"If I seem to laugh for no reason, I hope you'll understand that some reasons are too important to be mentioned."
132
Wrapped up in his overcoat, Abd al-Muni'm returned home to Sugar Street, bracing himself against the bitter winter cold. Although it was only six, darkness had fallen. When he reached the entry to the staircase, the door of the first-floor apartment opened and out slipped the lithe figure that had been waiting for him. His heart pounded and his fiery eyes watched her advance as he climbed the stairs with light steps, taking care not to make any sound. He was torn between his desire, which tempted him to yield, and his will, which urged him to take control of a nervous system apparently bent on betraying and destroying him. He remembered, only then, that she had made a date with him for this evening and that he could have come home earlier or later, thus avoiding the encounter. He had forgotten all about it. How forgetful he was! There was no time for deliberation and reflection. He would have to wait until he was alone in his room, until a moment that would mark triumphant victory or miserable defeat.
Nothing could make him forget his endless struggle. Throwing himself into this trial, he mounted the stairs behind her without having reached any decision. At the landing, he imagined her figure had swelled so large that it filled space and time to bursting.
With some difficulty, he concealed his anxiety and hid his determination to resist temptation when he said, "Good evening."
The voice replied affectionately, "Good evening. Thank you for heeding my advice to wear your overcoat."
He was touched by her tenderness, and the wordshe was about to cast at her melted in his mouth. Trying to mask his confusion, he said, "I was afraid it might rain."
She raised her head as though to look at the sky and remarked, "It will rain sooner or later. You can't see a single star in the sky. I had trouble recognizing you when you turned into our street."
He collected his unruly faculties and observed as if to caution her, "It's cold and extremely humid in the staircase."
With a directness the girl had learned from him, she replied, "I don't feel the cold when I'm near you."
The heat welling up inside him made his face burn. His condition suggested that he was going to err again, his best intentions notwithstanding. He summoned all his willpower in an effort to master the tremor sweeping through his body.
"Why don't you speak?" she asked.
Sensing her hand gently squeeze his shoulder, he could not stop himself from putting his arms around her. He began with one long kiss and then showered her with more, until he heard her say breathlessly, "I can't bear to be apart from you!"
He kept on hugging her, as he warmed to her embrace. She whispered in his ear, "I wish I could stay like this forever."
Tightening his grip on her, he said in a trembling voice, "I'm sorry!"
In the darkness she drew her head back a little and asked, "Aboui: what, darling?"
He replied hesitantly, "The mistake we're making."
"By God, what mistake?"
He gently freed himself from her and removed his overcoat, which he folded and started to place on the railing. But at the last terrifying moment he changed his mind, draped it over his arm, and took a step backwards, breathing heavily. His willpower was able to halt his progressive surrender to lust, and that changed everything. When her hand sought to return to his neck, he grabbed hold of it. Then he waited until his breathing had returned to normal and said calmly, "This is a great error."
"What error? I don't understand."
"A young girl not yet fourteen," Abd al-Muni'm chided himself, "and you're toying with her to satisfy a merciless desire. This flirtation will lead to nothing. It's merely an amusement that will draw down God's wrath and anger on you."
"You must try to understand," he said. "Would we be able to tell everyone what we're doing?"
"Tell everyone?"
"Don't you see you would be forced to deny it? If we can't talk about it, then it must be a despicable error."
He felt her hand search for him again. He climbed the first step of the next flight of stairs, confident that he had passed safely out of the danger zone. "Admit that we're doing something wrong. We mustn't continue to make this mistake."
"I'm amazed to hear you talk like this."
"Don't be. My conscience can no longer tolerate this mistake. It torments me, making it hard for me to pray."
"She's silent," he thought. "I've hurt her, may God forgive me. How painful! But I won't give in. Praise God that desire didn't lead you to commit an even greater error."
"What's happened must teach us not to do anything like this in the future. You're young. You've made a mistake. Don't ever yield to temptation again."
