by Karen Swart
“Come back to me.” I whispered to her, one hand releasing a horn so I could caress her cheek.
She tried to pull away but could not.
“I watched you from afar, my beautiful Kasadya, and wanted you to find me on your own,” I continued.
With the last word I saw a speck of blue in her iris, realizing that my Kasadya had heard me. I smiled, knowing that this battle would be my victory.
“Such beauty laced with such strength and power, a great gift you are to me.” I soothed again.
“Come back to me and I will keep you safe, cherished forever,” I promised my mate and let her feel my love for her.
She sucked in a breath and I knew it was over.
Again I whispered to her, “I will never abandon you again, for you I would fight the world and beyond.”
With what seemed to be relieved sigh, red eyes started to retreat and were slowly replaced with yellow. Releasing our hold, the others retreated away from us. At last, yellow eyes were replaced with sparkling blue a color I came to admire. Bright blue, with a dark ring around the pupil. Perfection suited for perfection. Now in her human form, I released my hold and moved away from her. I didn’t want her to feel suffocated or overpowered. I had learned that during our time together. Kasadya needed space to move and make decisions. Unfortunately the decisions were not the best at times.
Maia started to attend to the other injured. All of them knew that we needed as much space as possible, now more than ever. She would be confused and knowing her, she will also feel vulnerable. Stepping away and standing a few feet from her, my heart started to beat at a fast pace. This was also a very important moment for us, for me. Would she accept me or hate me? Never have I feared anything before, now I held my breath and watched as her blue eyes fixed on me again. I prayed that I would not fail her, and that maybe I would find the heaven I had been seeking all this time.
Chapter 2
Dazed and confused my thoughts returned to me.
That was something to remember.
I could see, feel and experience everything, yet I was unable to utter a word or move a muscle. My Hellhound had completely taken over, filled with such rage that even I cringed. I now understand why born’s could not be controlled; such rage was pure destruction and nothing else. Lifting my head I found Chax standing a few paces from me. I drew in a breath, feeling what he felt was shocking.
Even my hellhound was confused with the feelings coursing through us. It was strange, yet undeniably nerve racking. I was breathing hard, trying to put everything together. His feelings were chaotic at first, but soon it changed to something I have never felt before. A wonderful feeling, I would only admit to myself. Love. I felt his love.
Who knew that was possible. I mean Chax DeLuca?!?!
Feeling the color rush through my face, I looked away from him and towards the others. Everyone stood at a distance and was covered in bruises and blood. My breath hitched when I saw Raphael's wing hanging limply.
“Oh crap, I am so sorry.” I attempted to get up, but my legs wouldn’t work.
Looking down, I saw that they were slashed open and bleeding heavily.
Crap! Not good.
“No apology needed Kasadya. It was an honor to meet your born. I haven’t had such a good fight in centuries,” Michael said, walking over to me with a huge grin on his face.
I really don’t see the humor in that.
Maia rushed over, placing her hands on my legs.
“Christ Kas, that was magnificent!” She beamed at me.
Shocked, I looked at her.
Am I the only one approaching the point of hysteria?
Confused, with my mouth gaping open, my eyes traveled back to Chax, who still stood there, not saying or doing anything.
Apparently I am not.
“There, just a few hours and all will be good again,” Maia finished patting my leg.
I watched her get up and go over to Vulcan who was grinning madly at me.
“What now?” I asked trying to figure out what would happen next.
Ariel walked over and offered me her hand. With mine shaking, I reached up and clasped her hand as she pulled me to my feet and steadied me.
“Now you and Chax will get something to eat and get some rest. We will return tomorrow to start our quest,” she explained.
Now that scared the crap out of me.
Alone with Chax, after all that? Hell no!
“I think-” I tried to speak but Michael cut me off.
“Time is needed for many things Kas. Rest and heal, tomorrow your journey will become even more dangerous.”
And with that they all shifted out leaving me with a still non-responsive Chax.
Feeling suddenly vulnerable, I hugged myself and tried to look anywhere but at him. In truth, I was trying not to freak out and run away.
Crap! I wasn’t prepared for this.
Battles I can handle, but this was epic and I just wasn’t ready for “serious”.
“Are you OK?” he finally asked, but rather feeling relieved my heart started racing.
Crap, crap, and double crap!
I shrugged, unable to form one stupid word.
Will he like... want to do something? I suddenly thought and my stomach turned upside down.
The next I knew, I was puking all over the grass.
I heard him approach and lifted my hand to stop him. Fear slammed into me and my body began to shake.
Oh damn! This is not what I had expecting at all.
My mind raced through the memories of our times together. I was mentally giving myself a few slaps.
How the hell could you miss that important little piece of info? I mean hello, it was like everywhere! I scolded myself.
Hell! I could be so stupid sometimes.
