Satisfied with how the bedroom looked, she changed out of her clothes into the short nightshirt. She’d specifically chosen it for this night. It clung tightly across her breasts, ending halfway down her thighs. It showed far more leg than she was used to, but she’d just have to deal with it for one night. It had to be enticing.
Making her way downstairs, Sammy moved into the kitchen, pulling a fresh bottle of Johnnie Walker from the cabinet. She set the bottle on the counter next to two clean tumblers. He loves his whiskey, she thought.
A glance at the clock showed that she had another half hour before he was due to arrive. She moved into the living room, taking a seat on the sofa. The hem of her shirt rode up her thighs. Wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt made her feel exposed. She tried tugging at it to cover herself, only marginally succeeding. She’d have to ignore her modesty when he arrived. The last thing Sammy wanted was for Neil to think she’d changed. He had to think that she still wanted him, just as she did on their last night together.
It’d been the first Saturday in August, Sammy recalled. Five days past her sixteenth birthday. Her father had planned to go out for the evening, giving her the perfect chance to make her birthday wish come true. It was rare for her father to leave the camp during the summer. He’d always said that he needed to be around in case something happened requiring his attention. To have the cabin all to herself for a few hours was an opportunity she wasn’t about to pass up.
The weather that day had been overly hot, one of the hottest Augusts in New Jersey history. She knew where most of the camp counselors would be on such a scorching day—swimming in the lake. She was certain Neil would be with them. Slipping into a pink bikini, Sammy scrawled a brief message on a piece of notepaper, and then, grabbing her towel and flip-flops, traipsed across camp to the lake.
He was splashing around in the lake when she arrived at the narrow beach. Sammy made sure that she caught his eye. Recognizing his beach towel, she placed hers down next to it. She stretched out on the towel, her skin glistening with perspiration. He was watching her, she was certain of it. Sammy could almost feel his stare, imagining his eyes undressing her. Sliding on a pair of sunglasses, she laid her head back on the towel to work on her tan.
When Sammy rose twenty minutes later, she folded up her towel and headed back to her father’s cabin. Her hope was that no one had seen her slide the folded note into Neil’s towel. It contained a simple message.
Tonight at 9. Come to me. S.
She’d been certain that the intention behind the summons was clear, but she’d have no way to know until later in the evening. Sammy remembered returning to her father’s cabin feeling skittish. She’d never been that devious before. There had been no telling how her father would react if he found out.
Thinking of her father drew Sammy back to the present and away from the window. It was better that he wasn’t here to see this. He’d never have approved of what she was going to do tonight. He wouldn’t have been angry, just disappointed. There would’ve been no words. Just a look—a look of disapproval.
Sammy checked the clock. He’d be arriving any minute. The thought made her anxious, a feeling that was uncannily similar to how she’d felt while she waited for Neil eighteen years ago. A nervous laugh escaped her lips as the parallels of two nights surfaced in her mind. It only served to increase her anxiety. Crossing back in the kitchen, she needed to fortify her courage. She needed a drink. Filling a tumbler with whiskey, she downed it in one long swallow, cringing as it burned her throat. Too much, too fast, she thought.
Sammy wet her hair under the sink faucet, making it appear as if she’d just stepped out of the shower. A freshly showered woman had always worked for her ex-husband. She was hoping it would work with Neil as well.
She wondered if she should’ve worn a bikini instead of the nightshirt. The bikini had worked eighteen years ago. She laughed at the thought. Who was she kidding? How long had it been since she could wear a bikini? She was trying to get him to sleep with her, not scare him away. Glancing down at her bare legs, she wondered if he’d notice the cellulite beginning to show on her thighs. Best to stick with the nightshirt. A bikini would be a bad idea.
She recalled how his teenage eyes had roamed up and down her body when she’d answered his knock at the door eighteen years ago. Sammy had changed into the bikini ten minutes after her father had left for the evening. She’d spent an hour laying on her bed, fantasizing what it would be like to have Neil make love to her for the first time.
