by Dianne Drake
Gabby took a deep breath, straightened in the seat, then let her breath back out, slowly bracing herself for the most important words she’d ever spoken in her life. It was time to step up and be the support her baby needed, just the way Neil had stepped up to be the support she needed. She looked at Neil for a moment to find the calm reassurance she always found in him. Then she spoke. “Bryce, I know this isn’t the way we had things planned, but you’ve got to trust me. The very best doctors in the whole world are taking care of you now, and very soon you’ll be feeling much better. Mommy’s on her way, Bryce. I promise, Mommy will be there when you need me.” She swiped at a stray tear running down her cheek, angry at herself for not being in better control. And for being so frightened. She was a doctor, after all. She’d delivered babies with the very same problem and seen the successes. Yet none of that did any good when it concerned her child. Her miracle baby. “I love you, Bryce. I love you so much, and I’ll be there in a little while. We’re going to get through this together. You’ve got to believe me, Bryce. We’re going to get through this together. Be strong for Mommy.”
Gabby clicked off the phone, then scooted back down in the seat, and cocooned herself even tighter in the blanket, more emotionally exhausted than before. “I always let my patients know the risks associated with pregnancy, and I try to prepare them in case something like this happens. But I never, ever prepared myself, and I refused to let myself think about it because this may be my one and only chance to have a baby. I suppose I wanted it so badly I blocked out common sense.”
“It’s normal, Gabrielle. Nobody wants to focus on the negatives. Pregnancy can be such a happy time, with so much to look forward to, so not thinking in terms of the things that could go wrong is the easiest thing to do. And, in my opinion, the best. I mean, suppose you’d spent every day worrying? Suppose you went over the checklist of everything that could go wrong rather than looking forward to all the things that could go right, the way you did? All that stress could have made things…”
“Worse?” she snapped. “Do you really believe things could have turned out worse?”
Angela took hold of her hand again, but didn’t say a word.
“Yes,” he said, his voice grave. “They could have, and deep down you know that. Bryce is alive, which gives him a chance. And with so many people fighting for him—” Before he could finish, the cell phone jingled, and she automatically clicked on. It was Eric telling her they’d arrived at the hospital, safe and sound, that they were en route to the surgery. “We’re going to do some preliminary tests first, get some X-rays, type and cross-match him for a transfusion if we need one. If I have your consent.”
“Of course you do. Anything at all…just do it.” As Eric was signing off, Neil swerved to avoid a crater in the road, then swerved again to miss a rock that had slid down the hill. The rain had all but stopped, but the water was still on the rise. Not fast, but steady. Making the road slick with mud, and littered with so many blind obstructions that Neil’s knuckles were white from gripping the steering wheel so hard.
Gabby saw this, saw the strain on his face as they slowed to ford a rivulet crossing over the road. It was deep, up to the bottom of the truck door—Angela’s truck. It was a four-wheel drive, high-rider, thank God for small miracles. Otherwise they wouldn’t have gotten though, and she wouldn’t be able to kiss Bryce before he went into surgery.
And she had to kiss him. In fact, that was the only thing on her mind, the only thing she focused on until they reached the hospital.
Then finally, after the longest ride of her life, they were there. And it was a sight she’d never expected. Dozens of people were standing in water halfway up to their knees, filling sandbags, while dozens of other people placed the bags around the foundations of the hospital to hold back the rising waters. Yellow rain slickers everywhere, rain boots, umbrellas of every color and size… Those who weren’t involved in bagging sand were taking hot coffee to the ones who were, and a temporary aid station had been set up on a makeshift wooden platform so people could get up out of the water for a while.
As Neil came to a stop, it was like all the workers gathered there came to a stop too, and turned to look at them as he helped Angela from the truck first, and gestured to an attendant with a wheelchair for her, then went back to help Gabby, literally scooping her up into his arms and carrying her inside. No protests. Once in the door, another one of the volunteers rushed forward with a wheelchair, but Neil refused it, still holding Gabby close, still running.
