I feel like an asshole avoiding her the way I’m doing, but I don’t know what else to do at this point. She all but confirmed my concern that Tom Saunders is the father of her child. What am I supposed to say to that? All I can do is make her comfortable and give her whatever she needs until the time she is well enough to return to Tom. Even if that means flying the bastard out to be with her. Though if she had agreed to that, I’d never be able to set eyes on him without putting my fist in his face. And it’s got nothing to do with him not being able to keep his mouth shut after a couple of drinks. The bastard is getting everything I want, everything that is mine, and that pisses me off.
In order to keep my mind distracted, I’ve returned to work today. The walk inside the building was amusing—every person I passed looked as though they’d seen a ghost, which I suppose they did. Not enough time passed that the company transferred over to the board of directors which would choose the appropriate replacement; though I’m sure they started the consideration process. Several of the faces I passed on my way to my office looked almost resentful at my presence; I wonder which of them might have taken over my job if a few more weeks had gone by. I sure as hell don’t feel guilty for bursting their bubbles; it’s my company and that won’t be changing until my actual last dying breath. This is an eye opener, though; I’m starting to realize how many people are after my job. Well, fuck them. They can want to their heart’s desire, but the moment they start trying to push me out will be among the last moments of their lives.
For the first time since my arrival at Young Technologies, only Leo and I are in my office. All the others that had been lined up to welcome me back have returned to their jobs. We’re eating sandwiches we ordered for lunch while Leo brings me up to speed on the security upgrades we’re having done on both Young Technologies and at my home. The fact that someone bypassed all my security without alerting anybody makes me incredibly uneasy and I will not allow Samantha or my son to step one toe into that house until I know they will be safe if I’m not there with them.
I’m still rather irritated with Leo for putting his need for a quick fuck before keeping my family from harm like I asked him to do, but if he was there, he might have been killed as well, so on some level, I consider it a good thing that he wasn’t there.
Balling up the paper that had wrapped my sandwich and throwing it into the trash can beside my desk, I start to tell Leo to have the head of the military development department brought in, and my door is thrown open. Both Leo and I are on our feet immediately, not knowing whether somebody got past security to find me. I expect to see guns drawn and threats shouted. When I see the person who’s barged into my office, I only relax slightly. It’s only Claire, which can easily be more frightening than anyone pointing a gun at my head.
“What the hell was that?” I demand as my sister enters my office and slams the door shut. “Do you not know how to make an appointment?”
“I’m not making an appointment to see my own brother,” she informs me coolly. “Besides, I have the feeling that if I had made an appointment, you’d refuse to see me.”
Well, she’s not wrong. While avoiding Samantha, I’ve had to avoid Claire as well, knowing she’d be pissed with my behavior. And she has every right to be. In fact, I don’t even need to ask why she’s here right now. “Leo, can you give us a few minutes?” I ask quietly, sitting back down. The look on his face suggests that as my head of security and the one in charge of heading off threats he doesn’t want to leave me alone, even if it is only my sister.
Claire glares at him when he hesitates and I almost laugh at how quickly he leaves the room. She barely waits until the door is closed behind Leo before starting in on me. “What the fuck is your problem?” she snarls. “I just left the hospital after sitting with Sam all morning and most of it was me watching her cry. She actually called me last night asking me not to bring Tyler to see her because she didn’t want him worrying about her.” I flinch. She doesn’t even need to hit me to hurt me. That image is enough to kill me. “She thinks you don’t want her so you’re shipping her and Tyler back to Tom the same way you shipped her off to me.”
“I don’t want her?” I repeat incredulously. “Of course I want her, Claire! She’s everything I’ve ever wanted! But if she doesn’t want to be with me, I’m sure as fuck not going to force her. And I’m not going to stop Saunders from being in his child’s life.”
The room is so silent that I’m waiting to hear crickets. “I’m sorry, what?” Claire says quietly, her eyes wide.
“I know what it’s like to not be in my child’s life and I won’t do that to him,” I say quietly, every word costing me something. “He might be a dick, but if that is who Samantha wants, I won’t stop her.”
Claire is still staring at me as though I have two heads. “You’re joking, right?” she asks quietly. When a few moments go by and she realizes I’ve never been more serious, I don’t know whether she wants to laugh at me or slap me. Maybe both. “Oh my God. Matt, you are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met in my life! I’ll tell you right now: I love you both dearly, but if you don’t get to that hospital and talk to Samantha and sort this shit out, you’re both going to make the biggest mistakes of your lives.”
My jaw is dropped as I stare at my sister. “What are you talking about?” I ask cautiously.
She shakes her head. “No,” she says softly. I think she feels sorry for me for some reason. “Talk to Samantha. Please.”
I can only nod as she stands and leaves the room. Samantha thinks I don’t want her? Well, I suppose I can see how she would get that impression, but that couldn’t be further off the mark. Samantha has spent the day crying? Fuck. She doesn’t deserve that. I suddenly have an image of her lying alone and scared in her hospital bed, wondering what she’s going to do next. I can’t let her stay like that. Knowing that I’m the one who caused her to feel that way...
