by J. D. Rivera
I wanted to order a margarita, but I didn’t want to risk getting carded. I cleared my throat. “I’ll have a water, please,” I said, deciding to make my own margarita at home later.
Gage and I both looked over the menu while the waiter left to get our drinks. I already knew what I wanted, but skimmed it for something to do. Peering over the menu, I noticed Gage doing the same thing. We both burst out laughing at the same time.
“You already know what you want?” Gage asked.
“Yeah.”
“Why is this awkward?”
I bit my lip, thinking over my words carefully. I didn’t want to hurt Gage’s feelings. “I think…it’s because this feels like a date and it’s not. We are good…no, great, at being friends and I don’t want to mess that up.”
He nodded. “Honestly, even though you had said you only wanted to be friends, I’d hoped for something more, but…I agree, I think friends is better.”
I smiled and actually laughed a little as the tension eased. Maybe now we could get back to being normal.
“I forgot to tell you, Stella’s getting fired,” Gage said.
My eyes widened in disbelief. “Why?”
“She fucks up all the time,” he started as the waiter placed our drinks on the table.
We placed our orders and I quickly prompted, “What do you mean?”
“Oh, yeah…you missed it on Tuesday. It was epic.”
“What happened?” Something in his eyes told me I was going to be laughing at Stella’s misfortune.
He chuckled to himself. “Okay, so a group of guys came in. They looked like frat guys, but I don’t really know. They were seated in her section and started flirting with her. But, I mean, come on, she has a huge—”
“Can you skip telling me about her boobs?” I interrupted. We all knew Stella had big boobs, I didn’t need Gage reminding me.
“Yeah, sorry. Anyway, she goes missing for a while and some of the guys at the table started getting louder, complaining about the lack of service.” He paused to laugh. “Sorry, so Larry starts looking all over for her. Ten minutes later, he finally found her.”
“Where?” I asked, a little too loudly.
“Outside…screwing one of the guys on the hood of a car.”
Preston and Tara having sex on the hood of his dad’s car flashed through my mind as my hand flew to my mouth to cover my yelp. “Oh my gosh! How did she not get fired immediately?”
He shrugged. “We’ve been shorthanded.”
“Ugh. I’m sorry.” I really did feel bad for letting my selfishness stress my co-workers.
“You were sick,” he sympathized. “Trust me, I’d rather be short staffed than get the flu. I’m glad you kept that to yourself.”
I smiled weakly and looked away, feeling awful for lying. My stomach twisted at seeing Brad on the other side of the restaurant. All of my feelings from earlier in the week rushed to the forefront, making me feel lightheaded.
He was sitting at a table across from his friend or coworker eating with a scowl on his face. I hated to admit it, but he looked sexy as hell. I wanted to turn away—pretend he wasn’t there—but was held captive. His friend said something and he shook his head, running a hand over his hair. My hand ached at the memory of what his hair felt like, knowing I’d never feel it again.
I closed my eyes and turned my attention back to Gage as the waiter dropped off our plates. I hated that I couldn’t stop thinking about our one time together. I hated that if I didn’t stop, my thoughts would ruin my birthday and plans to have fun.
Not even my earlier, hateful birthday text from Preston made me feel this upset.
I wanted to hate Brad. He was an asshole masquerading as a gentleman, caring about other’s feelings. I fisted my hands, keeping myself from walking up to him and pouring his drink all over his face followed by the hot salsa. With any luck, the salsa would burn those beautiful eyes.
Shit, I wanted to snort something.
I unrolled my silverware from the napkin and started digging into my quesadilla.
“Something wrong?”
I glanced at Gage. “Nope. I’m good.”
“If you say so,” he replied, sounding unconvinced.
I smiled, trying not to appear wooden. “I just thought I saw someone I knew. That’s all. I’m fine, I promise.” I was getting really good at lying.
“Okay.”
I pushed my feelings and thoughts about Brad to the back of my mind and tried to enjoy my meal with Gage. He made me laugh, he made me almost feel normal, and that felt nice. It also felt nice to have someone obviously care about me.
We left the restaurant, deciding to walk around for a bit. He offered his arm in a friendly gesture and I wrapped mine around his. Looking to my right, I saw Brad and his friend talking to two women. The women looked like complete sluts…and he seemed to really be enjoying the sight of them. My mood took a nosedive for the second time tonight, but I refused to let him get to me. I averted my eyes and focused on the story Gage was telling me instead.
“You ready to get back or do you want some ice cream?” he asked. He looked bored and I couldn’t blame him. I hadn’t been much fun—withdrawing at random moments. Why the hell did I have to see Brad of all people tonight?
I yawned. “Maybe we should just head back. I’m still worn out from this past week.”
“Okay,” he agreed quickly.
***
As soon as I walked into my apartment, I ambled into the kitchen on a mission for alcohol. Originally, I had wanted to mix up a margarita, but I was too lazy. I grabbed one of Kristin’s Smirnoff Ice from the fridge and downed it in a few swallows before retreating to my room. I’d probably have to come back for more to get the edge off, but I’d start slow.
