by Selena Kitt
She was lost. Lost in the sea of pain. So lost that it took her several minutes to realize that Decker had stopped the spanking and had gathered her securely into his arms. He held her close and rocked her back and forth, kissing her cheek, her forehead, even kissing the tip of her nose. He rubbed her back and pressed her so close to his body, she could have almost melted into his embrace.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I had to do that, Jessa. So sorry," he said between kisses.
Decker held her like that until all the tears had stopped, and until her sobs disappeared completely. She looked up at him and could see pain wash over his features. It wasn't pity that she felt for him, but she did feel his sadness. His job, his career, this mission had taken its toll on him. He was a good man who had to beat all the goodness away. She saw it all so clearly now. She could truly see this man. He was not a monster, but a hero. A hero in disguise.
It was unlike Jessa Crowe to just throw all caution to the wind. To act upon a feeling without thinking, second guessing, and then oftentimes talking herself out of it. But this time, as she slowly moved her lips to his, she allowed her heart, her desire, and her hunger for her hero to win the battle. She kissed him.
Decker froze for a brief moment, but then allowed the kiss to break his defense as well. His tongue brushed up softly to hers, testing the connection tentatively. This was not a kiss of pure passion. There was no hunger or wild fervor like kisses of her past. No, this was a kiss of caution. A kiss of seeing if the result would be a burn or stab. This was a kiss of two people unsure of what was to come. Decker's hands reached behind her head and pulled her in closer. So close that the kiss grew in intensity. This kiss was all they had at that moment. It was all that they had to hold them together. A kiss which held up the walls that were threatening to collapse in on them both. It gave them both strength. Power.
Decker pulled away and studied Jessa for several moments before whispering, "This is dangerous."
"I don't care."
"Jessa…"
"If I have to look like I've been fucked hard all day, I might as well get the benefit of it." These were not words spoken of a sane or rational woman, that much she knew. But she had stepped into a world of madness, and for right now, she wanted to play her part.
"Do you know what you are saying?" Decker asked, as he ran his fingers through her blonde hair. "If we go down this path, I'm not sure I'm strong enough to stop this time. If we start…" He took a deep breath. "This is dangerous."
"I know. I want danger. I want to fuck danger. I want to hold it close because it feels so wrong and yet so right. Fuck me, danger. Fuck me so hard." Jessa gave up all control. It was her body speaking. Her lust, her need for something other than the awful hate outside the doors of the cabin. For right now, for this very second, she wanted nothing more than Decker and Danger.
Danger would look at her. Danger would pull her in, strangle her, choke her until she could breathe nothing in but the dark, murky taste of black. Black tastes so bitter. So fucking bitter, and yet so sweet.
In a whirl of passionate haze, Decker tossed Jessa onto the bed and effortlessly removed his clothing, joining her in nothing but skin on skin. The weight of his body on hers acted like a blanket of comfort.
"Jessa," he whispered as he kissed her softly on her neck. "Tell me to stop, and I will."
"No, please don't. Don't stop." She reached around, grabbed both sides of his ass, and pulled him into her. His cock rested at the entrance of her pussy, and with one thrust of her hips, she buried him inside.
They both moaned as their bodies united, remaining motionless for a moment to just take in the sensation of becoming one. This wasn't fucking. This wasn't him taking for the benefit of others watching. This was more. This was two broken people finding a way back to the light.
And like two soldiers marching off to war, they began their cadence. In and out, push and pull, they made love. Decker wasn't a Delta Force infiltrator, and Jessa was no longer a captive. They were a man and a woman clinging to some form of pleasure before they had to go outside and face what they both dreaded. But for right now, for this very second, they had each other.
Arching her back, she thrust her hips hard so he had to drive in even deeper. Her inner walls spasmed and electricity jolted through her. She was about to come, and she was about to come fucking hard. Decker sensed her impending ecstasy and increased the tempo and force, demanding that she reach completion with every motion of his body.
Reaching down with one hand, he pressed his finger onto her clit and began moving it in small circles. "Yes, that's it, baby. Come for me. Come," he coaxed.
His deep voice issuing an order was all it took. Lights flashed behind her eyelids and she screamed out his name as her body rocked beneath his. Her cries of passion must have been all it took to snap his control, because he followed her mews with a growl of satisfaction as he filled her with his seed.
Breathing deep, and feeling more satisfied than she could ever remember, she whispered, "That was… that was—"
"Yes, it was," Decker interrupted between his own deep breaths. He brought his mouth to hers and kissed her deep, claiming her mouth as he had just claimed her sex. "You may not be mine when this mess is all over. But for right now, you are, and after that… it's going to be really hard letting you go."
God, what was wrong with her? There was a part of her that actually hated the thought of being rescued. It would mean leaving Decker. What in the hell was wrong with her? She must be losing her mind. She was going insane. Everything was so God damn dark. Everything was hate.
"I fucking hate you—or at least I should. I fucking want to kill you—or at least I should try to. I should fucking want to see you die in misery by my hand and yet… I would rather feel your cock buried deep within me. I want to feel your hand on my ass, spanking me until I scream for you to stop. I want, Decker. I want so bad. Everything that is so wrong."