“You have nothing to fear Kasadya. I will not harm you,” he spoke from behind me.
Oh for heaven’s sake, just get it over with! You still have some kick-ass moves to try and knock him out.
I turned around and faced him. He stood away from me, a thousand years of patience written all over his face.
Damn! Can't he even try to look unnerved or something?
“OK so... um, are we, like, mated?” I struggled to ask. I didn’t feel anything.
Hell! Except for the strange feelings I caught once or twice, I wouldn’t say something “happened”. He looked away and started walking to the cottage we had come from.
“No. Another ritual is needed. We are merely bonded in spirit but not in soul,” he dished out and walked away.
OK. That sounds better, in a weird kind of way.
I watched him go into the house and stood there for a while. For the first time in my life I felt lost. I had no idea how to react or what to do.
Someone could have prepared me for this!
Anger spiked again and, just like a candle being blown out, was forced away by another feeling. I sucked in a breath, and stepped away from the cottage. He stepped into the doorway and leaned against the frame.
“That will happen from now on until one of us dies. Come in. I will make us something to eat. You still have some healing to do,” he casually explained and disappeared.
Holy crap! That was weird!
After a few minutes of debating my options, I gave up and slowly made my way into the cottage. Now standing and without someone trying to kill me, I looked around at the place. It was a small cottage with just the essentials. I would venture to say it looked like a hunting cottage. My mind traveled back to the room that had a cell in it. Hunting indeed, a cage was needed for it. Fear washed over me again, and again it was instantly replaced with another feeling.
“Stop doing that!” I yelled, storming towards what I thought was a small kitchen.
I found Chax pulling out some food to prepare a meal.
“I don’t have much choice in it Kasadya. It is a natural action which will occur every time my spirit feels when yours are in distress. It’s like a failsafe that will
respond on its own,” he explained, not even bothering to look at me.
He pointed to the wash bin in the corner. Looking at my hands, I walked over and washed the blood off. I watched the water and blood mix running down the drain.
I have Fallen blood on my hands.
The feeling was unsettling. I never wanted to hurt them. Poor Raphael, his wing looked so bad. Again, my sadness was caressed by another feeling. I bit my tongue, considering I had better get used to this. I finished up and dried off my hands with a towel. Turning around I watched him peel an onion and chop it up like Jamie Oliver. I walked over and sat down on one of two chairs at a small table.
“It's nerve racking. It feels like I am being processed,” I tried to explain my side of this.
“Indeed,” he answered as he grabbed a frying pan and dumped the onion into it.
Oh goodie, so here I am. All mated and born.
No wait, spirit mated and born. So what the hell do I do now?
I looked around the kitchen, anything to avoid looking at him. I probably can't avoid the issue that was somehow not uttered by either one of us. I sucked in a breath and pulled on my big girl panties.
Time for some explanations.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, my eyes fixed on his back.
He was pretty good with a knife. Then again, with thousands of years to train, he would be.
“You were not ready. You still needed to find your place in this world. But most of all, you needed to find yourself,” he said as he flipped the onions and green peppers he had placed in the pan.
He still wouldn’t look at me. I hated the yin yang crap he did. This was no exception. For him, it’s just another day around the block. But, looking at him, I wondered.
“The kiss?” I just had to ask.
I mean, who wouldn’t.
He was silent for a moment, and I started to fidget in my seat.
Why do I feel like his next words were going to have a huge impact on me? Is it that important?
“Kasadya do you fear me?” he asked, rendering me dumbfounded for a minute.
Am I afraid of him?
I sat there and thought about it.
“Yes.” I replied as there was reason to deny it. He could feel my emotions.
“Because I hurt you, or because of the born I had to destroy?” he asked.
Again I searched for the right answer. Yes, he did bang me up in training, and again last night, but I hadn’t feared him when it happened. But when he killed the hellhound, I had feared him.
“When you killed him,” I answered.
He nodded shaking the pan to prevent it from burning.
“Do you trust me?” he asked again.
His question threw me off a bit.
Hell, the last time I trusted someone, my best friend stabbed me in the back.
My mind drifted back to that moment when she stepped out of the cave. Anger and heartache flooded me.
Why did she do that to me? Why would she side with them?
Once again my anger was replaced and Chax turned to look at me. I saw the hurt in his eyes, and quickly put two and two together.
“I was thinking about Kali. I trusted her and she betrayed me. She sold me out for a demon. Even worse is that she played me the whole time and I didn’t even know it. How can I trust anyone?”
My explanation didn't replace the pain I saw in his eyes. He turned his back to me again continuing with the food.
“Understandable, giving your experience with trust. We share a bond now. In short, Kasadya, your life is my responsibility now. I cannot ask you to trust me. But, I ask that in the future you will give me the opportunity to earn your trust. Will that suffice?” he asked scooping the food into two plates.
