“Are you listening to yourself right now?” He sounded a little frustrated. “Cadence is my daughter too. It’s my job to take care of her, and you’re telling me that I can’t even pay for her vacation? What the hell do you expect me to do with all this money I’m making, Jay?”
She hadn’t meant to offend him, but Chase had to be used to people trying to take advantage of him because they assumed he could afford it. She didn’t want to be one of them. “There’s a difference between taking care of our daughter and taking care of me. I don’t need you to take care of me. I can take care of myself.”
“Yeah, you’ve made that abundantly clear.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you were always so damned independent. You never let me take care of you. You may not realize this, but it’s kind of a shot to a guy’s ego when his own wife won’t let him pay for her education.”
She hadn’t expected this conversation to take such a downturn. She’d been so excited about talking to him, but it seemed their past would always come back to bite them. Her education had been an ongoing argument during their marriage. She’d once told Chase she would love to get a degree, and he’d encouraged her to go back to school, but she refused since she couldn’t pay for it on her own and still find a way to run the garage.
“I didn’t want you wasting your money on me. It’s not like I needed a degree to run the shop. I just thought it would have been nice to get one, you know, to one day tell our daughter that her mom had gone to college and actually finished something.”
“Why do you say it like that? You think you need some stupid piece of paper to make our little girl proud of you?”
“That’s easy for you to say, you graduated from a top school… after fielding dozens of offers.”
“Yeah, but I was there on a baseball scholarship. They wanted me because I was an asset to their team, not because I was some scholar.”
“The point is you have a degree, so when Cadence gets older and asks about your education, you’ll be proud to tell her about it.” She tried not to dwell on the advantages she hadn’t had, but it had been difficult to watch her boyfriend get a fancy degree when she couldn’t even afford community college.
“Why do you have to be so stubborn?”
“Excuse me?” She held the phone away from her ear, frowning at it. “How am I being stubborn?”
“I wanted to pay for your education. You have no idea how happy it would have made me to do that for you. But you wouldn’t let me. Why?”
“Because I wanted to do it on my own. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”
She didn’t want to earn a degree someone else had paid for. She knew it sounded silly, especially since her then-husband was already making boatloads of money, but it was a matter of principle. She didn’t want to be indebted to anyone for anything. More importantly, she didn’t want to lose Chase’s respect. He’d fallen in love with a strong, independent woman, and she didn’t want to do anything that would change his perception of her.
“You realize how ridiculous that sounds, don’t you? We were married. Married couples are supposed to share everything, including money. What’s mine was yours and vice versa.”
Except he had plenty to share and she had next to nothing. “There’s no point arguing about this now. It’s ancient history.”
“But if we can’t acknowledge our past mistakes, what are we even doing here?”
“What do you mean?”
“I felt like we were getting closer when I was in Aurora, didn’t you?”
“Well yeah, but—”
“And I thought you wanted to come here to spend more time with me, not just so our daughter could cheer me on.”
“I don’t know what you want from me.” A couple of days ago, she’d barely given her ex a second thought… except when she watched his games. During those hours, she’d allow herself to imagine what might have been if their relationship hadn’t fallen apart.
“I’m trying to figure out what you want from me.”
“Nothing.” She regretted the word as soon as it was out of her mouth, but she didn’t know how to take it back. “I mean—”
“That was always one of our biggest problems, wasn’t it? You didn’t want anything from me. You wouldn’t take anything from me. It wasn’t you and me against the world. It was you against the world.”
She wanted to tell him that wasn’t fair, but there was an air of truth to his words that hurt and angered her at the same time. “So now you want me to apologize for trying to teach our daughter that she doesn’t need a man to get by?”
“What you’re teaching our daughter is that she can’t trust anyone.”
Tears burned her eyes as she curled her hand into a fist. How dare he question her parenting skills? She’d been there for Cadence every day since she was born. He couldn’t say the same. “I may not be perfect, but I’m doing the best I can with her. If you can’t see that, then maybe we shouldn’t even make the trip to New York.”
He sighed. “Jayda, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“Well, you did.” She sniffled, but refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing how much he’d hurt her by shedding tears.
“I think our daughter is an amazing little girl… because of you,” he said softly. “And I never meant to imply otherwise. But surely you can see there’s a fine line between being independent and shutting other people out.”
“You don’t know what my life has been like since the divorce. You don’t know anything about me anymore. How do you know I haven’t been in love? Have you asked our daughter about my-”
“No, but I assumed she would have mentioned if her mommy had a boyfriend. So, have you… been in love?”
She considered lying to him, but that would be pointless. He’d always been able to see right through her. “Well no, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been open to the possibility of falling in love again.”
“Jessie told me how he feels about you. But I need to know, do you have feelings for him?”
Jayda couldn’t believe he was asking her if she could ever love his lifelong friend. Had she totally misread his intent when he kissed her? “I think he’s a great guy and a good friend. I’m lucky to have him in my life. So is Cadence.”
