by Limor Moyal
She went through her papers and continued, “The board meeting was postponed to Tuesday because Samuel won’t be back in the country until Sunday. Oh, and Flora called three times already, and I ran out of excuses, so please call her up, otherwise it might end with bloodshed.”
He twisted his face, he needed to gather himself and call her; the conversation with Mike came up to the surface again and Dan knew he had to do something and Flora would be a good start. A beginning of something that he was yet to understand, but a beginning nevertheless.
Flora was his father’s widow. They’d married when Dan was in the army and his relationship with Flora had always been suspicious respect from his end, and persistent efforts to get closer on hers. They’d only lived under the same roof during his time in the army, and even then it was only on weekends.
Those weekends he’d passed sleeping or running away. She was always there. Cooking for him, smiling at him, spoiling him in every way possible.
On his end, he suspected her of trying to be his mother. Deep down in his heart he thought it was a pathetic attempt to fill her personal void. She needed to be someone’s mother, in the absence of her own kids. But he was a soldier back then and he hadn’t wanted mothering, but Flora, even though she recognized his antagonism towards her, had kept insisting and trying, and she’d never given up.
Her interest confused him. He didn’t understand her need to call him, or to even think of him.
As he couldn’t find an explanation, he came to the inevitable conclusion that the woman probably cared about him. He couldn’t understand why this relationship with him was so important to her. But her persistence touched him, and he felt obligated to call her back. He put a memo in the back of his mind, to call Flora, and ordered Sharron to keep with the briefing.
Sharron had been his personal assistant since he’d founded GreenTech right after he’d graduated. From day one, Dan saw something he liked in her. Truly, she was a salt of the earth type, but her choices in clothing were outlandish and way too sexy for the office, and she talked like a truck-stop waitress, not like the head of his office, but he forgave her for everything, he held back and looked away. Sharron was his right hand. She was loyal, she liked him, and he even suspected she cared about him a little, and most importantly she never passed judgment on him or on any of his decisions.
All of this of course, didn’t prevent him from speaking his mind about her style every chance he got.
“Did you lose part of your shirt on the way to work?”
Sharron looked down into her cleavage and asked, “I'm sorry but what’s so bad about this Angora top? It cost me a fortune.”
“It looks like a bikini! You’re lucky you’re so damned efficient or you’d have been out of a job a long time ago.”
“Yeah? On what grounds exactly?” she said with a wicked smile.
“Sexual harassment of all the staff! Visual assault! I could go on, you know. What’s going on with the presentation for the meeting with the German representative?”
She straightened her back and returned to her professional position, changing her appearance the second she realized bantering time was over and she needed to get back to work.
“Ready, edited, and the guys in media did some polishing. It’s waiting on your desk.”
“Great. Get me the material for the meeting with the guys from Weizman. I want to be ready for the meeting this afternoon. I'm leaving at noon, and set a dentist appointment; this wisdom tooth is killing me.”
She stood up and got ready to leave the room, “Give me two minutes and you’ll have it in your mail! And I'll try to make an appointment for this week.”
The day went by fast, Dan was busy tying up loose ends so he could relax for the weekend. Sharron came into his office at the end of the day to wrap up. She’d tried to get the dental appointment, but apparently the dentist was at a convention in Atlanta and wouldn’t return for ten days.
When she left, Dan noticed the clock pointed on five pm, and the offices around him slowly emptied, and a weird silence washed over him.
He knew he couldn’t postpone it anymore and he wanted to end the week without leaving troubling loose ends; he picked up the phone and dialed.
“Hello?”
“Flora? Hi. It’s Dan, how are you?”
“Dan! I'm so happy to hear from you. I tried calling a few times, and even though you’re not calling back I'm determined to keep calling and nagging you.”
“I really don’t understand you Flora, but I appreciate the persistence.”
“Dan, as much as it’s hard for you to accept, there are people in this world, me included, who just love you. You don’t have to understand it, accept it, or even love me back. I've always loved you and I've never stopped loving you even though we’re not tied together by your father anymore.”
Dan went silent, he didn’t know what to say; the woman amazed him.
“Flora, I really appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you know that I don’t need mothering, not at thirty-four. I think you need to let this go.”
“Dan, I wasn’t trying to be your mother when I married David, and I’m not trying now. I care about you; that’s a real, honest emotion that I know you’re not familiar with because it’s not based on ego or hypocrisy. I’m going to keep calling and checking in on you. And even if you never call me back it won’t change my feelings because they’re unconditional. They’re real and always will be.”
“I don’t know how to respond to that, except to say… thank you, Flora.”
“I don’t need you to thank me. I just want you to remember that I'm here for you, know that I'll be happy to spend time with you, that I'll be happy for us to be more involved in each other’s lives, if and when you’re ready.”
“I think I am ready!” he blurted after a long pause, shocking himself by actually saying it aloud.
“Come to dinner. Come now, Dan. I made pea soup and I’ve got a bottle of whiskey that’s looking lonely.”