I fire off a couple of text messages, one to Leo telling him I’m taking off for the day, and leave my office as quickly as I can. I fucked this up and now I need to fix it.
-------------o-------------
I hate hospitals. Ever since my mother got sick when I was a teenager. The sterile environment. All the sick and dying people. The coldness of the doctors. The food. That feeling hasn’t gone away over the years and now I hate them even more. I want out of this place. And when I get out of here, I just want to go back to Matthew’s, pack my and Tyler’s things, and leave New York behind for good. It’s a depressing thought, considering everything that’s happened, but I don’t see what other choice I have. We can’t keep living in Matthew’s house, now that he’s somehow back in the land of the living—and I really need to get the whole story on that. Aside from being in such close quarters with him day in and day out after he all but told me he thinks it best if I go back to Tom, I just can’t face him. Awkward doesn’t even begin to cover how I feel at the thought of seeing him again.
I’m angry and hurt and miserable. And I don’t understand what seems to have changed since the night we spent together at Claire’s. Well, other than the whole faking his death thing and then the kidnapping. But I would have thought that would bring us closer together. I suppose I can’t really blame him; he’s spent five years alone without having to answer to anybody. He can tell me all he wants how much he wants me and Tyler in his life, how much he wants us to be a family again. But now all of a sudden there’s a baby involved. Apparently he’s not ready for another child. I’m not even sure I’m ready for another child.
The days in the hospital are much easier to handle than the nights. During the day, doctors and nurses and visitors come freely into my room, keeping my mind distracted for the most part. But during the night when all is quiet, my mind goes into overdrive and I find myself thinking things that disgust me when the sun rises again.
Claire has been a Godsend. I’m glad she suggested taking Tyler back to her house; he needs to be around other kids again right now, not sitting in th
is hellhole worried and scared because I’m hurt. She is beyond pissed off at her brother right now and I’ve had to talk her out of hunting him down more than once. Her concern is sweet, but this has to be Matthew’s decision to make. I won’t be the one to force him into doing something he doesn’t want to do. No matter how much I may want to.
Claire also took it upon herself to call my brother. Jimmy dropped everything at home and flew out to check on me. Of course I had to explain what’s been going on, or at least what little I understand, and his opinion on the situation doesn’t shock me in the least.
“I told you from day one Young is bad news, Sam,” he tells me in a slightly menacing tone. “Did you listen to me? No. Now look at you. Look at what he’s reduced you to.”
I glare at him. “Don’t start with me right now,” I threaten.
He ignores me, of course. “When you’re out of this hospital, you and Tyler are coming home with me. Where you belong. And I’m not going to listen to arguments. Now I don’t know what happened with you and Tom and frankly, I don’t care. He’s the one you should be with, Samantha, not Young. If you stay here, you’re going to end up heartbroken or worse.”
I begin to argue, but someone clears their throat from the door. Jimmy and I both look up and I feel a blush creeping up my neck at the sight of Matthew standing just inside the room looking as though he hasn’t slept in days—something I can empathize with—with as many days’ worth of stubble on his face. That look shouldn’t turn me on, but dammit, I can’t help it. To see him standing here after days’ worth of maintained radio silence is both a relief and cause for anger. Relief because it shows he hasn’t forgotten about me completely like I’d feared; anger because... Well, that should be obvious.
“Young,” Jimmy practically spits as he stands. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”
Matthew only raises an eyebrow, his gaze moving from me to my brother. “I came for the gourmet meals,” he says sarcastically. “Heard the powdered eggs in this place were the best in the state and wanted to try them for myself.”
I manage to hide my twitching lips, not that either of them has noticed what with them being so preoccupied glaring daggers at one another. My amusement only lasts a moment as I realize the testosterone level has built to an almost dangerous level and with two men who are both fiercely protective of me, there are only a handful of possible outcomes, all of which involve one or both of them being checked into the hospital as well.
“Haven’t you caused her enough pain and grief?” Jimmy snaps. I glance at Matthew in time to see his expression harden in anger. “You just can’t leave her be, can you? Every time you come around, it gets worse. I’m not letting it happen again, Young. Get out and leave her alone.”
“Jimmy, stop,” I say quietly, glaring at my brother. “You don’t get to make those decisions for me.”
“Samantha, this piece of shit is the reason you’re in here!”
“Fuck you!” Matthew shouts.
“ENOUGH!” I shout over whatever my brother’s response was going to be. “Jimmy, get out and let me talk to Matt.”
Jimmy stares at me as though I’m completely insane, which might not be too far from the mark. “You can’t really expect me to—”
“I can and I do,” I reply. “Please leave. If I need you I’ll tell you. But I’ll be fine.”
“Somehow I doubt that,” Jimmy mutters darkly. Regardless, he stands up, kisses my forehead, and walks past Matthew who steps sideways to get out of his way. “Hurt her again and you answer to me.”
