Erika said, “He’s here when you’re ready.”
Jenna nodded, changed her position, bowed her head, and closed her eyes. Erika watched her for a minute. Then she got off the couch and walked to the kitchen. Jax pushed and jostled Josh until he complied, hating to leave Jenna in the darkened living room by herself.
“She’ll be okay tomorrow,” Erika mumbled, getting herself a beer from the fridge and falling into the chair at the kitchen table. “She’ll still be fragile, but she’ll be okay. Then the day after she’ll pull it all back in and come up with a plan to pin that asshole to the wall. You think she’s a powerhouse normally, just wait until she comes out swinging. That guy doesn’t know who he’s messing with.”
“How do you know all this? To bring her out of it? How do you know each other so well?” Josh asked, bewildered.
Erika took a pull from her beer. “I met her in high school. We were from different worlds—she was usually homeschooled, but her stepmother decided that maybe social interaction would help her. She was—is—super smart. She tested into all the advanced classes. I was in a load of those too. We sat near each other in a good few of them and became friends. She never really identified with her money—always thought of it as her father’s, and she hated him. I was a poor kid that never identified with being poor. A dynamic duo was born.”
“So, you got her out of trouble?” Jax asked skeptically.
Erika snorted. “Sometimes. Usually she got us both into trouble, and then took all the blame. I very rarely had a note sent home. She rarely didn’t. She never had many friends. None her age. She had a lonely time of it back then. I had quite a few friends, but no one ever stood up for me like Jenna did. No one ever taught me how to have fun, or took the punches for me. She gives so much, I feel like I am always in her debt.”
“You are her ground. You keep her sane. She values it,” Josh said quietly.
“Well, you should be a ground, too, but you’re too busy playing the self-loathing game to realize what you have.” Erika stabbed him with accusation. “Do you know that Jenna has never allowed herself to love? That she doesn’t allow anyone close because she doesn’t know how to handle it if they leave her? It all goes back to her mom. All the shrinks say so, and she knows it logically, but you’re the first risk she’s ever taken. Numero uno. She didn’t want to, sure, but not because she wants a goddamned congressman. She didn’t want to because she doesn’t know how to handle the vulnerability. In Jenna-land, vulnerability is weakness, and weakness destroys. She was with Lewis because he is an idiot and she didn’t really like him. He cheated, and she was merely put out. You cheat, Josh, and it will kill her. That’s why she wanted to leave you behind. She didn’t want to force you into those, quote, unreal expectations.” Erika used her fingers like rabbit ears to accentuate the quotes. “Unreal my ass. Jax cheats on me, and I’ll cut his dick off.”
“Jesus, Erika,” Jax muttered. “The new you is a little scary.”
“Well?” Erika said, flashing those severe eyes in Jax’s direction. Jax looked at the table with a small smile on his face. Erika turned back to Josh. “It’s huge that she says she loves you in public. Huge. Be good to her, and she’ll treat you like gold. She’ll stop at nothing to take care of you. But Josh, if you can’t do that, if you can’t give her your all, then walk away now. Don’t lead her on. She doesn’t deserve it. If you are going to freak out and give up on her, then do it now. Tonight. While she still has to rebuild herself.”
Josh didn’t even have to think. “In it to win it.”
“You seriously need to get some original material, but good.” She sighed. “I am absolutely beat. Josh, do you want to keep watch? Call me if she wants me?”
Josh nodded, and returned to the living room.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jenna blinked in the face of the morning. The soft light came through the window and highlighted the swirling dust motes. Monday morning. Time to strap on her armor and get back to it.
After the death threat, delivered by a person who hadn’t been bluffing, she’d completely shut down. Terror had gripped every part of her, shocked through her system, mingled with the ancient memories of losing her mom, and the more recent memories of seeing Dale’s sightless eyes staring up at her—her brain couldn’t handle it. It all came too fast, flashing through her mental systems and setting them ablaze. The best she could do was turn it all off. Shut it all down and switch on autopilot.