In a sobbing voice she protested, "I haven't done anything wrong. Are you planning to desert me? What are your intentions?"
In full command of himself now, he answered, "Go back to your apartment. Don't do anything you would have to conceal. Don't ever meet anyone in the dark."
The shaky voice asked, "Are you deserting me? Have you forgotten what you said about our love?"
"Those were a fool's words. You were mistaken. Let this be a lesson for you. Beware of the dark, for it could be your ruin. You're young. How come you're so daring?"
Her sobs reverberated in the gloom, but that made no impression on his heart. He was intoxicated by the stern delight of victory.
"Heed my words. Don't be angry. Remember that if I were really a scoundrel I wouldn't have been satisfied with anything less than ruining you. Goodbye."
He bounded up the stairs. The torment was over. Remorse would no longer be able to sink its teeth into him. But he should remember what his mentor Shaykh Ali al-Manufi said: "You cannot conquer the devil by ignoring the laws of nature". Yes, he had to remember that. He quickly changed into his house shirt. Then as he left the room he told his brother, Ahmad, "I want to talk privately with Father in the study. Please give us a little time to be alone."
When Abd al-Muni'm asked his father to join him there, Khadija raised her head to inquire, "Good news?"
"I want to talk to Father first. Then it will be your turn."
Ibrahim Shawkat trailed after his son silently. The man had recently gotten a new set of dentures. His languid complacency had returned, after he had been forced to confront life in a toothless condition for six whole months. They sat down beside each other, and the father asked, "Good news, God willing?"
Without any hesitation or introduction, Abd al-Muni'm said, "Father, I want to marry."
The man stared at his son's face and then knit his brows jovially as though he had not understood. After shaking his head in a bafiled way, he remarked, "Marriage? There's a right time for everything. Why are you speaking about this now?"
"I want to get married now."
"Now? You're only eighteen. Won't you wait until you get your degree?
" 1 ca/it.
Then the door opened, and Khadija entered. "What's happening behind this door?" she asked. "Are there secrets you can tell your father but not me?"
Abd al-Muni'm frowned nervously. Ibrahim, who scarcely understood the meaning of his own words, answered, "Abd al-Muni'm wants to get married."
Khacija scrutinized her husband as though fearing he had gone insane. She cried out, "Get married! What do I hear? Have you decided to leave the University?"
In an angry, forceful voice, Abd al-Muni'm responded, "I said I want to marry, not that I'm dropping out of school. I'll continue my studies as a married man. That's all there is to it."
Looking back and forth from one to the other, Khadija asked, "Abd al-Muni'm, are you really serious?"
He shouted, "Absolutely!"
The woman struck her hands together and riposted, "The evil eye has struck you. What's happened to your brain, son?"
Abd al-Muni'm stood up angrily. He asked, "What brings you here? I wanted to speak privately with my father first, but you don't know what patience is. Listen! I want to
get married. I have two more years before I finish my studies. Father, you can support me for these two years. If I weren't sure ofthat, I would not have made this request."
Khadija said, "God's grace! They've destroyed his mind."
"Who has?"
"God knows best who they are. I'll let Him take care of them. You shouldn't have any doubts as to their identity, and we'll soon learn."
The young man told his father, "Don't listen to her. Even now I have no idea what girl will be mine. Choose her yourselves. I want a suitable bride, any bride."
Flabbergasted, she asked him, "Do you mean there's not some special girl who is the cause of this whole calamity?"
"Absolutely not. Believe me. Choose for me yourself."
"Why are you in such a hurry then? I'll select someone for you. Give me a little time. Say a year or two?"
Raising his voice, he said, "I'm not joking. Leave me alone. He understands me better than you do."
His father asked him calmly, "Why the rush?"
Lowering his gaze, Abd al-Muni'm answered, "I can't wait any longer."
Khadija inquired, "How come thousands of other young men like you can?"
The boy told his father, "I'm not willing to do what they do."
Ibrahim thought a little. To put an end to this scene he said, "That's enough for now. We'll continue this discussion another time."
