Love on the Free Side

by Mariah Ankenman

  “Wow, Tony. Ego much?” Throwing up her hands, she shook her head. “Did you really think I was so…so…lovesick that I needed to run home to my boyfriend over the summer? Did you think I’d give up the dream I had, years before I met you I might add, simply because I wanted to spend a few months playing hide the cucumber?”

  At the mention of the sex they never got to engage in, his body tightened.

  “I can’t believe this!” Turning away, she kicked her desk, uttering a polite four-letter word when the solid oak connected with her foot. She hopped about a bit, refusing the hand he held out for her. “Darn it, I’m fine. But you are an idiot.”

  He couldn’t argue that point.

  “I was struggling, I won’t deny that, but a lot of freshmen in college struggle. It was a new environment. Worlds apart from Peak Town. Here I was a big fish in a little pond, but Harvard? Harvard was like the ocean. I wanted a break. I needed a break.”

  So, it hadn’t all been about wanting to spend time with him. He wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse.

  “Then why didn’t you come home that summer?”

  Her mouth dropped open, eyes enlarging to glance at him as if he were crazy. “Um, you broke up with me. I didn’t want to come home and work my part-time summer job where you also worked. Picking between ripping my heart out seeing you every day or squashing my brain with a summer internship—no contest.”

  Brain over heart. That was his Jamie. Only, she wasn’t his Jamie, because he’d been an idiot and a first class jerk. How could he have been so wrong?

  “I’m sorry, Jamie. I truly am. I really did think I was doing the right thing. But you’re right. I was an idiot. I didn’t think about you and what you were going through. I thought I was holding you back and…”

  “And?”

  He already cracked the egg, might as well make the omelet.

  “And…I was scared.”

  “Scared?”

  Her doubtful expression made him wince. “Yeah, I knew you were going off to Harvard where there were going to be hundreds of guys who were smarter and richer than me. I…I guess I was worried you’d find someone better and…”

  She took a step closer. The sweet scent of cherry blossoms tickled his nose, stirring every nerve ending on his skin to life. He told his body to back down. This wasn’t a kiss and makeup type situation.

  “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” Her sweet brown eyes glossed over, tears gathering in the corners. “I loved you, Tony. I could have taken classes with the prince of England and not been tempted away from you. You have no idea how much you meant to me, do you?”

  No. He’d never understood why a girl as amazing as her had ever stooped to his level. She was beautiful, smart, kind, amazing. He was nothing compared to her. Every day they’d been together, he’d pondered how he had gotten so lucky. And every day, he’d feared the moment it would be taken away.

  So, he’d done the taking away himself. Self-preservation? Maybe. Too late to change his choice now. “I am so damn sorry.”

  She nodded, sniffing back tears before they fell. So strong, even when she wanted to fall apart. What the hell had he been thinking letting her go? He hadn’t. The foolish insecurities of a young boy.

  He wasn’t a boy any longer. And this thing between them wasn’t done. Not by a long shot.

  “Apology accepted.” Her throat cleared as she composed herself. “Though it hurt at the time, I’ve gotten past it and can understand why you feel you had to do what you did. It’s over and done with now. Our past is the past, so I think we can go forward from here on out as friends.”

  She stuck out her hand. Glancing at the delicate wrist and slender fingers, he took her palm gently in his grasp. A rapid tempo pounded where he rubbed his pointer and middle fingers over the pulse furiously beating at her wrist.

  Friends my ass.

  She still felt something, just as he did. Yes, he’d screwed up big time before, but they had been young, barely out of their teen years. Emotional maturity was a hard thing to control at that age. He’d acted on pure emotion, without thinking things through or consulting her.

  A mistake he wouldn’t make a second time. He’d never assume or hold back from Jamie again.

  “I’m all for going forward,” he spoke, still stroking her wrist. “But I don’t think we can be just friends, bonita. I still have feelings for you, and I think you still have them for me.”

  Sucking in a sharp breath, she wrenched her hand from his grasp. “You’re wrong.”

