by Rebecca Lang
Finn had gone to a play-group for the morning, dropped off by her, to be picked up by her mother. She planned to go to a small bistro for lunch, one that served good French food, where she would also have a glass of white wine. So she would celebrate in a small way her sense of release and vindication. Simon had never been there with her, neither had any colleagues from work—it was her place. One day, perhaps, she would invite Seth there.
In the bistro, sitting near a window where she could look out at the falling snow, she ordered her food and the glass of wine. From now on she was going to relax and take things a day at a time. A rare contentment made her want to smile, so she opened up a newspaper so that she could have something to focus on and not find herself smiling inanely at nothing in particular.
* * *
‘Will you come for a quick drink with me after work, Anna?’ Seth asked her when there was no one else in the operating room, just after they had finished a case in the afternoon of the next working day. ‘I know you like to get home quickly, so we’ll make it fast.’
He pulled off his operating cap, ran a hand through his thick hair and wrenched the disposable face mask from around his neck. In the two-piece green scrub suit he looked very masculine and powerful, his broad chest and shoulders reminiscent of a soccer player’s. As always, Anna had trouble not staring at him. Some of the other nurses had no such qualms and ogled him openly.
‘I’d like to come,’ she said. Since the Boston trip she had been tense with expectation and also a fear that Seth and she were destined to revert to a working relationship only. Unaccountably, she suddenly felt shy, lacking in confidence, as she wondered how he had judged her, how he had seen her over this fraught period.
‘Meet you in the main lobby, then,’ he said, ‘as soon as possible after work, then I’ll drive you home if no one else demands my presence here. We won’t go to the pub over the road. I know another place that won’t be full of hospital personnel, another unpretentious little pub.’
Anna smiled and nodded, then began to clear up the room which was in a mess after the case. They still had one more, relatively straightforward case to do.
Happiness suffused her as she stripped the operating table of its soiled cotton cover and began to swab it down with a disinfectant solution, going about the very familiar tasks efficiently and automatically, while her mind jumped ahead to the meeting with Seth. Such happiness was something that she had not felt for a long time, and she had wondered whether she would ever find it again with a man. At the same time she cautioned herself to be careful, not to read too much into Seth’s interest in her until she knew more about him.
‘Do you want to scrub for this, Em?’ she asked her colleague when Emma came back into the room. ‘Or shall I?’
‘I’ll scrub, if you like,’ Emma said. ‘You’ve done more than your fair share of scrubbing today, and over the past weeks.’
‘OK. I’ll be the circulating nurse for this one, then, although I don’t mind scrubbing. I really like it.’
Soon they were ready, Emma had scrubbed and Anna wheeled in the patient on the stretcher. All was going efficiently and well, one of those well-oiled days, and it actually looked as though they would be getting off duty on time.
‘This young woman,’ Seth said to Anna and Emma when their patient was under the anaesthetic, ‘is having a lobe removed from a cirrhotic liver. It’s a sad case, because she got hepatitis C from a blood transfusion. She’s been trying to become pregnant for years, but has spontaneous abortions, which may have something to do with the state of her general health. Maybe after this she’ll be luckier.’ As he spoke, he looked directly at Anna, holding her gaze for a few seconds, so that she could tell he wanted her to know he thought she was fortunate to have Finn, not to think of him as a handicap in any way.
She smiled at him, letting him know that she hadn’t done so, and never would. The young woman, small and frail, clearly unwell, could have been her in different circumstances. Yes, she herself was blessed.
* * *
Seth met her in the main lobby as arranged. In fact, he was there a moment or two before she came.
Dressed in her warm winter clothes, her full-skirted coat coming well down over her high leather boots, she looked charming, elegant, beautiful and innocent, he thought as she walked towards him. Her soft fair hair fell almost to her shoulders, framing her pale face and making her look deceptively fragile. Now that they no longer had what he thought of as the ‘Simon question’ hanging between them, perhaps they could move on from here.
