“You’re doing great, son,” Everett replied off-camera.
I watched Phoenix show off his backstroke and breaststroke before the video cut off. Oddly, my anger at Everett diminished and for the first time, I felt relieved that my son was being raised by a decent man who obviously loved and wanted the best for him. Although I never cared for Everett, I couldn’t deny that he was a doing a great job of raising Phoenix.
I came to the conclusion that the universe had a weird way of showing people what they needed to learn. Had I not met Sasha and grown to love her daughter, I would have never realized that the true parent is the person who puts in the time to lovingly shape and mold the child. Through my own fault, I’d been imprisoned during the first three years of Phoenix’s life. It was time for me to stop sulking and appreciate the fact that Everett had been there, a hands-on parent, filling the void.
I arrived home and set my boxes down in the entryway.
Carrying Zoe, Sasha came into the living room to greet me. We both laughed when Zoe flung herself out of Sasha’s arms and into mine and then cupped my face with her tiny hands.
“How’s Daddy’s girl?” I asked, holding her high in the air.
CHAPTER 9
NINE YEARS LATER
“Oh! A deer,” Zoe exclaimed, scooting closer to the window of our rented minivan for a better look. Holding up her cell phone, she began to get a picture of the animal as it grazed in the forest on the right side of the road.
“Look, Zoe! Two more deer are behind the trees. Did you get a picture of them, too?” Sasha asked, pointing excitedly.
“Yeah, I got ’em.” Zoe leaned forward and handed her phone to Sasha.
Sasha peered at the photos. “They’re beautiful, sweetheart. You’re quite the photographer.”
The three of us were all smiles as we rode through Grand Canyon National Park on our long-anticipated family road trip to the iconic landmark.
Nine-year-old Zoe was equally excited about visiting the kid-friendly Yavapai Museum of Geology and attending the Discovery Pack Program where children learned about the park’s ecology and wildlife. Surprisingly daring, Sasha planned to zip line across the Grand Canyon. I, on the other hand, preferred something a little more sedate, like a helicopter flight over the mile-deep canyon.
“This is taking forever. How much longer, Daddy?” she whined, finally losing patience. After being cooped up inside the van for four hours, her crankiness was understandable.
“Only a few more miles, Zo-Zo,” I assured her, using her pet name and adding a placating tone.
After the four-hour ride from our home in Springfield Hills (which was outside of Phoenix) to Northern Arizona, where the Grand Canyon was located, none of us had banked on having to endure even more travel time. After finally reaching our destination, we thought we’d be able to simply roll up on the Grand Canyon, but unfortunately, we had to drive a considerable distance through the national park to get to the main attraction. And it didn’t help that the Internet connection started going in and out the moment we were inside the national park.
Finally, after an endless road trip, we made it to the South Rim and were rewarded with the visual of the most magnificent and breathtaking sight we’d ever beheld. It was no wonder that tourists from around the globe flocked every year to view the Grand Canyon, with its red-rock cliff walls that were set against a clear blue sky.
“This is incredible! Look at God’s creation,” I said with awe as I stretched my arms around both Sasha and Zoe who stood on either side of me.
“It’s spectacular,” Sasha agreed. “I never imagined it was this large when we were driving up to it.”
“Was it worth the long ride, girls?” I asked my wife and my daughter.
Beaming, Zoe nodded. “Yep, it was worth it, Daddy.”
“Are you gonna zip line with your mother across the Grand Canyon?” I teasingly asked Zoe.
Making a face, she gave the idea a thumbs-down. “I’ll cheer Mom on, but my feet have to be planted on solid ground.”
I laughed and tickled Zoe’s side, causing her to giggle and squirm.
Tall and lanky, Zoe stood almost shoulder-to-shoulder with her mother. As she approached puberty, she was all elbows and knees. While many of her school friends had already begun to mature physically, Zoe still had a child’s body and I was relieved. I wanted her to remain a little girl for as long as possible.
“Should we check into our cabin or eat first?” Sasha asked.
“Eat first!” Zoe and I shouted in unison.
There were quite a few dining possibilities, but we selected a cafeteria-style eatery that had a wide array of options and no waiting time, unlike the higher-quality restaurants in the area that had up to an hour wait times.
Best of all, there was reliable Internet service, which prompted the three of us to peer at our phones.
While Zoe posted the photos she’d taken of the deer to her Instagram page and Sasha checked emails, I peered at my phone’s screen, puzzling over seven missed calls. The calls were from a number I’d never seen before.
A number with a Philadelphia area code.
“What’s wrong, Malik?” Sasha inquired, sensing a change in my mood.
“Nothing, babe,” I muttered as I rose from the table.
“Is Daddy okay?” Zoe inquired.
“Yes, he’s fine, sweetheart. Something with work probably came up,” Sasha reassured her.
My wife’s and daughter’s voices became distant as I numbly made my way across the room, hurriedly weaving through the jammed tables.
Instinctively, I knew who the call was from and the knowledge left me breathless and barely able to stand up. In a private area of the food court, I leaned against a stone pillar, using it for support.