  “Am I?” He glanced down to her chest where her nipples poked through the thin T-shirt.

  Uttering another polite curse word a Sunday school teacher would use, she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. “It’s cold in here.”

  It wasn’t. The summer temperatures were a balmy seventy-five degrees outside, even warmer in the house. The window was cracked open to let the breeze in, but the wind was far from cool. No, her body wasn’t reacting to the weather. Those tell-tale peaks thrusting out behind her shirt were reacting to him.

  He stepped closer, invading her personal space. Jamie didn’t back away, that wasn’t in her nature. She stood her ground, challenging him with her eyes, denying what he claimed, all while her body flushed at his nearness, breath quick, eyes dilated. She glanced down to his mouth as her upper teeth bit down on her lower lip.

  A groan left him without permission at the sexy move. “I know I hurt you, and I’m sorry. I can’t take it back, but I can promise never to hurt you again.”

  Her gaze came back up to his. So many questions passed in their tempting toffee depths, so many emotions reaching out to him…anger, fear, desire. He vowed right then and there to address every single one of them, but he’d start with the one they both needed most. Bringing his hand up, he cupped her cheek, leaning in slowly, giving her time to back away. When she didn’t, he did an internal fist pump.

  The first pass of his lips over hers was soft and brief. A small taste to remind them of what it felt like.

  Heaven.

  Pure heaven, touching Jamie again. He settled his mouth firmly over hers, kissing her in earnest. She rose up on her toes, pressing her body against him.

  Hell yeah!

  Grabbing her around the waist with his free hand, he tugged her tight, deepening the kiss. He’d meant to make it light, but the moment she opened her lips, moaning into his mouth, he lost it. Vivid memories assaulted him. The sweet taste of her invaded every inch of his being. Kissing her now brought it all back. She tasted the same and somehow different, richer. He couldn’t get enough.

  Delicate hands fisted in his shirt, tugging at the material as she undulated her hips against him. He was so hard it hurt, but as much as he wanted to continue this, to finally go to that one place they never got to before, he knew now was not the time. The time would come—for damn sure—but they were both too emotional now, too raw from their confessions. She needed time to think. Hell, he needed time to think.

  Libido kicking his ass inside his own head, he reluctantly pulled away. Jamie let out a small whimper when he stepped back, breaking all physical contact. Her lips were red and swollen from his kisses, eyes hazy with lust. A pink flush covered her cheeks.

  So damn beautiful.

  His male ego took a small amount of pride in her disheveled appearance.

  “There’s still something there,” he repeated. “Think about it.”

  With that, he turned and headed out of the house before he did something really stupid like toss everything off her desk and take her right there. His body ached for him to do just that, but he couldn’t. He’d wronged Jamie. Breaking up with her over his silly fears and misconceptions had been a dick move.

  This time would be different; this time, he’d be better. Because Jamie deserved the best man in the world, and he was prepared to be that man.

  For her.

  Chapter 17

  “Think about it.”

  Like
Jamie could think about anything else.

  Darn infuriating man.

  Why couldn’t he have gotten fat or gone bald? No, that would have been too much to ask of fate. Instead, Tony had only gotten more handsome.

  His dark bedroom eyes still called to the most feminine parts of her, vowing a long, satisfied, and pleasure-filled night. His thick, almost black hair still begged her to run her fingers through it. He wore it shorter these days, but the style suited him, made the planes of his face rugged. The tall, toned young man had blossomed into a very impressively built adult. She could still see those yummy abdominal muscles and pectoral’s flexing, dripping with sweat as he’d pulled the axe from the old tree stump.

  And those stupid, sexy dimples had always been her undoing. All he had to do was grace her with a smile and those heart-stopping hollows could get her to agree to anything. Anything.

  Ugh! Was she actually entertaining the idea of starting something up with him again?

  No.

  Yes.

  Shoot!

  I need more cupcakes!

