by Gwynn White
I couldn’t even think coherently, not standing between these two.
“Get away from me, Jaden,” I said. “Now.”
He barely seemed to hear me.
“Did you just take a swing at me?” Jaden stared at me, incredulous, his mouth ajar. “Jesus Christ, Allie. What is the matter with you?” He glared at the man standing behind me. “And who the fuck is this guy?”
I stared at him. “Really? You’re asking me that right now? Who he is? He’s the guy who just saved you from having to go onstage with a black eye, Jaden.”
“Do you know him?” Jaden said. “Who the hell is he?”
“No… I don’t fucking know him, all right? And I can’t believe you’re asking me this right now. Are you really so desperate to make this about me?”
Jaden gave the guy behind me another openly angry look, then focused back on me. Exhaling, he put his hands on his hips.
“Allie… look. I’m sorry, all right? But your timing really sucks, you know that? What the hell were you doing back there, anyway? Checking up on me?”
I stared at him. “You really are, aren’t you? You’re really trying to turn this around on me.”
“I’m not trying to turn anything around on you––”
“You must really think I’m an idiot. Or a complete fucking doormat––”
“Goddamn it, Allie! Do you have to be so melodramatic? All I meant was, your timing could not have been worse. What you saw, I know how it looked––”
“How it looked.” I let out a disbelieving sound, shaking my head. “Wow. I call you on your manipulative crap, and you just keep going. So tell me, Jaden. Just what was it about my timing that was so bad? Did I ruin the mood? I’m sure it would have been much better if I’d walked in ten minutes later, when her mouth was on your dick…”
“Jesus! Exaggerate much? It was one kiss! I was mad at you. It didn’t mean anything!”
“Don’t.” I stared at him, my voice cold. “Don’t you dare pretend I’m just some girl you’ve been dating a few months who’s overreacting… like this kind of thing had ever been okay for either of us. You’re the one who said if you ever caught me out like that, it was over for us. You made it crystal clear what the rules were. For me, at least.”
He looked about to say something, then didn’t, shutting his mouth.
“Fine,” he said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “But it still didn’t mean anything, Allie. I’m sorry I did it, and I’m sorry you saw it, but it was nothing. I'm sorry, okay?”
I bit my lip hard enough to taste blood. “Well. I guess we’re cool, then.”
When I tried to walk away, he stopped me, grabbing my shoulder.
“Allie!” The anger leached out of his voice. “I’m sorry! I really am. But it was nothing. You just walked in at a really bad time… that’s all it was.”
“Sure. Okay,” I said. “No problem, Jay.”
I tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let go of my arm. When he tightened his grip more, I yanked my elbow back, hard… hard enough that I staggered a little, nearly falling into the tall man with the black hair standing behind me.
I looked up at him in surprise. I’d pretty much forgotten he was there.
Now I kind of wondered why he hadn’t walked away.
He was looking between Jaden and me, his face expressionless, eyes narrow. I wondered if he’d stayed to make sure I didn’t try to punch Jaden a second time.
His gaze rested on mine a beat longer, and I saw some kind of feeling skate over the surface of those glass-like eyes. It wasn’t bewilderment, or that flat, emotionless thing he normally projected––but it wasn't exactly empathy, either. I had no idea what the expression meant. Maybe he was just thinking that I was drunk. Or pathetic. Or both.
At that point, I didn’t care.
That heat of anger still coiled in my chest.
From that denser wave I’d felt backstage, it had grown into a duller pain, throbbing a low note in my chest. I couldn’t think straight. I felt sick, embarrassed, angry. I was also still drunk enough that using this guy to make a point almost seemed like a good idea.
Leaning up, I caught hold of his black hair in my fingers. I pulled his mouth down to mine without thought, the same way I’d hit him a few minutes earlier.
The kiss probably surprised him more than my shoving him did.
He didn’t act surprised, though.
