by Alice Cooper
Sara felt like she would break down as he left. Her knees were going to buckle. She made her way back to the house after he was gone. She couldn’t bear to have been there when he had his suitcase in hand.
Maybe they would see each other again one day, but she didn’t know. If she had been hoping anymore to hear the words, she might have asked him. “Ben can I come stay with you when the kids leave?” But she hadn’t said it. She had wanted him to ask her.
But how could she expect that from him, he didn’t want long-term. He would surely go back to LA and forget she even exists. Sara felt like she was going to cry.
Finally making it to the house she went to her room and crumpled on the bed. Now she let the tears come freely and she did. Her sobs came in loud sounds from deep inside of her.
Chapter Ten
Ben had left Lancaster what seemed like ages ago now. He had gone straight to the ranch that was now all his. This had been his first visit in years though, and he saw how run down the house had been.
He spent any free time he had at the farm house fixing it up. He had plans to be in this house soon, and hopefully Sara would be with him. There hadn’t been a day that passed that she wasn’t on his mind.
He woke up in the morning and thought of her. He pictured Sara as the woman who he was playing opposite in the movie. On screen it had been pure magic.
The Oscar was his almost before the movie was even in the can. The talk had been all about how Ben North had pulled off an amazing drama role. He had even seen one review, after the movie was out, that said, “If I didn’t know better I would swear Ben North used to be Amish.”
Tonight was the big of the event, and his nerves were up high. Even though he had almost been assured the win was his, he still wondered if he would win.
Ben wished that Sara could be by his side for the event. He wanted everyone to know who had truly inspired his performance. He knew how true it was.
During the filming he had pictured Sara and how he would feel being betrayed by her. His heart had felt like it was ripped apart while they were filming the scene of his breakdown. Not a tear had been left dry after he was done with the scene. It had taken the director several minutes before he could even call cut to the scene.
Ben thought at that moment that he deserved the Oscar. He hoped everyone else had the same experience when they had watched the movie.
He walked into the event, several cameras flashed in his eyes.
“Mr. North, do you think you’ll win tonight?” He heard a reporter call out to him.
“I’ll win if God is willing!” Ben smiled and moved on.
He hated all the glitz and glamor now, he had once loved it so much. Now he couldn’t wait for this to be over and be back in Texas. He wondered how the world would feel when they heard Ben North was retiring?
Ben would do that for her. He wanted to spend his time with her. So if she did come, he would spend his days with her.
“The Winner for Actor of the Year is, Ben North, for his work in Amish Love.” He heard announced and stood up automatically.
He got to the podium and cleared his throat. “I’d like to thank you all for this award. To the director and all the other people who helped me do so well in this role. The biggest thanks though goes to a woman who will never hear this speech, Sara Albright. She was my in to the Amish community, she taught me many things. She was my inspiration for this film, and thanks to her, I played a tremendous role.” He finished and the room exploded in applauds.
Ben left early, skipping the after party. He didn’t want any questions; he simply wanted to escape to Texas and work. He had sent a letter out yesterday to Sara. He wondered if she had received it yet.
**
Sara wondered every day what was up with Ben. She had now had to resort to having Sally and Henry go to market. Her tainting hadn’t rubbed off on them. She was trying to distance them from her as much as she could.
Sara had been pushing them out the door more and more lately. Telling them to go and mingle. She thought it was working out well, she had heard Henry talking about one of the young girls.
Soon he would be proposing to her. She could hope that she said yes, that would be one sibling out of the door.
Sally would take a bit longer. She was quite shy and wouldn’t talk to many of the young men who approached her. Maybe her grandpa would speed up the process, she could hope.
Today had been the second time she had sent them to the market together. She had no choice. She had tried to go and had found that all of the Amish let her know just how lucky she was, who her grandpa was. They suggested that she not show up at the market again, or she might not make it back. She could feel the anger coming from them, and was sure they saw it as justice from God. Sara had gone home quickly, shaken to the core by the whole thing.
The next market she had convinced Henry and Sally they should go by themselves. They had sold a bit of the food they had taken along. Sara hoped this was a good sign that they were more accepted.
“I hope they don’t turn against them too. Please God if you’ve ever done me a favor this would be the one I want the most.” She prayed allowed.
For what seemed like the hundredth time of the day she wondered what Ben was doing right now. She wondered how many girls he had bedded since he’d been back in LA.
As if a sign from God, she opened the mail box and found a letter from Ben. She held it to her heart for a second, and then quickly ripped the letter open.
My dearest Sara,
I hope this finds you well. I’ve thought about you every day since I’ve left. I don’t know how close you are to having the children out of the house, but please find these tickets for a bus trip to Texas. I went there when I first left Lancaster, and have since been fixing up my childhood home. I would love if you come to live with me here. I want to have you in my life and only you Sara. These tickets can be used whenever you are ready, I’ll be waiting! Just call me from Amarillo and I’ll come and pick you up right away.