  Glancing forlornly at the empty box on her desk, she tugged at her bottom desk drawer. Emergency chocolate stash would have to do. Mass-produced chocolate covered nougat had nothing on Maggie’s cupcakes, but she was desperate. She had too much work to accomplish to stop and make a cupcake run. Plus, she didn’t want Maggie and Lizzy knowing she’d eaten the entire box in under twenty-four hours. The women were like older sisters to her. She loved them, but they could be nosy as all get out.

  If she went in to get more sweets, they would inevitably start asking about the last box and Tony, and she couldn’t lie to them to save her life. Everything would come tumbling out. As much as she loved Maggie and Lizzy, she didn’t want to puke up her man drama on them right now. They had enough to deal with, what with the shop and husbands and kids. Besides, she was supposed to be a grown woman capable of taking care of her own relationship issues. Or lack thereof.

  Her teeth pierced the candy bar, and she closed her eyes on a moan as the sweet chocolate goodness exploded in her mouth.

  Oh yeah, baby. Who needs sex when you have chocolate?

  You do, you idiot.

  “Harsh, inner voice,” she mumbled around her bite. “And after I gave you sugary heaven.”

  Okay, sugary heaven would have been another cupcake. This was more sugary vacation in the Bahamas. Still good.

  She did not need sex. The sad fact of the matter was…she’d already gone twenty-six years without it.

  Opening her laptop, she brought up her camper manifest. She really needed to stop thinking about sex and get back to work. The first group was coming in two weeks, and since she didn’t have the paperwork from Doctor Bell’s office, she needed to retrieve the files from her back up source.

  She really preferred having the original files, but as a safety precaution, she had scanned the pertinent documents and put them on an encrypted directory just in case it became necessary to print them off later.

  Hello necessary.

  Why the heck hadn’t Doctor Bell sent her the files? He was usually so good about things like this. It wasn’t like him to forget. The guy had a day planner, assistant, and an app to remind him of such things.

  “He’s only human, Jamie. Give him a break.”

  Goodness knew she needed one right now. Try as she might, work was not overshadowing the ever-present question in her brain at the moment—Tony and his proposition.

  His…proposition.

  As stupid as it sounded, she would have sworn a cartoon light bulb went off over her head as those words filtered through her mind. Tony said there was something still there, that he had feelings for her, and she felt something for him, too. She did have feelings. Complex, messy feelings to be sure, but also hot, naughty in the pants feelings.

  He never said anything about starting a relationship with her. He simply asked her to think about it. Well, she was thinking about it. Thinking about how she’d been denied the one thing she wanted desperately so many years ago. The one thing she’d never wanted to pursue since. At first, she’d been too embarrassed—getting dumped when you were ready to give your virginity away kind of made a girl gun shy—but then she’d been too busy. No one she’d dated made her feel the need, the rush…the desire.

  All those feelings, however, were back, full force, every time she was in close proximity to Tony. So, why couldn’t they have a purely physical affair? Scratch their prospective itches, get what they never achieved all those years ago and go their separate ways when they were done? Wasn’t that how adult relationships sometimes worked? He didn’t need to know she’d never technically done it before. Physically, she doubted he would know. She may be a virgin when it came to men, but she was still a woman with needs, and battery operated boyfriends could be purchased with the click of a button.

  God bless the Internet.

  Thrilled with her new plane, Jamie was able to set the matter of Tony and his distracting appeal aside and dig into work.

  Hours passed as she pored over her files. The sun started to sink over the Front Range before a soft knock on her door caused her to look up.

  “Busy?” the deep voice asked.

  A smile curled her lips at the vision standing in her doorway. One sexy, sweaty chef who’d worked hard on her property all day, fixing things that needed tending to. There was one more thing that needed tending. Her thighs quivered with anticipation. Now that she’d made up her mind, she wasn’t going to waste any more time.

  Tonight.

  It had to be tonight or she’d go insane with need.

  “All done for the day.” She gave him a broad grin. “I hadn’t realized it was so late. Are you finished?”