He followed the tug of my fingers easily enough. His warm lips found mine, startling me more for how yielding they were, how easily they parted. His tongue slid into my mouth without prompting, and he fell into the kiss easier still, almost like he’d been waiting for it.
I’d barely gotten my brain around what I was doing when his arm curled around my back, pulling me tight against him. His fingers wrapped around my bare side below the cropped lace top and he kissed me harder, right about when I might have been thinking about letting him go.
That time, he slowed as he went; I could almost feel him consciously controlling things, forcing me to move with him. The kiss turned sensual, deeper. He gripped me tighter in his hands, using more tongue, inhaling me with every breath, coaxing me to mirror what he did. His mouth had a kind of smoky, honey taste, but he didn’t taste like cigarettes exactly.
By the time he was done with that second kiss, I’d pretty much forgotten why I'd started this.
My body was starting to hurt.
It was the strangest sensation. It wasn’t like the anger-pain I’d felt, but something about it meshed with that, amplified it maybe. I found myself thinking that pain was coming from him, but it didn't make me want to pull away.
I realized in the next breath it was turning me on.
He gasped against my mouth, pausing long enough to look at me.
“Fuck,” he muttered.
He kissed me a third time, and by the end of that one, I was leaning into him, my arm sliding around his waist under the black coat he wore. When my fingers gripped the back of his belt, he let out a low sound, his hands tightening until I could barely breathe.
The pain coming off him worsened. That time, it was me who gasped.
He kissed me again, his hand and fingers stroking my spine.
When I finally ended it, it took me a few seconds to disentangle myself. Then I was resting back on my feet, standing a yard or so away from where he stood.
For a few breaths, I could only stare at him.
The black-haired man’s expression hadn’t changed. I could see him breathing a little harder under the coat. I saw his eyes flicker to my mouth. I got a fleeting impression that he hadn’t wanted to stop, that he might even be thinking about kissing me again.
Tearing my eyes off that pale, catlike gaze, I found Jaden staring at me, his expression a dark mask. I don’t think I’d ever seen him so shocked, or so angry.
Both things turned into a colder fury as I watched.
“Don’t know him, huh?” he said, his voice harsh. “Go fuck yourself, Alyson.”
Before I could pull my head together enough to answer, he turned around, and pushed his way violently back through the crowd, heading towards the left side of the stage. I knew where he was going. Back to wherever his band was getting ready for the show, and likely back to where pouty lips was waiting for him.
I let him go.
I didn’t even have it in me to feel bad about it.
When I finally turned around, looking for the black-haired man, he was gone.
17
Change of Plans
Allie!” Jon fought to grab my arm as I walked past.
When I didn’t slow down, he lunged off the stool, and caught hold of me again, bringing me back to his seat before he lost it.
“Allie! What the hell was that? Who was that guy?”
“Jon, seriously.” I shook my head, trying to disentangle my arm. “Not now, okay?”
“What the hell were you doing? It looked like the two of you…” Jon paused, flushing a little. “Jesus, Al. Ar
e you having an affair?”
When I only bit my lip, shaking my head, I saw him staring at my face. Seeing the scrutiny in his eyes, I started to push past him again, but he held onto my arm.
I found myself wishing I’d just gone out the back alley, through the kitchen.
“Jon,” I said. “I’m not having an affair, okay?”
“What’s wrong?” he said, loud over the sound of the overhead music. “Did Jaden do something?”
I glanced at the stage, realizing for the first time that the opening band had finished playing, which was why they were piping in one of the indie music feeds. They had a screen set up on the back wall showing liquid visuals in three-dimensional holograms for the sound.
Eye of Morris would be going on in a few minutes. I really didn’t want to be there when Jaden walked out on that stage.
Frowning at Jon, I tried to pull my head together enough to answer him. I didn’t have the energy to come up with some story, so I just told him the truth.
“I saw Jaden with that groupie,” I said, leaning closer so I wouldn’t have to shout it at him. “Kissing her. You know––Tina. The one who sat with him on the plane.”
