“I know Madi was upset about losing Zoe. That’s the only grief she’s ever really displayed openly, other than at the funeral for her parents. And even then she only cried during the memorial. As I’ve mentioned to you, I’ve tried talking to her about her dad and mom, but she doesn’t say much to me or her counselor. It’s very frustrating.”
“I know. Maybe she’s grieving Zoe’s death as a symbol for her parents, too. When you talk about a person being dead out loud, that makes it more real, and right now with all the injuries and surgeries she suffered, she isn’t ready to deal with that.”
“Makes sense.” Leaning forward, he propped his elbows on his thighs and clasped his hands together, staring at the marble floor of the foyer. “Even I have a hard time believing they’re gone. I think Cottonball would be a good addition to our family. I want to do everything I can to help Madi.”
“You remember me mentioning Emma, my friend who trained Gabe? I could talk to her about finding a dog for Madi to sense her nightmares and come and alert you, or she can train Cottonball to do that. There are several options you need to consider, maybe talk it over with your sister.” She knew Gabe would be wonderful with Madi, too, but Abbey couldn’t let him go. He meant too much to her. “And in the meantime, until you can get a dog like that, I can loan Gabe to you, if you want. If I can use him when I visit the patients at the hospital and the nursing home. Actually, Madi might like to go to the home again. She and Mrs. Parks seemed to hit it off.”
“Training Cottonball would probably be the best. She seems like a smart little dog. And I won’t turn down the offer of Gabe. If I can stop the nightmares before they get too bad, it helps Madi recover faster and go back to sleep. She needs her rest. The doctor stressed that.” He pressed his fingertips into his temples. “How do you know you’re doing what’s right for a loved one?”
“You don’t always.”
He slanted a glance toward her. “I’m sorry about offering to pay you for staying with Madi. This is all new to me, and I’m bound to make a few mistakes along the way. Probably a lot. I never envisioned myself having a child depend on me.”
“You never thought about getting married and having children?” It had to be the exhaustion causing her to ask that question. She averted her gaze and wished she could retract it.
“Once, but it didn’t work out, and since then I’ve thrown myself into work. I’ve been so busy these past ten years that I didn’t ever stop to think about that. I guess it’s a moot point now. How about you? Ever thought of getting remarried, and having more children?”
“A month ago I would have said no. But being around Madi reminds me of what I’m missing. It hasn’t always been easy. But I don’t want to go through that kind of pain again.” She stole a look at Dominic as she revealed what she had come to realize these past few days.
“I can certainly understand that. After the woman I loved married someone else, I decided I didn’t want to depend on anyone else for my happiness.”
This was the first time she’d realized he’d planned to marry someone. “And your company gives you that happiness?” She enjoyed her work, but it could never replace the joy she’d felt being a wife and mother.
“The truth?”
She locked gazes with him. “Always. What good is it to tell yourself a lie?” She’d told herself plenty of lies once upon a time. Especially the big lie that once Lisa got well, she would mend her marriage. But her child hadn’t gotten well, and her husband had gotten tired of waiting.
“It used to make me happy. Seeing the company grow. Giving people a chance to work with decent wages. But now, something’s missing, and I don’t know what.”
“Is it because of what happened in Costa Sierra?”
“Not really. It began even before my dad and Susie died. Oh, I went through the motions of going into work and doing my best because people depended on me, but I couldn’t deny the emptiness I felt.”
She understood exactly what he was talking about. Lisa had taken part of Abbey’s heart when she died. She hadn’t been able to totally mend it—wasn’t sure she ever could.
“I was devastated and dealing with a lot even before he walked out on our marriage.”
“When did it happen?”
“Right before Lisa died.”
“Your husband left you while your daughter was ill?”
“Yes.”
“What kind of man was he?” Fury coated each word.
“One who wanted more from me than I could give at that time. We’d had Lisa because I wanted a child. I don’t think he ever really did.”
“But he walked away from his ill child?” He shook his head.
“He came to see her some, but he never liked to deal with people being sick. He couldn’t even tolerate getting sick himself. I know I should forgive him and let it go. I can’t change the past. But I can’t let the anger go, or forgive him for what he’d done.”
“I don’t blame you. That’s a lot to handle.”
“After my marriage fell apart and my daughter passed away, I was struggling. I finally went to my pastor and actually got angry with him. Why was God doing those things to me? I’d lost my daughter and my husband, two of the people I was closest to. What had I done to make God so angry with me?”
“What did he say?”
“I hadn’t done anything wrong. God wasn’t angry with me. On the contrary, God loves me, warts and all.”
“That’s what my grandma used to say to me. That no matter what, God loves me.”
“She’s right. My pastor went on to tell me that there’s no guarantee that we won’t suffer even if we believe in God. But what is guaranteed is that the Lord is always with us through our suffering. We aren’t alone. He is still here with me. God is love. He’s hope.”
Dominic twisted his hands together. “I haven’t been to church since I left home, and then I only went occasionally with a friend, after my mother died.”
