by Nika Lucas
"I went to check on you last night," Mack says.
I stare out across the forest, hesitant to answer. What should I tell him? How much?
"I went out on a date," I reply.
"Ah. I thought so. I thought I detected a faint scent. And.... it's familiar."
My mouth twitches before I can stop it.
"Is that a smile?" he asks, teasingly, "It is, Caleb smiles!"
"Shut up," I say softly, unable to put any anger behind it. "It was just a date. No big deal."
"It is! You haven't dated since... It's been awhile. Do I know this guy?"
"Yes," and suddenly I’m blushing.
"Okay, don't tell me. The scent is there. It's..."
He sniffs, and I want to run, scoot away from him. I know he won't approve.
"Trey? Please tell me you didn't go out on a date with Trey."
"So what if I did?"
His teasing turns serious. "Didn't I warn you about him? I don't want you to get hurt. He's not the kind of guy who’ll take care of you."
"I know. You told me. But he's... different. I don't know how else to describe him. I just feel safe with him. Like when I'm with the pack."
"Yes, but he’s' not pack. He's a lone wolf. He puts himself before others. He's selfish. He'll use you."
I shiver, my human flesh not liking the cold air as much as my wolf form.
"I just wanted to use him," I say. "it's a two-way street."
He puts an arm around my shoulder. It's only a gesture of friendship. Mack and me, we know we're not meant for each other, though I know he cares for me deeply, more than most people I've met, as much as my family ever had. I trust him and his advice. He's never led me wrong.
Except for describing the size of Trey's cock. There he blatantly lied.
"Just be careful with him," Mack says. He squeezes my shoulder and narrows his eyes. "And if you need me to kick his ass, just say the word."
I chuckle softly. "I will. And Mack? Don't tell Ben. I don't want him to know."
Mack scoffs. "Ben doesn't matter, he'll chase after any alpha with a pulse. He's already forgotten about Trey."
"Maybe."
* * *
Ben hasn't forgotten about Trey. We ride back together, the five of us, in Mack's SUV. It's a bigger vehicle than we like, but it holds us all with room to spare. It takes us places that are more difficult to get to in a smaller rig.
Mack drives, I sit in the passenger seat, Ben sits in the middle, and Jenna and Frank have the back. The two who aren't a couple continue to act like one, holding hands, and speaking in a low voice. Though we don't bring it up, they slipped away in the mountains, and they are covered in each other's scent.
Ben leans forward, between Mack and me. "You know," he says, "I've been thinking. We should really show your friend, Trey, some support. I mean, he's really talented. I’d like to catch his show again."
Mack risks a glance at me, but Ben doesn't catch it.
Ben continues, lost in his own train of thought. "I swear, I can almost still smell him. Like one of those ghost scents you sometimes get when you think about someone.
I know what he's talking about. I smell him too. And I think I should have drowned myself in cologne to further dampen the reminder of him. If I close my eyes I can feel his touch again, taste his lips, as though he's mine again. And it's nice. It chases away older, darker memories.
The best part about my time with Trey is he proved me wrong, that being loved doesn't have to hurt.
Ben grabs my shoulder and gives me a squeeze. “In fact, I’ve heard talk that he’s performing at Lunar’s again, this Friday. How about we show Trey some pack support? Mack buys the first round, because that’s the responsibility of the pack alpha, and Cal, you’re my wingman. I need you to make me look good.”
“What about us?” Frank calls from the back seat.
Jenna punches him. “No, you guys got this. Frank and I, we’ll come up with plans of our own. Frank owes me a movie anyway, right Frank?”
CHAPTER 13 – TREY
It’s been three long days and Caleb doesn’t call, and I tell myself that I don’t care. But I do care. He’s all I think about. Every song I write is about him, and I find myself writing all sorts of songs.
I tell myself that they aren’t about him. I try to write songs that are anything but about him.
Yet they always lead back.