Thank God for Erika. As usual, she was her shining light, pulling her out of it, staying close to lend strength, giving her encouraging words. Without Erika she would have lost herself. Just like when she was a kid, she wouldn’t have come out of her catatonic state for weeks, maybe months. Without Erika she might turn to heroin to fight the horror, as she had in her teenage years.
She shuddered and sighed. Erika was her guardian angel. Had been for years. Those who questioned Jenna’s motives for constantly looking after Erika—taking less money to spread the wealth, passing up jobs that would take her to Europe or other exotic places with a giant salary—didn’t know the debt she owed. They didn’t know, because Erika would never sell her out. She was a giving soul in a world full of car salesmen. When it was time to head to the pearly gates, Erika would get a fast pass through.
Then there was Josh.
It was a wonder, he was still here, still looking after her, despite her 180 into helplessness. The Jenna he had seen over the weekend wasn’t the woman he followed to New York. If she had been in her right mind, she would have excused him. Told him there were no hard feelings—she’d duped him and she would not hold him accountable. But when she was in the worst of it, she didn’t care about anything but finding her way back to the surface.
It wasn’t until she started to emerge, shoving back the memories, locking them back into their chambers, that she realized he was the one holding her. He who whispered loving words and stroked her back. He genuinely wanted to help her. He was giving himself to piece her back together. Again. Without asking for anything in return.
A tear slid from Jenna’s eye as she contemplated what that meant. She still couldn’t quite believe that she should get so lucky as to find two people in this shitty world who cared enough to stick around when things went so freaking pear-shaped. Two people who wouldn’t judge her. Only help her.
It was more than she deserved for some of the crap she’d pulled. She held them down, and she knew it, but she was too grateful to chase them away. Hell, she’d spent the better part of her and Josh’s acquaintance trying to chase him away.
Yet here he was.
Now there were two debts she would never be able to repay. Two buoys in her life.
To think, she’d once accused Josh of hanging on to her like a buoy, trying to keep himself above water. Oh, how the tables had turned.
Jenna slid out of Josh’s arms slowly, trying not to wake him.
“Jenna.” The protective circling of his arms tightened.
One day she would slip out of bed without waking the guy. She was a long way from that today.
“It’s time to start the day, mister. I need some coffee, I need to meditate, and then I need to put on my armor. Business time.”
“I am no psychiatrist, but you shouldn’t keep these two halves of yourself so distant. You’re stronger when they’re fused. You won’t break so easily.”
“Thank you, Dr. Freud. I’ll think on it, but today I need to get my things in order. Get my head in order. Get my freaking life in order. I don’t have time to miraculously fuse together my various forms of id.”
“Understood. But we’ll work on it, you and I. I have some fusing of my own to do, so we’ll do it together.”
“This conversation is way too deep for a Monday morning. You want coffee?”
“I’ll be out in a minute.”
Jenna was released and immediately missed the warmth as she climbed out of bed. She turned back to Josh, his hair standing every which way, the soft light fa
lling across his masculine face, the kaleidoscope eyes. Her knight. “Thanks. For staying. It’s a first.”
“What do you mean?” Josh’s gaze roamed her body, lingering on various parts, and making her flush.
“Thanks for not leaving. It must have been a shock, seeing me all weepy. Needing five-foot-nothing Erika playing nurse.”
“It made you more beautiful, if anything. My damsel.” Josh smiled at her, making light of it.
“Well, I’m back to harsh and unruly. Hope you didn’t get too set on the china doll.”
“Jenna,” Josh said seriously, drawing her eyes away from the search for her slippers. “You know when you got up in the night, in the woods, and I was sitting in the dark with a big knife and all sorts of demons?”
Jenna nodded. Hard to forget. That was Scary Josh. He popped up now and again still, but in better control. Thank God; she didn’t want to loose him on New York. There wasn’t enough dirt to bury all the bodies.
“Well, that is me when I break. When things shut down. You go soft, I go…not soft. You crying, you breaking down—you’re human. Two sides of the same coin. You know how to deal with me somehow. I’m still learning you.”