“That was something else I needed to talk with you about. Madi was looking forward to going with me tomorrow morning. I’d still like to take her, and you’re welcome to come, too.”
He dropped his arms to his sides and pushed himself up. “Let me think about it. In spite of what your pastor and my grandma have said, I’m not too sure God is real happy with me.”
“May I still take Madi?”
“Of course. I don’t want her to be disappointed, and I know how much getting her out and involved with others is good for her.”
Abbey rose. “Then I’ll see you all tomorrow. If you decide to go with us, our church is casual.”
As she headed toward her bag, Dominic grabbed her suitcase before she could. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
The night enveloped her in its warm arms. She peered up at the dark midnight sky and saw thousands of glittering stars sprinkled across the blackness. Abbey inhaled a deep breath of the air, scented with earthy smells. “It’s beautiful out here.”
“And quiet. When I’m at the ranch, I think it’s possible to have a slower-paced life, until I go back in the house and see all the work I still have to do. It’s not as easy to run a large company here as in my office in Houston. But I’m getting used to videoconferencing with my staff.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but change can be good. Maybe you needed to come home to the ranch.”
“And do what my father wanted? No way. This ranch was his, not mine.”
Determination and anger entwined through his voice, making Abbey wonder why he felt that way. What had happened to drive Dominic away from here? “But it’s yours now. Are you thinking of selling it?”
“I don’t know. There was a time I loved this place, and I know that Madi does. I can’t take her away from Winter Haven right now. We’ll stay at least until she gets back on her feet.”
Dominic hefted the bag into it. “Maybe.” After slamming the lid down, he shifted toward her, his face visible in the soft glow from the security light nearby. “I’m not used to being so indecisive.”
“And that upsets you?”
“Frustrates me more than upsets me. I’m used to making the decisions and coming up with ways to carry them out.”
Abbey thought of a plan that she’d been kicking around for the past few months. “I have to stew about something and look at it from all sides. Sometimes it drives me crazy that I can’t just say yes I’m going to do this or no I’m not.”
“It sounds like you’re doing that now.”
“Yeah, I think there’s a need for therapy and service dogs in this area. There are a couple of us who have therapy dogs and go to different places with them, but there aren’t enough to go around. More and more residents at Shady Oaks want to be involved.”
“So what do you want to do about it?” He leaned back against the car, crossing his legs.
“Start some kind of organization to connect dogs with people in need. I have a name—Caring Canines—but not much else.”
“What about your job at the hospital?”
Abbey chewed her lower lip. “Now you see my problem. I still have to make a living, and, frankly, I’m not sure how to go about setting up an organization. My expertise is social work and counseling.”
“Sounds like you need help.”
She nodded.
“I might be able to help you.”
His words took her by surprise. She sucked in a deep breath, then slowly exhaled. “Really? But you have so much going on in your life.” She was trying to figure out how to spend less time with him, not more. He intrigued her, but she didn’t want to get involved with anyone.
“Sometimes I’d like to have a diversion, especially now that Madi is home and won’t have any more operations. If I don’t see the inside of a hospital again, that would be great.”
She laughed. “I’d better not say that or I’d starve.”
“I doubt that. You’re resourceful. Besides, I wouldn’t let you starve.”
The intensity in his voice caused her stomach to flip-flop. “Good to know. I’d better say good-night.”
“You don’t need to leave. I’d rather you not drive home this late.”
She moved toward the driver’s side door and opened it. “I’m a big girl. I’ve been doing it for years. I’ll be fine.” She slipped behind the steering wheel before she changed her mind. It was one thing to stay at the ranch when he was gone. Totally different when he was here.
He shut her door and motioned for her to roll the window down. When she did, he bent closer and asked, “What time does Madi need to be ready tomorrow morning?”
“I’ll be by at ten. We’ll go to the late service. Afterward, they have light snacks and a chance to talk to others. We may stay for that if she wants to.”
“She’ll be ready. Good night.” He straightened and stepped back from the car.
As she drove away, she prayed he would come with her and his sister to church. She wanted to spend time with him, even though she knew there were so many reasons they weren’t right for each other. First, he had too much on his mind to be interested in her. Second, she wasn’t looking for a relationship—with any man. Third, with all that had been happening lately with Shady Oaks, and with Madi, she needed to turn her attentions to moving ahead with Caring Canines.
* * *
Dominic followed the sight of Abbey’s taillights as she headed toward the highway. He recalled when Susie had given him his engagement ring back with little explanation other than it wasn’t working out for them. He’d been stunned, and had wondered what signals he’d missed to warn him she hadn’t wanted to marry him after all.
Probably much like how Abbey had felt when her husband had left her while Lisa was so sick. Was that what drew him to Abbey—they were in the same place, holding on to their anger? Why couldn’t life be simple? He tried to rid himself of his animosity toward his father and Susie, but he couldn’t seem to let it go. It clung to him like a second skin.