He was aware that he had been a little standoffish at times, blowing hot and cold. Although he had found it in himself to be kind to her, from a genuine desire to help, had told her that he wanted a ‘you and me’, he knew that he had held himself back somewhat, making the assumption that if he did not do so he could get involved in a way he was unprepared for. Since the trip to Boston he could see that such an attitude was perhaps presumptuous and that Anna would not take any sort of initiative with him. Yes, he had been somewhat arrogant there. They smiled at each other.
‘Just a minute,’ she said, ‘while I put on my hat and scarf.’
Through the large revolving glass doors to the outside they could see swirling snow being blown by the wind. ‘Looks cold,’ Anna said, as she wound a scarf several times round her neck, planted a woollen hat firmly on her head and put on gloves. ‘Ready!’
They drove in his car to a pub a few streets away. There was a wood fire burning in the cosy bar, so they found a small table near it.
‘I’m just going to have Irish coffee,’ Anna said, ‘with just a little bit of brandy.’
‘Good choice on a day like this,’ he said, taking off his coat. ‘I’ll have the same as I have to battle the elements with the car.’ He went to the bar to place their order.
Anna stared into the fire, not wanting to remove her outdoor clothing until she had warmed up.
Back beside her, Seth started to speak. ‘I asked you for a drink, Anna, because there’s someone I want you to meet, who…’ he looked at his watch ‘…should be arriving any time now.’
‘Who?’ she said.
‘Wait and see.’
A moment or two later a tall young woman, dressed in a very smart black coat—which did not look quite warm enough for the Gresham winter—and an expensive-looking black fur hat came into the bar and looked around her.
‘Excuse me.’ To Anna’s amazement, Seth stood up and walked towards the young woman who, she could see, was very attractive. A strange, sick feeling of apprehension came over her. Was this why he had asked her if they could be friends? Because there was never going to be anything else?
As they both walked towards her, weaving through the tables in the pub, she knew that the blood was draining from her face. Anxiety replaced her former mood of tentative happiness.
At the table, the young woman removed her fur hat and ran a hand through her thick, glossy hair, which was the colour of polished mahogany, and looked at Anna assessingly. Her eyes were dark, almost black, and her skin was a pale creamy colour.
‘Anna, this is Laura Ashcroft. She’s Simon Ruelle’s fiancée,’ Seth said.
‘Oh!’ Anna struggled rather clumsily to her feet and held out her hand. ‘How do you do?’ she said. Relief, greater than anything she had ever experienced, flooded over her.
The other woman took her hand and said hello but did not smile. Instead, her large expressive eyes searched Anna’s face. There was even a certain hostility about her, Anna thought as she returned the gaze.
Seth pulled out a chair for Laura, and they all sat down.
‘Laura’s passing through Gresham on her way to Vancouver to link up with Sophie and Simon,’ he said. ‘They’ve extended their trip and are there looking at property.’
Seth kept his features more or less expressionless, although Anna could tell that he commiserated with her in her surprise.
‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’ Anna said to hi
m.
‘I thought it was better this way,’ he said.
‘That’s very mysterious.’
‘Would you like a drink?’ Seth asked Laura, who was peeling off her elegant black suede gloves.
‘I’d love a whisky and soda, please,’ she said.
When Seth went to the bar, the two women looked at each other. ‘I wanted to meet you, Anna, so I approached Seth, whose name I got from Sophie. You see, I didn’t know about you until Sophie told me, and I didn’t know that Simon had a child. I thought I should talk to you about what is going to happen in the future. You see, I love Simon very much. I hope that one day his disability can be improved on.’
‘Well, I can understand that,’ Anna said, somewhat nervously. ‘I’m very pleased to meet you. Please, don’t think that I will interfere with your life in any way—’
‘But you will,’ the other woman broke in passionately, ‘because you are the mother of Simon’s child. You will have to interact in some way.’