“You had me at hello.”
Josh smiled and lost all seriousness as he flopped back onto the bed. Jenna could just make out the end of the tribal tattoo at the edge of his hip. “And I thought I was the one that used bad lines.”
Smiling, Jenna padded out to her kitchen and poured herself a cup before she heard, “Oh, Jenna, you’re up early.”
Jax. The one person who didn’t fit in all of this. The person she wasn’t all that comfortable about having in her home. Although he had killed a guy, buried a few bodies, gotten jiggy with her friend, and seen her at her absolute worst… There were marriages fitting that description. Except for the body count, maybe.
She took a breath and mentally welcomed him. Until she met his calm, laughing eyes…and noticed skin tone from there to the floor.
He was sitting on her barstool bare-assed naked. Her eyes skimmed that nakedness unconsciously before she flinched and turned away, dropping her mug and covering her eyes with a squeal. Her mug broke into pieces at her feet. Hot coffee splashing on her toes.
“Jax! What the fuck?” she screeched.
Josh was first on the scene. He was wearing form-fitting trousers but apparently didn’t have time to slip on his shirt. If her best friend’s boyfriend hadn’t been sitting on her barstool with nothing between his asshole and the leather seat, the situation with Josh would be hot.
Erika appeared next, her eyes half open, dressed in an oversized white T-shirt that was probably Jax’s.
Jax turned to the new partygoers. “What?”
Erika put a hand on her hip. “Jax, we talked about this. Put on some clothes. Jenna doesn’t need to see your hairy balls.”
“No one needs to see your hairy balls,” Josh said.
“She never gets up this early,” Jax said in outrage, not covering up. “How was I supposed to know she was an early riser on Mondays?”
Erika was looking at Josh wide-eyed, eyes on his glistening chest. “Everyone needs clothes,” she said quietly.
Josh noticed, and a smile grew across his face.
“Okay, Jax, clothes, now!” Jenna shielded her eyes with her hand. “Josh, apparently no bare chest. Erika might want to sample the merchandise.” Erika scoffed. “Erika, shorts. If I am going to room with you lot, I want people clothed in the common area. New house rules. The fact I have to make clothing a rule is insane, but there you go.”
“Told you so,” Josh said to Jenna.
Jenna rolled her eyes. Totally different situation than in the woods!
Jax still had his coffee cup, unconcernedly sipping as he made his way past Erika. At the last minute, before he exited the kitchen, he turned abruptly and said, “And no sex, either.”
Jenna had caught sight of his retreating butt—it was a great butt, she couldn’t help looking—and unfortunately caught his flying, flaccid phallus as he turned.
Jenna squeezed her eyes shut and held up her hands. She didn’t have to see Jax’s smile to know it was on his face as he said, “Oh ho, now who is checking out the merchandise?”
“So gross,” Jenna muttered to herself. She waited to the count of ten, heard a door close, and squinted an eye open. Josh was still standing there, looking at her with a bemused expression.
“What?” she asked.
“We could probably sneak in a quickie out here before one of them gets back.” Josh took two steps to close the distance and claimed her mouth with his. His fingers found her panty line as she heard his zipper.
“No way,” Jax shouted from his bedroom door. “I just said no sex. Two seconds ago I said it!”
Josh backed up and took his hand away. His eyes were soft. “To be continued.” He turned and walked back to their bedroom, sparing a punch for Jax on his way. “Cock blocking is a crime.”
Jax watched his retreating backside in indignation. “I’m not saying you can’t do it, I’m just saying pick your spots. Jesus save me, you two are like rabbits.”
Jenna landed in her office an hour later with her mind whirling. Three months. She needed to get everything done and get the hell out of there in three months. She’d also need to post twenty-four-hour surveillance on her wine bar. If these clowns wanted to get personal, they would surely go after it. If she avoided them as she intended, they would go after it. It was a made-for-TV movie with these yuck-ups.