I should’ve checked to see if Kristin was home, but I was a shitty roommate. She always seemed to go out of her way to include me in her life and I hardly returned the favor. I also rarely accepted her offers, but at least she tried. It was more than I could say about myself, but I also couldn’t find it in me to care. Caring took more effort than I really had to offer.
I crossed the room and entered the bathroom, too tired to take a shower, but needing to scrub my face. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I slipped into my closet and pulled on a pair of turquoise shorts and an oversized T-shirt.
Walking into my room, I grabbed my earbuds from my desk and rummaged around in my purse until I found my phone. I fell on to my bed and started scrolling through my music, figuring it was the best way to drown out my thoughts.
A knock pounded on my door, sounding a little loud to be Kristin, but not knowing who else it could be, I shouted, “Come in!”
The door slowly opened and my heart stuttered. Brad slowly crept into my room, locking eyes with me. What in the hell is he doing here? The urge to slap the shit out of him was strong, but I somehow refrained.
“Um, hi,” he whispered, sounding nervous. Too shocked and confused, I just stared at him.
“Can I come in?”
I nodded and sat up further on my bed. “What…what are you doing here?” I asked, finally finding my words.
He walked to the foot of the bed and sat down on the side. Handing me a bag, he said, “I hope you don’t mind your roommate letting me in. It’s your birthday and I wanted to give you your gift.”
“Give me a gift?” I questioned.
“Yeah.” He glanced at his watch. “I was afraid I’d miss it, but I still have fifteen minutes.”
I cocked my head to the side. Did he really think he could go out and pick up some whore and then…I couldn’t even bring myself to think it.
“I had to work tonight. I came over here as soon as I got off.” I’m sure he got off all right.
“You are such a liar.” I scoffed and shook my head. “I don’t know why you are here, but you can go.”
“I understand why you’re mad. And I deserve that, but I’ve never lied to you, Miranda.”
“
You weren’t working tonight! I saw you and your friend. You were picking up some whore! Why you’d come over here and lie is beyond me,” I shouted, unable to control myself. I was beyond angry.
“You’re right. We did pick up a whore and then we took her to the station. We were undercover checking for prostitutes.” He stood up and ran both hands over his head. He locked eyes with me, an apologetic look on his face. “Look, please just hear me out, okay?”
I didn’t know what he was going to say or if he was going to hurt me even more, but I nodded, wrapping my arms around my knees.
“Thank you,” he said, taking a deep breath. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am for treating you like…trash on Saturday. I just…I freaked out. I’ve been trying to stay away from you, but I can’t. Then I tried to be friends with you, but I just…broke. I’ve never been like this before. Never wanted anyone the way I want you.”
My stomach tumbled at his words, flip-flopping hopelessly as my heart picked up pace. He walked toward the bed and kneeled beside me before turning me to face him. “I’m twenty nine, you’re twenty. I just didn’t think it could work. But I don’t give a shit anymore. I want to try this with you. Do you think you can ever forgive me?”
“Brad…”
He placed both of his hands on my cheeks, wiping away an escaped tear. “I felt a connection with you and it scared the shit out of me. I wasn’t supposed to feel a connection with someone nine years younger than me. But I finally realized something.”
“What?” I asked, staring into his hazel eyes.
“Fuck age. It’s just a number.”
Chapter 18
Brad
She looked so sad, so…broken, and I hated that I had caused it.
Miranda shook her head, causing my hands to fall. “So, it’s just a number. I hope that helps ease your conscience,” she practically spat at me.
“I’m not here to ease my conscience.” I placed my hands on the bed, trapping her. “I’m here because I want you. And to give you a birthday present.”
“You fucked me and then wouldn’t speak to me. You wouldn’t even look at me! And now you want me?” she shouted.
I closed my eyes, hating myself in that moment. “I am so sorry.”
“Sometimes sorry isn’t good enough.” She bit her lip, searing me to the core with her stare. “You made me feel like complete worthless trash.”
I wiped more tears from her cheeks, shocked that she let me touch her again. “How can I show you that I want you? How can I show you that I care about you and you aren’t worthless, you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met?”
Her eyebrows furrowed and she opened her mouth to say something then promptly snapped it shut. “Miranda, I am here, on my knees, begging for a second chance. Tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”
“I…” she trailed off as she pushed me back, practically jumping to her feet. She paced the floor, biting her thumbnail. She turned back to me as I sat on the floor next to her bed, flicked her hand out, and pointed to the bag. “You got me a present?”
“I did.”
She slowly walked toward the bed, grabbed the bag, and sat down in her desk chair—away from me. She grabbed the tissue paper, setting it on the desk before glancing in my direction again. I smiled widely as her face morphed from anger to astonishment. She pulled the bag of candy out first. “Laffy Taffy?”
I shrugged. “I know you like it.”
She placed the candy on the desk with the tissue paper and then grabbed the last item from the bag. She unfolded the shirt, blocking my view of her face but I heard the small laugh escape her lips. She slowly lowered the shirt, revealing a small smile.
“A Napoleon Dynamite shirt?”
I shrugged again. “I saw it in a store last week and thought of you.”
“You thought of me last week?” she questioned, an incredulous look on her face.