Once he’d arrived, Sammy had wasted no time in leading him up to her bedroom. She’d calculated that they’d only have three hours before her father returned. When she’d slipped out of her bikini and climbed onto the bed, she remembered saying, “I’m sixteen now. I want you to be my first.”
She hadn’t known what to expect from her first sexual encounter. Sammy gave herself over to Neil’s every whim. They’d done things she’d never even imagined. Despite the experience being everything she’d hoped, Sammy remembered crying herself to sleep that night. It was Chris’s accusations that had brought the tears to her eyes. He was just jealous, she’d kept telling herself. She wanted to deny everything that he’d said about Neil. But by the end of the night, he’d convinced her of the truth, and she’d gone to bed ashamed.
This time, Sammy knew, would be different. This time she’d be in control, directing the encounter precisely the way she wanted. She wasn’t a teenager anymore. With a few tricks up her sleeve, Sammy was certain she could make Neil do and say anything she wanted. She was counting on it.
When she heard the knock at the door, she breathed deeply, trying to calm herself. Glancing at the clock, she saw that he was ten minutes late. Lost in her memories, Sammy hadn’t realized how much time had passed. She heard him knock again. He was impatient. That was a good sign. She decided to make him wait a few moments longer. When he knocked a third time, she crossed to the door and pulled it open.
Sammy heard him draw in a breath. She felt his eyes caressing her body from head to toe, and then pausing on her pert breasts. The nightshirt was tight across her chest, showcasing her unsupported bosom. That was why she’d chosen it. It had been a good decision.
He smiled, giving her a strong sense of familiarity. Hadn’t he smiled like that back then? His square jaw held a faint shadow of stubble, giving him a rough look that Sammy struggled to resist. She cursed herself for losing control.
“Any trouble getting here?” she asked.
Neil shook his head. “Only made two wrong turns.”
She stepped aside, gesturing him into the house. Sammy pushed the door closed behind him, and then crossed to the kitchen, walking away as provocatively as she could. She knew his eyes would be locked on her swaying hips. “Let me get you a drink.”
As she poured the whiskey into the tumblers, she tried to regain her composure. As before, she was finding it difficult to focus on the task at hand. Her emotions rode on the razor’s edge between hatred and infatuation, both bleeding over into the other.
When she returned from the kitchen with two tumblers, Neil was still standing where she’d left him. Sammy carried the two tumblers to the sofa and lowered herself onto the cushion, pulling her bare legs up underneath her. Feeling the hem of her shirt ride up her legs, Sammy fought the urge to cover herself. She kept reminding herself that the immodesty was all part of the plan. Show him what you’ve got. Make him want you even more.
“Are you going to sit down or just stand there gawking?”
Neil sat down next to her, his eyes fixated on her thighs. He took one of the tumblers from her, swirling it around. The ice cube clanged against the glass. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long.”
Lifting the tumbler to her lips, Sammy looked at him over the upper edge. “Is eighteen years considered too long?”
His eyes darted up to her face for a moment. He’s intereste
d. She sipped slowly on her whiskey, being careful not to drink too fast again. He drank from his tumbler, quick and efficient, like an expert whiskey drinker. She twirled her tongue around the lip of her glass, trying to add a layer of sensuality to the action. When his eyes narrowed, she knew she’d succeeded.
“How’s the weekend going?” she asked.
He seemed to hesitate before answering. Sammy wondered if he would say anything about the voices on the zipline. Would he be willing to confide in her, or would he remain silent, putting on a brave face?
“Good. Good,” he said. “It’s great to see the guys again.”
His smile echoed his statement, but his eyes told a different story. There was an almost imperceptible flicker of uncertainty in them, but Sammy caught sight of it the moment she’d asked her question. He was scared, or at least a bit shaken. “Having fun?”
