One of the three

by Lucy Morton

  “Give some of that chocolate bar. Living with you is making me look like a cow.”

  The next day Bob did not show up in the coffee shop. Neither the other, nor the other, nor the other… two weeks passed and there was no sign of him. Jerry, laughing, told me:

  “You have my customer scared off. That’s what I get for hiring beautiful waitresses.”

  Was it a strategy? I understood that he did not come because he did not like coffee, but if his strategy was to leave me that note and then disappear so that I could think about him every hour, it had worked.

  CHAPTER 13

  —

  I am here, writing to you.

  You are there, disappearing.

  Jaime Sabines

  NOW

  “And now, my sweet little girl, it is time to go to bed.”

  “Now? In the most interesting part? I know Bob is dad. It’s a very smart strategy. I am sure he is dad. Dad was very smart.”

  “You have two more guys to know.” Do not be a smartass, April” I am laughing.

  “Come on; just tell me a little more…”

  “Tomorrow, I replied, happy for her interest in my story: “A memory.” Deep down, of course, it belongs to her as well. Without that story, April would not exist. Not at least in my world and in the one she knows. “Sleep well, April.”

  “Thanks, mom. I promise I’ll be fine tomorrow too, okay? So that you are not feeling sad.”

  I give her a kiss on the forehead. I tuck her in gently and I turn off the light, leaving the door half open. She’s almost nine years old. She still says she’s afraid of the dark, but I’m surprised when I hear her say:

  “Mom, close the door. I’m not afraid anymore.”

  As if she had read my mind. I do what she says. I close the door and I am heading to the living room. I turn on the TV and I start changing channels like crazy. I wish Kim was sitting next to me eating ice cream and we were getting fat like a pair of cow. Watching a bad movie on TV, or simply she was insisting me on reading the new chapter of a torrid affair inspired by her best friend, who has written “today” into her schedule as a receptionist in a lawyer’s firm. I would like to go back to the past and realize how lucky I was. I was really lucky and I was blind, too, so I could not see clearly.

  I get up from the couch and I go to the closet next to the TV. I search among the photo albums the one that I am interested in. I grabbed it and I hold him in my arms. My wedding day. A happy day twelve years ago. And it seems like it was yesterday. I touch Matt’s face with my fingers, wishing he would whisper any nonsense in my ear to make me feel good.

  “He was a good choice” I say out loud, in case it’s true that they say that when someone dies, they stay close to you. Close to the people he loved in life. “Throughout our lives we must make decisions” I say. We will never know if the one we take at that moment is the right one until after a while, but it is enough to do what your heart tells you. And if you’re wrong, nothing happens, go ahead. You will always be in time to rectify. Right, Matt? But we did not have time to rectify. Life did not give us that precious and wonderful time. You do not know how sorry I am” I say, talking to myself like the crazy ones in tears.

  CHAPTER 14

  —

  Let’s see if life is finally going to be about laughing and we are here looking for other explanations…

  BEFORE

  Where were we? Oh yeah. We were talking about Bob. He was still M.I.A, and I was the one who was already handling the tray like nobody else and I was still obsessed with him. With those eyes similar to the coffee reassuring me every time he was sitting there, watching and pretending that he liked something that he really hated, just for the sheer joy of seeing me.

  “Why do you think you are so important, Jean?” I asked myself, looking at the door of the coffee shop.

  “He is not going to come back. He will not come in again. You will not see him again.” I repeated myself over and over again, self-convincing myself that something so beautiful may not happen to me. A bad luck girl who was painting at night and she was doing her best, and yet any gallery had noticed her colorful and abstract paintings.

  But one night when Jerry left and I was in the coffee shop alone; with the shutters half lowered and about to finish sweeping to make the floor as bright as the boss liked, I saw that dark jeans stopping in front of the door. At first I thought:

  “Holy shit, it is a psycho. Do not go out, Jean, do not go out. Just sleep here. Put the shutter down of the coffee shop and stay here.”