Khadija started to say something, but her husband stopped her and took her by the hand. The couple left the study to resume their places in the sitting room, where they went over the topic, considering it from every angle. After a lot of give-and-take, Ibrahim felt inclined to support his son's request. He took it upon himself to convince his wife. Once she had accepted the notion in principle, Ibrahim said, "We have Na'ima, my niece. We won't need to tire ourselves out searching for a bride."
Capitulating, Khadija said, "I'm the one who persuaded you to renounce your share of your late brother's estate for Aisha's sake. So I have no objection to the choice of Na'ima as a bride for my son. I'm very concerned about Aisha's happiness, as you know. But I'm afraid of her melancholy brooding and am very apprehensive about her eccentric behavior. Haven't you hinted to her repeatedly that we would like Na'ima to marry Abd al-Muni'm? All the same I think she was ready to accept Jamil al-Hamzawi's son when al-Hamzawi proposed it."
"That's ancient history. A year or more has passed since then, and praise God nothing has come of it. No matter how good a position he has, it would have done me no honor to have a young man like that marry my niece. As far as I'm concerned, a man's family origin is everything, and Na'ima is very dear to us."
Sighing, Khadija agreed, "Very, very dear. What do you suppose my father will say about this foolishness when he learns of it?"
Ibrahim replied, "I'm sure he'll welcome it. Everything about it seems like a dream, but I won't regret it. I'm positive that it would be an unforgivable error to ignore Abd al-Muni'm's request, so long as it's within our power to grant it."
133
No changes worth mentioning had taken place at the old house on Palace Walk, but the neighbors Hasanayn the barber, Darwish the bean seller, al-Fuli the milkman, Abu Sari', who ran the snack shop, and Bayumi, who sold fruit drinks — had all learned in one way or another that al-Sayyid Ahmad's granddaughter was to marry her double first cousin Abd al-Muni'm today. Al-Sayyid Ahmad did not break with his time-honored traditions, and the day passed like any other one. Only members of the family were invited, and the day's major activity was preparation of the dinner banquet.
It was at the beginning of summer, and they were all assembled in the parlor: al-Sayyid Ahmad Abd al-Jawad, Amina, Khadija, Ibrahim Shawkat, Abd al-Muni'm, Ahmad, Yasin, Zanuba, Rid-wan, and Karima. The only two family members missing were Na'ima, who was adorning herself on the top floor, and Aisha, who washelping her. Sensing that his presence might dampen their spirits at this festive family reunion, al-Sayyid Ahmad went off to his room shortly after welcoming everyone and waited there for the religious official to arrive.
He had liquidated his business and sold the store, choosing to retire, not merely because he was sixty-five but also because Jamil al-Hamzawi's resignation had forced him to assume much of the work at a time when he was no longer up to it. Thushe had decided to retire, contenting himself with his savings and what he had gotten from closing out his store. He calculated that this amount would suffice for the rest of his days. His retirement had been an important milestone in the life of the family. Kamal had begun to wonder whether they had not underestimated the role Jamil al-Hamzawi had played in all their lives and especially in their father's.
Alone in his room, al-Sayyid Ahmad silently pondered the events of the day, as if he could not believe that the bridegroom was his grandson Abd al-Muni'm. He had been amazed and incredulous the day Ibrahim Shawkat had raised the matter with him.
"How could you allow your son to speak to you so bluntly and to impose his will on you?" he had wanted to know. "Fathers like you are spoiling the next generation."
He would have said no, had it not been for the delicacy of the circumstances. Out of consideration for Aisha's misery, he had renounced his customary stubbornness, since he could not bear to disappoint her, especially after all the little comments provoked by Fuad al-Hamzawi's silence. If Na'ima's marriage would lessen the anguish of Aisha'sheart, then welcome to it. His distress had prompted him to grant his consent, and he had allowed children to force their wishes on adults and to marry before finishing their education. He had summoned Abd al-Muni'm and had made him promise to complete his studies. Citing passages from the Qur'an and from reports of the Prophet's life, Abd al-Muni'm had offered an eloquent defense, setting his grandfather's mind at ease, while arousing in the patriarch feelings of both admiration and contempt. So today the schoolboy was getting married, while Kamal had not yet thought of it — although al-Sayyid Ahmad had once refused even to announce the engagement of his late son Fahmy, who had died before enjoying the prime of his youth. The cosmos seemed to have turned upside down. Another extraordinary world had sprung up in its place.
