by Selena Kitt
She beamed. "I'm so glad."
Chapter Four: 21
"Mom, we're getting married next week."
"What? Irene, you can't, there's too much to prepare!"
"No, there isn't. Drew doesn't even like weddings, but I want to wear the fancy dress and have cake, so we're doing a little wedding. You and Pop have to come, of course, and my brothers and sisters. He's already told his mom, she doesn't know if she can drive out this far by herself so I said I'd ask if she can go with you all."
"Of course she can. But Irene, even if you just want a dress and cake, it takes more than a week to coordinate that! Not to mention at least two days to travel!"
"I know, Mom, but we're getting moved to another duty station, he just found out today, and if we're married he can get base housing for us, but if we're not he's got to stay in the barracks."
"One week. As in next Saturday?"
"Yes, Mom. Just please come. Okay?"
"Of course, honey, we'll come. And we'll bring Carmen, too."
"Thank you! Love you all!"
* * *
The day of the wedding was bright and sunny, but it was cool even inside the chapel. It was an all-creed sort of wedding chapel, so Irene felt comfortable there—surrounded by beautiful, ornately carved window frames, and green outside as far as the eye could see. It was even on a slight hill, and that reminded her of their spot on the hill at home.
He wore his dress blues. She wore a simple white dress of satin and tulle with blue fabric roses over her shoulders, around her waist and on the hem. At her throat lay a small rose crudely carved out of wood, the first one Drew had given her. He always had a pocket knife in his hand, and on their second date, a walk in the woods, he'd whittled it for her. Once he left for the marines, he'd continued to carve her one at every duty station and at every deployment. Marianna and Carmen sat together, watching their children and sniffling. Tony offered her his arm, wearing his leather biker jacket and pants, but she didn't care in the slightest. They were getting married. I'm not a girl anymore. I'm not Pop's little girl. I'm Drew's woman. They walked slowly, but her feet tingled with the urge to run up the short aisle. Drew took her hand in his, and her heart thumped at the look in his eyes.
Irene felt the sense of belonging keenly when Drew rested his gaze on her, possessive and final. For the most part, she didn't hear anything past his resolute, "I do," and instead spent the time staring at his eyes as if she could never find their bottoms in a million years.
Bells rang, startling her out of her reverie, and then his lips were crushing hers, his hands in her hair destroying two hours of work. She halfheartedly tossed the bouquet behind her, hoping one of her sisters caught it, and then she wrapped her arms around her Marine's neck and kissed him for all she was worth.
* * *
"Congratulations!" Jonah was one of the other corporals in Drew's platoon, someone he'd gone through boot camp with. Irene gave him a hug and Drew shook his hand. They continued through the small reception area, greeting family and friends before returning to the cake.
Irene leaned in to whisper in Drew's ear. "I still think I should be allowed to smush the cake into your face. You're just too pretty all dressed up like that."
"We talked about that, apple cheeks. That is completely out of line and you know it."
She nipped at his ear. "I was just teasing. You know I wouldn't really do anything that might mess up your uniform. I'm the one who has to clean it now."
"Damn right. Not only would you have to clean it a dozen times, I would spank your ass a dozen times for disgracing my uniform."
She stole a quick glance at his grin to be sure she'd heard the humor in his voice correctly.
Her own voice lilted upwards as she teased him back. "No way. You'd have to catch me first!"
He snorted. "Apple cheeks, I could spank your butt with one hand tied behind my back."
She wiggled closer to him, her arms wrapped around his, and rested her cheek on his shoulder. His threat, even made in jest, served to light her insides on fire and she beamed at the friends and family who took photos. When it was time to cut the cake, they cut it together, and she demurely placed a small bite in his mouth, as he did for her. As the vanilla and chocolate melted over her tongue she shivered. The excess sugar in the frosting tickled the roof of her mouth just the way his tongue on her clitoris did.
He leaned in to her.
"How long do we have to stay at this reception again?"
"Not very long. Dance with me. Then we'll go."
