In the next second, he’s hastily shedding his shirt and unbuckling his pants, falling forward and resting his hands on either side of my head. “This is what you want?” he breathes, looking deeply into my eyes as he tries to see inside my very soul.
“Yes,” I whisper back. “You?”
He smirks and presses his hips into mine. I suck in a sharp breath when he grinds his erection against me. “What do you think?” he asks.
“I think I’m wearing too many clothes. And that we should probably stay quiet so we don’t draw any unwanted attention,” I gasp as he continues to move.
“I agree on both points,” he tells me, moving down my body. In one fluid movement, my shirt is gone and he’s pulling down my pajama bottoms, kissing every exposed inch of skin he finds. As though they remember exactly how this works, my hands move to slide into his hair, holding him to me as he kisses his way up my body, stopping just below where I want him to be. “I’ve missed you, Samantha.” He places a small kiss on the inside of my right thigh. “Your skin.” He moves to the left thigh. “How you move when I touch you.” His nose nuzzles against my panties as he inhales deeply. “Holy shit... How you smell...” His voice is so raw and I can barely focus on any one thing. “I’d almost forgotten.” His tongue darts out and I arch again, unable to stop the moan that tries to escape. His hand covers my mouth and I look down to find his dancing eyes just visible between my legs. “Remember. We’re supposed to be quiet. Can you do that?”
I whimper against his hand as his fingers trace my lips and his tongue goes to work on me. The fact that there is still a layer of—albeit thin—material between us is driving me crazy and he knows it, but he’s making no move to correct it. Returning to his task, I do my best to concentrate both on what he’s doing and not making a sound. Neither is exactly simple at the moment... Finally I feel him sliding my panties down my legs and I do what I can to help him along, which isn’t much, since the muscles in my legs aren’t cooperating. He manages it and before I can even think to protest that he isn’t returning to his previous activities, I feel his tongue, lips, and fingers exactly where I want them. Biting my lip so hard that I think it might bleed, I manage to hold back any noise louder than a slight whimper, but it’s getting more difficult, and I want more of him.
Fisting my hands in his hair again, as gently as I can, I pull him up towards me. He gets the hint and climbs up my body, crushing his lips to mine, dominating my mouth. I try to catch my breath, but don’t get the chance before his hips align with mine and he slowly sinks into me. Our eyes are wide as we stare at one another with what I can only describe as wonder. It feels as though nothing has changed, even though we both know everything has changed. And at the risk of sounding sappy and clichéd, I feel like I’ve just regained the part of me that’s been lost for the last five years.
Matthew rests his forehead on mine, breathing shallowly. “Would it be corny if I told you how incredible you feel around me?” he whispers against my lips.
I choke out a laugh, shaking my head gently. “No. I was just thinking the same thing.”
A large smile breaks out across his face as he pushes himself up just enough to get a bit of leverage to start moving. On reflex, my legs move to wrap around his waist, pulling him deeper, holding him more closely. He shifts, wrapping his arms around me, lowering his lips to my breasts, and increasing his pace within me. I have no idea how we’re not making a sound; if memory serves, we never were the most quiet couple when making love. That made for some very awkward moments at the breakfast table if we were staying with family.
My eyes lock with his determined ones and his thrusts increase in power and speed. It’s not long until his mouth is locked with mine, swallowing my cries as I climax. As I’m coming back to earth, he buries his face in my neck and I feel the little sounds coming from him as he tenses and lets go.
We lay like that for what feels like hours, holding each other so tightly that I think we’re trying to actually become one person. Finally he takes a deep, shuddering breath and pulls away, looking at me with an incredibly dazed expression that I know I’m mirroring. “Well, that was unexpected,” he says in a rush of breath, pressing his lips to mine.
There is so much I want to say right now: I’m sorry. I miss you. I love you. But only one thing seems right for the moment: “So did I fake it?”
He buries his face into my neck again to muffle his laughter. “No, baby,” he says, snickering, a proud smirk on his face. “That was not faked.”
Reluctantly, he pulls away from me, rolling onto his back, and taking me in his arms again. Neither of us speaks before we fall asleep again, but all I can think about is that he’s leaving me in the morning and I don’t know how long it will be before I see him again.
-------------o-------------
The next time I wake, I can see the sun shining through the window blinds. It takes several moments to figure out that I’m naked in bed when I know damn well I had on pajamas, and another several to figure out why I’m in this state. Sitting straight up, my eyes make a panicked dart around the room, searching for any sign that Matthew had been here and I wasn’t dreaming. I relax significantly, even laugh a little at myself when I find his leather jacket hanging on the back of the desk chair that’s still in place beside the bed.
Grinning, I slide out from beneath the covers and hastily dress. I don’t know what time his flight leaves and I want to see him before he goes. Not that I think he would leave without saying goodbye, especially after last night, but I don’t want to take the chance. I slow my pace considerably before taking the stairs—it would be just my luck to fall down and break my neck in my haste to find him—and turn the corner towards the kitchen. When I enter, I find Matthew and Claire each leaning against a counter opposite one another, coffee cups in their hands, in deep discussion. Matthew looks up first and a slow smile begins to grow on his face. I stop in the doorway, biting my lip against what I know will be a really stupid grin.
