The lower portion of the staircase was surrounded in a beautiful, almost jewel like red. I stepped into this red and let it embrace me. I breathed in the color and let my anger and frustration flow out of me. It took several deep breaths before I felt calm enough to continue.
The red faded into a beautiful orange that I passed through next, followed by a magnificent sunshine yellow that I stopped to breathe in as well. I let the bright and cheerful color fill my heart and breathed out my anxiety. The yellow became a green that spilled over into a blue and from there a glorious purple. By the time I had reached the purple I felt as if I were floating instead of ascending a staircase. The purple gave way to a blinding white, beyond which there was a garden. This was my safe place, the place in my mind I went to in order to practice my skills, to release my worries, and if possible, heal my heart.
The garden was awe inspiringly lush and vibrant. The plants never stopped growing. Flowers bloomed before my eyes as if in fast motion, and vines continued to spread while I walked across them. The colors were the most vivid I’d ever seen but in particular I remembered the roses. Here I always took the time to stop and smell them in all their glory. Surrounded by a tangle of beautiful pink roses and vines was a door. This door was silver and ornate as the door to my dungeon, but it was always locked. In order to gain entrance to this particular door, I had to let go of the last of my worries, the ones that no amount of deep breathing could take away.
I looked down and beside the door there was a box. This box was also covered in wonderful carvings and had the look of silver. I sat in front of the box and opened the lid. Inside I saw what looked like a reflection of a clear night sky. There were stars and comets, planets and moons. It looked as if the entire universe had been fitted to the inside of that box. If it could hold the universe, it could hold my problems. I visualized an object to represent each of the things that troubled me and placed them in the box. The first thing that appeared was a picture, almost like a snapshot of Marco in his red pajamas, and I put it in the box. The next was a picture of Alfred looking very upset.
Next was my father, then Elijah, and Kat. This went on for a while with everything from my bathroom scale to a paintbrush appearing before me. Miraculously the small box held them all including the next object, Mathias’ journal. I was tired of worrying about what he meant when he warned me to be careful who I loved. I wanted to be free to love whomever I chose without worrying about what meaning it would have. Even as I thought this I knew I could try as much as I wanted, but I could never change what I felt, nor could I dictate to myself what was appropriate for me to feel. In spite of all of that, the last object I placed into the box was a picture of a heart. Not the real kind, but a valentine version, fitted together like a puzzle. The pieces still held, but they had obviously been separate at one time.
When everything that was on my mind had at last been placed inside the box, I closed the lid. I reopened the box and saw only the reflection of a beautiful clear night. My problems were gone, at least for now. I looked back up to the door and a key appeared in the lock. As I opened the door and stepped inside, I always put the key on a small table near the door. But it never stayed there. In this room I had created a place for myself to cope with whatever might come my way. The room always contained whatever I needed to be there. One thing that was always there was a comfortable couch just to the left of the door. There was also a fountain that gently splashed near the end of the couch and tall bamboo plants in every corner.
I approached the small table near the sofa. This table had many layers and among the layers were many bottles. I selected the one labeled, “sweet dreams.” But before I could open the bottle I heard Mathias’ voice in my mind.
“There is a bottle on the shelf below that may be of more use to you,” he said.
I picked up a small bottle shaped like a tear drop and read the label. The Desires of Your Heart.
I held the bottle for a moment and wondered if I really wanted to know the desires of my heart. What would knowing such a thing accomplish except to confuse me further? I was afraid that if I knew the desires of my heart it might shape my reality in a way that would not have previously been. To put it bluntly, I was afraid it might be screwing with fate. I believe things happen for a reason, and there is no such thing as coincidence. Therefore, fate should be left alone.
“But is it not fate that I would bring this to your attention now?” Mathias’ voice floated through my head again.
He was the only one capable of visiting me when I went to that place in my mind. I think it was because he showed me how to get there. He was very specific in his instructions that I should never bring anyone with me to that room. He said having someone else’s consciousness there might warp me in some way. Of course he said it much more eloquently than I, but that’s the gist of it. It seemed I was able to somehow channel his thoughts when I was there. The way he had explained this to me in his journal was that I knew what he would say because he was a part of me.
So, I wasn’t actually channeling Mathias’ spirit, but more like his consciousness still existed somewhere deep within my mind. It would seem then some wizards may never truly die. I had wondered before if all wizards had the power to hold the consciousness of their ancestors within their mind, but decided I didn’t really want to know. If I was the only one, I didn’t need another reason to make me feel like a weirdo.
No wonder Mathias waited for me so long; he needed someone to house his ability, as well as his essence. Out loud I said, “Are you showing me this so you can live vicariously through my sex life?”
“My dear, I have experienced enough in my own time to put you to shame. If ever I should decide to share my experiences with you, the blush would take days to fade away.”
His sarcastic response was instant. And in spite of its bitter undertone, I knew it was meant in jest.
“Then why did you show me this?”
“I just thought it might help you to sleep.”
