by Sarah Ripley
“Did I ever know what I was?”
Kian shook his head. “I never told you. I didn’t know how to approach the subject. All you knew was that I was some poor lad who fancied you.”
“That was so long ago,” I said. “How many times have I died?”
“In total? I don’t know.”
“How many times did you lose me?”
Kian let go of my hand and gazed out into the darkness. “Please don’t ask me that.”
“Are you afraid I’ll be angry?”
He nodded.
I reached out and touched his shoulder. “I’ll never hate you if that’s what you’re afraid of. You’ve done so much for me. How could I?”
“Then don’t hate me now,” he said. “But I’m not letting you run away. I think you’re safer here than anywhere else. At least for now. But I’ll promise you this. If the time comes where I think you or your family is in danger, I’ll pull you out.”
“Ok,” I said.
We stayed there a while longer and he told me about some of the plays he’d seen in London over the centuries. He talked about the costumes and the fashions that people wore and how women used to pass out in the heat from being forced to wear so many layers. We talked about happy things. We didn’t talk about death or running away or mistakes either of us had made in the past. Around midnight he drove me home where Lina was holding watch outside my window.
I wouldn’t let him walk me to my door. His ankle was still causing him pain and I didn’t want him to use it more than he had to.
“I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” he said.
* * *
My past was invading my dreams.
“Humanity is disgusting.”
It was my first real look at Dialexa and Apani and I was neither of them. Instead, I walked along beside them through the streets of a city that was full of conflict. The air was thick with the smell of rot. Children and beggars roamed the streets, dressed in filthy rags with dirty hands and faces.
I was a ghost. Neither of them knew I was there. It gave me the chance to study them both. Although they were identical, it was easy to tell them apart. Dialexa was obviously the stronger of the two. Her face was hardened, she kept her mouth closed tightly and her eyes squinted a lot. She was stunningly beautiful with long black curls that swept back off her head and down her shoulders to rest just above the small in her back. There were no flaws on her face but she lacked the softness that made Apani more noticeable. Most of the people in this city had the same expression as Dialexa. They were angry and bitter, hungry and suffering.
Apani glided as she walked. Her hair flowed like her sister but she’d braided a few strands at the side. There was a constant smile on her lips and she often would speak a kind word to the peasants as they crossed her path. People noticed her as she walked, many stopped, their eyes following her as she passed them by.
Night and Day.
Oil and Water.
One of the children accidently stumbled across Dialexa and she kicked him aside where he collapsed in the gutter. Apani moved past her and took off her necklace. Pressing it into the child’s fingers, she smiled at him and helped him to his feet. I tried myself to reach out and touch him but my hand passed through the waif’s skin. There was no role for me to play in this memory. I didn’t exist yet.
“They’re not all bad,” Apani responded once the child had raced away.
“Look around,” Dialexa hissed. “What do you see? The world is rotting and all you see is light. Open your eyes. The rich are corruptive. They wage wars yet they never fight. That’s something reserved for the poor. They’ve drained all their resources and we’re left with begging filth.” She spat on an old man lying in the dirt.
“There is still beauty here,” Apani said. “You just don’t see it like I do.”
“They all deserve to die. Father is right. Humans are a stain and they need to be removed. The world will continue to die as long as they walk the earth. Look at what they’ve done to the river. There’s no more fish there. It’s nothing more than a stinking carcass.”
“Fish will swim there again someday,” Apani said.
“Just because you wish it doesn’t make it true.”
Beyond them I could see the fires burning in the distance. Smoke billowed, darkening the sky, polluting the all ready damaged air. Somewhere in the east a new war had begun. A new empire was coming. I understood this without actually knowing.
“You might get your wish,” Apani said. “Unless the humans evolve, they may begin to die out. I sense a new plague coming. Their numbers will dwindle again.”
“Not soon enough.”
I awoke with a start. My alarm clock was blaring and I’d survived another night without incident.
* * *
Kian picked me up at eight as usual and I was happy to see that his ankle seemed to have healed during the night. There was still a slight limp when he walked but the swelling and bruising had all but disappeared. I made him pull up his jeans pant leg to prove to me he was fine.
When we reached my locker, Amber and Claire were waiting so Kian didn’t stick around. He believed it was important for me to spend some time with my friends. It was his way of helping me continue to exist in my human world. Just because I’d discovered I was Unfaded didn’t mean it was acceptable for me to walk away from everything I knew. I didn’t want to anyway. Amber and Claire were too important to me. I needed them.
I still wanted to be a normal teenage girl. I’d lead this double life as long as I could.
“I’ll catch up with you at lunch,” he said. “Call me if you need help.” He paused as if he wanted to say something else but he changed his mind. He nodded at my friends and then disappeared.
“Just friends, huh?” Amber gave me a sly smile.
“Who?” Claire looked up from the Biology book she was studying. She hadn’t even seen us approach. There was a big exam waiting for her first period.
“Yes,” I said. “Not a word, Amber, please.”
“Ok,” she said. "But I want you to tell me more about it later."
“Tell what?” Claire was now realising she had missed out on something. She looked between Amber and me, trying to pretend she wasn’t as confused as she looked.