Wisely, Matthew remains quiet, but I see his eyes roll as Jimmy leaves the room. The moment the door shuts softly behind him, the awkwardness I was afraid of sets in as Matthew and I stare silently at one another. “Sorry about him,” I say quietly. “You know what he’s like...”
Matthew nods slightly and takes a couple steps forward. “I’ve come to expect hostility from your brother,” he says matter-of-factly. “Besides, it’s not like he’s wrong.”
I flinch at his words. “Matt, you don’t—”
“What good have I given you, Sam?” he asks quietly. “Honestly. I took you from your family and yes, we had some very good years together. Years I wouldn’t trade for anything. But it doesn’t matter what I seem to do; every time I turn around you’re hurting or upset. How many times have you worried that I might not come home? Or that you and Tyler are in danger. This is my fault. If I’d left you alone like I should have done in the first place, you wouldn’t be in that bed right now.”
“Will you just fucking stop?” I snap. His eyes widen. “I am so fucking sick of people trying to tell me what’s best for me. Nobody seems to think I can handle things on my own, that I need constant looking after or I’m going to fall apart. Yes, you got us into some trouble, but we’re fine, Matt.”
“How can you even say that?” he asks with disgust I’m certain is directed inwardly. “Sam, you could have died and that would have been on my hands. How do you think I would have felt after that?”
“Probably about as good as I felt when I thought you’d died in a plane crash,” I tell him loudly. “I may not have been responsible for that, but it didn’t stop me being pissed off at myself for letting you leave in the first place. Not that anyone can stop the great Matthew Young once he’s got his mind set on something.”
He raises an eyebrow, his lips twitching. “The great Matthew Young, huh?” he muses. I glare at him and his amusement subsides. “I’m sorry I put you through that, Samantha. If I could change it...” His brow furrows and he shakes his head. “No, I wouldn’t have changed it. I did that to keep you and Tyler safe. If I was out of the way, the threat to you was lessened.”
“So what, instead of a kidnapping it would have been murdered in our sleep?” I ask sardonically. Immediately I know I’ve crossed a line and he’s gone from upset to livid in two seconds flat.
“That’s not funny,” he growls. “You think I like this situation? It’s been fucking miserable for me knowing you needed me and knowing I had to stay away for your own good. And seeing you at the cemetery the day of my memorial...”
The blood freezes in my veins. “You were there?” I whisper, my eyes wide.
He nods solemnly. “For the whole thing,” he says quietly, taking another few steps closer to me. “I wanted to see you, but you couldn’t know I was there or I would have gone right to you.”
“So you heard what I said?”
A small smile appears on his lips. “Every word,” he confirms. “You hated me, huh?”
“I still might,” I grumble without conviction. “I’m not really a fan of people eavesdropping on me.”
He snorts a laugh and I finally crack a smile, which encourages him to stand beside my bed, hands in his pockets to keep himself from touching me.
“How are you here?” I ask in a whisper. “And please don’t give me some smart-assed answer or tell me I’m not ready to hear it. You owe me this much, Matt.”
With an unidentifiable expression, he just watches me for several minutes as though he’s trying to figure out how much to tell me. Finally he sighs, runs his fingers through his hair causing it to stick straight up in some places, and sits down beside me. “When I told you I was flying out to Italy, that was true,” he says quietly, not quite meeting my gaze. “We had a buyer for the chip lined up, but the moment we touched ground, I got a phone call saying the buyer backed out. They claimed to not agree on the terms we presented even though they pounced on the opportunity almost the moment I stated them. I can’t prove it, since they’re being very tight-lipped about it, but I think this other group threatened them somehow. So of course that pissed me off. It got to the point I just wanted to end the entire thing and get back here. We flew to Moscow the next day and set up a meeting with this rogue gang posing as militia. Didn’t take them long to figure out I didn’t have the chip and I was trying to think of ways to shake them off the trail. When they told me they knew where you were, I t
old them the chip was back in Italy. The only plan I could come up with was to lead them back to Italy and somehow alert the authorities they were there and what they were after. I’ve got enough contacts all across the world that if I tell them someone’s after me, they don’t hesitate.”
“Why did Leo stay in Russia?” I blurt out.
Matthew’s brow furrows as though he’s wondering how I knew about that. “Because they were smart enough to realize Leo and I could take them down together. They kept Leo as insurance so I’d have no choice but to come back.”
“You went alone?”
He nods. “I knew they’d have people watching my every move and if I even sent out the slightest signal that something was off, they’d take out my friends first, then my family. So I went to the airfield where the jet was being kept, the pilot, Terry, and I performed the preflight check. I noticed something he didn’t and any other time I would have let it slide, but I was extra paranoid that day.”
“What was it?” I breathe; I’m hanging onto his every word like it’s a gripping television show or book that I need to know the end of.
He rolls his eyes, mostly at himself, I think. “A screw,” he says wryly. “One that didn’t match the others on an access panel to one of the engines. I know it sounds OCD, but I saw it and I couldn’t get it out of my head. For all I know it had nothing to do with why the plane went down. I could have boarded and taken my seat without another thought. I almost did.”
Young Lies (Young Series) Page 38