“I know there’s more you’re not telling me, but I’ve learned better than to expect a straight answer from you.”
“You came here looking for sweet dreams. What could be more pleasant than to dream of the desires of your heart?”
“And what could be more painful than to wake up and realize it was all a dream? No thank you, Mathias. I just want a good night’s sleep.”
“My dear, you are wise beyond your years.”
“You sure you weren’t just trying to have a wet dream?”
“I may be little more than smoke and thought, but I have not lost my memories. Let us just say that I was not called The Seducer for nothing.”
“Good night, Mathias.”
I put down the bottle and re-selected the one labeled, “sweet dreams.” After removing the stopper, I tipped the bottle enough to get one drop of the pale lilac liquid on my index finger. I placed this drop in the middle of my forehead just above eyebrow level, where many psychics believe the third eye resides.
I stretched out across the sofa and covered myself with a blanket that looked to be made of thousands of vibrant green leaves.
*****
The morning came in what felt like the blink of an eye. It looked like I hadn’t moved for the rest of the night and my arms were cold from sleeping above the covers. If I had dreamed, I could not recall. After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I padded downstairs still wearing the pjs I’d put on the afternoon before. The only thing that was suitable for breakfast was some frozen waffles I managed to overlook the day before. I absolutely had to buy groceries.
As I was making coffee to go with the waffles, I heard a bump at the front door. It wasn’t exactly a knock, more like something smacked into the wood. Until then, I had forgotten about Sam. Even if I had remembered nothing could have prepared me for what was waiting outside. When I opened my front door I found Sam curled up on my welcome mat, naked. The shredded material that remained of his jeans had been placed carefully over the part
s that mattered, and he was sound asleep.
“Ahem,” I cleared my throat.
Sam looked over his shoulder at me and smiled. He got to his feet, still holding the jeans in front of him and still smiling. He seemed completely comfortable, as if it were normal to be standing on my front porch in the buff.
“Good mornin’,” he drawled.
“I’m impressed.” I smiled, looking him up and down.
“You and me both,” he teased. “I figured somebody would have seen me and called the police by now.” He laughed. “You look surprised.”
“I expected to see you, Sam, just not so much of you.”
“Is that a complaint?”
“Nope.”
I stepped back and motioned for him to come inside. When he walked past me it was all I could do to resist smacking his ass. So, I just got a good look instead.
“Nice,” I said as he made his way into the foyer.
“Always nice to be appreciated,” he said with a wink.
I watched as his long, lean body walked down the hall and out of my sight. Yes, Sam had a very nice body. He wasn’t quite in Marco’s category of buffness, but there was nothing to complain about either.
While I went back to my coffee, I assumed Sam was in the shower and left a mug out for him. I had just put my waffles in the toaster when I heard a knock at the front door. I answered the door and found a very frazzled looking Kat who immediately pushed her way into the house. I’d met Kat four years ago after rescuing her boyfriend at the time from werewolves. Kat is six years older than me, and slightly taller. Her shoulder length brunette hair hung in damp waves that told me she’d gotten dressed in a hurry. It was my fault for letting her worry.
“Where have you been? I mean, what is going on with you? First you take off to the club in the middle of a hurricane, next I get a note from Marco saying that, “Lilith is with me should you need to reach her.” And, “P.S. She will most likely be staying the week.”
At the end of this little spiel Kat was out of breath and looked angry. I invited her to come in the kitchen and I would explain. It took me a while, but I pretty much covered everything except the fact that Marco and I hadn’t actually had sex. By this time, Kat had calmed down tremendously, especially when she understood that I had been stranded there because of the storm and hadn’t actually set out to leave for the week.
“You mean to tell me you spent the week with a sexy beast like Marco, and you didn’t have sex with him?”
“I stayed so I could get to know more about him, Kat. Not so he could whip it out and let me take measurements.”
“Well, that wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but it sounds like fun,” she joked.
“You’re sick.”
“So, what did you learn about him then?”
I told Kat that for all appearance sake, Marco was not such a bad guy after all. Of course I left out a few minor details. I didn’t want to give away pack business, or anything like that. But, I told Kat as much as I could, which was basically everything. I even told her about what Marco was going to propose to the council and she was impressed.
“Wow. So they could like announce on the news next week or something that werewolves are among us.”
“It’s possible, but I don’t think it will happen that fast. Besides, even if they do recognize them as being legal citizens again on Terra, that doesn’t necessarily mean Earth will do the same.”
“But it’s likely?”
“Yeah. I expect it will happen that way.”
Kat took a few minutes to absorb this information and poured herself a cup of coffee. However, once she had her mind set on something Kat was not easily distracted and went right back to the topic of sex.
“So you didn’t do anything?” I didn’t have to ask what she meant.
“Well ...”
I went on to tell her about what happened between Marco and I in the bathtub. My description was vivid, seeing as how I couldn’t get the images out of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes I was confronted with a vision of Marco crawling toward me through the hot frothy water, his wet silk pajamas clinging to his muscular thighs. The way the water glistened off his hot skin in the candlelight was enough to make me foam at the mouth.
