Star Smashers of the Galaxy Rangers

by Harry Harrison

  "That's half the game." John eructated. "Now the Pleasantville Eagle must be prepared as a space vessel to continue the chase."

  "Some work while others sleep!" Jerry chuckled. "Just come and look what the incredible Garnishee have done with their eons-old knowledge."

  He led the way back to their plane, which looked superficially the same, though it had been polished to a high gloss. However, major changes had been made in the interior, not all of which were always visible to the naked eye.

  "First off," explained Jerry, "the space between the inner and outer skin of the plane has been filled with insulite, which is a better insulater than a vacuum, I have been told. All the exterior windows are of transparent armolite, which is clear as glass and as strong as steel. We won't need oxygen for the engines, though there is now a supply for ourselves, since the fuel tanks are filled with combustite, a fuel a thousand times more powerful than our ordinary jet fuel and which does not need oxygen to burn. This is also used for powerful jets under the tail that may come in handy someday. All batteries have been replaced with ones made of Garnishee capacitite which seem to have unlimited capacity for storing electrical energy. Back here the galley has been expanded into a complete kitchen with hibachi and radar oven, and beyond it a frozen food locker that could feed us for five years if need be. Farther back is a completely outfitted laboratory and machine shop with stockpiles of raw ingredients. In this locker are extra-powerful spacesuits, each almost a small spaceship in itself, one for each of us and – gosh, I hope he uses it one for Chuck as well." He hurried on so they would not hear the huskiness in his voice, but they heard it nevertheless and understood.

  "Up here on top, the flight deck has been expanded right back to take over the entire first-class lounge; the bar's a deck below now, to hold all the new equipment and controls. This chair here is for the gunner because remote-controlled gun turrets have been installed in twelve positions and armed with rapid-fire weapons firing pellets filled with destructite, an explosive a thousand times more powerful than gunpowder."

  He went on to point out the various controls and other devices far too numerous to mention, though he promised to later, but he did point out and take pride in one set of controls that filled an entire end of the compartment

  "I don't know if we will ever need this," he opined, "but the old Eagle has been equipped with a space drive, the same kind that the Lortonoi and everyone else in the galaxy use, the only kind of space drive that cut the mustard until the cheddite projector came down the pike and knocked it into a cocked hat It's called a space warper."

  "How does it work?" John queried.

  "By warping space. There is a great projector source which projects a beam of energy through a disk of warpite. This produces a new form of radiation that emerges in the form of warpicles, not wavicles, and is sent blasting through space ahead of the ship. What it does is reach out and seize the very fabric of space itself and pull it toward the ship until there is a great bulge in space flattened out before the ship, which then flies through it as the warp is released so that it emerges on the far side of the bulge, which is maybe a light year or so ahead. Clear?"

  "Clear!" John articulated. "I wish I had a bit of what you been smoking."

  "All right, no need to get shirty; let me give you the example that the Garnishee gave me. Imagine your spaceship as being a needle lying on a rug – you with me so far?"

  "The sarcasm we can live without," John huffed. "Get on with it."

  "Roger. So, the warpicles reach out and pull on space the rug now – and pull it toward the needle so that a great big bulge of rug is pulled up in front of the needle. Then the needle is pushed through just two thicknesses of rug, and the bulge is pulled flat, and zip! the needle is now a couple of feet away though it only went through two thicknesses of the rug. Simple. You can understand, can't you, Sally?"

  "Sure, easy. Do the Garnishee have nice rugs?"

  "I hope it works like you say" – John frowned dubiously – "because if it doesn't, we are in for a really rough ride."

  "Well, we are just using it as a backup device. We depend upon the cheddite projector for most of the traveling."

  "Weare here," Slug-Togath announced, coming into the plane with fifty other Garnishee right behind him.

  "Who are we?" Jerry queried surprisedly.