They were only part way through the lobby when her cell phone rang, and as she answered it she saw Eric running toward the front of the building to greet them, cell phone to his ear. Rather than talking into it, though, he simply stuffed it into his pockets and shouted, “Gabby, what blood type are you?”
She had to think for a moment. She knew, but it had escaped her.
But Eric didn’t miss a beat. Before she could answer, he shouted, “Because Bryce has a rare blood type, and I want to have a unit of blood ready before we take him into surgery.”
“Rare?” she asked.
“AB negative.”
Meaning well less than one percent of the population had this blood type. And she did not. So that was Gavin’s type.
Neil stopped abruptly. “That was the one thing Gavin and I had in common. I have type AB negative, too.” He dropped Gabby into the wheelchair after all, and followed Eric back into the emergency department. Running.
“I’m not a medical person,” Janice Laughlin said, stepping up behind Gabby and taking hold of the wheelchair handles, “but I guess that answers a lot of questions. Eric said he’s never seen Neil as grumpy as he’s been lately, and I’m guessing that’s the reason.”
“That’s the reason,” Gabby said, feeling scared, and dejected, and so many other things she couldn’t even identify.
“I’m pretty sure he loves you.”
“Maybe he does, but will it matter?”
“Time will tell, Gabby. Time will tell. But in the meantime, let’s go down to the waiting area while my brother does the surgery. Laura’s come in to sit with you, too, by the way.”
Good friends, Gabby thought. Very good friends, and she didn’t want to lose them. But right now everything she loved, everything she cared for was slipping away from her and she didn’t know how to hang on.
As the surgery prep took place, Gabby stayed secluded in a private cubicle in the surgery department. Janice and Laura stayed with her. So did Angela, who was resting in a bed that had been brought in for her. Janice’s daughter, Debbi, was valiantly minding all the children—Eric’s twins as well as Laura’s three—so the women could stay by Gabby’s side. She loved them for that, but she wished Neil was there, being the support her friends were.
Neil never came in, though, and Gabby was sure the strain of it all was getting to him. She couldn’t blame him for staying away from her, especially now that the secret was out. But she did so want his company. More than wanting him with her, though, she desperately hoped he was with Bryce. In her heart, she thought he was. Even though he’d been put through the emotional wringer by all this, she truly didn’t believe that he’d walk away. The man she…loved simply wouldn’t do that.
Oddly enough, it was Dinah who’d agreed to go into surgery with Eric. But not before she took Gabby to a bed in a private room and allowed her a few moments alone with her son. “You’re a beautiful, strong little boy, Bryce,” she whispered, fighting back the tears threatening to spill. “You’re going to get through this just fine, then we’ll start our life together and forget all this happened.” But could she forget the parts that involved Neil? Because, she was afraid she might have to.
For the next few minutes Gabby sang lullabies, and hugged and kissed her baby. Then, all too soon, Dinah came to take him. “I’m sorry, Gabby, but it’s time.”
She didn’t want to let him go, so she clung a little harder.
“Gabby?”
Gabby
nodded. “I know,” she whispered, giving her baby one last kiss. “I love you, Bryce,” Gabby whispered, then handed him over to Dinah.
When Bryce was gone, and Gabby was alone, she dropped her head back into the pillow and finally let the tears flow. “I really made a mess of things,” she told Laura, who came in immediately.
“I heard.”
“Everybody has, haven’t they?” And by now Neil had to feel so humiliated…she just couldn’t bear the thought of it.
“Nobody’s judging you, Gabby. We know that Neil and Gavin had problems, but you must have known Gavin in a way that no one here did, and maybe, in time, that will be a good thing for Neil. For all of us, because we’d like to have better memories of him.”
“If Neil ever speaks to me again once we get through this crisis.”
“He will. But he may need some space for a while, so he can figure it out.”