“I’ve thought of you basically every waking minute since Harley’s birthday party,” I said, not missing an opportunity. I stood up and stepped in front of her, sticking my hand out for her to take. Her eyes widened and after a few seconds, she placed her trembling hand in mine. In one swift motion, I pulled her to sit on my lap as I fell back on the bed.
I grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at me. “I know I treated you like shit and made you feel like you meant nothing to me, but someone else did that first. Someone made you feel wretched and unlovable. I’m here to prove them wrong.” She had no idea how wrong that person had been.
Her breathing quickened as her eyes began to water. Not wanting her to say anything else, I leaned in and placed my lips on hers. Even though my lips were barely touching hers, I knew this was right. We were right. I had never had this type of connection with anyone else in my entire life.
I pulled back a fraction. “You can’t deny this. Tell me to leave if you don’t want me.” I paused, allowing her time to speak, but she said nothing. Instead, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me with more force than before. I immediately reacted, letting her tongue slide against mine, giving her complete control. I was in absolutely no position to control anything between us.
She inched back. “I’m still not sure if I can trust you. You hurt me. A lot.”
“I know.” I ran my hand through her long blonde hair. “I’m just asking for a chance.”
“I know I’m probably the stupidest girl in the world for doing this, but…I’ll give you a chance.”
Our eyes locked for a second before I crushed our lips together again. I wanted to show her exactly how sorry I was. Exactly what she did to me.
I twisted us around, tossing her on the bed beneath me. “Can I stay here tonight?”
She bit her lip as she considered my request. “Yes,” she said, “but we’re not having sex.”
“I’m not here for that. I’m here for you.” I brushed my lips with hers. “I’ll take whatever you’ll give me tonight.”
“Okay.”
I gently kissed her lips before pulling back and whispering, “Thank you.”
Our lips connected again as I ran my hand down the length of her body and back up before stopping on her breast. She let out a satisfied moan as she gripped my hair, pulling me closer.
I have no idea why, but at that moment, I wondered if she had kissed that guy she was with earlier. She had been on a date, which pretty much gave me my answer, causing me to cringe.
“What is it?” she asked, pulling away breathless.
Did I really want to know the answer? “I just remembered you were on a date earlier.”
“Oh, that,” she replied, a slow grin spreading across her beautiful face. “That was just a guy I work with.”
“That you went on a date with.”
“No, he’s just a friend who took me out for my birthday.”
I narrowed my eyes. “It didn’t look like a friendly birthday dinner. He looked like he wanted to eat you for dinner.” And so did I.
She laughed. “Was someone jealous?”
“Hell yeah I was. I wanted to beat his ass.”
“You have nothing to worry about.” She leaned up and kissed my cheek. “He may have took me to dinner with other intentions, but we both decided we were way better as friends.”
“But it was originally a date?” Why can’t I let this go?
She giggled and shook her head. “No. I made it clear to him that I wanted to be only friends. He had hoped I would change my mind, but I wound up changing his.”
“I doubt he changed his mind. You looked fucking sexy as hell. Those boots and tight jeans? Fuck!”
“Thank you.”
“You really are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.” I ran my hand through her hair, locking onto her big brown eyes. “You have to believe that. You’re truly stunning.”
A lone tear escaped her eye, but she didn’t say anything. At that moment, I realized we didn’t need to say anything else. I just needed to feel her. To know I hadn’t completely fuck
ed everything up.
We kissed until we were breathless, both panting as we pulled away from each other. I rolled to the side and yawned as we stared at the ceiling.
“Are you tired?” she asked.
“Yeah. I could sleep, but do you mind if I shower first? I came here right after work.”
“Sure, go for it,” she said as she pulled back the comforter. “You know I don’t have any clothes for you to wear, right?”
I laughed then kissed her nose. “I could sleep in my boxers…” I shrugged, “or nothing.”
“Go take your shower.”
I stood up and marched into the bathroom. Turning the water on, I stepped in the shower and let the cold water cool my heated body. Miranda had officially turned me into a teenage boy. And I liked it.
I used her fruity shampoo and body wash, letting her smell envelope me as I thanked God for my second chance. I shut the water off and stepped out in a rush to get back to her, to hold her until I had to leave in the morning. I grabbed the towel and dried off before I wrapped it around my waist.
A knock sounded on the door. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah.” I laughed. We had seen each other naked before, yet she was being shy. As soon as the door opened, I pulled her near me. “Are you okay with this? Me being here? You seem…nervous.”
She looked up at me. “I’m okay with it. I’m just…I don’t know. I just can’t trust you,” she said again, reminding me I was an asshole and didn’t really deserve her.
I already knew that and I didn’t blame her, but it still stung. “I know and I promise I’ll earn your trust. You just have to give me a chance.”
“I am,” she whispered.
I kissed her softly, enjoying the feel of her soft lips. “Let’s go to bed. Wait, you needed something, didn’t you?”
“I just needed to check my closet. I might have something you can wear.”
I released her. “I’m not wearing some other guy’s clothes. Fuck no.”
“Not some other guy’s.” She walked into the closet, pulling a drawer open. “Back in high school, I loved sleeping in boxers.”