Dan thought of the house in Ramat HaHayal. The house he’d grown up in, the house that was filled with memories that haunted him, like the monsters of childhood lurking under the bed and waiting for night to come. Nevertheless, he saw a door opening up to him, he saw an opportunity, and he remembered the conversation with Mike.
“I'll be there in an hour.”
The house looked the same. The begonia plant was still on the right side of the door, inviting him in. He gently knocked while opening the door, not sure how to act in the house that was once his, but now hers. The smell of home, soup and incense, filled his nostrils. A combination that didn’t match his memories of this place, and something in him calmed down. Maybe it IS new, he thought, even though the person and the place were wrapped in his private history, the one he wanted so much to forget. The items, the furniture, even the greenish curtains hadn’t been changed. The last time he’d been there had been for the week-long mourning period of his father’s Shiva. But somehow everything seemed small to him, quiet and unthreatening. Like any child returning his childhood home. Only it hadn’t been childhood two years ago, and still the house looked more inviting, less threatening. He understood how much his anxieties of this situation were out of proportion, and he smiled to himself, feeling like he’d won a battle with himself.
Flora stood in the kitchen, barefoot. She wore a flowery cotton dress and her wavy grey hair reached down to her back. She didn’t dye her hair, wore no makeup, and that simplicity of hers, made her look pleasant and younger than her sixty-seven years. She turned her head towards him and sent him a warm smile, a smile that reached her lips and eyes, but came from her heart.
“Dan, I missed you!” she said and came to him. She hugged him tightly, while kissing him on the cheek. She had a slight scent of flowers and skin, and Dan liked how it felt, liked this simplicity. He could feel an emotional weight lifting and himself unwinding a little.
She served him soup and told him about her latest exhibit. Her p
aintings were shown at Yad Labanim. She told him about her volunteering with elders in a nearby nursing home, “It’s very fulfilling Dan. I teach them how to paint and they tell me amazing stories about their lives. Think of how it is to hear a ninety-seven year old man telling you about his life in a Jewish village in Vilnius, including the juicy stuff about how his mother, who was a widow, used to sneak the neighbor into her bed in the middle of the night, when she was sure her son was asleep and didn’t know. It’s a thrilling piece of history that he gave me as a gift! A slice of real life that happened ninety years ago and would’ve been lost to memory if it wasn’t for me being there to hear it. You have no idea what it does to me.” Dan smiled at the light in her eyes.
“You have to do something, Dan. You have to do something that’ll put the spark back into your eyes,” she said with worry.
“I don’t think there was ever a spark, at least not when I looked at myself in the mirror,” he answered bitterly. She just smiled at him.
“I think you need to find a goal in life, something to fill up this hole you have inside of you. Something that’ll be good for you. You can dive into work, and keep ignoring the elephant in the room like you have ever since I've known you. Dan listen to me, I love you, and you need to do something to help yourself out of the darkness. You need to find something that’ll give you some meaning, something altruistic.”
“Flora, you’re dealing with a self-centered jerk, or have you forgotten who I am? What the fuck kind of goal are you talking about? Do you see me serving soup to homeless people?
Do you see me carrying groceries to a lonely holocaust survivor, or giving lectures on biotechnology to elders in a nursing home? I'm not you Flora! Don’t try to change me!”
“I'm not trying to change you, Dan. I'm trying to help you find yourself, in all of this mess you have in your life. From my personal experience, volunteering is a great way. You can find something that suits your personality. If poor and old people, or life’s victims repel you, go in a different direction. If a group of people is too much for you, then go with one person!”
“What about donating to some charity? That’s selfless enough don’t you think?” suggested Dan, still trying to avoid the truth that was laid in front of him.
“It’s very altruistic, but it kind of misses the point of giving of yourself. Your money is not you!” Dan agreed completely on that one.
He thought about what Flora suggested, while opening the bottle of whiskey and pouring himself a glass, accompanied with a smile.
“So, to sum it up you say no donations, just one person, and not poor?” Dan asked and answered, and Flora raised the whiskey to approve, “You said it, I just lead you there.”
At night, while lying in his giant empty bed, he thought about the visit with Flora. Something about her attitude toward him made him feel like a little kid. Not in a bad sense of the word, not in the sense of maternal patronizing on her side, but in the lack of judgment, in the sense of pure, unconditional love.
His mom had died of cancer when he was six, just before he started first grade.
He barely remembered anything about her except for a few faded, yellowing pictures, which were probably a combination of old film from family albums, and images from his memories as a child.
He remembered the smell of chocolate chip cookies they baked together once when he came back from kindergarten, he remembered her braiding her flowing black hair, and he remembered that feeling, the feeling of someone loving you unconditionally.
He hadn’t experienced that feeling ever since his mom. His dad loved him very much, there was no doubting it! But Dr. Greenberg had conditions, his love came with a price tag, and Dan still paid that price, even two years after that man had passed.
And Flora, Flora was an enigma to him, he had never figured out the woman, or the relationship between her and his father, they were complete opposites.
But tonight, for a few moments, she gave him a present, his mother. And because of that, he promised himself that he’d never forget that night with her, and he’d make sure to grow and nurture the relationship with her.