I stare at my notepad. I’ve always preferred to write my lyrics longhand instead of on a computer. Handwriting captures feelings so much better than the impersonal nature of a computer screen. The pen feels like a catalyst for the muse, channeling from within me to the paper.
I have five songs written, each at various levels of completion. Each one, on some level, is about Caleb. He’s buried within each one, channeling whatever I’m feeling in the moment – pain, rage, melancholy, self-loathing…
And I realize…
… Heartbreak.
“Son of a bitch. He did it to me. I asked for this.”
But this isn’t what I want, not anymore. I don’t want heartache. I want him. I want him by my side. I want to be on stage and look out and see his face.
But that’ll never happen. He opened himself up with the intention of never having to see me again. He needed a night of love, to know he was still capable of connecting.
“Damn it, Caleb, you used me.”
But telling this to sheets of paper is not the same a saying it to his face. I did not break his heart…
… he broke mine.
I have another show at Lunar’s this Friday. Another band cancelled, and Jake said they want me back.
Would Caleb be there?
Of course not. He’s done with me. Otherwise he would’ve called.
I crumple up the song and hurl it across the room. I have his number saved on my phone. I can stare at it all I want. I won’t call him.
The show must go on.
* * *
Four hours and six beers later, I still can’t get Caleb out of my mind. Hell, maybe I need something stronger. Some whiskey might be just what the doctor ordered to get over omega heartbreakers.
I’m going to the bar to get hammered. I am fully intent on going straight to Lunar’s. I have no intention of going anywhere else.
But if I were to drive past Caleb’s apartment, I wouldn’t be going that far out of my way. If I were to make a friendly offer asking him if he might like to go, I mean, it wouldn’t waste that much time.
Though I know I shouldn’t, though I know he’s through with me, I tell myself I’m doing this because we’re just friends. I want to foster this friendship and keep it going.
So maybe we can’t be together. So what? We can be friends. That’s still a very real possibility.
Within minutes, I’ve convinced myself that seeing Caleb, in an act of friendship, of course, is the best thing I can do.
The feeling he gives me, as though we might’ve been able to be together if we’d only met earlier on in our lives, almost makes me sick to my stomach. Whoever has claimed him is someone horrible. If for no other reason, that’s why I should be there for him.
CHAPTER 14 – CALEB
I stand in front of my bathroom mirror, staring at the man reflected back at me. “Get yourself together,” I order, “You’ve got this. You can see him again.”
Shit, it’s not even Friday. The show isn’t until tomorrow, and I’m already an emotional mess.
I harden my eyes. I practice keeping all emotion out of my face. I can’t let him see how much I’m attracted to him, not again. That way he won’t think I’m stalking him. That way he won’t feel like he’s got to speak to me again. I’m giving him an out.
But I hope he will speak to me. I hope he’s been thinking about me.
“Don’t be stupid,” I tell the mirror, “He’s seen the damage. He’s touched the scars.”
But what if he wasn’t repulsed? He didn’t act disgusted.
If I want this so badly,
I’m just setting myself up for disappointment. I shouldn’t go.
Ben’s coming over tonight, we’re going to watch a few action flicks, something with sweaty men getting bloody with lots of explosions. I fully intend to tell Ben that I slept with Trey so there are no surprises tomorrow.
But if I tell Ben, how’s he going to act at the show? Most likely like a total dickhead.
That’s not fair. Ben’s never been jealous. He’s only always been supportive.
But if he comes over, I know I’m not going to be able to keep it a secret.
I should call Ben and tell him to stay home.
I should call him before he arrives, tell him not to bother.
Do this. Go through with it.
“No.”
I pick up the phone. I don’t bother calling. I text Ben.
I have to cancel. Sorry, I feel like shit.
I turn off my phone so I don’t have to see his reply. I’ll find something online to stream. Maybe I’ll get drunk.
The second the screen goes black, there’s a knock on the door.