“Are you attracted to him?”
“Why are you asking me this?” she asked, tightening her grip on the phone as she battled her frustration. Her relationship with Chase had always been volatile, so she didn’t know why she was surprised they were arguing again. “Do you want me to be attracted to him? Do you think if I start going out with him and we fall in love and get married that you won’t have to worry about us anymore?” Not that she thought for a second he’d lost any sleep worrying about her.
“I’m not interested in you finding another man to take my place—as your husband or as Cadence’s father. Even if you did meet someone else, she’ll always be mine. Cadence is the one thing you can’t take away from me.”
“What did I take away from you?” she demanded, outraged that he would imply she had somehow upended his life instead of the other way around.
“Everything.” His response was so soft she could barely hear it. “When you divorced me, you took everything that meant anything to me.”
All of the fight drained from her as she sank back against the cushions, forcing herself to breathe. “That’s not true. You still had baseball.” That was the only thing that had seemed to matter to him back then. “I thought that’s all you needed.”
“I needed you.” He sighed. “I needed our baby girl.”
“Then why did you sign that contract without even talking to me about it? Do you know how that made me feel? Like I was inconsequential. Like my opinion didn’t matter, and you didn’t care whether I came with you or not.”
“That’s ridiculous. You know I wanted you both to come with me.”
“No, what I remember you telling me is that y
ou didn’t want a life that didn’t include your daughter.” Those words had hurt more than he’d ever know. He’d made his feelings for Cadence clear, but he’d made Jayda feel dispensable.
“How can two people remember the same thing so differently? I begged you guys to come with me.”
“You begged me because you didn’t want to limit your time with Cadence to the off-season. I specifically remember you telling me it would kill you to only have weekends with her a few months a year.” She bit her lip before she whispered, “You never once said it would kill you to be without me.”
“I thought that was implied. You knew how I felt about you.”
“No, I didn’t. Not really.” He’d told her he loved her, but only when she told him first. As a kid, Chase had never really learned how to express love. The only person he seemed to say it to without reservation was their daughter.
“Jay…” She could almost picture him closing his eyes, gathering his thoughts. “You guys were my world. I thought you knew that.”
“Why do you always do that?”
“What?”
“You said you guys like we’re a package deal. I know we are, but why can’t you tell me how you felt about losing me? You know, your wife.” She’d waited a long time to hear what Chase had been thinking all those years ago, not to mention what he’d been thinking during the years since their divorce. Did he ever think about her? Did he miss what they had as much as she did when he rolled over in an empty bed? Or was his bed ever empty?
“This is probably a conversation we should be having face to face, not over the phone.”
Chase was a master at avoidance. He’d done it during the demise of their marriage, and he was doing it again now. Instead of working it out he’d walked away.
“Fine, I’m getting kind of tired anyways.” If only that were true. She suspected she had another sleepless night ahead of her, this time thinking about her ex instead of worrying about their daughter’s safety.
“Are you still coming out here?”
“I kind of promised Cadence we would. I’d hate to disappoint her now.” Though if she had her way, she’d probably call off the whole trip. One brief conversation with Chase told her he hadn’t changed as much as she’d hoped. He undoubtedly would have said the same about her.
“Good, I’m glad.” He sounded relieved. “I know we have a lot to talk about. And I want to, I do, just not over the phone.”
“You’re there to play baseball. To try to win that World Series ring you’ve dreamt about your whole life. I wouldn’t want to do anything to distract you from that.”
“So what are you saying? Now you don’t want to talk about us while you’re here?”
“There will be plenty of time to talk about that during the off-season.” If he still wanted to. “Over the next week, let’s just agree that your focus should be on baseball, okay?”
“Jayda, I don’t want you to feel like I’m putting my career ahead of you again. That’s what got us into this mess in the first place.”
“You don’t owe me anything.” As much as it pained her to say that, it was true. The only thing she asked of him anymore was that he be a good father, and he’d come through on that front. “But you do owe it to your team to give them everything you’ve got during this series.”
“But after this series, we can spend some time alone together, talk about… things?”
“Sure,” she said, doubtful it would ever happen. If they won the World Series, everyone would want a piece of him, including women he hadn’t even met yet, and she would once again become a distant memory. “Get a good night’s sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Chapter Nine
Chase didn’t feel good about how he’d left things with Jayda last night. He knew she had no faith in him, nor should she. But he wanted to prove to her that he’d changed, that he recognized the mistakes he’d made and wanted to make things right. He just didn’t know how. She had her perception of what happened. He had his. And he didn’t know how they could ever agree to disagree about it while moving forward. He feared the past would always be a bone of contention that would continue to come between them.
“What’s up?” Ethan asked, slapping Chase on the back. “You don’t look like you’ve got your game face on yet. I thought with Cadence coming out for the game, you’d be all psyched to show her what her daddy can do.”