When he woke up on Friday morning, the thoughts about the conversation with Flora were eating away at him. Maybe she was right, maybe he should look for a higher cause than himself, maybe he should look at things from a new angle and move away from the immediate and familiar. And Dan, who never postponed what could be done right now, called Sharron. “Good morning, boss. Are you in the office today?” she asked with surprise.
“Actually no, I'm home, and I'm sorry to bug you on your day off, but I wanted to ask you something a little out of the ordinary,” Dan said hesitantly.
“Wow. That sounds exciting. I'm all ears, boss, and you’re not bugging me at all.”
“I need you to help me find a volunteering project,” he said, while preparing himself for the coming torrent of questions.
Sharron giggled a little, “You mean find something you’ll volunteer for?” she asked.
“What else would I mean? Do I look like someone who needs volunteers… don’t even answer that!” he said and she laughed.
“Okay, so, Dan Green decided to volunteer, very noble of you, boss. How can I help?”
“No poor people, not something involving donations and preferably nothing with groups!” he declared.
She thought for a second. “That doesn’t leave too many options you know, rich and happy people won’t really need your services!”
“That’s exactly why I want you to find who will, and, if I know you, you’ll do it very fast. There’s no challenge I've given you which you didn’t succeed in.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere, boss. I promise I will do my best. I'll think of something. Have a great weekend Dan.”
“You too, Sharron, and, thank you.”
“Always at your service, boss,” she replied.
The weekend was passing slowly, and Dan was eager to go back to his hectic routine. He tried reading, dragged himself to the gym, tested a new recipe for a lamb stew and even cleaned up the yard, but every time he looked at his watch, he felt like the clock hands were laughing at him and time just wasn’t moving. He felt like he was waiting for something, but he didn’t know what.
He arrived at the office on Sunday at 07:30. Ayalon highway had been kind to him that morning and he hadn’t got stuck in traffic for a change.
He arrived at the GreenTech offices and found himself in front of a locked door. Of course he didn’t have a key.
The receptionist was the first to arrive to work at 07:50 and she was amazed to find her boss waiting by the door. She quickly took out her keys and opened his office door while apologizing, “Mr. Green, I'm sorry. I didn’t know you were waiting,” She put in the entry code, and opened the door.
“It’s not your fault, I’m early today,” Dan smiled with as much patience as he could muster.
He tried remembering what her name was but gave up quickly, it was Sharron’s job to take care of human resources in GreenTech and he didn’t know most of the staff, only remembered faces passing by him in the company’s hallways.
“Ayalon surprised me this morning; I wasn’t expecting to make it before eight.”
He made himself some coffee and started going over his emails, when his office door opened at once and Sharron barged in with a huge smile. “I got it!” she declared.
“You got what?” he asked without looking at her, still concentrating on an email from the Hungarians.
“I found a candidate for your volunteer work! He’s perfect!”
That caught his attention and made him look up in curiosity. “Candidate? A male? Third-person singular?” he asked in surprise.
“Exactly! A candidate! …. so listen,” she began while taking a seat in front of him.
“Do you remember I was telling you about my friend Dorit, her husband’s a computer engineer?” she waited for a second and kept going when he didn’t reply.
“Of cours
e you don’t! Anyway, Dorit is a good friend of mine from childhood, she works in The Soldiers Association, we met yesterday for a coffee and she was telling me about this 'lone soldier' that requested a living arrangement. You’re probably asking yourself what it has to do with you, so I'll explain. Apparently he’s a soldier that came from the U.S. His family is originally from Israel, they left the country when he was a child so he speaks Hebrew. He decided to come to Israel to serve the country and in the beginning he said he didn’t need help with living arrangements from the army, because he’d stay with some aunt who lives in Poria.”
She stopped to take a breath and Dan waited impatiently for the rest of the story.
“Two weeks ago, he came to Dorit telling her he needs help with living arrangements because the thing with his aunt didn’t work out. Of course Dorit tried to get more information, but he avoided giving any other details. Anyway, right now he’s staying at the Lone Soldiers Center, when he leaves for the weekend, but basically he has no home! He’s a lone soldier in the most literal sense of the word. So yeah, he gets everything from the army and the association when it comes to food, finances and a place to sleep. The thing is, he has no one to go to when he's off base, no one to take an interest in him or even listen to him when he comes back from duty and needs support.”
She went quiet again, took a breath, and waited for Dan.
Dan was moved by the story and the thought of a lone soldier touched him. He had a lot of respect for these young men from all over the world who came to fight for Israel.
He didn’t know how to take it; it had never crossed his mind to help a lone soldier.
“Aren’t there rules for volunteering for something like this?”
“I guess there are, but I find it hard to believe that you’ll fit the “foster family” requirements being a young divorced man. We’re better off leaving it as a private matter between you and him so it won’t go through formal channels. Dorit came up with a need and I found a solution for it through you. Other than setting a meeting between you two, Dorit and I prefer to keep it a private matter, and not to involve anyone from the army or the association"