"We're strangers even among our own kinsfolk," he thought. "Today, schoolboys marry. Who knows what they'll do tomorrow?"
In the parlor, Khadija was concluding a lengthy monologue: "And that's why we moved everyone out of the second floor. Tonight it will look its best when it receives the newlyweds."
Yasin told her impishly, "You have everything it takes to be an outstanding mother-in-law. But you'll be unable to exploit your extraordinary talents with this bride."
Although she fully understood his allusion, she ignored it and said, "The bride is my daughter and my sister's daughter."
To soften the impact of Yasin's jest, Zanuba commented, "Mrs. Khadija is a perfect lady". Khadija thanked her. Despite a secret dislike for this sister-in-law, Khadija responded thankfully and respectfully to her ingratiating remarks, for Yasin's sake.
Karima at ten was already pretty enough for Yasin to make proud forecasts about her future feminine charms. Abd al-Muni'm was cotiversing with his grandmother, Amina, who was always impressed by his piety. She would occasionally interrupt his comments to invoke God's blessings on him.
Kamal teased Ahmad: "Are you getting married next year?"
"Unless I follow your example, Uncle."
Zanuba, who was listening, said, "If Mr. Kamal will give me permission, I promise to have him married off in a matter of days."
Pointing to himself, Yasin said, "I'm ready to let you find a bride for me."
Shaking her head scornfully, she replied, "You've been married more than enough. You've had your share of brides and your brother's share too."
Attracted by the topic of this conversation, Amina told Zanuba, "If you get Kamal married, I'll trill with joy for the first time in my life."
When he tried to picture his mother trilling joyfully, Kamal laughed. Then he imagined himself in the place of Abd al-Muni'm, waiting for the Islamic notary, and fell silent. The
thought of marriage stirred up a whirlpool of emotions deep inside him as surely as winter's humidity troubles the breathing of an asthmatic. Although he categorically rejected the idea of marriage, he could not ignore it. His heart was free, but he found this emptiness as nerve-racking as being in love. If he did decide to marry now, his only recourse would be the traditional process beginning with a matchmaker and ending with a household, children, and immersion in the mechanics of daily life. After that, no matter how much a person wanted to, he would scarcely be able to find time for reflection. Kamal would always view marriage with a strange mixture of longing and aversion.
"The end of your life will be nothing but loneliness and despair," he warned himself.
The truly happy person that day was Aisha. For the first time in nine years she had put on a pretty dress and had braided her hair. Now with dreamy eyes she was looking at her daughter, who was as beautiful as a moonbeam. As her tears began to flow, Aisha hid her own pale withered face from her daughter. At that moment, finding her weeping, Amina gave Aisha a critical look and said, "It's not right for Na'ima to leave the house with a sad heart."
Aisha sobbed, "Don't you see that she's alone today, without a father or a brother?"
Amina replied, "That makes her mother all the more important. May our Lord grant the mother a long life, for the girl's sake… and she's going to her aunt and uncle. Besides, she has God, the creator of the whole universe, to watch over her."
Drying her eyes, Aisha said, "From daybreak on, I'm inundated with memories of my departed loved ones. I can see their faces. Once she's gone I'll be all alone."
Amina scolded her, "You're not alone!"
Na'ima patted her mother's cheek and asked, "How can I leave you, Mama?"
Aisha smiled and answered sympathetically, "Your new household will show you how."
Na'ima said anxiously, "You'll visit every day. You've avoided going anywhere near Sugar Street, but from now on you'll have to change that."
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