‘That will be up to Simon,’ Anna said. ‘And you also, to a certain extent.’
Seth came back with the drink.
‘I want to know what this is going to do to my relationship with Simon,’ Laura went on, visibly upset. ‘I…I don’t think you thought of me at all.’
What she’d said was true, Anna had to acknowledge with a certain feeling of shame, realising then that she had sort of assumed that a young woman who would marry Simon would take him for better or worse. What did that say about her, Anna?
‘I…don’t love Simon,’ Anna said, thinking aloud, ‘and he doesn’t love me. We respect and like each other, I think.’
‘I suppose you pity him?’
‘No…I don’t think so. I feel empathy for his situation—it’s tragic. I didn’t know about you at first when I started to look for Simon. How could I?’
‘I’m trying to consider that, but if you think I’m jealous—yes, I am,’ Laura said, after taking a gulp of her drink. ‘Jealous of the child—and of you.’
‘Please…you don’t have to be,’ Anna said, beginning to feel desperate. ‘Believe me, I understand your situation and how you feel. It will be up to Simon whether he sees Finn at all.’
‘Why don’t I have to be jealous?’ the other woman persisted, her voice shaking, and her hand also as she lifted the glass to her lips. ‘I feel that I’m in a very peculiar situation now. I could have a baby, but Simon wouldn’t be the father.’
‘May I say something?’ Seth, asked, looking first at Anna, then at Laura.
Anna nodded. ‘Yes. I didn’t anticipate this, I must admit…and I’m sorry for that.’
‘Laura,’ Seth said soothingly, ‘there is one very good reason why you do not have to worry about the resurgence of a relationship between Anna and Simon. Anna and I are more or less engaged…we love each other. We’ve kept it quiet up to now because we wanted to get this issue with Simon and Finn sorted out. Now we have got it sorted out.’
‘I…We…’ Anna said, expelling a breath as her jaw dropped in surprise. Trying to cover up, she sipped her coffee.
‘Is that true?’ Laura challenged, looking from one to the other. ‘You didn’t even hint at that earlier, Dr Ruelle.’
‘It’s something very private between the two of us,’ Seth said smoothly.
‘Anna?’ Laura Ashcroft said to Anna.
‘Um…it is true…of course,’ she said.
‘When are you getting married?’
‘Oh…’ she said, struggling for words, ‘not as soon as you, but…’
‘Not long after,’ Seth finished for her.
The hypocrite! Anna thought. Wait until I get him alone! Coming out with all this glib stuff, then probably taking it as sort of a joke as soon as Laura is off the scene. He fancied himself as a sort of peacemaker. Anger and frustration were building up in her. What was he playing at?
‘And what about the little boy?’ Ms Ashcroft said.
‘We haven’t finally decided on that,’ Seth said. ‘It’s probable that I would adopt him, as I am related by blood. He could take my name or keep the name he has now, his mother’s name, of course. That will be up to him when he understands what it’s all about.’
The liar! Anna thought, staring at him, trying not to look stupefied.
‘And Simon’s visiting rights?’ Ms Ashcroft said.
‘That will be up to Simon,’ Seth said. ‘And, of course, Finn as well. When Anna and I are married, he will no doubt come to see me as his dad. I’m hoping so, anyway.’
Hell! Anna thought. How can he be so smooth? This woman would find out eventually that it wasn’t true.
‘Can I drive you back to your hotel?’ Seth asked Laura as she finished her drink. ‘I hope you have a good vacation in Vancouver, which won’t be as cold as here. We’ll all meet again when you’re living there and settled, I wish you the best, you and Simon.’
‘Thank you,’ the woman said, standing up. ‘I’d appreciate a ride.’
‘I’ll just pay the bill.’
Seth got to his feet, meeting the frustrated glance of veiled fury that Anna shot him before going over to the bar. She stood up as well, studiously gathering her hat, scarf and gloves.
