From the sidelines, Hudson heard one of the teachers call, “Quentin spit up! Paper towels, quick.”
Another teacher shouted, “Mary’s carriage is supposed to be in line before Monica’s. Switch them. The parents know the order and will be upset if we don’t have it right.”
Bella, who was two carriages behind Hudson’s, caught his eye. She gave him a thumbs-up and smiled. That smile. He remembered the sleepy expression on her face and the sparkle in her eyes after they’d made love last night.
Suddenly the baby in Bella’s carriage lifted up his arms to her. She didn’t hesitate to lift him out even though they were almost ready to go on. A baby’s needs would certainly take priority over the pageant. She cuddled him and cooed to him, straightened his reindeer antlers and set him back in the carriage, handing him a rattle.
Hudson suddenly felt the need to go to her. Snagging the attention of Sarah Palmer, he asked, “Can you watch this young gentleman for a moment? I need to talk to Bella.”
“Sure,” Sarah agreed. “We have about five minutes until we push our carriages out onto the stage.”
Going to Bella’s side, Hudson asked, “How do you think things are going?”
“Great, so far. The audience is really involved. Now, if not too many babies cry once the carriages are on the stage, we’ll have succeeded.”
He chuckled, then looked over the scene before him with all the carriages lined up and children and teachers milling about. He motioned to the carriages. “I remember all the rumors about how these babies were conceived because of the wedding punch at Jennifer McCallum and Ben Traub’s wedding. Supposedly, Homer Gilmore spiked it with a magic potion and there were lots of romantic hookups because of it. When I first came to town, I heard that some couples came here who were hoping to have a baby because they thought the magic might rub off on them.”
Bella’s face suddenly took on an odd expression. The sadness was back in her eyes, and he didn’t understand any of it. But he did understand one very important thing, as if a lightning bolt had hit him. He never wanted her to be sad. He wanted to protect her...forever. He realized that he loved Bella Stockton, and he was going to do something about it.
Someone near the curtain gave a signal, and he gave Bella’s arm a squeeze. “I have to get back to my carriage. See you after?”
She nodded and said, “Sure.”
A few of the babies did cry as the carriages rolled out in front of Santa and the children on the stage sang “Jingle Bells” with the audience. Hudson, however, wasn’t living in the moment right now. All he could do was stare at Bella and wish the pageant was over. He had something to say to her, and he couldn’t wait to say it.
He should have seen his love for her before now, but maybe he’d been blinded by the chemistry between them, by the passion that seemed to supersede everything else when he was around her. Bella Stockton was everything he’d ever wanted in a woman without even realizing it. She was smart and challenging and sweet. Most of all, she knew how to care and she knew how to love. That was evident in her loyalty to her brother, her love for the triplets, her care of every child at Just Us Kids.
Hudson realized now that home wasn’t so much a place. It could be a person. He wanted to make Bella his home and hoped she felt the same about him. He realized now he could make a life in Rust Creek Falls with her, and he had an idea about that. He was going to get on his cell phone and make sure that dream could come true as soon as he talked to Bella. Maybe he’d always been a rich man, but he hadn’t felt rich before. With Bella by his side, he knew he could be a better man than he’d ever been. They’d raise a family together, and they’d hand down values that could last through the years. She’d never said how many kids she might want, but he didn’t care about that. Two, four or five. They’d talk about it. They’d kiss about it. They’d make love about it.
Hudson spotted Walker and Lindsay in the audience. Not far away, he spied Jamie with the triplets in their stroller. Fallon was with him. Hudson gave him a big smile and a thumbs-up, and Jamie grinned back. The green headband on Katie’s little blond hair tilted sideways. Jamie straightened it with such a loving expression on his face that Hudson knew he couldn’t wait to be a dad. Would Bella want to have kids right away, or wait awhile? There was so much to talk about, so much to look forward to, so many dreams to fulfill.
With all the people and babies and kids involved in the pageant, it was almost an hour later until the scenery had been stowed in the wings, until parents had been reunited with their children, until the audience who had come to mingle as well as to watch the show drifted out of the auditorium.
Bella, who had helped stow the babies’ reindeer headbands in a plastic bin, snapped on the lid and stacked it with boxes that held other costumes. Hudson was about to burst with what he wanted to say to Bella.
As they walked to the exit, he cloaked his excitement and asked her, “Do you have to get back to the ranch right away?”
She zipped up her parka and hoisted her hobo bag over her shoulder. “I do,” she said. “Fallon helped Jamie at the pageant, but she can’t stay. I told Jamie I’d be there to help feed and bathe the babies.”
Hudson felt a pang of disappointment, but he knew this was Bella’s life. They’d have to talk about that along with everything else. But right now, he had to take a few minutes to tell her how he felt. He couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“I know we don’t have much time...” He took her hands in his. “But I want you to know how much last night meant to me.”
“It meant a lot to me, too,” she responded. “I can’t thank you enough for recommending me to Artfully Yours. But beyond that, Hudson, I’ve never spent time with a man like you.”