All my love,
Ben
SEBASTIAN
Chapter 1
“I really appreciate you helping out Dr. Burk. I would swear that it’s a full moon. There are never enough beds to go around and sometimes I think that there are a few that get lost in the cracks. Volunteering your services like this tells me that there has to be a military connection in your family. I don’t mean to pry, but I’m usually a pretty good judge of character.” Randy Hope was the administrator for a halfway house for military veterans coming back after something traumatic happened during their mission. Randy had the full support of every military branch. He was of military origin himself, but he came back and found a purpose. He wasn’t going to drown in self pity at the bottom of a bottle.
“I only want to help. People like you who serve for the right to protect our freedoms deserve our respect. You honor us with your duty to country and to the flag and we are responsible for all of you when you come back damaged. I’ve been meaning to throw myself into a volunteer capacity, but I’ve never had enough time with my own busy practice.” Cali Burk was a bigger girl with the kind of curves that had a lot of men salivating for the chance to see what kind of stamina she had underneath the sheets. Her dirty blond hair was shoulder length with slight curls that gave her an innocent quality. “I wish that I could be truthful with him, but that is not how this works. I’ve been sworn to an oath and made to sign a nondisclosure agreement. I won’t betray the confidence of the man that gave me a task that others have failed at miserably. I’ve read his file and Sebastian comes here every day to sit with those that have lost a limb or are suffering needlessly because of painful reminders of their past.”
“I do have to ask you why you would consider doing this now. Everybody has their reasons and there’s always that stressor that pushes you into doing something that you’ve never been totally comfortable with. For me, it was losing my family because of nightmares that had me waking at all hours of the nigh
t screaming bloody murder. My wife at the time tried to be there for me, but I don’t blame her for wanting to start over with someone that didn’t have that much baggage.” What Randy wasn’t saying was that he wanted to kill his wife many times. It was as if the enemy was seen in her eyes and the last straw was putting his hands around his wife’s throat. It took his two young children to beg him to stop and then he knew it was over.
Cali could see that Randy was hurting, but doing this had alleviated some of the stress of what he had seen and endured in his time with the navy. She wanted to help on her oath to do no harm and to heal those that could be healed. “I do have one caveat for me to come here on a volunteer basis. I need to pick and choose those that I want to get more in depth with. I think it would be a good idea, as I usually have a good eye for those that are suffering more than others. I’m looking for a challenge and someone is out there waiting for me to take them by the hand and bring them into the light. They’ve lived in darkness long enough and it’s time that they finally find their way back home.” “My mission is clear and Sebastian Nicholas is my assignment of choice. I need to treat this very gently and not bulldoze my way into his life. Not even Randy knows my true purpose for being here. It was stressed to me with vehemence by a man that had so many medals that it was almost blinding to be in his presence.
“I have a few that say that they don’t need any help, but I know differently. It’s those that you should concentrate your efforts on. They won’t be very forthcoming and those missions that keep them up at night are for eyes only. Only those personnel given that kind of clearance can know what they’ve gone through.” Randy couldn’t help, but to look at this young woman in the prime of her life. She was wearing her heart on your sleeve and that kind of bleeding heart could get her into trouble. He had seen them come and go. Some left on their own accord and others had to be forced to find a different line of work. They couldn’t handle the horror stories and their minds would literally shut down after envisioning some of the things that these soldiers had to see.
“Those are the ones I’m looking for. I respect every man and woman that comes through that door looking for somebody to help. It shows that they have the strength of character and a willingness to look past their pride. They know that something has been broken, but it’s those that think that they are able to deal with it on their own that are truly this close to losing it all.” Cali watched this dark haired gentleman with caring eyes and a smile that made you feel at ease from the moment that he sat down in front of her.
Cali had her glasses on. It was a nondescript pair that made her look more matronly or maybe something of a naughty librarian. Her hair was pulled into a ponytail, but it gave her that educational feel. That was not what these people needed. They needed someone that was going to be on their level and not treat them like they were numbers on a chart. She needed to personalize her approach and not make it seem like therapy. It had to look more natural. That wasn’t going to be easy.
Randy rummaged through the files and came up with five distinct names that would fit the criteria of what Dr. Burk was looking for. He glanced over his shoulder to see that she was looking out the window and there was a bead of sweat between her bountiful bosom. It made him lick his lips like a starving dog, but he also knew that he had someone special waiting for him back home. It’s just that he had always had a fantasy of making it with a woman with that kind of obvious endowment. It seemed almost cruel to end up with someone that was a bit less than what he was hoping for. She was the love his life, but she did not hold a candle to those that were busting out all over the place.
