by Jack Lewis
“Like the name?” said Al.
I turned as he walked from behind me. He put his hand on my shoulder. There was a long cut across his right cheek, running from just under the corner of his eye to his lip. I hadn’t seen it happen in the fight, but then the whole night was a blur to me now. We had gotten through it, and that was all that mattered. We had killed the group on the boat and we had found the survivors below deck. Twelve of them were huddled together as water trickled through the wood above and soaked into their clothes.
“You listening, cloth ears?” said Al.
“Sorry,” I said.
He pointed at the boat. In the daylight I saw it clearer. The mast ran twenty five feet into the air, but the sail was folded up now. Cables and wires twisted off from everywhere and were tied along the side of the deck, though I had no idea what they did. I could just about tell the bow from the stern, but I was no Captain Ahab.
“So what do you think of the name?”
On the side of the black ship, painted in large white capital letters, was its new name. The paint was so fresh that some of it had started to run. Still, it was a name that you couldn’t really miss.
THE SPARROW
I smiled. “Can sparrows swim?” I said.
“This one’s going to have to,” said Al. “We’ve got ten days to get to London. With one full day of prep, that leaves nine really. I want to be setting off tonight. With the wind behind us we’ll be okay, and we can blast the engine from time to time. Buggers who had it before us managed to get it working, but they didn’t leave much fuel. We should be alright. I’m assuming there aren’t any pirates on the British waters.”
“Is this going to be worth it, Al?” I asked.
Al took a deep breath, his chest rising as the oxygen flooded into his lungs. I took a breath myself and tasted the salt in the air. It made a change from the aroma of the toilet trench that we that had definitely built too close to camp before.
“Imagine if you had somewhere the infected couldn’t reach,” said Al. “First of all, to get there they’d have to learn how to swim. Even assuming the infected can develop a good breaststroke, they’ve still got five miles of swimming before they get to our safe haven. After that, there’s a moat dug twenty feet deep and left empty so that if anything falls in, its bones will smash. We have people on watch twenty four hours a day. Most of them are so bored that they’re just itching to pull the trigger on their rifles and smash an infected’s head like a pumpkin. You get the picture?”
“Sounds too good to be true,” I said. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Al looked at me for a few seconds. His eyes squinted, as if he was surprised I would ask him that.
I looked across camp and I saw Mel outside a tent. She was picking up wooden crates and helping load them onto a rowboat. From there, they were transported to the ship by a makeshift pulley system.
I joined her as she strained to carry a heavy box over to the boat. Her biceps twitched as she walked the last few feet before dropping it down. The boat shook as the weight hit it.
“Steady on,” said a man, gripping hold of the boat to stop it rocking in the water.
I recognised him from camp, but shamefully I didn’t know his name. It was time to stop pretending that I was perfect, I realised. These people needed to see that I was human, just like them. That I got scared, that I forgot things, and that I just wanted somewhere safe to live. It was no use acting like I was the only person with the survival skills needed to stay alive. Everyone had to be equal from now on.
“What’s your name?” I said.
The boat stopped rocking under the man’s grip. He rolled up his sleeve. On his right arm there was a tattoo of a name, the letters written in bold blue ink. Half of the name had been scratched out, so that some of the skin was scarred.
“You never asked me that before,” he said.
“I know. That was pretty stuck up of me.”
He smiled and waved his hand in a dismissive gesture.
“In your position I’d be the same. My name’s Dusty. Must be a headache, having to look out for everyone. I want you to know that everyone appreciates what you’ve done for us.”
“Even me,” someone said.
I recognised the voice. After all we’d been through over the last couple of weeks, my brain still found the time to register annoyance. I turned around, knowing who I would see.
“How are you holding up, Darla?” I said.
When we had rescued the survivors below the deck of the boat, most of them had been huddled together in the middle of the room. The only exception was Darla. She’d been bound and gagged and left in the corner where the leaking rainwater was particularly bad. The drops had poured rhythmically onto her face for hours. Her chin was cut, her left eye bruised and her shoulder was dislocated. When I asked what had happened, the answer didn’t surprise me. “Darla fought back,” someone had told me.
“I’m okay, Kyle. Better than I would have been, anyway,” said Darla.
Her words were spoken softer than I had ever heard them, and her cold eyes had started to warm. She put her hand on my arm and squeezed it. The sensation was so strange that I almost had to shrug her off.
“We saw what happened at camp,” said Darla. “They made us watch everything. That would have been us, later on. I think they were saving us for something worse. You should have seen them, Kyle.”
“I got a look at them during the battle. Mean-looking bastards.”