"As you wish, apple cheeks."
He wasn't the best dancer, but he was light on his feet and the steps didn't matter nearly as much as being in his arms did.
Chapter Five: 22
"So, Pop. I, uh, have a father's day present. For you. Early. Or, well, not early, but I'm telling you about it early. Okay?"
"What on earth are ya talkin' about, honey?"
"Pop, I'm pregnant."
"Wow. I'm… when?"
"The end of June. But um, they'll probably be early. You know. How that goes."
"What?" She could hear him turning away from the phone. "Marianna, did you know about this? What's she talkin' about; 'they'?"
Irene giggled as she heard her mother's voice. "Yes, dear. Twins, dear."
He turned back to the phone. "What in tarnation?"
Irene giggled again. "Twins, Pop. I'm pregnant with twins."
"How are you goin' to finish school, honey?"
"I'll make it work. I only have another year and a half left. If I have to, I'll take a semester off. But I'm going to try to arrange it so I can take a lot of online classes over the summer."
"That's a lot of work, honey. And two babies is a lot of work."
"I know. I'm going to have to quit my job too, I think. I just don't see how I can keep it up."
"That's fer sure. You don't want to have a big belly in the way at a machine shop."
"I know. But Drew set aside some money for when we did have babies. We were hoping it wouldn't be quite yet, but well. Things… happened. I'll be fine. But… Papa? Do you think you and Mom could… maybe visit? In June?"
"Sure, honey, of course."
* * *
Irene hated the Marines. She hated the military, she hated Drew's Commanding Officers, she hated the President, she hated the Generals, she hated the Taliban, she hated Afghanistan, she hated Iraq, she hated everyone.
Drew deployed on June first. The babies hadn't arrived yet. She curled up and cried every day after he left, clutching her mobile phone and sending him incessant texts in a running stream of consciousness word vomit that managed to surpass the actual vomit that came from still having morning sickness, despite being in the third trimester.
She continued to hate everything even a week later when Beth came to visit—Gerard's wife, a man in Drew's platoon.
"You should eat something."
"What's the point? I'll just throw it up anyway."
"No you won't. Remember the rice soup I gave you yesterday? You didn't throw that up, now did you?"
Irene's voice was grudging. "No."
"Then eat some more of it."
"I don't want it. I want Drew!"
"Sweetie, you can't have Drew. Now sit up and eat."
"What if things go wrong? I need him."
"No, you don't. Women have been giving birth for millennia, all by themselves. Do you think the mama wolf has the daddy wolf come sit down and hold her paw when she whelps her puppies? No she does not. You will be just fine."
"But it's different! I'm having twins."
"And? You know how many puppies the mama wolf is having? Five. Are you having five babies? No you are not. You will be just fine."
"But…"
"No more buts, or I'll tell Drew he needs to whoop your ass when he gets back. You hear me? Now sit up and eat."
Irene did as she was told, her face flushed at the thought of Drew 'whooping her ass'. What would he say? He hadn't said mu
ch at the time he'd left. He'd started to shut down, she could see it. The hard soldier mask was closing down over the loving husband. He'd made love to her, gentle and sweet, so as not to disturb the babies. Afterward he held her like he sometimes did, all four limbs wrapped around her body as if she'd disappear if he didn't. She'd stayed awake as long as she could, not wanting to lose time with her beloved.
The morning he was to leave he held her as tightly as he dared, and kissed her thoroughly, but when he pulled away, his eyes were cold and shuttered. "I love you, Irene," he said. "I love the babies," he said. "Be strong for me, apple cheeks."
She'd nodded. Of course I'll be strong. I'd do anything you asked. Anything at all. She ate the rice soup. And thought about it. Is this being strong for you, my love? Beth would say, 'No it is not.' And she'd probably be right. I will do it. I will be strong. I will make you proud of me. You don't need me to be filling your phone with my fear.
She texted him again. "I love you. I'm fine. I was scared for a while, but Beth is here with me, and Mom's coming next week. So I'll be fine. Don't worry about me. I love you. Be safe."