  "Myself and fifty volunteers. I have taken a leave of absence from my work as prime minister and will accompany you with these bravest of the brave. Though every able-bodied Garnishee is needed to rebuild the wreckage of our ruined world, we also have a responsibility to the intelligent life in the universe. You have relieved us of the burden of the Lortonoi and ended the millennia-old war, and we feel that we can do no less for the other races of the galaxy who are oppressed by that bloodthirsty and despicable race of mental leeches."

  "Well and nobly said," John concurred.

  "Not only that," Slug-Togath continued. "We also hate the bastards with a hatred beyond understanding and would greatly like to be in on the kill when they are smeared, bombed, and destroyed."

  "Even better reason." Jerry nodded. "They deserve no mercy. We welcome you and your intrepid followers aboard, please tell them to come well armed and bring plenty of ammo, and it will be a pleasure to fight side by side with them in this just war to save the galaxy."

  "Let's drink to that," Sally said smilingly as she came down the aisle pushing the bar cart. "To an alliance for victory. Death to the Lortonoi!"

  "Death to the Lortonoi!" they cried with one voice and raised their glasses and downed them. That is, the humans drained their glasses. The Garnishee emptied their miniatures of booze into the plastic glasses which they discarded, then ate the bottles since glass acts like an intoxicant with this ancient race.

  The engines thundered to life, and the magnificent crusade began.

  11

  ENCOUNTER IN DEEP SPACE

  Like an arrow hurled from the strongest bow, the refurbished Pleasantville Eagle shot into the air, tearing a crackling hole through the atmosphere at twice the speed of sound. The two Earthmen were at the controls while the tentacled, trunklike forms of the Garnishee were at the other stations. Slug-Togath stood behind the pilots where he could coordinate the operation. Sally, very much the hostess in her cheerleader's uniform, was in the aft cabin serving steak sandwiches and drinks to the rows of Garnishee seated there, at the same time complaining bitterly over this menial task. The mighty Garnishee warriors sat unmoving in rapt fascination, listening to the taped jazz program over the headphones at each seat and watching the movie. There was no main feature, but they did not seem to mind, for they took an immense interest in the football training films which they thought were depicting a weird pagan ritual, which perhaps they were.

  Once they were on top of the atmosphere and the stars above burned with a cold unffickering light like moth holes in a blanket, Slug-Togath leaned forward and pointed at one of them, a blue point in the eternal darkness.

  "There," he said, "is the star to which we have tracked the fleeing Lortonoi spaceship with our omicron radar which detects the action of a space warper. They fled in that direction, but whether they stayed in the vicinity of that star, known to us as Krshtenvlemntu-krm, we do not know."

  "Well, we can find out when we get there," said Jerry, adjusting the cheddite projector controls. "And unless I'm wrong, I believe that is the star we call Spica, so let's call it Spica, huh, because it is a lot easier to say." Since Jerry was the commander, Slug-Togath begrudgingly agreed – but deep down inside he knew it would always be Krshtenvlemntu-krm to him.

  "Until we get the bugs worked out of the new cheddite projector, I'm going to take it real easy," Jerry said, adjusting the controls with total absorption. "We'll just jump ahead a teeny bit, maybe just ten light-years and see how we make out."

  Everything twitched, and they were ten light-years nearer to Spica, which shone much more brightly now. Corrections were made, and they jumped again. And again. Each
time closer, until, after careful and exacting measurements, a final jump was made that would bring them just outside the orbit of the outermost planet that circled this brilliant sun. The jump was made, and instantly every alarm, buzzer, bell, and siren went wild inside the Pleasantville Eagle.

  They had emerged at the edge of a furious space battle. While Jerry took evasion maneuvers and zipped out of range, the others looked on wide-eyed – and that is a lot of wide eyes since the Garnishee had about twenty-three each – at the fierce engagement that was being played out against the backdrop of stars for their edification. It was an unequal battle, three to one, but the pilot of the single black ship was a master of his craft. No matter how hard they tried, the three pursuing white spacers could not manage to nail the black one which twisted, darted, and dodged with incredible dexterity. Torpedoes flashed out and missed, while snarling, ravening rays of destruction flicked close – but never close enough to touch the pursued.