I mulled over what he said for a while. He walked over to the table and placed my food in front of me.
“I will,” I finally said after he started to eat in silence.
He looked at me and nodded. We had a long and hard road in front of us.
This is not going to be easy.
We finished our food in silence, both of us were probably searching for explanations or wondering what the hell to do next. I could see he was stiff and not his usual self. His calm demeanor had slipped a little. And in some instances, I swear I saw panic in his eyes.
“Chax are you disappointed that you are my charm?” I asked as he washed the dishes.
I waited in agony for an answer. It was eating at me while I watched him; he seemed disappointed by all of this.
I don't blame him. I mean just look at me! Everything I touch turns out into chaos.
His back stiffened and he turned around, a shocked expression on his face. Afraid of his answer I tried to find something else to look at.
“No Kasadya. I am not.” he all but whispered to me.
My heart picked up pace with that, and I fled out of the kitchen, away from his intense stare. Confused as to why I was unnerved with his answer, I paced the lounge trying to figure out what was the matter with me.
Can it be that I am ungrateful or is it just nerves?
I felt the air move and my mouth flew open.
Did he just freaking shift out and leave me here all by myself?
Immediately his feelings replaced my anger.
Holy crap! He can do it even when he isn’t here!
My legs turned to jelly and I sat down.
This is going to take some getting used to.
The air shifted again and looking up, I found him holding a bag towards me.
“Nanini packed some of your things. There are also new clothes. The shower is over there,” he pointed to a door.
I looked between him and the door and nodded. A shower would have been splendid at the moment. I took the bag and walked towards the door, opening it up I took a last look at him, standing there just as always.
“Thank you,” I said before closing the door and turning around.
Panic seized me and I slipped down towards the door. My breathing picked up and I felt like passing out.
Crap! I didn't make it. Hello panic attack!
The air moved and Chax was in front of me. Concern was written all over his face. Bending down he picked me up from the floor in one swift move. He folded his arms around me and held me to him.
“Breathe Kasadya,” he instructed as he rubbed my back.
A calm feeling started to drift inside me and after a while I felt in control again. Ashamed at my weakness I couldn’t look up when he pushed me back but didn’t release me.
“How long have you been having them?” he asked, using his hand to force my gaze upwards.
Tears filled my eyes but I blinked them away.
Hell, I am stronger than this.
“I don’t recall when,” I replied.
He searched my eyes for a while and then nodded.
“Sometimes, when we least expect it, we feel the impact of life and all of its trials and tribulations. . You have been very brave and fought with courage regardless of what had come at you. This is your soul trying to tell you that it has taken on a burden,” he said rubbing my cheek with his thumb.
Confused, I looked at him trying to figure out what the hell he just said.
“Your soul paid the price. You were forced to grow up and fight too soon. It needs to be mended and healed,” He further explained.
Holy crap! My soul is freaking messed up because of all of this the crap. How in the freaking hell would this have happened?
“H-h-how do I fix it?” I stuttered, my body shaking again.
He released me gently and took a step back.
“It is filled with despair, anger, fear and all the negativity you have had over the time. You must find the opposite, to balance it out and heal,” He finished with a small smile. “Take a shower and relax. You are stressed and tense from the latest incident. Start by taking better care of yourself. Your body may continue but it needs your soul to drive it,” he finished and shifted out.
&
nbsp; I undressed, in some kind of stupor, then got into the shower. My mind was racing through all of my battles and trials, and yes, all I could come up with, was negative feelings. Only when I thought of my team and some others, did I feel some form of happiness or love. I had always kept my head up and just went with all of it. But now I realized that what Chax had said was true. I didn’t stop once and think of what was going on inside me and how I felt about being trapped in hell, unable to shift to my friends and family and find safety. So many crappy things have happened to me. I just put on a brave face and kept going every time. Crap, I suck at everything it seems. Well, except for killing demons.
I wonder if that was why mom and dad always had those days where they would go off on their own and do something. Mom loved spending time at a spa, or a jungle, while dad was always going to some sort of game. I was always happy for them, because then I got to do what I wanted. Which wasn’t really all that much, and now thought about it, was pretty boring. I wish we had been born with manuals about how to go through this life and just make it out OK on the other end. It would have been so much easier. Instead, we mess up, get whacked over the fingers, and then just do it all over again.
The great, big circle of life. I thought it suck of course, but it was still true. I needed to get myself fixed. What was going to happen when I went all sissy in a demon fight? I’ll end up dead, that's what’s going to happen. And don’t forget everyone will see me like that. Oh my freaking soul! Amon, Seth and Chax have all seen me like that. I slapped a hand over my face and tried not to scream in frustration. Its official, I suck big time.