“I’m excited they’re coming, man. It’s just…” Chase wasn’t sure how to explain something he didn’t fully understand himself. “Jayda and I talked about the divorce last night for the first time. I mean, we talked about what went wrong in our marriage.”
“And?”
“It was frustrating.” He blew out a breath. “She sees it her way. I see it mine. And I’m not sure we’ll ever see eye to eye.”
“You obviously divorced for a reason,” Ethan said, eyeing Chase. “Could be you’re just not compatible. Maybe it’s best to leave well enough alone, you know, for your daughter’s sake.”
Chase knew his friend was trying to help, but he wasn’t. Chase didn’t want to leave Jayda alone. He wanted the exact opposite, in fact—to spend as much time with her as he could. “How am I supposed to do that? You know how I feel about her, that I’ve always regretted the divorce.”
“But does she?” Ethan asked. “Did she tell you she hates that you split or wishes you could have found a way to work things out?”
“Not exactly, but—”
“Look,” Ethan said, slapping him on the back, “I know you want this to work out, and I understand why. You have a daughter together and—”
“It’s more than that.” As much as he would love to give his baby girl the kind of home life he’d never had growing up, he would never have stayed with Jayda if he didn’t love her. “My feelings for Jay have never gone away. After all this time, I have to assume they never will.”
“I know you haven’t really been serious with anyone since you came here, but it could be that you haven’t met the right person yet.”
“What if I had the right person and let her go?” That was his biggest fear—that he’d never meet anyone who made him feel the way Jayda did.
“You really feel that way?” Ethan asked, staring at him. “Like Jay’s it for you?”
“I’m thinkin’ she just might be.”
“Then I guess you don’t have a choice, buddy. You gotta get the girl.”
Easier said than done. It’s not as though he had the power to rewrite history.
***
Cadence was bouncing up and down in her seat, clapping as Chase’s team took the field. Jayda wished she could feign excitement about the game. Instead, her mind kept drifting between the conversations she’d had with her ex over the past few days and the weeks leading up to their split. Should she have tried harder to save her marriage, been willing to sacrifice more to keep her family together?
“Mommy, can I have some popcorn?” Cadence asked, looking at Jayda with Chase’s chocolate-brown eyes. She was her father’s daughter, no question about that. She had his dark hair, though hers was naturally curly. His olive skin which tanned within minutes of being outside. His shallow dimples and mischievous grin. The only things she seemed to inherit from Jayda were her small stature and big mouth. The girl had no filter, something her mother could relate to.
“I guess so.”
Since she was in an aisle seat in the first row behind the catcher, Jayda didn’t have to disturb anyone to place her order with the attendant. She didn’t know how her ex had managed to snag some of the best seats in the house on short notice, but she supposed that was a perk of being one of the stars of the team. After ordering popcorn and soft drinks, Jayda allowed her eyes to drift to the field where the players were warming up.
It had been a long time since she’d seen Chase in uniform, except for on TV, and he looked even sexier than she remembered. How was she supposed to think logically about what was best for her and her daughter when her attraction
to Chase was so illogical? Just seeing him got her all fired up, making it difficult to breathe, much less respond to her daughter’s questions.
“How many games do they have to win again?” Cadence asked, grinning when the young man returned with their order.
Jayda slipped a twenty in his hand, instructing him to keep the change. He looked to be college-aged and was probably working to put himself through school. Something she should have done, instead of putting everyone else’s needs ahead of her own.
“It’s a best-of-seven series.” Jayda took a sip of her drink to coat her dry throat. “So that means they have to win four games.”
Cadence nodded as she munched away on popcorn. When Chase looked at them and winked, she said to the man seated beside her, “That’s my daddy.”
The stranger looked to Jayda for confirmation, his eyes widening at her subtle nod. “Wow! You’re a lucky little girl then.” He looked old enough to have grandchildren Cadence’s age, so he probably didn’t mind indulging her. “Your daddy is one of the best shortstops in the game. You should be very proud of him.”
Cadence was still learning about baseball and usually didn’t have the patience to watch an entire game on TV… unlike her mom.
“I am.” Cadence’s head bobbed as she filled her mouth with enough popcorn to make Jayda nudge her with a sharp look that told her to mind her manners. “He said he’d teach me how to play, but we’d probably have to start with T-ball on account of that’s easier.”
The man chuckled as he sipped his water. “I suppose it is. But you gotta start somewhere, right?”
Cadence shrugged. “I guess. But I like dance and gymnastics, so I don’t think I’ll have time for baseball anyhow.”
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” he asked, smiling at Jayda. “Someone who might want to follow in your dad’s famous footsteps?”
“No.” Cadence looked at her mom, sadness flashing in her eyes. “My parents are divorced. So it’s just me.”
Make Up Call (Summer Rush #3) Page 9