Complicated Love

by Harper Phoenix

  ***

  I wake up, and the sun is streaming through the open curtains. I have my back to Brad, but I know he’s still there. I can feel the warmth from his body on my back. I turn to face him and find him wide awake, watching me. He smiles as our eyes meet. And I can’t help but smile back.

  ‘Morning, beautiful.’ His eyes are assessing me.

  ‘Morning.’

  He reaches for my hand and entwines our fingers. This feels great. He presses his forehead against mine.

  ‘You slept well,’ he says softly. I really did. ‘No nightmares,’ he states as if he can read my mind. ‘That’s gotta be a step in the right direction,’ he says smiling. ‘You hungry?’

  I nod.

  ‘Come on, let’s go and eat.’

  He pulls me to him and places his lips against mine in a small chaste kiss. It’s nice. It makes my heart race and my belly flutter in a good way. When he starts to pull away, I follow him, trying and failing to keep our lips together. He sits up and pulls me to sitting by our linked hands.

  ‘Come on, let’s eat. I smell pancakes, and I know you like those.’

  ‘I’ll just wait here if you like?’

  He shakes his head no. ‘Uh uhh, nope, you come too. You need to get out of this room. Come on.’ He tugs at my hand, making me laugh. I get up onto my knees in front of him, and I kiss him again. This time I don’t let him pull away. I pull him closer—he’s still only in boxers. He comes closer but keeps enough distance between our bodies that I can’t wrap my arms around him like I want to do.

  I’M GOING TO die. Of blue balls disease. Maiya is going to fucking kill me dead. I’m bent at the waist trying like fuck to keep my raging hard on from touching her. It’s practically strangling itself in the elastic of my boxers, and she slips her tongue in my mouth. My cock is practically screaming for me to man up and stick him in that sweet smelling pussy that wants him so bad. Any other woman would have been fucked fifty ways till Sunday. But I just can’t do it. Fuck me and my moral compass. Fuck. I pull away and hold her face between my shaking hands. I’m not nervous. Fuck no, it’s the strain of holding back making my hands shake like a drunk on a day dry. It’s killing me. Her face is so innocent and trusting that I almost cave, throw her on the bed and push inside until I’m home. I clench my fists at my sides and close my eyes tight. I pull back a little, and I hear her sigh. Another step back, and I open them. She looks hurt. Dickhead.

  ‘I’m…err… just gonna jump in the shower real quick, okay?’ I tell her, as I turn and powerwalk the few motherfucking steps to the bathroom. I turn the shower on and before I’ve even got my boxers off I’m fisting my cock and stroking him up and down, violently. I stand under the hot water and stroke after stroke I visualise her kneeling before me, that gorgeous look on her face. And I come all over the shower wall groaning her name, and it’s that intense I don’t hear the door open. I turn to find her in the doorway, watching me, with a weird look on her face. Fuck me. I watch her as she backs up out of the room and closes the door. I rest my head against the cool tiles and catch my breath. I find Maiya ready and waiting to leave the bedroom when I eventually walk back in.

  So we’re pretending like she didn’t just walk in on me spanking the monkey.

  When we get to the kitchen, although we haven’t spoken one word to each other, she moves as close to my side as possible. If she got any closer, I’d be wearing her. I feel her stiffen as Jared and Devon walk in through the back door and head over to the table. I see Jared’s jaw clench slightly as Devon tenses at his side. Every time these two get close, she tries to talk to Maiya, and I see the hope in her eyes every fucking time. It’s tearing her up inside. It’s horrible for me to watch, so I understand the anger Jared feels towards Maiya because she’s the one that’s making his female hurt.

  ‘Take a seat, I’ll grab the pancakes,’ I tell Maiya, pointing out the opposite end of the bench to Jared and Devon. Everyone at the table stopped their talking when we walked in, so the tension in this room is just levelling up. And it’s not a good feeling.

  ‘Forget it. I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.’

  My eyes go straight to Devon, and I see the hurt on her face. I cringe as the words leave Maiya’s mouth, and I want to pull her away and tell her to be quiet, but it’s too fucking late. Devon walks away, and I see the anger bubbling to the surface as Jared steps forward. He’s been lenient so far with her, and he’s had enough.