“There's nothing there," I insisted.
“Nope. Don't believe you. I’m your bestest friend. I can read you like a book. It's just too obvious.”
“What's obvious?” Claire asked. “What did I miss?”
“See,” Amber said.
I laughed while the bell rang. I raced to Algebra but not until I promised Amber and Claire that I'd discuss my non-existent sex life. It was a promise I wasn’t sure I’d keep. Just what could I actually say?
Secret agent girl. That was me. Confidential and private.
* * *
I had a surprise in Algebra. Seito was waiting for me at one of the tables in the back. I sat down next to him, giving him a look of curiosity.
“I’m a student!” he said. “I enrolled this morning. Course the transcripts were faked and all, but hopefully they won’t check.”
I opened my backpack and pulled out my heavy textbook. “You should have picked an easier timetable. World history might have been a better choice. At least with that you’d have hands on experience. Why Algebra? It’s evil.”
Seito grinned at me. “Don’t you know anything, Mai? We Asians are naturals at math. Don’t you know your stereotypes?”
“How long has it been since you’ve been in school? I could be wrong but I think it’s gotten a little harder.”
Seito gave me a wink. “I’m up for a good challenge.”
“Good, you can help me. It’ll be your biggest yet.”
Turns out he was right and he was a natural at Algebra. By the end of the class he had Mr. Cope thrilled at finally finding someone worth teaching. He also managed to impress the Math Club who cornered him after class to try and coerce him into signing up. Plus, he was a pretty good t
eacher. He had me understanding some word problems that a few days ago had nearly brought me to tears.
“What’s your next class?” I asked as we headed out into the hallway. “I’ve got Biology. Please, please, tell me you’re with me. It’ll be nice having someone to talk with. I used to be lab partners with Connor but he’s sitting across the room now so I’m stuck.”
Seito looked at his schedule. “Hmmm, room three ten?”
“Yes!”
“Lead on, my lady, lead on.”
My mornings were looking up. It was nice having Seito around. I liked him and his free flowing philosophy. He was about the only person in my life right now that didn’t seem to expect anything from me. There was no judgement from him when I screwed up. No tension or electrical brain malfunctions when I accidently brushed his arm. He didn’t ask any questions I didn’t want to answer. He was a guy who absolutely wanted nothing from me, except to keep me safe. And he sounded like he’d be perfect at the job. During class he’d told me that he’d studied just about every single martial art known to man.
“Good,” I told him. “You can teach me. I want to learn to defend myself.”
“Anything for the lady,” he said, giving me another playful wink.
Yes, he was a flirt but he wasn’t limiting his playfulness to just me. He flirted with everyone, even the Math Club girl with the lazy eye and braces. I thought she was going to swoon right on the floor. There was something about him that girls liked. It also helped that he was quite fascinating to look at and just about everyone stopped to take a second look at him while he walked down the hallway. It must have been the bright white and black hair or that bad boy attitude. He did, after all, drive a racing bike.
“Wow, another new friend. I swear, Mai, where do you keep finding them? You’ll be up for the town tramp reward in no time.”
Of course Breanna would have to be in my Biology class. Normally she sat at the front of the classroom but ever since Connor moved at the back to be partners with Eugene, she’d taken up new residence right by his table. She laughed a lot and tossed her hair but I don’t even think Connor noticed. He spent a lot of the class either looking at the desk or at me. How did I know this? I watched him too.
I couldn’t help it. I knew it was over but after four years of being his girlfriend, it wasn’t an easy thing to give up. It wasn’t like I’d fallen out of love or he’d done something that was break-up worthy. I worried about him and wanted to make sure he wasn’t hurting. But in a way that only made things worse. I couldn’t exactly walk up to him anymore and start up a casual conversation. We were no longer on talking terms and that wasn’t my choice. He’d pushed away from me.
But that didn’t stop me from glancing in his direction every few minutes.
“Is that him?”
“Huh?”
“Your ex.” Seito gave a slight nod in Connor’s direction. I peeked over where he was at the table, brooding over his Bunsen burner while Breanna attempted to tell a funny joke. No one laughed except Eugene and I think that was out of pity. I caught Eugene’s eye and he shrugged. It was his way of telling me he didn’t have anything against me but had to side with his friend. I nodded back in agreement.
“Yeah. That’s Connor. The blond.”
“He’s still in love with you.” It wasn’t a question.
“How can you tell?”
“I can tell.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said with a sigh. “I can’t be with him anymore. He’s human and I’m Unfaded. He’ll grow old and die and I’ll still be here.”
“So?” Seito had the Bunsen burner on high and the flame was shooting up towards the ceiling. He was trying to see how long he could keep his hand over the intense heat. “Nothing lasts forever, Mai. There’s nothing wrong with a good human romp now and then. How do you think you and Kian were born?”
“He wouldn’t just want a romp,” I said. “Connor wanted the entire thing. Up until a few days ago I wanted it too.”
Seito shrugged. “Things change. What more do you want?”
What did I want? I glanced back at Connor to discover he was watching me. Our eyes locked. Breanna reached out and touched his arm and he swatted her away.