“Aw, shit, Al. I’m sorry.”
I shrugged. “Not like you and Cass didn’t already think it was happening.” I gave him a humorless smile. “You should have a good year or two of ‘I told you so’s’ you can fling my way now. So. Silver lining.”
He winced. “Al, we never meant it like that. You know we didn’t.”
I shook my head, dismissing my own words. “Forget it. That was supposed to be a joke. I just can’t pull off the humor thing right now.”
Jon hesitated, looking out over the dance floor, maybe for Cass.
He looked back at me a second later.
“Who was that you kissed?”
I frowned again, shaking my head. “Does it matter? That was just me being pathetic. Trying to even the score, like we’re all in high school again.” I sighed, combing my fingers through my hair as I leaned on the bar. “I wanted to hurt Jaden. I didn’t much care how.”
Jon frowned, glancing back in the direction I’d come from, as if seeing the whole thing in his head all over again.
“It didn’t look like that, Al,” he said finally. “It looked like…” His lips pursed. “Well, it looked like you two were about to go at it right there. I don’t blame Jaden for being freaked. It looked like you knew that guy… like you’d kissed him before.”
He paused, as if waiting for me to provide additional information.
When I didn’t, he prompted,
“You sure you don’t?” he said. “…Know that guy, Allie?”
I made a disgusted sound. “No more than you do.” At Jon’s puzzled look, I shook my head, shifting so that my belly rested on the bar. “I’m surprised you didn’t recognize him. It was Simon. Our friend from SCARB. My ‘white knight,’ as you and Cass call him.”
Jon’s eyes widened in alarm. “What? What the hell is he doing here?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea. I yelled at him, hit him… then kissed him. I’m pretty sure he decided I was batshit crazy after that, and left.”
“You’re sure it was him?”
I gave him a flat look. “I’m positive, Jon. It was him.”
“You hit him?” Jon still seemed to be catching up with everything I’d said. “Jesus, Al. I know he’s cute, but why the hell would you kiss him? Are you nuts?”
I shrugged. “He was there. I didn’t really expect him to go along with it like that.” Hesitating, I thought about telling him I’d seen Ponytail earlier, too, then decided that would only freak Jon out more. Biting my lip, I forced a sigh.
“Look, just forget it,” I said. “You and Cass stay, watch the show. I know Cass wants to see the headliners. I’m thinking I might just leave. I’m worried about going to the hotel after all the crap today, so I thought I’d grab a robo-taxi to the airport. I’ll grab the first flight out, even if it means some credit debt. Or I’ll get another hotel, if I can’t do that.”
“Alone?” Jon said. The alarm on his face grew more pronounced. “Allie, no. Cass and I will go with you.”
I shook my head. “That’s really not necessary––”
“The hell it’s not!”
“Jon.” I gave him a level look. “I don’t want to be with anyone else right now. I know you mean well, but I really think you and Cass should stay. I feel like I’ve overstayed my New York welcome.” Muttering, I added, “I never should have come here.”
Jon was already shaking his head.
“Allie, you don’t have the luxury to be alone right now. Not with those notes, and what happened today. Not with some obsessed SCARB agent following you around.” His expression grew uncomfortable. “…A SCARB agent who really seems to want to take you home with him, Al. What if he follows you to the airport? What if he follows you on the plane again?”
Hearing the overprotective tone creeping into his voice, I shook my head.
“I really don’t think he will, Jon. He came here for those guys, not me.”
“How the hell would you know that?” Thinking, Jon frowned, shaking his head. “No, that doesn’t make any sense. If he’s following those guys and not you, what the hell is he doing here? Tonight? You’re not going to tell me that’s a coincidence, him being at this club? Now? Even apart from what he just did…”
Again, Jon trailed, as if trying to decide how to describe what it was the SCARB agent had just done.
I exhaled, biting my lip.