Although I hadn’t allowed myself to consciously dream that this day would come, a part of me realized it was inevitable that my son would reach out to me. But I hadn’t expected it to happen this soon. I thought he’d be a full-grown man when he found out the truth and wanted a relationship with me.
My finger hovered over the number. What would I say to him? How could I make him understand that I never wanted to abandon him? But there was proof that I had willingly given him up. With my signature on the dotted line, I didn’t have a leg to stand on.
I anxiously pressed on the screen without giving any thought to what I’d say to him. As I listened to the phone ring, I practiced my opening line: Hey, buddy. Hi, Phoenix. Hello, son.
“Malik! What took you so long to return my call?” Elle asked.
I was shocked to hear her voice instead of Phoenix’s. He was thirteen now and I couldn’t imagine what his teenage voice sounded like. “I’m in the Grand Canyon and cell phone service hasn’t been great.”
“The Grand Canyon! I thought you’d be halfway to Philly by now. Didn’t you listen to my messages?” Elle asked in a frantic tone.
“I didn’t know you left any messages. What is it? Did something happen to Phoenix?” My stomach twisted in panic as I waited for her to respond.
There was a long stretch of silence on the other end.
“What happened?” My voice emerged loud enough to arouse the curiosity of nearby diners who openly gawked at me.
I turned my back to them. Lowering the volume of my voice by several decibels, I asked, “What happened? Is he all right?”
“He tried to kill himself,” she blurted in a trembling voice.
“What! Why would he do something like that?” It was horrifying to hear that my thirteen-year-old son had attempted suicide.
And I was also extremely guilt-ridden.
“He used heroin. He tried to overdose on heroin. He wanted to hurt me by mimicking the way you almost died,” Elle confided, sniffling quietly.
Her words struck as forcefully as a hail of bullets riddling my body, and I felt myself go limp.
Elle’s sniffling escalated to open sobbing, and I couldn’t think of a word of comfort.
“How
does a thirteen-year-old get ahold of heroin?” I asked accusingly.
“With the Internet at their disposal, kids today can get anything they want. Besides, Phoenix is not your average child. He’s extremely intelligent and very resourceful.”
I scratched my head. “Well, what the hell is going on in his life that would make him want to end it? Was he being bullied at school? Girlfriend problems?”
“No! He’s one of the most popular kids in his class. Girls adore him, but he basically ignores them.”
“Well, something’s terribly wrong. Is it Everett? Does he mistreat my son? I swear to God, I’ll kill your fucking husband if he has anything to do with this.” My voice grew loud and I reined myself back in, speaking in a harsh whisper. “I should have never listened to you. You took advantage of me when I was at a low point. If Everett hurt my boy in any way…mentally or physically, I’ll fucking end his miserable existence!”
“Everett didn’t do anything to him,” Elle cried. “All he ever did was love Phoenix.”
Although I’d been trying my best to monitor my temper, I could no longer keep it reined in. “Then what the hell happened?” I exploded, startling the patrons who were trying to enjoy their meals.
There was a hush in the food court and people were staring at me. When I saw Sasha and Zoe coming toward me with confusion etched on their faces, I realized that I was causing a scene.
As Sasha and Zoe grew closer, I halted their approach by thrusting out my hand in the “stop” gesture. I could feel the muscles tighten in my face, forming an expression that was hard and unwelcoming.
Sasha squinted at me in bafflement. I instantly felt bad about my brusque demeanor, so I gave her an awkward smile that was meant to convey that I was in the middle of a crisis, and it was an inappropriate time for her to badger me with questions.
Sasha put a protective arm around Zoe and steered her back to our table. Guiltily, I watched them amble away.
“He found out about you, Malik,” Elle said, her anguished tone forcing my gaze away from Sasha and Zoe.
“How did he find out?”
“He became suspicious because he didn’t look like Everett, and when he started asking questions, I stupidly lied and insisted that he was Everett’s biological son. He secretly did a DNA test on himself and Everett and sent it off to a lab.”
“You should have told him the truth, Elle.”
“I didn’t know how. I’d lied about it for so long, it began to feel real. When he got the results, he confronted me. He looked at me with so much hatred, it was frightening. At that point, I had no choice but to sit down with him and tell him the entire sordid story. He didn’t take it well. He started skipping school, hanging out with older kids. At home, he was disrespectful toward Everett and me. The three of us went to family therapy and it seemed to be working. Phoenix became more pleasant, his grades improved, and he appeared to be back to his former self.”
“And what happened?”
“I found him in his bedroom, passed out…with a syringe next to him. It was so terrifying. I called for an ambulance and luckily they were able to revive him.”
“Where is he now?”
“In the hospital. On the psych unit.”
“You had him institutionalized? Why, for God’s sake?”
“I didn’t have a choice. You can’t try to kill yourself and then waltz right out of the hospital. They detained him and put him on suicide watch because he keeps saying he wants to die. That’s why I called you and left those messages, asking you to come to Philly as soon as possible. Phoenix needs you.” There was a catch in her throat as she spoke those last three words.
“I’m on my way.”