“Damn,” she said in a hushed voice. “I’m impressed. I mean, that takes skill.”
I laughed. “Yeah, it does.”
“He know any other tricks?” she pressed.
“I don’t know, Kat. I didn’t ask him.”
“He really kept the pants on?”
I nodded.
“That’s a damn shame.” She shook her head like she’d just read about a great tragedy in the news.
I described for her as best I could how I had felt afterward and her eyes bugged out of her head. I went on to say the real shame was that I’d never experienced anything like it in my life and we hadn’t even had sex.
“You know what this means, right?” she said.
“What?”
“As soon as he gets back, you’ve got to jump him.”
We laughed and talked some more and I shared with her the rather sad note the week had ended on. Kat was one of my closest friends and I didn’t even try to hide the fact that I would miss Marco when I told her the rest of the story.
“So, he really is a nice guy, huh? You sure you’re not just trying to sugar coat the devil?”
“Maybe a little, but he tastes better that way,” I purred.
Before I could ask about Charles, Sam walked in. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a smile. The sudden appearance of his tall svelte body made Kat choke on her coffee, and reminded me that I had left something out of the rundown I’d given her, Sam.
“Kat, this is Sam. Sam, this is my friend Katherine Roberts.”
“Good mornin’.” He nodded toward Kat before turning to me.
“You got any sugar, darlin’?”
Kat was grinning from ear to ear as she watched Sam walk to the coffee pot. She gave me a look behind his back and mouthed, “What the hell?”
“It’s here.” I reached around Sam for the sugar and accidentally brushed the back of my arm across his stomach. The contact made me shiver in a way that had nothing to do with Sam personally, and everything to do with the fact that he was an alpha male and he was close to me.
“I thought you took it black.” I tried to maintain my composure, but my voice was breathy.
He smiled, causing one corner of his mustache to twitch. “I thought I’d make an effort to be sweeter today.”
“You wanna know how I take it?” Kat asked from behind us.
I laughed and Sam turned one of his charming smiles her way.
“Let’s not go there,” I directed this at Kat before turning back to Sam. “I was just telling Kat where I’ve been for the past week.”
“Something tells me I was not a part of this story.”
“I was just getting there.”
Sam took over and explained to Kat why he was there and his reasons for following me home. To my surprise he seemed to have no qualms about introducing himself as a visiting alpha werewolf. It also didn’t seem to bother Kat in the least that the man she was openly leering at was technically an animal.
“So, do all werewolves go around half naked?” she asked.
Sam didn’t seem to be bothered by the question in the least. “Yeah, we do. For the most part we’re all very comfortable in our own skin.” He winked at me. “I only put on clothes for other people’s comfort.”
The look on Kat’s face told me she was about to say how much more comfortable she would be if Sam were naked. So, I interrupted before she got a chance.
“I’m going to be in town later, Kat. Why don’t I stop by the shop and you can show me what you’ve done lately?”
“If you ladies have something else that you’d rather not discuss in front of me, it won’t hurt my feelin’s none,” Sam said.
“Not at all.” Kat smiled, seeming to take the hint that I wan
ted to ask about Charles.
She stood up and stretched before walking to the door, “Come by and see me later. I’ll fill you in on my latest endeavor.”
*****
I got dressed while Sam went back outside to work on picking up more of the scattered debris. I selected a short green t-shirt and a pair of tan knee-length shorts. They’d started life as a pair of khaki pants that had been cut off a long time ago. Lucky for me, they were in style at the time. When I started to look for my sandals a strange feeling came over me. I felt lost and empty. Just as I sat down on the bed thinking I had no idea what would have caused such a feeling, I looked at the clock. It was time for Marco to be leaving.
I didn’t understand how it could be possible, but I knew that he was gone. I had felt him leave. I put on my sandals and tried to act like I hadn’t felt anything. But that didn’t work. When I walked outside I brought Sam a large jug of lemonade on my way to the car.
He took one look at me and said, “You felt it too.”
It wasn’t phrased like a question but I still answered, “Yes.”
I stared off blankly for a minute and then shook my head in an attempt to clear my thoughts.
“The door’s unlocked, Sam. I’ll be back shortly.”
Sam nodded and went back to work. We were literally out of everything, so going to the grocery store took a good bit longer than I expected. After loading everything into my car I remembered how much meat and frozen foods I’d bought. That wasn’t going to keep during what was sure to be a lengthy conversation with Kat, so I went back home first.
I’d give Kat a call to let her know I would come by later. She kept insisting I get a cell phone, but that would only give people even more opportunities to bother me at a bad time. Still, I’d probably end up getting one soon.
Ever since I felt Marco leave I’d been in a bit of a funk and couldn’t seem to shake it. When I pulled up in front of the house, Sam was sitting on the top step fanning himself with the front of his shirt.
“Need help?”
Lilith Mercury, Werewolf Hunter Series (Boxed Set, Books 1-3) Page 33