  With my shaking hands, I finished sweeping. I checked that everything was in order, so the boss could approve the next day. I was a little scared, so I roll up the shutter to leave the coffee shop. Then going to my apartment and sharing some ice cream with Kim. It had been a hard day when a gallery owner had told me that I do not have any commercial style whatsoever and that, although I had talent, if I kept it up I would not sell a painting in my fucking life.

  From the outside, his hand helped me finish lifting the shutter, and when I saw him, I do not know if I was nervous, or if I was really happy by having him in front of me or what, but I start laughing. He was looking at me amusingly. I do not know what he was thinking at the moment about the crazy waitress who threw a coffee over him by getting his plaid shirt stained and useless. Yes, I remembered that he was wearing a plaid shirt. His shirt was light blue that day and I was glad that the coffee shop was closed and I was not supposed to serve him anything. Just in case.

  “It is been a long time” I said nervously, staring at him.

  “Did you read the note?”

  “Well.”

  “Well” I laughed. A playboy and a charming guy. I was really afraid of playboy guys. You never know if they’re serious or if, on the contrary, like Tom, the Englishman, they will manage to get you into bed. Then, they will tell you they have a girlfriend, they are married or they have children swarming around the world.

  “Where have you been drinking coffee this whole time?”

  “Anywhere, you know I do not like coffee.”

  “And what do you like?”

  “Going to the movies.” He pulled two tickets out of his pocket. I approached to look at them.

  “Amélie?”

  “Do you want to see it?”

  It was 2001 when the French romantic comedy “Amélie”, known in French as Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain (The Fabulous Destiny of Amélie Poulain), directed by Jean-Pierre Jeunet, conquered the whole world under the slogan: “She is going to change your life.” And she did change mine, indeed.

  My heart was beating so fast in the darkness of the cinema while I was watching the images of the special and unique “Amélie”. I really thought my heart was going to stop me at any moment. I was glancing sideways at Bob while he was looking at me back and there was a moment, a wonderful moment, in which our fingers touched. Just a second. But it was enough to know I, because we are at that age when we are not talking about guys, really liked him.

  “What are you supposed to do when a movie ends in the cinema? When the darkness is replaced by a faint orange light, all people is leaving and music sounds, in that case a melodious and slow one?”

  “Did you like it?” I asked him.

  “A lot. And what about you?”

  ”Thank you.”

  He nodded. I do not know why the only thing that came out of my mouth was to say “Thank you.” Thanks for inviting me. Thank you for sharing two hours in a cinema with a stranger. Thanks for being the way you are. Thanks for that caress that has made my whole body tremble with feeling. Thank you for showing me that my heart is strong and it is capable of getting excited. Which it is beating fast and yet it is strong enough not to stop it. Thank you, Bob. Although that is not your name, but an alias to keep you secret in front of my curious daughter. Whether she was smiling more and I was calmer, indeed.

  Bob walked me to my shack, which I was sharing with Kim. As a good gentleman he was, he neve
r suggested if he could go upstairs with me. It was not the moment. Not on a first date.

  “I’ve loved being with you without having any coffee” he said, touching the back of his neck and showing his shyness.

  “Me too, although I like coffee very much. Are you coming tomorrow?”

  He shrugged. Then he pointed the door lock of the building, and he made sure I came in safe and sound. I took one last look to see him smiling. He was winking at me and shaking his head that we would see each other the next. While I was going upstairs, I kept wondering why I wanted to see him so badly. I was so absorbed in my own thoughts looking at the bugs. Upon arriving at the hallway of my apartment I stumbled upon a moving box that I had not seen and that was improperly placed on the last step. I fell on my face. The neighbor in front of my apartment, an old lady named Dorothy, who had already been raising mauves for a long time, went out the door as if she were hooked behind it and she asked me if I was okay. I said yes still with my nose crushed against the green carpet of the hallway, until I got really upset, when I hear a laugh coming from a black and masculine sneakers that had stopped in front of the box that had caused my fall.