I ended the call, but instead of returning to our table, I remained slumped against the stone pillar, filled with regret over how badly I’d failed my son. I wondered how Elle had gotten my number, and concluded that she’d called my parents. They still had a landline with the same phone number we’d had since I was a kid. I also wondered if she’d told them they were grandparents. Nah, they would have called me immediately if they’d heard that astonishing news.
My heart ached for Phoenix. He had followed in my footsteps out of sheer desperation. I had stopped cyberstalking him many years ago because I thought it was an unhealthy activity—something that wasn’t beneficial to him or me. Back then, he appeared to be extremely well-adjusted, but I obviously was wrong. Maybe I would have seen signs of his emotional distress and maybe I could have helped him if I had carefully watched his development over the years.
But what would pictures and videos have shown? People didn’t post their disappointments and failures. They didn’t post pictures of family fights and failing grades. They only revealed the most attractive aspects of their lives, giving the impression that their days were a string of accomplishments, accentuated with sunshine and rainbows.
I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together before I delivered the shocking news to Sasha. With Sasha owning and running two dental centers and with me buying out Ahiga when he decided to retire four years ago, we were overwhelmed with work obligations.
Of my five employees, a young man named Weston Rogers was my right-hand man, and he was holding the fort down while I was away. Even though Weston was more than capable of running things efficiently, it took a lot of cajoling from Sasha for me to agree to leave my business for an entire week.
We both wanted to see the Grand Canyon with Zoe while she was old enough to appreciate it, yet young enough to be amenable to spending a week-long vacation with her parents, and so we both left our businesses in the hands of others.
Our visit to the Grand Canyon during spring break had been meticulously planned for months. A private tour guide had been hired in advance, a helicopter was chartered well ahead of time, and we’d signed Zoe up for several kid activities that she was looking forward to. I couldn’t expect my wife and daughter to terminate our long-awaited vacation simply because I had to.
Wearing a grim expression, I made slow strides to our table, trying to find words that would soften the blow of me abandoning my family in the wondrous and awe-inspiring Grand Canyon.
I sighed heavily as I plopped down at the table.
“Don’t tell me there’s an emergency at work,” Sasha said, shaking her head.
I opened my mouth to tell her about the shocking call from Elle, but before I could arrange my words, she continued talking.
“It’s our vacation, Malik…and you can’t run off to fix something at work. You hired Weston as your right-hand man, so let him handle whatever is wrong.”
“All I need is a day—two days max, and I’ll be back here with you and Zo-Zo,” I said, going along with Sasha’s version of my crisis. I hadn’t intended to lie to her, but under the circumstances, it was more convenient to make her believe that I had a work thing to attend to rather than confiding that my long-lost son had tried to kill himself and desperately needed me.
Although we’d been honest with Zoe, telling her the truth about her heritage, we’d never informed her about Phoenix because I found it too painful to discuss. And now was not the time to burden her with grown folks’ problems. I’d tell her everything when I returned.
“I’m gonna drive back to straighten something out, and if all goes well, I’ll be back tomorrow evening,” I said with an apologetic smile.
Sasha’s face became thoughtful. “I’m not going to ask for details, but it must be important if you would disrupt our first major family vacation.”
“It’s really important.” I kissed her and Zoe, and then dashed out of the food court.
CHAPTER 10
Rushing through Philadelphia International Airport with the strap of my travel bag slung over my shoulder, I trotted past the baggage claim area and exited through the sliding doors. My Lyft driver pulled up to the curb and I jumped in. The driver was going as fast as the speed limit allowed, but I still tapped my finger impatiently against the armrest.
I texted Elle to let her know that I was only minutes away from the hospital where Phoenix was being treated. While returning my phone to my pocket, a call came through from Sasha. It was bad timing and I couldn’t take her call. I shut my phone off and the driver pulled up in front of the hospital. I jumped out of the car and hurried inside.
Elle was waiting in the lobby.
She came forward and hugged me tightly.
We broke our embrace and stared at each other. She knew about Sasha and Zoe, and I wondered if her inquiring eyes were trying to picture me as a dutiful husband and parent as opposed to the irresponsible addict I’d been when we were together.
“You look good, Malik. I can see that life’s treating you well.”
“Thanks. You look good, too,” I replied.
Despite the signs of worry that creased the corners of her eyes, the years had been kind to Elle. She was as beautiful as she’d been when I last saw her…maybe more so. She was wearing a chic pair of wide-leg dark slacks that were paired with a simple white top. A string of pearls encircled her neck and a sleek blazer completed her look, which was a nice balance of elegance and business-casual.
I tore my eyes away from the woman who had hurt me to my core when she stripped me of my parental rights. “Can I see my boy, now?” I asked with my jaw set firmly.
“Yes. Also, we’re scheduled for a family therapy session in a few hours. Is that okay with you?”
“I wasn’t expecting that…but, yeah, it’s fine. Will Everett be attending with us?” My question came out sounding bitter, which I hadn’t intended.
“No, we’ve already had our session, and now the therapist wants to give you and Phoenix the space to express your emotions in a safe environment.”
“Does Phoenix know I’m here?”
“He knows you’re on your way from Arizona, but he doesn’t know you’re physically in the hospital.
“Are you ready to meet Phoenix?”
I took a deep breath and nodded.
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