He remained silent, but nodded his understanding as he peppered her face with the most tender of kisses.
"Everything about this is wrong. It screams against who I was, who I thought I was. This is not the woman I once believed myself to be. And yet, I want that woman to die just as badly as I want you to die. I want us both to fucking die and only have what is right now." Jessa began crying, insanity had broken through her moment of sexual bliss. "Two people who are hollow. Fucking for the sake of being fucked. Fucking for survival. We must survive the right now, but we must also survive the darkness that has always been."
"We'll get through this," he whispered between kisses. "I promise you, we will."
"Help me survive. Please. Help me survive this hole of hate that I am in—that I am afraid I will always be in."
"We will get out of this alive, and we will heal. I will be there to help you heal. I promise. But for right now, we focus on getting out of here alive."
"Is it wrong? Is it wrong that I like the feel of your hands on my throat? I like the feel of being the prey of the hunter. I like feeling like I could die by your hand, or feel mercy by your grace. I like knowing that I am yours. You have the power to decide if I even exist."
"No, it's not wrong. Something has been awoken inside of you. Maybe that is the only thing good that will come out of this fucking situation. Maybe you will walk away having discovered that there is a part of you hidden deep inside that enjoys the sharp edge of sex, of dominance and submission. Don't ever be ashamed for how you feel."
"I feel like I'm losing my mind. I want to cry. I want the tears of lust, hunger, passion to soak my face. I want to taste the salty taste of naughty. I'm a bad, bad girl and like it. I like the feel of correction. I like the biting sting of your punishment. I like the pain. Fuck me! I love the fucking pain!"
All the chaos and angst going on in her brain was being countered by Decker's light touches, soothing words and gentle kisses. Somehow he made her feel safe. Not only in the immediate now, but safe to feel the way she did. Jessa knew she wasn't a fooli
sh woman. She had made some pretty stupid decisions in her life, but she considered herself a strong, independent lady with a decent amount of pride—even though she had managed to get herself kidnapped by two hillbillies with the IQ of a turkey. Regardless, she knew that her feelings for Decker were genuine. Her body and her responses to his touch were unlike any she had ever experienced before. It wasn't love or anything of that nature. She wasn't the type of woman to fall head over heels in love. But maybe if they had met at a different time, in a different place, there really could be something. For now, the sexual chemistry was off the charts, and he was right that something may have been awoken inside of her. A little pain equaled a lot of pleasure—this much she had learned.
"Do we really have to go out there?" she asked, dreading seeing Rune again and all the awful men.
Decker sighed. "Soon. For now, let's just close our eyes and rest a little." He rolled to her side and cradled her into his arms. "Let's just enjoy this moment for a little bit longer."
Chapter Six
A loud explosion woke them from their sleep. The sheer force shook the floorboards the bed sat on. Shouts, then the sound of machine guns going off surrounded them. Chaos had erupted.
"What's happening?" Jessa asked, terrified for both herself and Decker.
"They're here. They've come early." Decker grabbed her by the arm and led her to a corner in the room where a desk stood. "Crouch down over here and cover your face. I'll be back soon and come get you. Do not leave this place."
"Wait! Please don't leave me. I'm scared."
Decker squatted down next to where she sat shaking on the floor. "You will be fine. I promise."
"You can't promise that!" The continual gunfire and explosions outside forced her to have to yell to be heard. "What if something happens to you? They are shooting outside." Another explosion shook the cabin. A sharp ringing in her ears caused her to almost not hear his next words.
"If I somehow do not come back, you wait until men in uniform come. You stay under this desk until that happens."
A sob escaped her shaking body, and she clung to him. "I don't want to be alone. I don't want you to leave me." Another explosion went off, causing her to scream. "Please!"
Decker wrapped his arms around her body, and began rocking her back and forth. "Say goodbye to me. Say goodbye to this nightmare. Close your eyes and say goodbye to the demon of what your life has become. Soon. Soon, you will see the light. Some men will come rushing in this door with guns, wide-eyed and ready to kill. Put your arms up high. Stay still. Allow the rescue to happen. You will be saved. You will be free. Say goodbye to me." His statement came out like a lullaby, soothing her deep-seeded panic. "I promise you this will all be over soon." He kissed her fast and hard and then reached for a gun in the drawer of the desk. "You'll be okay, Jessa. You'll be okay."
Jessa cried out his name as he ran out of the cabin into the haze of bullets, screams, and death.
She remained under the desk for what felt like an eternity while war and destruction took place on the other side of the wall. Part of her knew the sounds were of rescue, but what if the Delta Force lost? What if they weren't prepared enough and were no match for this crazed militia? What if they found out that Decker was a Delta Force infiltrate and then killed him, or tortured him for information? Holding her hands over her ears, she waited and listened until finally, the gunfire ceased, the explosions were no more, and she could hear voices of men giving commands and orders.
"Please, please, please," she whispered to herself. Please let those commands be from Decker and the good guys.