“And I’ve never spent time with a woman like you. And because of that, I have to tell you something, Bella.” He drew in a shaky breath and then went for it. “I love you. I want to marry you and make a life with you that includes lots of babies.” He gave her a broad smile. “Will you marry me?”
Hudson expected an enthusiastic “yes.” He expected Bella to throw her arms around his neck and say that she loved him, too. He expected they’d both be hearing wedding bells instead of silver bells. But none of those things happened. Instead, Bella burst into tears, turned away from him and pushed out the exit door.
It took him a moment to realize what had happened. The door had swung shut, and he pushed out after her.
“Bella, wait,” he yelled.
But she was headed to her car.
He took off at a run after her, but when he caught up to her at the driver’s side door, she was shaking her head. “I can’t give you want you want. Not ever.”
Hudson was so shell-shocked he couldn’t move, think or talk. In the next few moments, she started the engine, backed up and drove away.
Just what had caused that reaction? More important, what was he going to do about it?
* * *
Hudson spent the rest of the evening trying to decide the best thing to do. He could make Bella face him, but he wasn’t sure that would do any good. She had to want to talk to him. He didn’t want to force her.
That evening when his cell phone beeped, he grabbed it up, hoping beyond hope it was Bella. But Jamie Stockton’s number showed up.
“Jamie, is Bella all right?” he asked before the rancher could get a word out.
“She asked me to call you. She’s taking a sick day tomorrow.”
“A sick day? To avoid me?”
He heard Jamie’s sigh. Hudson knew Bella might be right there and her brother couldn’t talk freely. With insight, he realized talking to her brother might be better than talking to Bella right now.
He asked, “Can you get an hour away at lunch tomorrow?”
Jamie responded cautiously, “I might be able to. Why?”
“Can you
meet me at the Ace in the Hole? I need to talk to you about Bella. I only want the best for her. I love her, Jamie.”
“All right,” Jamie said.
“Around one okay?” Hudson asked.
“If it’s not, I’ll let you know.”
Jamie ended the call without saying more, and Hudson knew Bella was probably listening and Jamie didn’t want her to know about their meeting. She might feel her brother was betraying her.
Hudson didn’t want to cause a rift between them, but he had to find out what was going on.
The next morning dragged on so slowly Hudson could count each second. He left for the Ace in the Hole fifteen minutes early, found a table there, ordered coffee and drummed his fingers until Jamie Stockton walked in the door.
Jamie saw him and headed toward the table. After he unzipped his jacket, he looked at Hudson’s coffee. “I thought you might be drinking something stronger.”
“I need a clear head for this conversation,” Hudson said. “I need a clear head for this whole situation.”
Jamie signaled a waitress and pointed to Hudson’s coffee and at his own place. She nodded. Seconds later, he had a mug of black coffee in front of him, too.
“What’s on your mind?” he asked Hudson.
“We need to talk, man-to-man, brother to the man who loves your sister.”
“I don’t know if a talk will do any good,” Jamie said.
Hudson felt there was a closed door in front of him, but he wasn’t going to let it stay closed. He was going to open it. Heck, he was going to push through it. “Look. I know Bella has a lot of baggage. I want to know the best way to help her deal with it.”
Jamie eyed him and asked, “What do you want?”
“I want a future with her. I want a life with her—a family and kids.”
A shadow passed over Jamie’s face, the same shadow that Hudson had seen on Bella’s. Then Jamie seemed to make up his mind. “Yes, Bella has a lot of baggage. She felt abandoned like I did when our parents died. She felt rejected when our grandparents didn’t want our siblings and didn’t want us either, though they took us in. But her hurts aren’t as simple as all that.”
“Simple? There’s nothing simple about being abandoned. What else is there?”
“I’m only telling you this because I think it’s best for Bella. She rebelled against our grandparents’ rejection. She became a little...wild. She looked for love in the wrong places. She got pregnant, and she had a miscarriage. Because of that miscarriage, she probably will never be able to have children.”
If Hudson had been shocked by Bella’s response yesterday, he was even more shocked by what Jamie had told him. He felt numb. She might never be able to have children? It was so much to take in, and he didn’t know how he felt about all of it.
He thought about how intimate he and Bella had been, and he couldn’t help but mutter, “Why didn’t she trust me enough to tell me?”
“I think you can answer that yourself. For a lot of years, I don’t think she’s trusted anybody but me.”
“I feel so sorry for her.”
“But?” Jamie asked with a probing look.
“My heart hurts at the idea of not having kids with her.”
“That’s why I told you this. If you can’t deal with the idea of no kids, then you should walk away now. Don’t hurt Bella further by rejection later.” He nodded to Hudson’s coffee cup. “Do you want something stronger than that now?”
Hudson glanced at the bar and all the bottles behind it. “No, I still need a clear head to think this through. Thanks for your honesty.”
Jamie picked up his mug, took a couple of swallows of coffee and set it back down. As Bella’s brother rose to his feet and then left, Hudson was hardly aware of it. He was too lost in his thoughts.