Josh had gone for coffee with Jax, to scout out the area. He was wearing his “killing” hat, so Jenna knew better than to say “boo.” Jenna got her messages, skipping past those from reporters, and deleting one from her father’s assistant. The assistant, on behalf of her father, was worried for her safety. How nice.
Monica appeared shortly after Jenna started contemplating what they needed to do to finish their work in three months. “Jenna?”
Jenna looked up with a hint of impatience. “Yes, Monica.”
Monica looked toward Josh’s seat. Her posture fell a little when she found it empty. “I heard about the groundbreaking and the gala and everything. Are you okay?”
“Yes, thank you for asking. Listen, I’m glad you’re here. We need to turn up the volume around here. We are going to be working faster. I need you at your full potential.”
Monica’s eyes widened but she stayed silent. The younger woman hated Jenna with a passion; it was all over the gossip circuit. She found enough ears willing to listen, and wasn’t shy about voicing her opinion. But Jenna didn’t care. It just meant she didn’t have to be as polite.
“Okay, we’ll meet in the conference room in thirty minutes. Please tell Erika and Mike.”
Monica barely nodded and walked out. Jenna grabbed her things and went to find Don. When she walked into his office, he was at his desk, rubbing his eyes.
“Jenna. Come in. Camille. Go away. And shut the door.” Jenna heard the familiar scoff behind her as she took a chair facing Don at his big desk.
“I got threatened,” Jenna began. It was time to take a stand. As Erika had said, she needed to fight back. Last night, when Jenna had been lucid again, she and Erika had a heart-to-heart and made some hard decisions about what they needed to do. It involved her past and her old, disreputable friends. Jenna wanted to do anything but go back to the life she’d left behind—even if it was going to be just long enough to get them out of their current predicament. But after they’d talked about it for over an hour, it was clear: there was no other way.
There was also no way Jenna could do it alone. She needed Don. After all, he still had his hand in the muddied waters of his past, and he had gotten them into this in the first place.
She just hoped she didn’t have to guilt-trip him into helping.
“I’m afraid I’ve gotten you into a pickle, kid.” Don leaned back in his chair, his girth substantially reduced in the last few weeks. The stress was visibly eating away at hi
m.
“Not you, Don. You were just doing your job. But yeah, we’re in a bind.”
“I turned the wrong kinda tricks with those guys, Jenna. I should have known better.”
“It’s not like you to apologize for getting your way.”
“Getting my way, but at what expense? You shouldn’t be touched by this.”
“Shoulda, woulda, coulda. Was there any other way to get the permits you needed?”
Don stayed silent.
“There you go. Bottom line, I want this building up. I will see this building up. But now I have to watch my back. Well, fine, so be it. But I won’t lie down for it. I am going to contact some people on the Lower East Side. I want to get some eyes out, get some…munitions. I could use your help.”
Don looked at her steadily, reading her, judging her. It was the old Don at the helm now, the Don that had grown up scraping and stealing, making a name for himself among the poor kids.
“There ain’t no other way,” he finally said, the ghetto ringing in his voice. “I got a few guys that owe me some favors. They can clear the road for you, spread the word that you’ll come calling. Get people to leave you alone.”
“That would be helpful.”
Don leaned forward, elbows on his desk, eyes holding her in their grip. “But you take Cliché with you everywhere you go, you got me? No sneaking out, no running off on your own. That guy knows what he’s about. He’ll keep you safe if anyone can. My guys will watch you, too. They won’t bother you. They’ll make sure no one else does, either. But that’s no guarantee.”
“I know, Don. That will make us even, for this. You know that. This isn’t a favor you are throwing my way—this is compensation.”
Don smiled like the fat cat he was. “Two peas in a pod, huh, you and me? Do me a favor, though. Keep Erika at home. Take Rover with you and leave her here. She doesn’t need any of this. She’s not up to it.”
“You’d be surprised, Don.”
“I don’t want to be surprised, kid. She reminds me of my niece. I wouldn’t want any of this for her, and I don’t want it for Erika.”
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