  ‘Who the fuck do you think you are?’ he shouts at her and then looks at me as I step between them. He frowns but then he looks right past me as if I’m not there. Fuck. ‘You’ve been through some shit, so you think you have the right to lay the blame at her door?’ Maiya begins to speak, but the look I give her stops her dead. I agree with Jared here, but that doesn’t mean I want her hurting. ‘You ever stop to think about the shit she went through? About the shit they did to her? She lost her fucking father to them, and all you do is throw a fucking pity party for yourself every chance you get. I’m fucking sick of it. You change your fucking attitude, or you’re on your fucking own. She won’t throw your arse out, but I will.’ He turns to me then, ‘And if you don’t fucking like it, tough shit’ he says, storming off after Devon. I glare at Maiya before I take a calming breath with my eyes closed. This has to fucking stop.

  ‘Bedroom. Now.’ I tell her. I know how that sounds and they can all think what they fucking like. Right now. I’m pissed off. She turns and walks up the stairs, all sassy and shit. And fuck me if it doesn’t make my dick twitch. When I close the door behind me, she’s pacing up and down.

  ‘Maiya…’ I start but she stops in front of me, and the look on her face tells me she doesn’t need to be shouted at right now.

  ‘I didn’t know. You never told me. Why didn’t you tell me they killed her dad?’

  I roll my eyes and search the ceiling for a better answer than the one on the end of my tongue. I don’t find one.

  ‘Because the mere mention of her name and you flip your shit—it was pointless. I tried to tell you.’

  She swallows hard and looks at her feet. ‘What else happened?’

  ‘I’m not a hundred percent on the details, but she was in pretty bad shape too when Jared found her.’

  Her eyes close like she’s ashamed. I feel sorry for her. I can’t help it. But at the same time, I’m still mad. This is my pack, my family, and Devon is my alpha’s female. If Maiya has any sort of chance at staying, this needed to end. I’m lost in my own thoughts when I feel her tug at my hand. I look at her and see tears swimming around those big blues. Something inside me tugs and my heart aches. I hate this.

  ‘I guess I should speak to her?’ she questions.

  ‘Yeah, you should… should apologise too for all the shit you’ve said to her. Do you even realise what a wreck she was the whole time you were missing? Every day she fell to pieces and Jared had to pick her back up, and then we found you, and you treated her like shit. It’s not bad enough that she knows they took you to get at her. No, you have to rub it in her face every time you see her. Maiya, she didn’t do this to you—we didn’t do this to you. They did. And I fucking promise you with everything I have, that I will make every last one of them pay for what they did. But you need to stop this shit with Devon. It wasn’t her fault.’

  ‘You don’t understand—’

  ‘I may never fully. But you need to understand that no one feels worse than her about it, and no one BUT Devon understands what you went through.’

  Her chin quivers and her lip trembles as her eyes spill over with tears. I pull her into my chest and kiss the top of her head. Maybe I was a bastard, but it had to be said. If it was the other way around, and I was in Jared’s shoes, I think I would have snapped way before now. I hold her close while she cries it all out. When she finally takes a long inhale, and steps back, I see determination on her face.

  ‘Thank you’ she tells me.

  I frown. Because I don’t have a clue what I’ve done? ‘For
?’ I ask, wary of her answer. Is it a trick? Does it have a double meaning? Who the fuck knows.

  ‘For making me listen,’ she tells me.

  I sigh, relieved. Finally, I’ve got through. I take a step towards the bed, but she moves into my body again, hugging me this time, making it so I’m not able to hide the massive hard on I get when her lips seek out mine. I groan into her mouth as her hands move along my back and slide along the top of my ass. I’ve been thinking about this all fucking night, and I think I know what I’ve got to do, but I didn’t bank on how hard it would be for me. As her tits push up against my chest and her hands squeeze my ass, I just want to pick her up and fuck her against the wall. Take her in every way and claim her as mine. But I can’t, I have to do this her way, at her pace, and on her terms. Fuck me. It’s going to kill me.

