makes me smile. “No problem, Sebastian and I finished the Murphy project and we’re almost done with the Fitzpatrick project. We should be able to wrap it up on Monday.”
She drops her bag on the sofa and walks across the room in a few easy steps. She can cover a lot of ground quickly with those long legs. She puts an arm around each of our shoulders and squeezes tightly. “Thanks for your hard work. You’ve been such a help to me.” She pauses for a moment. “I do have another favor to ask.”
Sebastian eyes her suspiciously. “What?”
“Can I ask … no, beg for a few hours of your time tomorrow morning to finish up the Fitzpatrick project? They phoned me this morning and asked to have everything ready for a secondary consultation tomorrow afternoon.” She’s smiling, but looks almost scared as she anticipates our reaction.
Before I can speak Sebastian unleashes a flurry of anxious words. “Mom! Tomorrow is prom! You know I have a lot going on already.”
She cringes, but I know she expected this from him. “I know, I know, and I’m sorry honey. Can you give me two hours between nine and eleven? I’m going to be here too, so it shouldn’t take us too long.”
Sunny is so sweet that I wonder if anyone has ever denied her anything. She’s one of those people that you just want to help as much as possible.
As usual, Sebastian’s bark is worse than his bite. He gives in. “Fine, but what about Ronnie? Did it ever occur
to you that she might be busy tomorrow?”
Sunny looks over at me anxiously, but I interrupt before she starts pleading. “It’s really okay, Sunny. I’ll be here. I’m not going to prom. So I can stay as long as you need me.”
Sunny hugs me and thanks me over and over.
It’s almost embarrassing.
After another squeeze she continues, “And I want you to know that I’ve recruited some help for you, Veronica.” She glances at Sebastian and winks. “I thank you, Sebastian, for helping Veronica out this past week, but you are officially relieved of your duties—after tomorrow of course. I talked to Bob this afternoon and he’s agreed to come in and help us out starting Monday. He’ll work mornings and Veronica will work afternoons until school’s out and then the two of you will be here together.”
Sebastian looks up at the ceiling and mouths the words, “Thank God.”
I’m curious. “Who’s Bob?”
Sunny beams and says, “Bob is a lovely older gentleman who attends our church. He lost his wife a few months ago, and he told me that he’s looking for something to get him out of the house and keep his mind occupied. I think you’re really going to like him.”
Sebastian chuckles. “Bob’s actually a really cool guy. Dimitri and I have been trying to talk him into coming down and helping out the two of you for the past couple of weeks.” He looks at his mom. “He finally gave in, huh?”
Sunny nods. “He finally gave in,” she says. “I can be very persuasive.”
“Is that what you call it?” Sebastian needles her.
Sunny doesn’t give him the satisfaction of a reply, only an exaggerated smile and widening of her big blue eyes. “I think it will be good for him, too.”
As we clean up and gather our things to leave, Sebastian’s mood seems to have lightened with the news of Bob. Sunny stops us when she hears us open the front door. “Would you two like some pizza? I can pick it up on my way home. I’m sure D. hasn’t eaten yet either. It would be nice to have you over again, Veronica.”
The sound of his name, even his nickname, makes my stomach flip-flop. I look to Sebastian for guidance with my answer. He sees the plea for direction in my eyes and nods slightly.