“But you didn’t see them when they were doing it. On their knees cutting through skin. Their faces. God, Kyle. You’re lucky you didn’t see.”
“I know you’ve been through a lot,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too,” said Darla. “For the way I went about things. I had a lot of time to think about it when they stuffed the gag in my mouth. It was all I could do to get rid of the taste of sweat. I thought things out and realised that I treated you like shit.”
“Well it’s done now. I wasn’t exactly a gentleman to you, either,” I said.
We stood like that for a few seconds. Darla held my arm until we both realised how strange the situation was, and she awkwardly moved away. She smiled at me and then watched as Dusty pulled on a rope and sent the rowboat bobbing along the water and toward The Sparrow. Over on the ship, people moved back and forth across deck. I always liked to see people busy.
“How long was I asleep?” I asked.
“A full day, Rip Van Winkle,” Darla answered.
“Jesus. I better check on Lou.”
***
Lou was in a tent near a wooden pier, with Mel and Billy stood outside. They wouldn’t let me in.
“Charlie’s in there with her,” said Mel.
“So? Is he a priest or something? Lou’s not the type to give confession. Let me go in.”
I went to reach for the zipper, but Billy put his arm out.
“Can’t do that, Kyle. Can’t risk infection inside the tent.”
“What’s going on in there?”
Mel looked at Billy. Her stare was grave. Billy turned his head and looked down at the ground as if his boots had suddenly become the most interesting thing in the world.
“You were out of it after the battle,” said Mel. “Shivering and talking about something. Mumbling about a Dead God. You looked like shit, so we let you sleep. Then when we needed to come wake you, we couldn’t. You just wouldn’t budge.”
“What she’s saying is,” said Billy, “We tried to tell you.”
“Tell me what?”
My pulse started to pound, and my chest tightened with anxiety. I remembered the book Lou had left on my bed. Chaos in a Chaotic World. I hoped that I had remembered to bring it when we left camp.
“It’s like this Kyle,” said Mel. “Charlie’s in there with Lou, and he’s ordered that nobody goes in. Can’t risk germs or anything like that.”
I thought I already knew the answer, but I needed to ask the question.
Melk took a deep breath. Her face was white.
“He’s amputating her leg,” she answered. “Kendal is helping him.”
“There was no choice, Kyle,” said Billy. “Either that, or put her in the ground. It stank, honestly. Worst wound I’ve ever seen.”
It was another item on the list of our failings, but I knew now that they weren’t all mine. I couldn’t go on blaming myself for things that were just a product of the screwed-up world. It wasn’t my fault that Ben’s mum had died, that Reggie had gotten infected, or that Lou had broken her leg.
I had thought that I needed to be a leader and be responsible for everyone’s safety. I had never wanted kids with my wife Clara, but now it was like I was trying to play father to fifty-odd people. Even to adults who had kids of their own. I needed to let it go.
***
Hours later the sun dimmed and then fell completely, and the stars shone faintly in the cloudless sky. The boat was fully stocked with all the provisions that we had collected while in camp. Dusty and his pulley had painstakingly transported everyone across the water until only a few of us were left on shore.
I didn’t like the idea of getting in the rowboat again. It seemed like I still had the chill in me from last time I was in it. I could still feel the water on my skin, so freezing that it scorched me.
I was glad that Ben was already on the fishing boat. Darla had volunteered to take him across with her, and she said she would look out for him. “Always knew I had a maternal instinct in me somewhere,” she had told me.
I stood on the shore with Billy, Mel and Al. Al seemed on edge, like a kid going on a trip that his parents had promised for months. Mel seemed as full of energy as usual. Out of everyone in camp, and everyone who I had travelled with, nobody had impressed me more than her. The change in her over the last year was astounding.
“Kyle,” said Billy. “Can I have a word with you?”
“We better make it quick,” I said. “Al’s going to wet himself with excitement.”
The boat would be setting off in less than an hour, as soon as we got on board. We had told Dusty to get in the rowboat, and Billy and Al used his pulley to get him across shore.
Amidst the preparations of the final day, there had been a buzz around the dock. The sadness of the last few days was also laying there somewhere, but it seemed that everyone wanted a respite from it. The idea of a safe haven down south seemed to promise that. I found it hard to believe that just down the channel there was a place waiting for us that was free from danger. I desperately wanted to put my trust in it.
I had always been a cynical guy, but even I had surrendered myself to the idea. I wanted to walk around free from tension in my shoulders. Just once I would have liked to step out somewhere and leave my knife at home. Hell, I would have killed to have somewhere to even call home. If Al was right, then that was what we’d all have soon enough.