How was I going to deal with feelings that wouldn’t go away?
* * *
At lunch, Claire and Amber were waiting for me at our usual table. I’d woken up early enough to actually pack a lunch today so I only stopped at the vending machine for a grapefruit juice before I took my seat.
“Where do you keep finding them?” Amber said as I sat down.
“Huh?”
“Did you volunteer to become some sort of school ambassador? I mean, two new guys in a few weeks and you’re the one they’re both hanging with. I ran into Scott at break and he told me you’re sitting in Biology class with some new guy. What’s your secret?”
“Um...” How was I going to explain this? I decided to be as honest as I could. I’d just have to make sure I caught up with both of the guys later to fill them in on my newly fabricated details.
“You must mean Seito,” I said. “He’s a friend of Kian’s. I think he’s just here for a few months. You’ll have to ask them about it.”
There you go, Mai. Start the lie and then force the boys to finish it. Hopefully they’d be better thinking on their feet than me.
“What’s he like?” Claire asked as she chewed on a carrot stick. For the first time in ages she didn’t have her textbooks scattered across the table. The rest of her schedule for the week must have been exam free.
“Is he cute?” Amber said. “I would have asked Scott but I don’t think he would have given me an honest answer.”
“You’ll see,” I said. “They’re over there.” I leaned up in my seat and waved at Kian. He saw me and they started making their way over through the crowd.
“No fair,” Amber said. “You’re supposed to be giving us details! How can you do that when the boys sitting at the table?”
“I don’t kiss and tell,” I said with a grin.
“Sure you do,” Amber said. “There isn’t a single thing you and Connor did that I don’t know about.”
I winked at Claire. Amber gave me a look of mock anger. The three of us burst out laughing so hard that all the tables around us took notice.
Kian approached first and took the available seat beside me. Seito pulled out a chair and spun it around so he could sit. Draping his arms over the back, he relaxed as if he’d been going to Addison High since the first day and this was his regular spot. Given enough time he’d probably have the entire school under his charms.
“Claire, Amber,” I said politely. “This is Seito, Kian’s friend.”
Kian lightly kicked me under the table. I kicked him back and our eyes locked. He wasn’t very happy that I’d introduced the two of them as knowing each other. I shrugged to let him know I hadn’t been able to think of anything else.
“How cute,” Seito said “You’ve got your own sign language.”
I looked up in horror to see that they were all watching us with amused expressions.
“They’ll be inventing their own language next,” Amber said.
“And wearing the same jackets,” Claire said.
My friends. How could I ask for anything more?
“What courses are you taking?” Claire asked Seito once everyone at the table had enough of their ‘let’s pick on Kian and Mai’ jokes.
Seito pulled a piece of wrinkled paper from his pocket. “Let’s see,” he said and he opened it up and placed it on the table. “This afternoon it’s advanced Chemistry followed by Trig.”
“Wow,” Amber said. “You’re a brain. It’s just Drama and History for me. Science and I don’t get along. Mai’s the lucky one. She worked her butt off all last semester and she only has English.”
“I’m in your afternoon classes,” Claire said as she studied Seito’s timetable. I swear her cheeks turned bright pink. “I can show you where they are if y
ou’d like.”
“I would like that,” Seito said with a cocky grin.
Great. I could see that this was going to be a nightmare and not a blessing. Both my friends were looking at him like he was the answer to a teenage prayer. This could only lead to no good. I gave Kian a nudge with my foot and he grinned and shrugged. He was right. There wasn’t anything we could do about it. I decided I’d still try and talk to Seito later. Maybe I could find a way to convince him to chase other pray. If he was looking for a quick fling I’m sure there were plenty of other human girls out there who would jump at the chance. Call me possessive but I didn’t want him hurting my friends. I knew Amber. She fell hard and often it took a long time to pick up the pieces. Claire might have been quiet but she’d never met a guy she liked enough to want to date. I could only imagine how she’d deal with getting her heart broken. No, I couldn’t have that. As much as I liked Seito, my friends deserved better.
“We should all hit up a movie this weekend,” Amber was saying. “You know, the five of us. There’s that new horror movie that just came out.”
I immediately was against the idea. A scary movie hit too close to home in my opinion. They were always the same, people running around blindly to try and save their lives while the killer closes in.
“I think that’s a great idea,” Seito said before I could voice my opinion.
“Yeah,” Kian said, obviously not paying attention to me or he might have seen the concern on my face. “I’d be up for that.”
“Excellent!” Amber was all ready making plans. “We can’t do it tonight because we’re having girl’s night. But tomorrow would work.”
“Girl’s night?” Seito said. “Sounds exciting. Perhaps I could put on a wig.”
“Not a chance,” I said, laughing.
We continued to joke around for the next few minutes. It was nice and I found myself growing less defensive as Seito continued to flirt with my friends. They were enjoying themselves and who was I to try and put an end to that. I needed to stop thinking of my own problems and comparing them to what might happen if Amber was to fall in love. Just because Connor was having trouble getting over me didn’t mean she’d react the same way over Seito. Besides, there was a big difference between four years and what most likely would only end up being a few weeks.