* * *
Irene lay on her left side in the hospital bed. Marianna rubbed her back. The nurse checked her cervix.
"Still only three centimeters dilated."
"Really?" Irene began to cry. "I've been contracting for hours. Can't I get the epidural yet?"
The nurse patted her hand. "I know. You're tough. I'll have the doctor come in and explain your options."
The doctor sat down in the stool facing her. Her face was kind, but stern. "I understand you wanted a vaginal birth. But your labor is not progressing very well. I'm going to go ahead and order the epidural to help you relax, because sometimes that is enough to get the contractions to get stronger. But understand that sometimes epidurals slow down the labor, and you may end up with a cesarean section. I'll leave you alone to think about it. If you want to wait a little longer, that's fine. But it's approaching six hours, and you've gone from two centimeters to three. That's not a good rate."
Irene swallowed and nodded. In between contractions, she texted Drew. He replied quickly.
"Do what you feel is best. I'm proud of you no matter how you have the babies. Them being safe is the primary objective."
The doctor came back. Irene put down the phone. "Let's just do the epidural."
"All right."
Five hours later, the twins were born via C-section, and Irene cried through the whole surgery, shivering with cold and feeling like nothing so much as a particularly sticky purse being unzipped. But the moment she heard the first baby's voice, she jerked at the restraints. "Baby! I want my baby!" The nurse brought him over to her and she kissed his wet fuzzy head, tears of upset turning to tears of joy. Not long after, while one nurse was cleaning the first baby, another brought the second for her to kiss. Soon they were both in Marianna's arms while they finished up the surgery.
Jason Christopher Breckridge. Haden Francis Breckridge. The first week was a blur. She lay in bed and nursed and nursed and nursed. She sent photos and photos and photos. Drew spent as much time as he possibly could on his new Skype account and Irene would sometimes just lie there, too tired to do more than grin at him and stroke the downy hair of her babies.
Soon enough she had to get up. Learning to do everything one handed with a boy in the other was a challenge. Trying to schedule things so that she could function in between sit downs to feed both boys was a challenge. Luckily her body healed quickly from the surgery and soon she was pushing the double stroller around the block. Irene tossed her short blonde mane, chopped off at her jawline just days before their birth. She was a wolf mother. Fierce and proud and strong. And tired. So very, very tired. I miss my alpha.
Some days she woke from a nap with the babies on either side of her, her head pounding and her brain fuzzy with exhaustion that never seemed to let up.
They began to sit up. They babbled and cooed. She videoed everything, some to save for when Drew got home, some to send him. Through it all, Marianna stayed with her in the tiny Base house, setting massage appointments whenever she could schedule them around Irene's classes.
Irene dropped out of several classes, reduced her course load to half time—enough to keep most of her financial aid, but still more than she felt comfortable with.
Chapter Six: 23
Right after Thanksgiving, Drew came home. This time was different. She felt strange, wrong. Am I beautiful? I'm so out of shape. I'm struggling so much. It's so hard. What if he doesn't want me? What if he doesn't like the babies? Even she knew that last thought was ridiculous. Drew loved the babies, said it all the time when he waved at their chubby faces on Skype.
"Hey, apple cheeks." The warmth in his voice surprised and gratified her. He pinched her cheek and then hugged her tight. "I'm so proud of you. You've done so well. I love you so much."
She couldn't help it. Filling her lungs with the scent of him—these days it was less hay and tobacco, and more gun oil and leather—she clung to him, dampening his PT shirt with tears. "I love you too. I've missed you so, so much."
He spent all day with the twins. Tentative, he refused to hold them at first, but Marianna came to Irene's rescue when it hurt her feelings. "Drew, don't you dare be picking up these babies and tossing them around like a sack of grain. I've seen so many new daddies do that! It's just not good for them, all that bouncing when their neck muscles aren't fully developed. It's terrible. You are absolutely not allowed to hold the babies until you promise not to do that." She glared at him, and Irene bit the inside of her cheek to hold in a smile. Since when did Mom ever glare at Drew like that? Franklin and Henry, to be sure, but Drew? It worked.