  I slide my arms around her as the kiss becomes more… just… I can’t concentrate, and I know she can feel my cock against her stomach. Will she stop? Freak out? Will I have to leave again? Fucked if I know, but I’m done being a gentleman. This is going to happen, even if it kills me in the process. I walk her slowly backwards towards the bed. I feel her tense a little when her legs hit the bed. I pull back, looking into her big blues. I kiss at her lips again, a chaste kiss, giving her time. There’s no hesitation on her part.

  Everything since her surgery has healed, so we have a green light. Getting to here has been all I’ve thought about. And now I am, I’m like a horny teenager who can’t wait to get his dick wet. I’ve never gone this long without sex. Ever. So this is going to be over quick if I don’t take back at least some control. I lift her onto the bed and follow so our lips stay locked. I hold my weight off her with one elbow while I splay my fingers across her arse cheek and squeeze. Fuuuuck. I’m gonna come in my pants. I let go and pull back. Maiya’s eyes widen a touch, and I think she thinks I’m going to stop. I kiss her lips once more so she knows that isn’t the case. I know she’s scared, I smell her fear, but she’s working through it. I pull her up to sitting and take the hem of her top in my hands. I bunch it in my fingers while waiting for her to object. I start to pull it up, and she lifts her arms so it comes off in one swift move. Leaving her in just a black bra. I close my eyes against the desperate need I feel to cup her tits and suck on the nipple teasing me through the black lace. She’s beautiful, and the need to claim her is even stronger now.

  I lie her back on the bed and whisper into her ear. ‘If you want me to stop, you need to tell me right now.’

  ‘Don’t stop, Brad,’ she whispers back, and there is something about the way she says my name like I’m the best thing she’s ever seen. It makes my dick jerk. Jesus. I need to make this all about her. I need to make her forget the rest and make sure she never wants another man after me. I slowly lick around her nipple through the lace, and I feel her shudder. I move across, showing the other nipple the same attention. I pinch it between my teeth and lap at it, making her gasp. The sound is beautiful, and I want more. I gently move my hand around her back and unclip her bra. The straps come away from her shoulders and almost like it’s instinctual, her hands come up to cover herself.

  ‘Let me see you,’ I tell her. Her tongue peeks out and swipes her bottom lip. It takes everything in me not latch onto it and kiss her till she can’t breathe. But I mentally talk myself down. It’s like the worst form of torture. I’ve been desperate for this for that long, and now it’s within my grasp, I want to go at it hard and fast. But I can’t. I’m screaming inside and all the while she’s trembling under me. She’s scared shitless, but I know that if we get passed this point, and I can make her feel good, we’ll be on the right track. She’s being so strong and brave that my internal battle must be nothing in comparison to what she’s going through. Her hands slowly move away from her breasts, and I finally get to see the perfect mounds and her pink nipples that call out for attention.

  I know she’s self-conscious about her marred skin, but I don’t see it. It has no bearing on her beauty. I slowly glide my fingers softly up and down her sides, collar bone, and across both breasts. The small little gasps leaving her mouth are like my own personal cheering squad, spurring me to go on, despite the fear she is experiencing. Maiya wants this just as much as I do, but her fear has been the driving force for her. Now she’s ready to claim her body back. To enjoy her body and all the things it can experience. All the things I can make her feel. And she’s going to find out just how far I can take her pleasure. We just need to break through this barrier, together.

  I slowly kiss across her stomach and dip my tongue into her navel. She sucks her stomach in and giggles nervously. I smile up at her as my fingers grasp the waistband of her jeans, and slowly I start to pull them down with my eyes on hers. Her fear is through the roof, but I also smell her arousal. I tug them over her ankles and take in the view. Her arms go to cover herself again, and I almost growl in frustration, as my eyes take in every inch every curve of her perfect body. I take her hands in mine and pull her up sitting once again. I stand before her, fully clothed, and I am about to kneel and worship that pretty little hot spot between her legs, but she surprises the fuck out of me when she grabs the hem of my t-shirt and stands, taking it up and over my head. I bring my hands down and clutch her face in my palms and bring my lips to hers. The kiss is slow burning but increases rapidly to one filled with desperation and need. Her fingers find the button on my jeans, and before I realise it, I’m having to step out of them, pooled at my feet. My boxers are tented with my cock at attention. Seeking out what I’ve denied him all these weeks. I kneel before her, and she looks confused. I press my mouth to her pubic bone and kiss her there slowly. I sit her down on the edge of the bed and spread her legs wide. Her legs are trembling, and I feel like a bastard because I can’t stop now. Nothing is going to keep me from tasting that sweet fucking pussy.