Claire looks between us for a moment and makes a sound of utter disgust. “Seriously, you two?” she demands. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to vomit.”
As she passes me, she belies her words with a little wink and smirk of her own and I know I’m going to hear it from her later on. For now, though, Matthew has set down his coffee cup and is looking at me expectantly. I cross over to him, slipping my arms around his waist, and standing on tiptoes to kiss him far too briefly. “Good morning,” he murmurs against my lips. “Did you sleep well?”
I grin. “Pretty well,” I say, nodding slowly. “Had the most incredible dream...”
He raises an eyebrow in interest. “Is that so? And what, pray tell, was that dream about?”
“Some guy snuck into my room and seduced me,” I say, trying to keep a straight face.
“Seduced you, huh?” he replies skeptically. “I’m pretty sure you’re the one who kissed me.”
“Still your fault,” I mutter, resting my head against his chest. He chuckles, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. “When do you leave?” The volume of my voice is barely above a breath and I desperately hope he didn’t hear it so I don’t have to hear the answer.
He sighs, kissing my hair. “Couple hours,” he whispers. “I’ve got enough time for breakfast. Ty was awake early so he and I bonded over cartoons...”
I smile at the thought. “You’ll have to get back soon to bond some more with him,” I say, peeking up at him through my eyelashes.
His gaze darkens. “I think I need some more bonding time with you as well,” he says huskily. “And as much as I would like that time to be right fucking now, it’s probably not a good idea with four kids and Claire running around. Kind of kills the mood, you know?”
I giggle, even as his face grows more serious.
“Besides, before we go losing ourselves in each other again, I think we need to have a talk,” he tells me.
Despite agreeing with him, I’d really rather pretend we’d already had o
ur talk. I think he would as well. I nod silently, and he lifts my chin for a kiss. “Have breakfast with me?” he asks hopefully when we part.
“I’d love to.”
-------------o-------------
The first time I visited Matthew at his house in New York, I was terrified. Not only was it my first time away from home without my family, it was the first time I’d ever considered sleeping with a man. Before even boarding the plane, I knew this was what Matthew would expect since I was planning on staying with him for two weeks. Throughout the conversations we’d had in the few months we’d known one another, I’d learned he’d had several... well, I suppose you could call them girlfriends, if you were being charitable. The point is he was much more experienced than I, and all I could think about was how much of a disappointment I would be to him. Even through the long distance between us, I’d fallen for him incredibly quickly and hard, and I had started getting the impression he felt the same. I couldn’t stomach the thought that after all the connecting we’d done with one another, this would be the thing that ended it.
When my plane touched down and I arrived at baggage claim, Matthew was standing at the doors, anxiously looking around as though he’d expected me to not show up. He was wearing jeans, a t-shirt, and a leather jacket, despite it being July, and I could tell he’d been running his hands through his hair from the way it stuck straight up. When his eyes had finally found me clutching the straps of my backpack so tightly my knuckles had turned white, his face lit up in a slow, soft grin that he reserved specifically for me. At that moment, I’d forgotten completely my nervousness about losing my virginity. If it happened, I couldn’t think of anyone in the world with whom I’d rather share the experience than the man who had been pushing his way through the crowd of people waiting for their baggage to arrive. And when he reached me, he didn’t even hesitate to pull me into the most incredible kiss I’d ever experienced. Not that I actually had any experience. I think I’d had expectations that my leg would kick up and he’d lift me off the ground and twirl me, as soft music played in the background while people applauded. There wasn’t any of that, but he did take my breath away.
He grabbed my bags for me and led me out to his car, where he opened the door for me. We had dinner at a very nice Italian restaurant and the conversation flowed much more easily than I believed it would—talking over the phone and via computer is one thing; talking in-person is completely different. I thought we might be awkward together, but he made sure everything was perfect. When he took me to his home, I was speechless and it was obvious he was pleased that I liked it. He even showed me to the guestroom, telling me he didn’t want to make presumptions about my stay. We didn’t share a bed until my third night there and I couldn’t imagine a more perfect night. He was sweet and attentive and gentle and patient. I thought he might have been bored by me; I clearly had no idea what I was doing and at the time, and I couldn’t imagine someone like him wanting to waste his time teaching me when he could have had his pick of much more interesting, beautiful, experienced women.
I’d never been more wrong about anything. I never understood what it is he saw in me, but learned not to question it. Looking at him now sitting beside me at Claire’s breakfast table grinning and laughing like the last five years never happened, the question returns. Last night feels like a dream, one I don’t want to wake up from, and once again, I cannot believe my luck. The fact that he’s leaving soon confirms I’m wide awake and I really don’t want to see him go. Just like the day I left his house after my two-week visit, I can’t help wondering whether the distance between us will make him feel as though last night was a mistake.
Something squeezes my thigh and I look up to find Matthew watching me, a knowing expression on his face. “Don’t,” he tells me in a whisper.
“Don’t what?” I bristle slightly.