‘Congratulations,’ Laura said. ‘Seth didn’t even hint to me that he was planning to marry you.’
That makes two of us, Anna thought furiously. He was setting her up and then would let her down with a crash, and would no doubt be amused.
‘I guess he knew that I wanted to meet you anyway.’
‘Yes, he’s a great mind-reader when he wants to be,’ Anna said tartly.
‘He’s such a nice man, a truly lovely man.’
‘He can be.’ Just wait till she got…
‘And he’s a Ruelle, too. Such a strange coincidence, that he is related to your little boy. They’re such a grand family. I feel privileged to be part of it.’
‘Really?’
‘They were like royalty once, you know, in their part of the world,’ Ms Ashcroft said, a touch of awe in her voice.
‘I didn’t know,’ Anna said, trying to keep sarcasm out of her voice. And I’m not sure I want to know now, she thought. Perhaps I could have made an educated guess, she thought—that’s why I thought he was not for me, latterly, either Simon or Seth.
‘There aren’t any royalty here…although some have pretensions,’ she added. ‘They are generally insufferable.’
Fervently she hoped that Ms Ashcroft loved Simon as much as she professed to.
‘You’ll find out. Such an amazing family,’ Laura said.
‘“How are the mighty fallen”’ Anna quoted.
‘I wouldn’t say that. Just changed.’
‘Ready, sweetheart?’ Seth said to her, coming to stand by her side, taking her arm. ‘I’ll drive Laura to the hotel first. Then we’ll go home.’
‘Home?’
‘To my place.’
Laura gave her an interested look that managed to convey the sentiment, How sweet!
‘I…’ Anna said. He was ushering her forward, then out the door into a blast of icy air and falling snow. His suggestion implied that they were having a sexual relationship, or so she thought, her anger mounting. Laura clearly thought so.
‘I do love this snow,’ Laura said, smiling at them, again seeming to think how charming they were as a couple.
They drove Laura to her hotel, where Seth got out of the car to see her in the door. When he came back, got in and slammed the car door, Anna was ready for him. ‘What the hell are you playing at?’ she said.
‘I’ll explain when we get to my place,’ he said, starting the engine.
‘I don’t want to go to your place,’ she protested, near tears. ‘I’m late as it is. I don’t like playing games. You should have let me deal with that woman. And why didn’t you tell me about her beforehand?’
‘She was very upset. She was crying when she phoned me, so I though of this way out. Apparently Simon looks at the photographs of Finn a l
ot and has one of them by his bed…so Sophie informed Laura. She fears that Simon doesn’t love her as much as she loves him.’
‘Maybe she’s right. How do I know? I can’t help any of that,’ she said. ‘Simon is Finn’s father after all. I’m planning to have a DNA test done on Finn to send to him.’
‘Good,’ Seth said, somewhat curtly.
‘It’s true that I didn’t think very much of her,’ Anna said, her voice breaking with emotion. ‘I should have done—I can see that now—and I’m ashamed.’
‘Good,’ he said again.
They drove through the snowy night, as fast as weather conditions would allow. ‘I want to go home,’ she said, her voice shaking. ‘All those lies you told…that was unforgivable. I thought you didn’t tell lies! You were so self-righteous before…’
‘We have to talk,’ he said. ‘I’m fed up with this Simon issue. It’s about time it came to an end.’
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
AT HIS house, he parked in the driveway right by the front door. With no choice, Anna followed him into the house and stood in the hallway while he put on lights and patted the dog.
‘Let me take your coat,’ he said.
‘No. You tell me first what you’re playing at,’ she demanded. ‘I’m very upset and angry.’ She took a swing at his face, wanting to slap him, but he caught her hand. ‘How can you say that we’re getting married—that we’re getting married soon?’ She imitated his voice derisively. ‘And all that stuff about adopting Finn. How dare you?’
He was still holding her arm. ‘How dare I what?’
‘Play with my emotions like that! Putting on an act.’