  "I take my hat off to that pilot," John said with admiration, "he really is a crackerjack."

  "But," Jerry inquired, "which side is which?"

  "That is a good question," Slug-Togath intoned. "Undoubtedly one side or the other are allies of the Lortonoi who fled this way. Let us contact them on the radio and ask."

  This was attempted, but with very little success. There was the hiss and crackle of solar static from the great blue sun and some distant, incomprehensible chatter on the communication bands, nothing else.

  "No dice there" – Jerry shrugged – "but I have a better idea. If the Lortonoi are at all involved in that bruhaha out there then there will be some mind reading, mind control, that sort of thing going on because we know they are big for that stuff. So here's what. John, you take the controls. Slug-Togath get behind me and give me a good wrapping with your tentacles, so I can't do any harm. Then take off my mind shield, and I'll try to contact those ships and see who is who so we can come to the aid of the good guys, if there are any. If I get too raunchy or like that, you can put the mind shield back on me and snap me out of it."

  "You are a brave man indeed, comrade," Slug-Togath rapped out as he enwrapped Jerry in his unbreakable embrace. "Now prepare yourself, for I remove the mind shield." And he did so, dexterously, with a quick flip of his last tentacle.

  "Nothing yet," Jerry said grimly. "I'll just send out a message and see what happens. Hello, warring spaceships, can you read me? I am enemy of the Lortonoi and ready to aid all enemies of those evil-minded leeches. Are any of you there on the same side?"

  Suddenly Jerry twitched all over and writhed a bit, then became calm. When he spoke again, it was in a completely different voice, an alien one in fact.

  "Very pleased to meet you all, I'm sure. You might say you chaps have come in the old nick of time. Bit of a job keeping these rascals at bay – ooops! – touch of the death ray there bit a chunk out of my tail. If you would like to lend a hand, you could shoot up the three bandits back there who are giving me a hard time."

  "Who are you?" John asked.

  "Sorry, should have introduced myself. I am Lord Prrsi of the Hagg-Inder, and look, chaps, could we save the rest of the intros for later? There just went one of my stern tubes." They could see the space battle becoming fiercer with every passing instant.

  "That's OK," John told him. "But we have to have something other than your word that you are on our side. We want to contact the three ships that are attacking you."

  "Perfectly reasonable request under the circumstances. Look, I'll switch this call to one of the Hagg-Loos in the bandits on my tail. You chat with them and let me know what they say. Over and out." Instantly a dreadful change came over Jerry. He writhed in the implacable embrace of the Garnishee while his face twisted with incredible fury and from his lips burst a filthy torrent of abuse.

  "Tentacled soft-limbed scum of the universe, how dare you invade holy space of Hagg-Loos, filthy democratic republican perverts, we allies of peace-loving Lortonoi will destroy-"

  "Enough of that," Slug-Togath said, slapping the mind shield back on Jerry's skull. "Seems pretty obvious."

  "Seems even more obvious if you have one of those repulsive creatures stamping through your gray matter," Jerry grated, aligning the cheddite projector in its weapon mode and quickly pressing the activator button three times. On the instant the three enemy spacers vanished and reappeared just above the surface of the burning hot blue sun, and we pretty well know what happened to them then. Jerry took off the mind shield again and instantly spoke in the rounded tones of Lord Prrsi.

  "I say, that is a neat way of letting me know what they said to you. Whisk – and they're gone. You must show me that trick. Listen, we ought to have this conversation at closer quarters. That is oxygen you're breathing? I thought so, real wizard. Why don't we just match velocity, and I'll join you in your ship. Airlock to airlock, you know the old bit."