* * *
The sun was barely up the next morning when Bella stood at Hudson’s door and rang the bell. She was shaking. She didn’t know if this was the right thing or the wrong thing to do. She didn’t know if Hudson would even let her inside after the way she’d left him.
When he didn’t answer the door, Bella wondered if he’d gone riding or already left for the day. She could check the garage to see if his truck was there.
Just as she was about to do that, the door opened and Hudson stood there, his expression totally unreadable. She could tell one thing, though. He looked tired, as if she’d gotten him out of bed. His hair was sleep-mussed, there was a heavy stubble on his jaw and his feet were bare under a pair of sweatpants.
“I’m sorry if I woke you,” she said.
“No harm,” he returned evenly.
She wasn’t sure about that. “May I come in?”
He ran his hand through his mussed hair and pulled down his T-shirt. “I haven’t even had a cup of coffee yet. Are you sure you want to talk to me now?”
There was an edge of something in his voice, and she supposed she deserved that. She hadn’t wanted to talk to him Sunday or yesterday. Coffee or not, she’d take her chances today.
“Yes, I need to talk to you.”
His eyebrows arched at the words. He backed up in the foyer so she could enter.
After she did, she closed the door behind her, wishing he’d react more, say something, do something. Like kiss her?
That was wishful thinking.
She had done nothing but think and cry and worry since she’d left him Sunday. She’d helped Jamie with the triplets but told him she didn’t want to talk about any of it. She couldn’t, not until she figured out what she was going to do. Jamie had pretty much left her alone because he’d known this was her problem to solve and her life to lead. All she could think about all day yesterday and last night was how her heart hurt because she loved Hudson so much. She loved him enough to walk away if that’s what he wanted. But she had to be honest with him, and she had to tell him everything first. That was only fair after what they’d shared.
Hudson led her into the living room and sat in the armchair. Maybe he expected her to sit on the sofa, but she didn’t want to be that far away. She needed to make eye contact with him, and she needed to be close. So she sat on the large ottoman in front of him.
He looked surprised and maybe a bit uncomfortable.
How could she mess this up any more than she already had? But she wasn’t going to scurry away now. “I’d like to tell you...everything.”
“Everything?”
“You know most of it, but...” She couldn’t lose her courage now. She plunged right into her story. “I felt so lost after my parents died.”
She thought she saw a glimmer of compassion in his eyes, but she couldn’t be sure. But she hadn’t come here for pity, so she hurried on. “Jamie and I missed our five other brothers and sisters. It was like one minute we had a family and the next we didn’t. Grandma and Gramps didn’t want us, and...” She lifted her hands as if she didn’t have to explain any more about that. “I told you I was wild, and you didn’t believe me, but I was. I’m not the woman you thought I was, Hudson. When I was a teenager, I wasn’t smart or mature. I was fifteen, and I ended up dating and sleeping with an older boy.”
“How old?” Hudson asked, and she couldn’t tell if there was judgment there or not.
“He was almost eighteen. I got pregnant. I thought he loved me. I thought we’d have a family. But I was so stupid. He didn’t want any responsibilities. When I told him I was pregnant, he said it wasn’t his.”
“You could have proved otherwise.”
“I could have. My guess is Gramps would have made me prove it to get child support. But we never had to do that.” She heard the quaver in her voice and swallowed hard. When she spoke again, she’d regained her composure. The only way she’d get through this was to blurt it out. “There were complications with the pregnancy. I lost the ba
by, and the doctor said I might never be able to have another one. I have a weak cervix. I can possibly get pregnant, but I’d never carry the baby to term.”
Before Hudson could say anything, she pushed on. “My grandparents kept the whole thing secret. I wasn’t showing when the miscarriage happened, and I certainly hadn’t told anybody but the boy, and he wasn’t saying anything to anybody. After Grandma died, Gramps said I caused her heart attack with the stress of my pregnancy and what happened afterward. That’s what killed her.”
“He was wrong,” Hudson said with more expression than she’d heard yet.
“I don’t know if he was or not. The only saving grace was that my parents weren’t alive to see it.”
“If your parents had been alive, the whole situation probably wouldn’t have happened,” Hudson reminded her.
“I know you probably think less of me now. I know you probably want your own children more than you want me. It wasn’t fair that I didn’t tell you about all this before we made love.”
Suddenly Hudson moved forward in his chair and took her hands into his. “I already know about all of this.”
She felt as if the breath had been knocked out of her. Recovering, she asked, “How could you?”
“I had a talk with Jamie yesterday. I don’t think he wanted to tell me. He wanted you to confide in me. But he also didn’t want you hurt any more than you already were.”
“Maybe I should go,” she said softly and tried to pull away from him.
But he held on to her and wouldn’t let her move. She was as mesmerized by the look in his eyes as she was by the hold of his hands.
“I thought a lot about us in the past two days, Bella, and I know exactly what I want.”
She held her breath as panic seesawed in her stomach.
The Maverick's Holiday Surprise Page 17