  “Relax. Do not help me. I can do it by myself.”

  “I am sorry” he apologized, laughing. “I should not have dropped it there.”

  I wanted to tell him he was an idiot. How did he get the nerves to laugh at me? He had occupied the whole box hallway. He did not have to tell me that he was moving to the apartment opposite Kim and mine. After a few seconds Kim came out in pajamas and realizing that I was with a guy, she came back inside the apartment ashamed and red as a tomato, because nobody could see her in pajamas except me. She’s always been a prude.

  I pull the dust out of in my jeans. The guy had not moved, and he was waiting for me to finally get up. He wanted to introduce himself. Do you like the name of Jack, April? The guy number 2. We’re going call him Jack.

  “My name is Jack.”

  He shook his hand first but I did not shake him back. I did not even tell him my name.

  “I will see you around” I said a little crabby.

  Before closing the door we looked at each other. He could not help laughing and I was cursing him mentally and silently so that the boxes would cause him a silly fall at any time soon when he was moving.

  “I have really had such a beautiful night and here it comes this party pooper to screw it up.”

  “A beautiful night?” Kim asked, biting a tuna sandwich.

  “Bob showed up” I told her excitedly. “It has been so romantic! We went to see Amélie’s movie.”

  “Oh, really? How was it?”

  “So good. There has been a time when our fingers have touched and it has been…

  “I was talking about the movie, you idiot.” she interrupted me. “How was the movie?” Sometimes it seemed Kim had adopted the Barbara’s character. Sometimes I was wondering if she has not always been a little bit bipolar.

  “Oh. Amélie. Well, pretty good. It was special. I had not seen anything like that before.”

  “Cool! I have got to watch it, then.”

  She continued eating her tuna sandwich and she left, completely ignoring me, to the little table where she had her shabby laptop with a half-written page. Sandwich in her mouth and her fingers positioned above the keyboard; I wondered what she was writing at that time. If I, somehow, really inspired her. Pretending, I looked over my shoulder, but then she slapped me and I decided to go to bed. It was late and I needed to rest. But above all, I wanted the hours were passing very fast so I can see Bob again. Sleeping is the infallible method for time passed by. Time always passes and it is really passing while you are falling into a deep sleep and you do not know anything until… Plaf! You realize your alarm clock is ringing.

  CHAPTER 15

  —

  Love never brings anything good. Love always brings something better.

  Roberto Bolaño

  (Amulet)

  NOW

  “And… Plaf! We’re going to bed” I am laughing and I am clapping really funny. I love to see how happy April is with the story.

  “That is beautiful, mom! That is, the first movie you saw with Dad was Amélie”, she says.

  “Who told you that Bob was Dad? Come on, go to bed.”

  “I do not think he is the neighbor” she laughs. “Dad was never so messy by leaving boxes in the middle of a hallway.”

  “You did not know your father in his twenties, April.”

  “I have a feeling that he is Bob.”

  “There’s one more guy left.”

  “It will be hard for me to sleep tonight.”

  “You know, the hours pass fast when you are sleeping, and it will be shorter for the end of the story.”

  I give her a kiss. I tuck her in. I turn off the light and I close the door. She is grown up. She is no longer afraid of the dark.

  I go to my bedroom and I try to sleep a little, but my head is shaking up with thoughts and I cannot sleep first. I’ll send a message to Kim by WhatsApp, in case she’s awake, and she text me back in seconds.

  “What are you doing?” I ask her.

  “Writing, but it won’t take long to go to bed. I am really tired. How was the story?”

  “April is excited” I write. “She is already guessing who his father is in the story and I’m dying to finish it, although it’s really fun. It was a great idea.”

  “I’m glad to hear that both of you are feeling better. Shall we have a coffee tomorrow?”

  “I have to finish a couple of paintings. Shall we better eat together?”