  His brow furrowed as he gave her a wary glance. “Yes. I finished mending more of the fencing. I also looked in on Bay and gave him some hay and a brush down, so he’s all set for the night.”

  “Wonderful, you’ve been very helpful, Tony. I appreciate it.”

  His arms crossed over his broad chest. Saliva filled her mouth. Oh how she couldn’t wait to have those strong arms wrapped around her. Holding her as he plunged into—

  “Jamie?”

  Startled out of her wicked fantasy, she shook her head, glancing up into his concerned face. “Huh?”

  “I asked if everything was okay.”

  “Everything is…perfect.”

  “Uh huh, then why do you look like I’m about to get my ass handed to me?”

  Oh, there’ll be ass-handing. Hopefully his, grabbing hers as he took her to the height of bliss.

  “I’ve just been thinking about what you said earlier.”

  He pushed away from the doorframe at her statement, arms coming down to his sides. A smile turned up his lips. “Really?”

  “Yes, and I think an affair sounds like a perfect solution.”

  The grin on his face faltered. “An…affair?”

  “Yes, an affair. A temporary fling. A brief, purely physical relationship between the two of us.” As he stepped closer to her desk, she stood, coming out from behind to meet him in the middle of the room. “As you said, there’s still something there. I feel it. You feel it. We’re both unattached adults, so why shouldn’t we explore it?”

  “Why not indeed?”

  His words agreed with her, but the tone didn’t. He sounded upset, angry.

  “Look,” she continued, pointing out the logic for him. “You live in New York. I live here. It’d be stupid to start any kind of long-term relationship. We tried long distance once and that didn’t work out.”

  He appeared as though he wanted to argue, but said nothing.

  “Obviously since we never got to…consummate our relationship, there are some unresolved feelings there. So, since we’re stuck with each other for the next short while, why not enjoy the one aspect of our relationship we never got to experience? Then we can part as mature adults having satisfied all the needs of our…libidos.”

  For a moment,
he said nothing. Tony stared at her, his face processing what she’d just said. She thought she’d laid it out all rather neat and nice like. A strictly sexual liaison to scratch whatever itch still remained from their young relationship. No strings attached sex. Wasn’t that what all men wanted? Why was he thinking about this so hard?

  “You want me for sex?”

  “And your cooking skills, but only until I can find another chef.”

  “And another bed partner?”

  Ire heated her cheeks. “Hey, you were the one who said there were still feelings there. You were the one who kissed me.”

  “And you kissed me back.”

  “I know!” She took a step closer until she could poke him in his ridiculously chiseled chest. “That’s why I suggest we do it.”

  “Do it?” A small smile began to curve his insanely tempting lips.

  “Sex, intercourse, hump, horizontal mambo, bumping uglies. Pick a phrase. Just decide if you agree to my offer and get back to me.”

  Frustrated, embarrassed, and—dang it all—horny, she started to stomp past him when his arm came out, snaking around her waist and pulling her back against his chest.

  “Do not get angry, bonita. I am simply surprised by your…offer.”

  His warm breath whispered into her ear, tickling the back of her neck. Chills rose on her body as his lips pressed softly against her shoulder.

  “I agree to your terms, but I have a condition.”

  “What?” Shoot, she’d meant that to sound strong and in control, not breathless and needy.

  The hand holding her waist stroked her stomach. Butterflies fluttered deep inside with every soft brush of his fingers.

  “When we are together, it is only us. You and me. No seeing other men while you warm my bed.”

  Pfffft, like there were any other men for her to see. “Fine, but you agree to the same.”

  A deep chuckle vibrated in her ear. “I don’t see any men.”

  “You know what I mean.” She moaned as his other hand came up to caress her breast. The words panted out of her on short breaths. “No…other…women.” All her oxygen was currently being used to command her brain to breathe as his talented hands began to stroke and rub her body, passing over erogenous zones he’d discovered long ago and, apparently, never forgot.