Drew raised his eyebrows and picked up Jason. "They're my children, Marianna. I'm not going to hurt them." The baby arched back, all wide eyes and startled at the new voice so close to his little chest. Drew petted his tiny head and kissed him on the forehead. "Hi, dumpling. How are you? Are you a good boy for your daddy?"
Irene giggled. "Dumpling?"
Drew looked up and grinned back. "Apple dumplings." Irene laughed so much the babies started to grin, too, and then they traded so Drew could hold Haden as well.
Chapter Seven: 24
Drew held one toddler on each shoulder while Irene walked down the aisle to get her bachelor's degree. She was literally walking on air, bouncing on the balls of her feet. A degree! In Math! AND Education! It had taken much longer than she'd wanted it to—but she'd done it. She stepped up onto the stage and couldn't help but spin around, a happy twirl that had Drew whistling and other audience members clapping and laughing. Her graduation gown was hot and itchy but she didn't care. She did it. She could be a teacher. Her fingers caressed the wooden rose at her throat just before she reached for her diploma.
Drew arranged for Beth to watch the boys that evening until the next morning so he could take her out.
"Drew! We can't afford this!"
"Yes, we can. You know I set aside a little extra sometimes. I want to be able to take you out to something nice every once in a while."
"Drew, but with the babies—and I don't have a job yet, love, shouldn't we put it towards the move? When is it again, next month?"
"Yes, it's next month. But you worked your butt off and I'm so proud of you. So I'm taking you out to a fancy restaurant."
"You can't imagine how happy I am that you're proud. But really. We don't need to spend the money."
"Irene, put on a pretty dress and get in the car."
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Thank you. But you don't need to. And we can't afford it. And I'd rather ride the bike anyway."
He raised an eyebrow. "The wind would mess up your dress. Yes, we can afford it. Now do as I tell you."
"Drew—"
"Apple cheeks, it's not up to you."
She stomped her foot. "I am absolutely capable of making my own decisions. I've just graduated with a double major Bachelor's degree. And I did it
through three moves, four different colleges, a lot of online classes, and having twins! So if you think I am not capable of making a decision about where I eat, you have another think coming! I take care of EVERYTHING when you're not here. I—"
He grabbed her gesticulating arms and wrapped her up in his strong ones. "Apple cheeks. It is not up to you. Is that clear, or do I need to remind you?"
She froze. Her stomach clenched and moisture built up behind her eyes. How long has it been? Since before I had the babies. Before he deployed the second time. Before I graduated. She started to crumple. It hurt. It hurt so much, having to be strong all the time, having to make him proud when she was broken up inside. Having to not let him see how much she needed him to be her alpha… always, even when she was being strong.
"You can't remind me of something that doesn't exist." And then she was sobbing, clinging to his chest as if she would break into pieces if she let go. For a long time he stroked her back and let her cry. "You can't do that. You can't. You can't tell me what to do sometimes and expect me to just know what to do the rest of the time."
He was quiet for a long time, until she wore herself out with crying, until after they'd sunk onto the bed. Finally, he spoke into her hair. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's been… difficult. I have a lot more men under me than I ever have before. At home, you're competent. You're more than competent. You are excellent. I don't need to correct you because you are correct most of the time. But you're right. I haven't been an active leader at home."
"I don't need the correction. I need the leadership. I need the… dominance."
He stroked her hair. "I need that, too. I've been… afraid. You're so strong. You're so amazing. I didn't think you wanted me to be the leader. I backed away from it, from being dominant—I didn't want you to feel like I was questioning your judgment. You're right. You do everything when I'm not here, and that's not fair. But I didn't know you wanted me to take on some of that burden again. I-I made a mistake. I assumed you wanted to be like the other wives, the ones that don't take orders from anyone, their husbands least of all."