  “Okay.”

  “At twelve o’clock in Pera Soho?”

  “Great. I was kind of hungry just thinking about it.”

  We write a few lol and kisses emoji and I close my eyes.

  I do not want my story to end. I would like to be telling her all my life to April, but, unfortunately, everything comes to an end.

  “Matt” I say out loud. “If you are here, I want you to know that ours never came to an end. And that will remain alive in our memory. Always.”

  If ghosts really exist, I can imagine Matt’s spirit next to me, lying on the bed, touching my cheek and saying:

  “Always.”

  “Always” was our word. “Always” turned out to have an end. “Always” finally became “Nothing”.

  Kim is on time for our twelve o’clock appointment at Pera Soho on Thompson Street. We have never been that kind of people who eat salads. Lettuce for rabbits, we often say by laughing. So we enjoyed the appetizer: some nachos with hummus and other dishes of the house such as octopus to Mediterranean, Salmon Tartar or Phyllo rolls to which we consider ourselves extremely addicted.

  “So you are going after your neighbor.”

  “Not at all. I mean because of cinema night that you have been really interested in. How are you? You asked me and you hit me when you really wanted to know about Amélie’s movie.

  “Sorry, it is a long and boring story. I did not like it.”

  “Everyone likes it. I do not understand how you cannot like Amélie’s movie.”

  “How should I know? I’m a little dumb, do not listen to me. Do you know that I have named Philomena a character from the last novel?”

  “Why are you being so cruel?”

  We laughed and although I did not want to bring up the subject, it seems inevitable to talk about Matt.

  “I’m sorry I did not tell you before, Jean” she regrets.

  “Kim, I told you, nothing’s wrong. That I would have done the same if I were you.”

  “Yeah, but still… I cannot imagine how much it hurts.”

  “Time is a great healer”, but I cannot get the phrase out of my mouth. Maybe someday. When I really know, time is a great healer.

  When I am going to pick up April from school, Ingrid goes out with her as a “special favor” and she smiles at me. April, distracted by a “new”girl who has come to school a few days ago, does not re
alize that her tutor wants to talk to me about the progress regarding her mood.

  “She is so much better and you cannot imagine how glad I am, Jean. I guess she needed some time.”

  “We are little hurry, now.”

  “I’m telling her a story every night. She’s excited about it.”

  “Well, I’m really glad” she said, looking at the girl. “I was worried when she fought with Sarah. She was aggressive when April has never been like this. She used to sleep in class. She did not have lunch… She is still recovering. Little by little, you’re doing very well, Jean.”

  Sometimes it’s okay people tell you how good you’re doing as a mother. Mothers always suffer from insecurities in each and every stage of our children. Will she be well fed if I breastfeed her? Why is she crying now? God, have I covered with the blanket too much? She is still breathing, right? Is she still breathing? I remember, as I see my daughter talking like an old woman with her new friend, when in the middle of the night I used to wake up and I touch her chest to see if she as breathing. I was like this during her first year of life. Matt could sleep like a log and he laughed at me.

  “Babies are stronger than they look” he used to say.

  And they surely are. They come into this world prepared for inexperienced mothers and first-timers that make a mistake a thousand times and they lose hope because the baby, who is not even able to hold his head, does not come with a playbook under his arm.

  “Mom.” April catches my attention by taking my hand. “Why do not we go to the coffee shop to have some chocolate crepes?”

  “Today, too?”

  “Yes! Please, please, please” she insists.

  “Of course, little girl. Let’s get those crepes.”

  Jerry is happy when he saw us coming into the coffee shop.

  “Well! Maggie! We have two clients addicted to your chocolate crepes here!” He exclaims with a coffee in his hand and a mini sandwich in the other.

  Maggie, from the kitchen, stars preparing them and April and I sit at the table the other day to wait for them. Jerry has a lot of work. He cannot attend us, but he is looking and smiling at us from time to time.