  ‘Sweetheart, lie back on the bed for me, don’t be shy, just relax and let me take care of you.’ Her pink lips purse together as she nods and lies back on the bed. I lift her legs over my shoulders. I want to eat this pussy like a starved man, but I take it slowly. If my dick were able, it would be kicking my arse right now and telling me to get the fuck inside her. I flick my tongue, lapping her glistening slit and I moan. I push back her legs, opening her further to me, and then I lose all control. I have her clit between my teeth and a finger inside her on the next stroke of my tongue. I’m done for. This is the best fucking flavour in the world. I hear her groan as I curl my finger inside. Inserting another finger, I go deeper and curl them as I suck on her clit. Her body starts to jerk and tremble as the first signs of her orgasm hits. Then her pussy clamps around my fingers making me pump them faster and faster, bringing her to climax. Her thighs grip either side of my head, and I have to fight against the hold she has on me so I can bring her through it. The scream and the sound of my name leaving her lips are fucking amazing and makes me feel like the luckiest man on the planet. A couple more flicks of my tongue and jerks of her legs and I pull my fingers out, sucking her flavour into my mouth on a moan. Her chest is heaving, and she’s looking away in embarrassment.

  ‘Sweetheart, you okay?’ I lie beside her and pull her chin towards me. Her eyes are full of unshed tears.

  ‘Maiya, did I hurt you?’ She shakes her head. The look on her face will torture me forever, but not as much as the next words that leave her mouth.

  ‘I never knew it could feel like that,’ she says. I frown, shocked.

  ‘Like what?’ I ask like a douche.

  ‘Good, nice, it was…’

  Oh, thank fuck for that. I sigh, relieved. ‘You’ve never had an orgasm before?’

  Her head shakes in answer. I can’t help but grin.

  ‘So, that was your first?’ For some reason this makes me feel like a fucking king. I knew she wasn’t a virgin, obviously, but it makes me swell with fucking pride that I claimed her first orgasm.

  ‘Well shit, sweetheart. I can’t help but be glad I’m your first. How are you fee
ling? About this?’ I gesture between our bodies, kicking myself for bringing attention to the tepee in my boxers. Normally, I wouldn’t stop to have a conversation. I would eat pussy usually while getting sucked off and then I’d fuck them till I came and be on my way. Maiya was a whole different ball game. And as much as my dick was punishing me for not cuddling up with her pussy, I was willing to take as long as she needed me to. Instead of an answer she licks at my lips and tastes herself there.

  ‘You like the taste of you on my lips?’

  She nods and moves in some more. Again, a slow burning kiss turns fervent and desperate, but I stay still and let Maiya take the lead. Her hands squeeze my biceps, and she moves them up and across my chest like she’s memorising all the dips and curves of each muscle. Then her fingers grasp the elastic on my boxers and brush along the head of my cock, and he jerks thinking this is it. If I could get any harder, I would explode. Her fingers trace around the head and down the shaft, and I moan at the slightest of touches. Fuck me. I want to flip her on her stomach and fuck her till she screams out my name. My hands are shaking from the sheer force of my will. Battling against my body to take over.

  I never gave up control in the bedroom, but this is Maiya, and this is what she needs, so if I don’t get my dick in there today, so be it. This will do until she’s ready. Her hand squeezes my dick as she moves up and down my shaft. She’s unsure and slow, but it feels damn good anyway. Was it the best I’d had? No, but we would work on that.

  ‘I want to, Brad,’ she whispers. My eyes spring open. I have to know specifically what she wants to do? There is no room for assumptions here.

  ‘What, sweetheart?’