“Damn.” I’m too late. He’s already here.
Over thirty minutes early? Shit, Ben!
As I walk, I think up various excuses. That’s the thing about Ben, I can’t lie to his face. Even though I can tell him I don’t want company, he’ll still settle in and drag out my darkest secrets.
And I love him for it. That’s what a pack is about, knowing what’s best for you even when you don’t realize it.
Yes, I’ll make some lame ass excuse, and then we’ll cuddle, and I’ll break down and tell him everything.
“Hey,” I say as I open the door, “I’m not in the…”
I stop in mid-sentence. I freeze.
It’s not Ben.
It’s Andrew, with his long dark hair hanging just below his shoulders. His golden eyes are twin blazing suns that stare straight through me. When he smiles, he has two fangs that I’m too intimate with.
“Hello, lover,” Andrew says, “I’ve missed you.”
I can’t move. I’m suddenly cold, frozen by his stare.
Andrew grins, as though fully aware of the effect he has upon me.
I’ve been spellbound by him for so long, made dizzy by his beauty and his silver tongue.
Worse – and I hate myself for this – when I’m in his presence, I don’t even fear his violence. He’s been gone for seven months, leaving without even a goodbye. And just like that, just like every time in the past, he shows up and expects me to welcome him back.
Mack and the rest of the pack try to look out for me. They try to help me get along without him, but they can’t be with me all the time. And ultimately? My stupid relationship decisions are my choice and mine alone.
He steps into the apartment as I find my feelings suddenly at war. Part of the problem is his aura. He’s incredibly handsome in a very dangerous way. Just being next to him makes my omega juices flow, betraying my desire for him.
He raises a hand to cup my cheek. I want so badly to give myself over to him. I want him to take me, despite his abuse and violent tendencies.
But things have changed. One thing has changed, and that is that there is a chance with another alpha.
But Andrew can’t read my mind. He leans in, those gold eyes drawing closer like my imminent doom. His scent is strong and needy, driving me into heat.
Making me whimper at his touch.
“Come now, Cal,” he says, “No kiss for your lover?”
I close my eyes. I try to block out his scent, his touch, his power over me.
It’s impossible.
I open my eyes and see he’s still waiting. His dark hair has fallen across his gorgeous face. If I kiss him I’m lost. I’m not sure I can win this fight anyway.
“I swear,” he continues, “I feel as though you’re not into me anymore. Are you actually fighting me?”
“Please, Andy,” I say, nearly begging, “Just let me go.”
He laughs as though I’ve said the funniest thing in the world. “Now why would I do something like that? My precious Cal, you are my favorite lover. I’ve always felt like we have something special. You’re mine and I will never part with you.”
He places a hand on my chest and walks around behind me, sliding his fingers along the top of my pecs to my shoulder and around to my back.
I shiver at his touch. The front door is open. What if I were to run? Yet he might as well have me under a spell. I cannot move. I dare not.
Andrew leans in and breathes in the scent of me. Can he smell the remnant of Trey’s scent upon me? If he can, what will he do?
“Oh, how I’ve missed you,” he continues, “I have to admit, I kind of like this new you. I like hearing you beg. But I think I’d rather have you begging for something else. What do you think? Maybe on your knees?”
I shudder. He could make me. I know he could. And then how could I live with myself? I can barely live with myself now.
I close my eyes, feeling my will to fight slip away. I do not love him, I do not even like him, yet he’s triggering my desire with his presence. My omega juices re flowing, eager for the abuse only he can offer. He’s triggered my heat, and I want to fuck.
I haven’t used a contraceptive. He would put a baby in me.
If only I’d gone to Ben’s, instead. If only I hadn’t told Ben to forget about me tonight.
There’s nobody to save me. If there’s nobody else, then Andrew will take me, and there’s nothing I can do to stop him.
I feel the heat of his mouth moving toward my neck, and I try to envision myself somewhere else. I try to pretend he’s Trey.