He drank what was left of his whiskey. “Yeah, a good time’s being had by all.”
His reply created the perfect opening for her. The lead-in couldn’t have been better. She took his glass from him and set it down on the coffee table along with her own. Rising to her feet, she took his hand. “Not by all, not yet.”
She led him up the stairs into the first bedroom—her old bedroom. A smile of recognition crossed his face as they entered. She led him to the bed, turned, and, with her arms wrapped around his neck, kissed him. It was a long, passionate kiss, and Sammy felt herself losing control. Her body wanted nothing more than to open itself to his every wish and whim, to lay itself bare before him to be wantonly ravaged. As his lips moved to her neck, she struggled to control her lustful panting. His hands slid down her back and up her t-shirt to grasp her bare buttocks. She drew in a deep breath. Control, she had to get back control.
Drawing back, she looked up into his eyes and pulled the t-shirt off, allowing it to fall to the floor. As Sammy stood naked before Neil, she watched the salacious grin cross his face, and his eyes were aflame with desire.
“I’ve waited eighteen years to be with you again,” she said. “Don’t make me wait any longer.” With that, Sammy swept the stuffed animals that she’d so precisely positioned earlier from the bed. It was a ridiculous gesture, she knew, but she wanted to draw on those feelings from the past. She wanted to entice him just as she’d done before. Sammy laid on the bed, watching as Neil began to undress. “Hurry. Don’t make me wait.” She smiled. She was back in control.
Chapter Twenty
According to his watch, it was close to three in the morning when Neil slipped from the bed, leaving Sammy sleeping soundly under the sheets. By the dim light of a sea-shell-shaped night-light, he pulled on his clothes, stopping often to gaze at Sammy. She shifted in the bed, caught in a half-awake half-asleep state. The beige sheet slipped from her body, exposing one of her pert breasts. It invoked a smile as he recalled the reckless abandon with which they’d made love. Sammy’s unbridled passion had surprised and thrilled him, leaving him wanting more.
Uninhibited, Sammy had practically driven him mad with her hands, her tongue, with every part of her body. He’d quickly realized that the experience was far better if he relinquished control to her, allowing her to guide their lovemaking. It was far from the young teenage girl he remembered from camp. Sammy had grown up and, in doing so, had learned a lot of tricks, some that he hadn’t even known. She’d taken him to the heights of passion again and again, leaving him sweaty and exhausted.
There’d been very little conversation until after they’d finished making love. She’d rested her head on his bare chest, saying, “You may not believe this, but I missed you.”
“What, since last night?”
She slapped his arm. “No, dumbass. For the last eighteen years.”
She’d been right. He found it hard to believe. “No.”
“Yeah. I thought about you a lot after you left camp.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. It was why my marriage fell apart. My husband couldn’t compete with your memory.” She nudged herself closer, draping her arm over his chest. “He said I was obsessed. But I liked to think of it more like longing for the one that got away.”
He ran his hand through her auburn hair, and then down her smooth bare back. Her hair felt like strands of silk between his fingertips, and her supple skin was warm to the touch. “I’ve thought about you over the years.”
Neil wasn’t sure why he felt it necessary to lie to her. Eighteen years ago, she’d been nothing more than a summer fling, a blip on the radar in his life. He was sure she couldn’t have expected him to pine for her all these years. He hadn’t given Sammy Wilcox a second thought until he arrived at camp the previous night. But, at the moment, the lie seemed like the only appropriate thing to say. “Sometimes I’d wonder where you were, what you were up to . . . and if you ever thought of me.”
Sammy giggled and shifted her head to look up into his eyes. “Hold me, Neil.”
After she’d fallen asleep in his arms, Neil wondered if he could give up his forthcoming partnership to spend the rest of his life with the auburn-haired angel who slept naked beside him. As they aroused and enthralled each other, he felt as if their souls melded into one in a way that he’d never experienced with Sheila, or with anyone else before. His relationships had always been about what he could get out of them. He wondered if he might be missing something.