When the door to the cabin flung open, and it was Decker standing there with a smile on his face, Jessa burst into tears. He rushed to her and wrapped her in his arms. "It's over, Jessa. It's all over."
* * *
Jessa sat on the bumper of a military jeep, and pulled the blanket securely around her shoulders as a woman asked her questions. Her body shook, and no matter how many blankets she had around her, Jessa worried if she would ever feel warmth again. Ambulances, undercover cars, jeeps, and even cop cars filled the area, their lights swirling around her as men shouted out orders. Women like her were being shuttled out to be questioned. Jessa's heart lurched as she realized that some of the women were holding babies—babies born in the deepest circle of Dante's hell. Would the tears of happiness of rescue being shed by their mothers be enough to wash away the taint of their conception? Jessa prayed to the God she'd believed had forsaken them that each mother and child would find peace.
"How many men?"
Jessa looked up at the woman writing on the clipboard. "Excuse me?" Jessa tried her best to focus and answer all the questions being asked, but she just wanted to be with Decker. When he was pulled away for his own debriefing, Jessa wondered if she would ever see him again. The mission was over; the women were saved. Decker could move on to whatever his next job demanded of him.
"I'm sorry," the woman answered. "I have to ask these questions. How many men would you say raped you?"
Jessa shook her head. "None."
The woman looked up at her surprised. "None?"
"No, I was one of the lucky ones."
The woman wrote on the clipboard and then asked, "Is there any way you could be pregnant?"
Jessa almost said no, but then paused and realized there was a chance she could be. She and Decker hadn't used protection. Looking beyond the woman, she saw that Decker was surrounded by people. One after another conferred with him before saluting and turning towards whatever task he set them to. Yes, there was a very small chance she could be pregnant and yet, if she were, she really only had herself to blame. He'd pulled out of her that first time, and she had been the one to beg him to fuck her a few hours earlier.
"No, like I said, I wasn't raped so there is no way I could be pregnant."
After a few more questions which the woman dutifully recorded on the form, she said, "I'm glad you were lucky. Soldiers sign up for war, but no one signs up for the hell you went through. I wish you the best. The EMTs will take you to the hospital to make sure you are okay."
"Thank you," Jessa said, waiting until the soldier moved away before standing up and approaching a policeman. One of the questions asked she hoped would allow her to complete her plan.
"Hey, shouldn't you be in one of the ambulances?" the man asked when she reached him.
"Oh, no, I'm fine," Jessa said. "That soldier over there said you needed to see where the men kidnapped me from. I can take you there."
The policeman looked to where she'd pointed. "You mean Captain Cassidy?"
"Yes." Fearing that he would go over to validate her statement, she pulled the blanket a bit tighter. "Look, I've been cleared and I can help the investigation. Besides, I'm hoping my rental car was left there. I'd really like to get into my own clothes, if you know what I mean."
Perhaps he thought she was stark naked under the blanket or perhaps she was a better actress than she believed, but he finally nodded and led her to his car.
"Shall I sit in back?"
"No, ma'am, you aren't in trouble. You can sit up front."
She almost asked if she could run the siren but remembered her intent was simply to disappear. As the cruiser pulled away, she said, "It was by a large lumberyard."
"I think I know where you mean." Wishing to avoid any further questions and not wanting him to see the tears that had begun to well in her eyes the moment Decker was out of sight, she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the window.
* * *
Four months later, Jessa sat in the swing on her front porch, her hand rubbing against her belly. She'd been truly surprised to discover that she had become pregnant that day. Taking a sip from her bottle of water, she looked down. Her baby would never know that its daddy was an incredible man and a hero. She might not have Decker, but she would have a bit of him for the rest of her life.
The sound of a car had her looking up. When it pulled into her driveway, her bro
w furrowed. She wasn't expecting a soul. When the door opened, she stood and at the sight of the man who exited the car, the bottle slipped from her fingers to spill at her feet.
The moment she made a move towards the door, a sharply given command froze her in place.
"Don't you move a single muscle."
Just as he had been able to make her obey before, his tone and his very presence demanded her submission to his order. She didn't move, but she did speak.
"How… how did you find me?"
"I think the better question is why did you run? I asked you to wait for me. I told you that I'd be back for you."
It was as if her body could feel him even before she heard him mounting the steps to the porch. Her nipples had tightened and her loins were moistening with the desire to be his and yet—yet he deserved far better than to have his life ruined by one moment of lust.
"Others needed you. Other women were hurt, and I was fine. I led that officer—"
"And the fact that he managed to remember the rental car sticker on the back window is the only thing that kept his face from meeting my fist, and the only reason why I don't already have my belt off and against your bare ass."
God forgive her but the very threat had her practically gushing into her panties. "I didn't mean to get him in trouble. I just… just wanted to get away."
"From me?" he asked, and his tone had her clenching her eyes shut to keep a different flood at bay. "Of course, from me."
Though she couldn't see him, she felt him backing away. "I'm sorry, Jessa. I just had to make sure you were all right."