Billy and I went away from the others. He kicked some pebbles as he walked and sent them scattering out in front of him. Finally, we stopped.
“What’s up, Billy?” I said.
“I thought you better know something,” he answered.
“Go on.”
“When I was out in the Wilds, I did a lot of travelling,” he said. “Covered a lot of ground on the quad bike.”
“How the hell did you keep that thing running?”
“Lots of vegetable oil. But that’s not the point. Listen, Kyle. Thing is, while I was travelling, I saw Justin out there.”
My heart froze. I had always suspected Justin was alive. I’d spent hours searching for him myself, but I’d never turned anything up. Even hearing my friend was out there was enough to send shocks through me.
“You’re sure?” I said.
Billy nodded. “Miles out west. In a place that was pretty damn strange; I sure as hell wouldn’t want to go there again.”
“Did you talk to him?”
Billy shook his head.
“Why the hell not?” I said.
Billy was silent for a few seconds. The tide lapped toward us, running over the pebbles and stopping a few feet short of our boots.
“He’s different,” said Billy. “If you saw him, you’d know what I mean. I couldn’t even get near him.”
A horn blasted out across the water. It came from the ship, and it was a signal that they had to leave. The winds were blowing in a southerly direction, and it had been decided earlier that the boat would go while they blew that way. If nature wanted to give us a push, we had to take advantage.
“What do you mean, different?” I said.
“Kyle, I can’t explain it. I don’t ever want to go back there, and you’d understand if you saw it.”
It was too much to process. I felt uneasiness spread through my chest. A day of rest hadn’t been enough; all my energy seeped out of me and I felt like I could climb into bed for another week.
“Better go, people,” said Al. “Someone make sure the windows are locked and the oven is turned off. We’re going on a trip.” He turned to Mel. “Did you tell the milkman not to deliver for the next couple of weeks?”
Mel ignored him. Her boots crunched across the stones as she joined Billy and me.
“What’s going on?” she said. “We better go.”
I looked at her.
“Justin’s alive.”
Her eyes went wide.
“Oh shit,” were the only words she could manage. I knew she didn’t mean it as a curse word, but as an expression of shock.
I nodded.
“That was pretty much my reaction.”
The three of us stood there, not knowing what to say or do. I watched the boat across the water. In the darkened sky I couldn’t make out the people on deck anymore, but I knew that they stood there waiting. Some would be gripping the rails on the deck so hard that their fingers would turn white, such was their excitement about leaving.
I could never deny them the things that Al had promised. At the same time, I knew now that I couldn’t join them. If Justin was out there, I had to look for him. He had nobody but us, and I knew that if I left on the boat, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself.
***
It took twenty minutes for us to use the pulley to get Al across the water. When the rope tightened we knew that he had reached the side of the fishing boat. Five minutes later a flashlight blinked twice in the night sky and we knew then that he was safely on board.
The horn roared out, shattering the evening peace. The ship started to slip away through the dark curtain of night in front of it, rocking over the gentle waves. I sat down on the pebbles. It was a rough seat, but I got over the discomfort and watched as the ship moved further away until finally, it started to disappear.
Part of me wanted to be with them. I wanted not just to believe in the haven that Al promised, but I wanted to see if myself. I wanted to feel the tension slacken in my muscles when I knew that not every day was going to be a struggle for survival.
Instead I sat on shore as the cold closed around me. I pulled my coat closer to my chin and shivered.
An arm wrapped over my shoulder, and I felt my body warm as someone else tucked themselves against me in a hug. I didn’t move away from it.
“Think Lou will be okay?” I said.
“Yeah,” said Mel, gripping me. “And we’ll join them one day. We just need to find Justin.”
“Thanks for coming with me.”
“It was all bullshit,” said Mel. “Everything I said before. I just couldn’t face thinking about him and not knowing if he was even alive.”
“He’s my buddy. I know how you feel.”
“You never thought he was dead, did you?” said Mel.
I shook my head. “Not for a second.”
Boots crunched on the stones behind us. Billy let out a sigh.
“I’m starting to regret agreeing to come,” he said. “Can you two finish your moment so we can start moving?”
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I stood up. My knees ached as I got to my feet. I looked behind us and knew that somewhere, beyond the endless fields and craggy hills, was Justin.
The ship was going now, headed hundreds of miles over the sea and into the darkness, where eventually it would emerge into safety. Some of us had made it, at least, and knowing that made even the biting Scottish wind seem warmer. I stood up and started to walk with my friends into the night.