Shaking my head, I sighed again. “So what do you want me to do? Call the cops? Get a police escort to the airport?” I looked at him. “If SCARB wants me, there isn’t a lot I can do about it, Jon. There’s no where I can go to get away from them.”
“So you’re just going to leave?” Jon frowned. “Without me and Cass?”
Fighting to think, I stared at the back of the bar.
Finally, realizing he had a point, I exhaled, more in anger than anything.
Then I heard the jarring note of a warm up chord on stage. Knowing it was either Jaden or Drake, I felt my jaw harden.
“I can’t stay here,” I said finally, looking at Jon. “If you and Cass want to come with me, then come. I’ll be outside. By the bouncer. By the door. Calling a robo-taxi with my headset. I’ll wait ten minutes.”
Jon looked at my face. Then he nodded. “All right. We’ll be there.”
I returned his nod.
“Okay,” I said. “I’m going outside. All right?”
He nodded. “All right.”
There was a silence where he just looked at me, as if fighting for words.
He startled me then, leaning over to kiss me on the cheek.
“I love you, Allie,” he said.
He hadn’t said that to me in a long time. Maybe not since dad died.
My heart got stuck briefly in my throat. Nodding at least partly to avoid speaking, I gripped his arm, forcing a smile I doubt was very convincing. Releasing him, I walked away from the bar and his stool, heading for the club’s front door.
I pushed my way through the group of people mashed up against the entrance and finally made it outside, to where I could almost breathe.
For a few seconds, I just stood there, taking in deep breaths, looking around at the different street signs to orient myself, or maybe just to give myself something else to think about. Turning on my headset, which I hadn’t used at all since I’d tried to call Jon earlier, I spoke a command for a robo-taxi.
I asked for pick up in thirteen minutes.
I figured I could give Jon a few extra minutes to round up Cass.
Glancing at the bouncer working the door, I smiled, giving him a small nod and a wave. He folded his thick arms, his expression unchanging as he looked away.
I winced when Jaden’s band started playing, stepping further away from the club’s doors.
Once they recognized the melody, the crowd lingering outside the club bu
rst into cheers along with the crowd inside. It was one of Jaden’s hits, the theme song for the indie movie––a heavy, tribal-type beat with dark, throaty vocals and a sad, haunting melody. They usually started off with one of their bigger songs to warm everyone up.
People outside the club started singing along. I could hear people screaming inside, too, and singing along with the chorus.
Grimacing, I fought back the surge of nausea that rose.
I wasn’t ready to think about me and Jaden in concrete terms. I wasn’t ready to think about going back to San Francisco without him. I wasn’t ready to think about packing up all my stuff, sleeping on Jon’s couch, apartment-hunting, arguing about who bought what.
I wasn’t ready to think about any of the conversations we would have to have, just to get through all of that.
I wasn’t ready to feel us being over.
I made it all the way to the curb before the crowd thinned enough that I felt like I could breathe again. The street was still busy. I was on the southern edge of midtown, and outside the crush of bodies, the holographic advertisements were distracting, and not really in a good way. I stared up at a winged dragon, watching it coil around a Chinese-style building in front of me, breathing fire. It reached the top before it coiled back down to the sidewalk.
A group of girls, friends out for the night, shrieked in delight when it breathed holographic fire at them, engulfing them in blue flames.
Chinese writing filled the sky over the building before it melted into English.
Only then did I realize it was a Chinese dinner theater, probably a virtual show even more elaborate than what they put on outside.
The girls stumbled up the steps, already tipsy, wearing high-heeled shoes and VR-paneled dresses flashing with different images.
Another holographic image drew my eyes to the next block. Seeing a giant cowboy lassoing a horse that was galloping up the side of the building, I watched, mesmerized. On the building down from him, a holographic woman in a bikini was swimming through virtual water down the middle of the street.
Right then, a holographic man walked up to me, wearing a spacesuit.