“I just don’t know…”
“Do you love him?” Laura asked. She was fussing over Gabby, which Gabby didn’t want but didn’t have the strength to refuse.
“If I did, would it be enough for him?”
“Sometimes love is all there is. Be patient with yourself, and with Neil.”
Gabby took the drink of water Laura poured for her, then slumped back against the pillows again. “But what if he never speaks to me again?”
“If he wants a relationship with his nephew, he will.”
“That’s the thing, isn’t it? If he wants…”
“He’s not heartless, Gabby. Hurt, maybe. But give him some time and distance, and he’ll eventually do the right thing.”
Of course he would. She knew that with all her heart. Neil was a kind, decent man. But even kind, decent men met their breaking point, and she’d practically slapped him in the face with his. “I just want this to be over, so I can have Bryce sent up to Salt Lake for the other surgery. Nothing else really matters.”
“Would you come back?”
“Honestly, I don’t know any more.”
“Do you really think you can leave here and never look back?” Laura asked. “Because you have a life here. Friends, people who care. And that’s not so easy to walk away from.”
“No, it’s not. And I do want the two of us to settle here. It’s a wonderful little town, and I love the people. It’s a perfect place to raise a child, and I’ve been happy, even though I haven’t been here long. But…”
“Then stay here, Gabby. Settle down. Face your problems with some help from your friends. Raise your son.”
“How can I do that?”
“You know what? Now’s not the time to make any decisions. In fact, no decisions at all until you’re thinking better. OK? So, since we’re not talking about that now, do you want to hear the latest town gossip about how Eric hit Angela’s sister’s car and just drove off? And she chased him all the way to the hospital. I heard that the sparks are flying between those two, and not in a sexual way, if you know what I mean.”
Small towns. She dearly loved this one, even with its gossip. If only there was a way she and Bryce could stay here.
Neil, standing concealed in a private cubicle across the hall from Gabby, watched her. She wasn’t sleeping, even though her eyes were closed. She would never sleep while Bryce was in surgery. And if she were in any condition, she would have wanted to be in that surgery, inches away from her son, watching over him.
Which was what he had to do now. He’d been there through the preliminary tests, been there when they’d prepped Bryce for surgery. But he’d been torn, because he’d wanted to be with Gabrielle, too. Bryce needed him more, though, and there was no choice. “I’m going to gown up,” he said quietly from the entry to her cubicle.
“Have you been with him?” She didn’t yet open her eyes.
“Yes,” he said simply. “I’ve been with him through everything so far.”
The tears sliding down her cheeks broke his heart.
“I was hoping you were with him. You’re the only one…” She finally raised her head to look at Neil, swiping at her tears as she did. “You and I, we’re all he has. So I trust you to watch over my baby, Neil.”
“I know you do, Gabrielle. I know you do.” No more words were said, because it was time. He wanted to go to her, pull her into his arms and hold her until the pain went away. But the pain wasn’t going to leave her until her baby was well. And his fear for that little boy…it was an agony like none he’d ever known.
“Neil?” Eric glanced up as Neil took his place next to the operating table.
As many times as he’d been in this very same position over the years—gowned and standing by to observe—this time seemed so daunting, almost foreign to him. Like he’d never really witnessed a surgery before. But, then, he’d never witnessed one in which he’d been so personally involved. “Just observing my…my nephew,” he said. Bryce was so tiny, so helpless, lying there, as Eric cut into his chest. All these huge medical machines to sustain him and one small baby to sustain…it seemed so overwhelming. “How’s he doing?”
“Good, so far. I think we got lucky…well, as lucky as we can get with a sick baby who has a heart defect. But it’s a simple TGV, the best-case scenario with this, and I think after he has his next surgery his prognosis will be very promising for a bright and healthy future.”