With Sammy, there had been an emotional response that was unfamiliar to him. It was a feeling he couldn’t easily disregard. It had been drawing his thoughts back to her again and again throughout the weekend. Sammy had gotten under his skin in a way that no other woman had before.
Sliding his t-shirt over his head, Neil decided not to wake her and, picking up his shoes and socks, crept from the room. The hardwood treads of the stairs were cool on his bare feet, and he gingerly made his way down to the living room. He sat on the sofa and slipped his socks and shoes on. His hand was on the front door knob when he decided to leave Sammy a note.
Finding a pen and a yellow legal pad on the kitchen counter, he scrawled a quick message.
Sammy, I had to get back to camp. Thanks for a fantastic night. Maybe I can swing back tonight for another couple whiskeys. Say 11 again? See you then.
Neil paused for a moment, unsure how to end the note. He thought maybe something humorous, but he realized that there were too many inappropriate words that would just cheapen the night they’d shared. There was only one word that kept returning to his head, but the four letters seemed difficult to write. When the tip of the pen touched the paper again, he’d decided that it was the only word that seemed to fit the circumstance.
Love, Neil
He left the notepad on the coffee table in the living room and returned to the kitchen. The bottle of Johnny Walker was still standing on the counter. Filling a tumbler to half, he drank it down in one gulp. Then, he turned out the lights and slipped out the front door into the darkness of the forest beyond.
When she heard the cabin door close, Sammy slipped from beneath the bed sheets. A faint chill hung in the air, causing her naked body to shiver. Her bare feet treading softly on the hardwood floor, she crossed to the window and gazed out on the dark forest. She stood to one side, remaining hidden from outside observation. When she caught sight of the circle of light bobbing away from the cabin, she turned away from the window and surveyed the darkened room. The bed comforter had been tossed on the floor in a heap next to the pile of stuffed animals. The faint aroma of sweat and passion still hung in the air. The scent of sex.
Closing her eyes, the still raw memories of the past few hours emerged, causing her to cringe. She’d done everything she could to keep her emotions in check, but their lovemaking had been too raw, too uninhibited. There were too many times when she’d been swept away in the heat of the moment, leaving her vulnerable to the deep confusing feelings that had plagued her all weekend. In every instance, she�
�d fought to regain control, bringing her inhibitions back into check, allowing her once again to take command of their lovemaking, coaxing Neil toward the end results she’d been looking for.
Crossing the room, Sammy picked up a beige teddy bear from the pile. Its fur was faded and threadbare. The right eye hung from a single thread that had refused to relinquish its hold. A gift for her sixteenth birthday, the teddy bear was the last thing she’d received from Chris. Gazing into the button eyes, she almost felt him near her again. The black plastic circles held her gaze for a long moment, invoking an overwhelming sadness that would have brought her to tears on any other occasion. But tonight, she resolved not to allow it to affect her. She had other things she needed to do.
Setting the teddy bear back in the pile, she looked at the disheveled bedding. An indentation was still visible in the pillow where Neil’s head had lain. This time the memories made her feel nauseated, and she rushed to the bathroom, making it only just in time to vomit in the toilet. She heaved a second time and remained on her knees for five minutes before feeling well enough to stand.
Neil’s scent still clung to her, his sweat intermixed with hers on her skin. It made her feel as if something were crawling all over her body. It was all too much for her to ignore any longer. She stepped into the shower, vigorously scrubbing his sweat, scent, and semen from her skin, sending it down the drain along with the tears that fell from her eyes.
After the shower, Sammy stripped the sheets from the bed and stuffed them into a black trash bag to burn later. Eventually she’d learn to live with herself, live with what she’d done, and what she was yet to do. Sammy wondered what her father would say had he known how far she’d been willing to debase herself. It’ll all be worth it in the end, she told herself. The ends will justify the means.
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