He’d come close just now to telling Abbey about why he’d left Winter Haven all those years ago. But he was glad he hadn’t. With Abbey he found himself telling her things he’d never told anyone else. She was so easy to talk to. Well, he was a private person, and he never wanted to share himself again like he had with Susie. Look where it had gotten him.
He strode toward the deck, scanning the pastures surrounding the house. At one time his dream had been the same as his father’s, to run the ranch. He stared out into the darkness. That all changed the day his father came to him with Susie to announce they planned to get married. The betrayal cut deep. He’d thought he’d forgiven his father. But he hadn’t. And he knew now he hadn’t forgiven Susie, either.
He was interested in Abbey. She brought a breath of fresh air into his stale life, but because of what Susie had done to him, he’d vowed he’d never let someone hurt him like that ever again. Abbey deserved the best. She’d gone through so much three years ago, and he never wanted to hurt her. How did he move on?
He gripped the post next to him and tried to calm the sudden flood of rage sweeping through him. Madi should have been his daughter, not his sister. He hadn’t thought about that in a long time, not since Madi had been a baby.
Lord, if You’re there, what do I do?
Chapter Eight
Sunday afternoon after church, Madi held on to a pole in the golf cart used as a form of transportation around the ranch. “A picnic. This is gonna be fun.”
Abbey smiled at the little girl. “It’s not too bumpy?”
“No, I’m holding on good. Is Cottonball all right?”
Abbey glanced down at the dog she had on her lap. “She likes this adventure. Great suggestion, Dominic, and I love the transportation.”
“I can’t wait until I can ride Spice again. Then we can do this a lot.” Madi clapped her hands. “Look. Gabe is keeping up with us.”
“This is good for him. He doesn’t get to run like this much. I’ve been so busy I haven’t gone jogging with him lately.”
Dominic laughed. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s neglected their exercise. I hadn’t even thought about it until you said something.”
“I think it’s understandable when life gets crazy. Do you like to ride horses?” Abbey relished the light breeze blowing her hair, the scent of a field that had been mowed recently.
“Yes, but I haven’t in years. I used to participate in rodeos,” Dominic said.
“You did?” Madi asked from the backseat. “Like Dad?”
“Yes, I learned from the best. You know he was a champion for several years when he was younger.”
“Yeah, he would tell me some of his stories. I’m still not sure I would sit on a horse that would try to buck me off.”
“I’ll tell you a secret, Madi. I wouldn’t do it now, either. But I did when I was eighteen, and I had my fair share of crashing defeats. I’d be sore for days.” Dominic caught Abbey’s attention. “How about you? Ever fallen off a horse?”
“No, but then I’ve only ridden docile old mares.”
“That was Mom. She didn’t like to ride anything that went faster than a walk. I used—to ride rings...” Madi’s voice vanished on the wind.
Abbey peered back. The girl stared at the pasture on her right-hand side. “It’s nice to think of the good times, Madi.”
The child shifted her attention to Abbey. “I know. It’s just that she won’t get to anymore. Do you think they ride horses in Heaven?”
Dominic pulled up under a large elm tree near a pond and stopped.
“I ne
ver thought about that. Anything is possible with the Lord, so who knows.” Abbey climbed from the golf cart and went around to the back to grab a blanket to spread on the ground.
“Maybe I should ask Pastor John about that. I liked church today,” Madi said as she threw her arms around Dominic’s neck, and he lifted her from the seat.
While Abbey fixed the blanket, Dominic carried Madi to her and gently placed his sister on the woolen material. “I’ll get our picnic basket. I don’t know about you two gals, but I’m starved.”
“Yes. Those cookies after church weren’t enough.” Madi adjusted herself on the blanket.
“Then you should have eaten your breakfast.” Dominic headed for the golf cart.
“You didn’t eat before church?”
Madi shook her head. “I was nervous.”
“Why?” Still holding Cottonball with one arm, Abbey sat across from Madi.
“I didn’t know what to expect with my friends.”
“From what I saw after the service, they were really glad to see you.” Sitting with Dominic and Madi was a wonderful way to end a long weekend spent at the ranch. Dominic going to church with them this morning had been the highlight.
“I know. They hadn’t forgotten me.”
“You? No way. You’re too special to forget.” Abbey settled Cottonball next to Madi and staked her leash into the ground. “Just in case she decides to run after a bird or rabbit.”
Madi pointed to Gabe sniffing the dirt under an oak tree nearby. “What about him?”
“He’ll come to me when I whistle. He’s trained. Cottonball isn’t yet.”
Dominic set the basket near Abbey, then took a seat. “I have to agree with Madi. Those cookies didn’t satisfy my hunger either, and I ate breakfast. What did Mrs. Ponder fix for us?”
Abbey lifted the lid and peeked inside the brown woven basket. “I’m not sure. The food is in containers.” She withdrew one and passed it to Dominic, then passed another to Madi, and then took the last one out. She pried the top off to reveal sandwiches—lots of them. Chuckling, she showed Dominic and his sister. “She definitely doesn’t want us to starve.”
Healing Hearts Page 11