Neil was more relieved to hear that than he’d expected to be. A simple deviation always had a much better outcome than a complex one, and Bryce would get to live a normal life and do all the things all little boys did. “Gabrielle will be relieved to hear that,” he said, trying to sound unaffected. But the truth was, he was already seeing Bryce a few years into the future, playing soccer, or baseball. Playing it with… Neil blanked the scene out of his head. It was too cozy, and he wanted to be involved in the boy’s life. Wanted to be the one playing soccer or baseball with him. But he’d been making such a mess of things with Gabrielle, even after she’d done everything humanly possible to make things right for him, to make things better. So, in the end, would she have him? Or would she decide it wasn’t worth the effort after all?
“Neil, I had no idea the baby was your nephew,” Eric commented.
Fallon, who was assisting in the surgery, looked up at Neil, but said nothing. Dinah, who’d agreed to be the other assisting nurse, however, did comment. “You have the same eyes,” she said.
Henry Gunther, the anesthesiologist, who’d literally been brought in by boat due to the flooding, glanced at Neil over the top of his glasses for a moment, then glanced down at the baby, nodding. “Yep, same eyes,” he agreed. “You going to marry Dr Evans? I heard that you two…”
“Is there anybody who hasn’t heard?” Neil snapped.
“Probably not,” Eric said as he tied off a small vessel and extended his hand to Dinah for a clamp. Dinah handed it to him. For just a fraction of a second Eric took his eyes off his surgical field and glanced across the table at her. Her eyes caught that glance, and held it almost defiantly until he returned his full attention to his patient.
“Small towns, Neil,” he continued. “You know how it is. So, how’s Gabrielle doing? It’s been a rough day on her, physically and emotionally, and I’m sure she’s feeling the effects right now.”
“She’s strong.” He tried to sound disengaged, but as he looked at the bag of blood flowing into Bryce’s vein—blood from his own vein—he knew he wasn’t disengaged in any way, and could never be. In fact, he was more engaged here than he’d ever been in his entire life. To Bryce, to Gabrielle…“And I’m pretty damned stupid.”
Dinah glanced up, first at Eric, then at Neil. “Angela told me you love Gabby, but you’re not doing a very good job of it. But you’re allowed to be a little stupid for a while, because people in love usually do something stupid along the way, don’t they? I mean, who in this room hasn’t been stupid in love?”
“Great. Even the out-of-towners know,” Neil huffed out. “And here I was, living under the delusion that there were still a
few people who hadn’t yet gotten themselves caught up in the story of how Neil fell in love with the woman who had his brother’s baby?”
Everyone in the operating theater chuckled. “No one ever claimed life in White Elk was dull,” Fallon commented as she pulled the suture tray over, meaning the surgery was nearing its end.
Neil took a step closer to the operating table, and saw that Bryce had pinked up quite nicely. In part, that was due to him being ventilated by Henry Gunther, and in part because the blood was flowing better to Bryce’s entire body now. It was something Gabrielle should have seen, had she been physically able. Something he would describe for her. “So, everybody knows how I feel about Gabrielle?” he asked, suddenly embarrassed that Gabrielle’s friends had recognized his feelings for her even before he’d admitted it to himself, let alone to her.
“Everybody,” everyone in the theater said in unison.
“So much for privacy,” he snapped.
“Privacy?” Eric exclaimed. “You had all the privacy you needed when you lived in California. And you hated it. Remember? In fact, you were the one who convinced me that the charm of a small town like White Elk was just what I needed.”
Neil ignored Eric’s comment about small towns because Eric was right. “Have you made any arrangements to get Bryce out to Salt Lake City?”
“Rose Kelly is working on it. Last I heard, there’s no place for miles for the helicopter to set down, so we’ll have to be creative.”
“But Bryce will be fine here for a while?” Now he was sounding like a worried parent because, as a doctor, he knew the answer to that question. Bryce would be fine here for quite a while. Right now, though, he couldn’t reach down deep enough to find the doctor in him, when his feelings for that baby were all over the place.
Eric glanced over at Neil. “You should go be with Gabrielle now. She needs you. And you need her.”