And then, suddenly, I can smell him, as though he’s standing in the doorway.
Andrew pulls away and asks, “Who the fuck are you?”
I open my eyes, and it’s like I’ve conjured him out of thin air.
It’s Trey.
CHAPTER 15 – TREY
When I reach Caleb’s apartment, the door is wide open, and I see the most fiendishly handsome man I’ve ever seen in my life. His scent is so strong, I instantly realize that this is the man who has scarred up Caleb so badly, both across his flesh and across his spirit. His scent is overpowering, a mix of sex and pain. An angry alpha in rut.
The man looks up from where he was about to nibble on Caleb’s neck and asks, “Who the fuck are you?”
Caleb opens his eyes and stares into mine. I see the fear, but I can also smell his lust, his need. This man has triggered his heat, making him desperate to mate. I can smell his honey-sweet slick, and I feel it trigger my alpha rut also.
Caleb trembles.
He’s mine. The thought hits me like a punch to the heart and stomach, but I don’t declare it out loud. At least not with words. It comes out as a snarl, as though I’m suddenly incapable of speech.
I shift, partially, a merge of man and wolf, of sharp fangs and claws. It is the wolf shifter fighting form. My clothes are suddenly tight as my muscles swell.
I force myself to say words, to articulate a threat. “Step away from him.” It’s an order, and if he defies me, I’m going to fight him.
The man steps back and I see the fangs in his wicked grin. The worst though, is his eyes. They are hellish and filled with cruelty.
Caleb wasn’t lying. This isn’t some alpha lover. He’s a fucking bastard – a bully. Maybe I too should be afraid of the violence this dickhead is capable of. But I’m just really pissed. This is the asshole who’s left Caleb feeling unlovable.
He thinks Caleb belongs to him. I know that Caleb and I are something more, that we could be, if given the opportunity, and it starts with driving away this monster.
I hardly dare think it, I’ve never wanted the bond of a fated mate. I’ve never believed that I could care for somebody so.
Yet here I am, and if I am to have this bond, this love, then I must fight for him.
He keeps Caleb between us. Even as I attempt to step around him, the other alpha moves out of my
reach. Caleb doesn’t move, and he never takes his eyes off of me. I see the hope in his eyes mixing with his fear.
And this is my duty, as his alpha, to keep him safe.
“He’s mine,” the man says, “I’ve marked him. I’ve claimed him. Whatever he is to you, know he can never truly love you. He belongs to me.”
His words cut me deeply. Caleb had called himself damaged, and this alpha was responsible.
I have to believe he’s is wrong. I have to believe that Caleb too is wrong, because I’m starting to believe that the two of us are something more, and this alpha has tried to come between us. I have to believe I can bring Caleb back, back from whatever dark place this creature has taken him.
“Caleb,” I say.
Our eyes meet. There’s still hope. He believes I can save him, and that is enough.
“Drop,” I say, and he responds instantly, falling to his knees.
In that moment I pounce, becoming a wolf and leaping, literally, out of my clothes. It’s not as easy as it sounds, and the shirt tears.
I smash into the startled alpha, my weight driving him back and down. I snap for his throat, a raging and pissed off predator. He fights back, his hands becoming wicked claws, but I’m so angry I don’t even feel them.
I caught him off guard but he’s a fighter. I manage only to stay on top of him when I sink my teeth into his shoulder.
He shifts too, but only partially because he’s tangled in his clothes. Just when I think he’s going to throw me, I’m joined by another wolf. He’s a beautiful cream-colored animal, and I realize it’s Caleb. He’s overcome the pack hierarchy to take on an alpha, his former mate, which means then, that he’s accepted me over the other.
Caleb sinks his teeth into the alpha’s bicep and I let go long enough to go for the throat.
“I yield,” the other alpha shrieks, “Please!”
He tastes of fear, and this pleases me. I am still tempted to kill him, but this would be nothing short of murder.