“Worry. Over think. Jump to conclusions,” he rattles off immediately. “Take your pick.”
I roll my eyes, smiling a little. “Sorry,” I say. “Can’t help it.”
“I know,” he says sincerely. “But let’s not ruin my last hour here with insecurity. Yours or mine.”
Insecure? Matthew? Surely not... He is the least insecure person I’ve ever met in my life. But looking at him I see the same expression I know has been on my face all through breakfast. Somehow it’s comforting. At least I know I’m not alone in being concerned over the unknown. And that is without a doubt what our future is currently: Unknown. We can promise each other whatever we want at this point; we’re both lost in our post-post-coital haze and once it lifts, who knows where our minds will be.
Still, I manage to put a smile on my face, not bothering to believe he might think it’s real. I watch with a mixture of happiness and sadness as Matthew and Tyler talk. I don’t even know what they’re talking about and I don’t really care; they adore each other, it’s written on both their faces. Given time to bond properly, I know they’d be best friends joined at the hip. Matthew would teach Tyler everything he knows, whether it’s appropriate or not, and Tyler would hang onto his every word. He already is.
I notice the two of them talking quietly, looking grimly at Tyler’s toy Batman watch. My son is nodding seriously at whatever Matthew is telling him, tapping the watch face to emphasize whatever point he was trying to make. When he’s done Matthew grins fondly and ruffles our son’s head, looking over at my questioning gaze with nothing more than a wink.
Before I’m ready—not that I could ever really be ready—it’s time to once again say goodbye to Matthew. Claire and Danny take the kids outside so we have a few minutes to ourselves. Without hesitating, I cross the short distance between us and wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. He circles my shoulder and holds me in place, his lips resting in my hair. “You realize this is temporary, right?” he asks, his voice muffled by my hair.
I nod into his chest, even if I don’t completely believe it.
He pulls back, hooking his fingers under my chin and lifting so I have no other choice than to look at him. “I have spent five years wanting you and Tyler back,” he tells me firmly. “Do you really think I’m going to risk losing you again?” When all I can do is bite my lip and let my chin tremble, he chuckles softly and kisses me. “When I get back, I want to take you and Ty away for a few days. So while I’m gone, I want you to start thinking about where the two of you might like to go. Anywhere you want. Just say the word and we’re there. Okay?”
Smiling finally, I let him kiss me fully, putting as much of what I feel for him into it as I can. Much as I want to say the words to him, I’m hesitant and I don’t know why. Maybe I’m afraid that if I tell him I love him, it’ll all be taken away from me again. “Call me when you land?” I ask him.
“Of course,” he promises. With one last kiss, he releases me and turns towards the door. Before he closes it, he turns back to me. “I left you something upstairs in my jacket. And I don’t want to hear any arguments that you won’t accept it for whatever noble reasons you might have. Just take it.”
I nod bewilderedly, he winks, and then he’s gone. I’m stood rooted on the spot for several seconds before rushing to the door and peeking out the window just in time to see Leo driving them away. Suddenly I have a bad feeling about all of this and I wish there was a way I could get a hold of Matthew and talk him out of whatever it is he has planned—I know there’s more to it than simply selling a piece of technology. All his words last night about trusting him to know what he’s doing, trusting that he’s doing this for me and Tyler, trusting that he loves us. Those aren’t the words of a man leaving for a business trip.
Turning around with the intention of going to search for my son, I find Claire leaning against the wall watching me. “I’m not really in the mood to be given any shit over this, Claire,” I tell her wearily.
She raises an eyebrow. “I should probably feel a little offended that you’d think so lowly of me, but I’ll ignore that for now,” she s
ays dryly. “Are you okay?”
I shrug, sitting on the bottom stair leading up. She walks around to sit with me. “Why is it that whenever your brother comes into my life he turns everything upside down?” I ask, resting my head on her shoulder.
Her head leans against mine. “Because that’s what he does,” she says seriously. “I don’t think he knows another way to live. What I do know is that I haven’t seen him looking the way he did this morning in five years. I could make cracks about how disgusting it is to know my brother and best friend were screwing in my guestroom, but I won’t, because both of you looked so very different this morning than you have lately. I read Matt the riot act last night and this morning for the shit he’s pulled and now it’s your turn.” My eyes widen, uncertain what it is I’m about to hear, but judging by the look on her face, I’m probably not going to like it much. “I’m not one to get involved in my siblings’ relationships and I’m not about to start now, so this is the last time you’ll hear me say anything about it. I don’t know what happened between you and Matt last night, and for more than one reason, I don’t really care. What I do care about, however, is seeing the two of you happy, whether that means you’re together or living in separate states. I care about that little boy outside playing with my kids who lights up whenever Matt walks into a room.” I flinch, knowing exactly what she’s talking about. I’ve seen it too. “I hope the two of you sit down and talk this shit out this time around rather than jumping right into something. You know what you’d be getting into with Matt, the good and the bad. Think about it. Make sure it’s what you both want and make sure, whatever decision you come to, you’ve considered Tyler. Whatever you two do, that little boy is going to be affected ten times more than either of you.”
Young Lies (Young Series) Page 16