Cali was not blind and she knew what kind of effect that she had on those that were around her. Their careful and subtle glances or leering gaze was a good indication that she had more than the average girl, but this was something that was a sought after commodity by many. “I think that I will take a look at these and see if anything strikes my fancy. To be honest, I would like nobody to know that I’m a therapist. I find that it’s easier to consume their thoughts by becoming one of them. I have made myself a file and what I’m suffering from is a former PTSD. According to those records, I’m an infantry grunt that has troubles following orders. I have fits of rage and I tend to lash out at any authority figure. I’m going to weasel my way into one of these men’s lives. It might not be conventional therapy, but I do not believe in failure.” “I don’t want to be this secretive, but they told me that this was a matter of National Security. Sebastian Nicholas is a sharpshooter for a secret branch of the military. For all intents and purposes, he is known to be a navy sharpshooter, but his true purpose is more clandestine. They showed me a redacted file and I could tell from what I was reading that this man had skills that went beyond the Normal Range of military practices.”
“That’s highly unusual and I really don’t condone this kind of trickery. I’m not going to tell you how to do your job, Dr. Burk. By all means, take all the time that you need. I’m just going to do my rounds and I have a young man that is working through some issues concerning his family. He lost both of his legs in Afghanistan trying to defuse a mine in the middle of the road. He’s despondent and I know he’s this close to wanting to end it all. Maybe if you had the time, you can see what you can’t do about helping him.” Randy was dressed impeccably, but there was almost something casual about his approach. He was wearing dark black jeans, a white shirt with no tie and a vest that made him look professional, but also someone that you could talk to about your problems. He stood at the door not wanting to leave.
She made a spectacle of looking through the files, but she knew exactly who she was looking for. Sebastian Nichols was the second from the last in the pile of five. His file was very light, but that was by design by the government. His missions were highly classified and ones that had left a lasting impact on his psyche. They called him in when only the most deadly of all could be the answer to what they were looking for. He could blend into any surroundings and become a sort of chameleon. He would infiltrate not unlike what she was going to do with his life and then burn it down from the inside out.
Cali took off her glasses replacing them with contacts and slowly taking on the guise of a wounded animal. She shifted nervously in your seat, wringing her hands and darting her eyes from one corner of the room to the other. This was common practice amongst those in the military. They were taught to have eyes in the back of their head. She had purposely gone through a three month program to get into the mindset of this mission. She needed all the information going forward and coming up with mannerisms that would come with the territory of PTSD was not easy by any means.
Cali did not consider herself to be fat and for the most part she was just a bigger boned girl and she knew how to take care of herself. She had learned hand in hand combat, how to fire weapons and was quite surprised to find out that she had a kind of marksmen status that others needed to work diligently to accomplish. They considered her an idiot savant and it was if the weapon in her hand was an extension of the rest of her body. Her boot camp trainer tried to get her to sign up for advanced courses.
“I’m not only going to have to immerse myself into every facet of their life, but I’m also going to have to play the part that’s been given to me. I need to get into character. The next time you see me, I don’t think that you’re going to recognize me.” Cali saw that Randy really didn’t believe that, but she was about to make him a believer.
“I don’t know how you expect to get away with anything with these people. They are practically human lie detectors and they will see any kind of bull shit coming their way. It’s going to be very interesting to see you work.” He couldn’t help looking at her chest. He tried to be nonchalant about it, but his eyes mirrored that of a young boy getting his first peek of a woman’s body. “With any of those five guys, I’m going to assume that you know what you’re doing and are not getting in over your head. If you need me for anything or if you feel that you’re drowning then all
you need to do is ask for a lifeline.” He closed the door behind him envisioning her naked splayed out across his desk with legs spread and arms out asking for his type of loving.
Randy could easily get lost between her legs and never come up for air for hours. He was a consummate lover of women and the one that captured his heart was a diminutive young ad executive. She could easily wrap her small frame around his waist. The sex was phenomenal and the only thing really missing was more up top. It was a compromise that he was willing to make for the sake of his own happiness. He had his idea of an ideal woman in his head, but to find her and everything that went along with her was an impossible task for him and for anybody else that was trying to do the same thing.
Cali got up and picked up her bag and went through it to start the transformation. The black jeans were slowly pulled down over her ample posterior, until they were at her ankles. She replaced them with a threadbare pair of very faded jeans. The comfortable blouse was replaced with a pullover sweater. She wore no belt and replaced her high heels with that of combat boots. She had a compact and she placed it in front of her, so that she could see what she was doing to her hair. Those women that she had seen coming through the door were either not wearing any makeup at all or wearing very little.
She could still hear the commander’s voice ringing in her ears. He was quite intimidating with salt and pepper hair and a huge Caterpillar mustache underneath his nose. “Dr. Burk, I don’t know how you’re going to make this work, but this needs to be done before the hearing in less than six months.” Cali felt a little inexperienced and requested to be taken underneath the wing of a hard ass trainer. She was sent to boot camp and at first she floundered, but then she slowly got the meaning of discipline. It was a difficult transition and being a woman didn’t make it any easier.