  As the two voyagers of the space lanes drew close all aboard the Pleasantville Eagle could see that Lord Prrsi's ship had not come through the battle unscathed. It was a black dart, almost as long as the 747, but much thinner and without wings. Here and there the skin was seared as though by a blast of heat, and pieces had been bitten out of various parts there and here. Yet the pilot was still smoothly in control and eased up under their wing, and there was only the slightest bump as the newcomer sealed against their newly built airlock. Jerry set the automatic pilot, and they all went back to the cabin to welcome the valiant fighter. There was the hissing of air and a great thumping whumping within the lock, and then, finally, the inner door opened, and the pilot started to come in. Sally screamed and screamed again, and some of the others felt like joining her.

  Lord Prrsi, for all his calm and civilized voice when he had spoken through Jerry's body, was a monster. Imagine if you can a twenty-foot-long coal-black chitin-armored, barb-tailed, and claw-rattling scorpion. If you can imagine that, you will have about half an idea of what this alien life form looked like. Not only that, but he was hot.

  "Rather cold in here," the creature said with a nasal voice. "But I can bear it for a bit. Whom might I have the pleasure?" It turned to face them now, and they realized it had backed into the cabin. Two fiercely glowing red eyes burned down at them from the hideous black head, one of the eyes swollen and distorted by a circular lens the size of a manhole lid that was bolted to supports drilled in the creature's impervious hide. Jerry, no coward he, stepped forward and introduced them all.

  "My pleasure," the creature murmured and adjusted the lens before its eye to look at them better.

  "You speak pretty good English for a thing that's hot as a brick kiln and looks like a twenty-foot-long black scorpion," John spoke up bravely.

  "How nice of you to say that," Lord Prrsi said. "If truth be known, I rather pride myself on my linguistic ability; in fact, I led the movement to adopt this new language in place of our old one which was just too clumsy for civilized use. You see we have powerful radio receivers, and we picked up broadcasts from an insignificant little yellow star out in that direction." He waved a great clattering claw. "Oh, I say, I am sorry. Should have realized. It is rather a nice star, for a yellow one, I mean. Since you speak the language, I may assume you come from there? Yes, thought so. Dreadfully rude of me. But I wander. In any case we heard this language emanating from a country named BBC Third Program, and it seemed to fit our needs so we adopted it."

  "Could we offer you some refreshment?" Sally asked, ever the perfect little hostess.

  "How exceedingly kind of you. I could do with a glass of water if it is not too much trouble. I had a drink of water about four months ago, and I'm sure I will be needing more soon so, why not be piggy, have one now, a celebration and all that. Thank you very much, such a big one! Enough for five of my people. Well, cheers." He drained the glass in an instant, then wiped his mouth orifice with a clattering, razor-edged claw.

  "Could you tell us something about what is happening on your planet and why the fighting and all that?" Jerr
y asked.

  "Indeed I can, and a dreadful story it is. It goes back a long time, and if I bore you, please speak up. My race is called the Haggis, and we evolved on the third planet of the sun you see out there. The planet is also called Haggis, which, I suppose, is where our name comes from. In any case the sun is rather bright and hot, and the surface temperature of Haggis is above the boiling point of water over most of the surface, which is one of the reasons why we value this precious fluid so. But I digress. It seems that the incredible burning radiation of the sun produced mutations at a galloping rate, and my people, the Hagg-Inder, developed black chitin to shield us from the sun's rays. But here the race divided, and a subrace, that calls itself the Hagg-Loos in their degenerate tongue, stayed white. Now, aside from the fact that black is beautiful-"

  "Keep the faith, baby," John said.

  "-it is also good for blocking off radiation. But the white is transparent to the radiation so that the Hagg-Loos had their brains almost cooked out of their sockets after a while. This has produced a race that I can say, without exaggeration, is nuttier than a goober farm. They are insane, evil, degenerate, deprived, depraved, destructful, and desultory. We fought them, but they breed like rabbits in the spring, so in self-defense, we Hagg-Inder emigrated to the fourth planet to get away from them. But they enjoy an evil genius and developed space travel as well, so that a space war has now been going on for over nine thousand years."