by Om Swami
Still, I couldn’t leave without checking; so I walked back to D-block, which is where my classroom was, at least a few hundred metres away. Constantly darting glances in all directions, hoping to spot Rea, I was marching back to my classroom when Cadbury stopped me on the way.
‘Where are you going, Vasu?’
‘I … I forgot something in the classroom, Ms Cadbury … er … Ms Claire.’
‘What did you forget?’
‘Umm … my chess set.’
‘There’s more to life than chess, you know.’
Yeah sure, like the area of the moon?
‘The rooms must be locked by now,’ she said. ‘Go home. You can get it tomorrow.’
‘Maybe I could just check—’
‘Vasu!’ she asserted. ‘I’m telling you that D-block is locked by now. Go home.’
With a heavy heart, I returned to my moped. I scanned it thoroughly to see if Rea had left any note. Nothing.
I didn’t feel like playing chess that day. The first time in the last one year. I went home instead.
‘Vasu!’ mother exclaimed, surprised. ‘You came early from your chess practice today!’
‘I didn’t go,’ I replied.
‘You didn’t?’ She paused. ‘Did something happen at Mr Sharma’s?’
‘Mum!’ I was irritated. ‘I didn’t go, I said!’ ‘Is everything all right?’
‘Yes. Can you please not ask me any more questions?’ I took off my shoes, left them there, went straight to my room and locked it from inside.
Thank God, Varun wasn’t there. Because I wasn’t up for any jokes.
I heard mum speaking to Master over the phone. She was telling him that I wasn’t well and had come home straight.
Why didn’t Rea come? I took out the slip and kept staring at it. Mum knocked a couple of times asking about my lunch, etc. I just didn’t open the door. I got up and fed Muffin, our goldfish. She was moving about freely in the bowl, eager to eat her food, oblivious to my misery. For four days, Muffin would stay at my desk and for three days at Varun’s. Sometimes he would tease her by poking her bowl with his finger and I absolutely hated it.
‘When she’s on my desk, she’s mine,’ he would say and laugh.
‘What if I poke you?’
‘Try.’
‘She doesn’t mind, Munshiji,’ he would say. ‘The day she tells me to stop, I will.’
Muffin was rising to the surface presently, looking for more food. She was always hungry, but you had to feed her the right amount or she would fall sick. I kept alternating between watching Muffin and rereading the slip for the next few hours.
Dad was home and I could no longer keep my door locked. When he knocked around dinner time I finally opened the door. Everyone asked me what was wrong, but I wasn’t going to tell anyone anything. I ate quietly and went back to my room.
Mum came into my room just when I was about to go to sleep. ‘You know, Vasu,’ she said, ‘it’s okay if you don’t want to tell me what happened today but, just remember, it’s not a kind world out there. It has many good people but it also has some unkind people who will hurt you. If you want to be happy and at peace, you must learn to protect yourself by believing in yourself.’
The next morning I left for school a little early, both anxious and eager.
There was a lot I wanted to say and ask Rea, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to say it in person. I went straight to the library and wrote her a letter. My first letter ever. I poured my heart out and decided to hand it to her at the beginning of the first period.
The bell for the morning assembly rang. I kept searching for her. There she was, in the girls’ queue.
Oh, she looked! And she smiled! My queen!
I wanted to jump high in the air. I felt like running up to the stage and singing a song.
Her friends, who were standing behind her, leaned forward and said something in Rea’s ears. All three giggled, covering their mouths. I smiled at all of them. Perhaps the other two also know how Rea feels about me. I kept checking my pocket to ensure the letter was still there. It was not the sort of thing you would want anyone else to read, especially a teacher.
I rushed to the class as soon as the assembly got over. She had to have my letter. Now. There was no doubt about it: I was in love. I couldn’t wait for the recess or till classes finished for the day. I was one of the first ones to enter the class.
There was some cursive writing on the blackboard. It was written in big letters, in yellow and fluorescent green chalk, with hearts and lips drawn in white and pink. Tendrils were drawn at the bottom-left corner. Someone, probably Rea and her friends, had taken pains to decorate the board for me.
On a moped a geek,
A skinny chess freak,
Always with his board,
Here’s a kiss for the toad.
~ For Prince Alarming
I had a momentary blackout. I thought I’d faint or fall. The other students were pouring in fast. I didn’t even have time to rub it off without making a fool of myself. I went to my seat, which was towards the back anyway. Today it was particularly comforting that I had always been a backbencher. I wanted to disappear.
I was mad at myself for buying into her prank. It’s not like I didn’t know that she was out of my league. Every girl was, for that matter. I kept my head down.
‘Good morning!’ Our math teacher entered the class.
‘Good morning, sir,’ everyone chorused.
‘Who did this?’ he asked, pointing at the board.
It was no secret that it was written for me. I was the only skinny guy with a moped, the only chess freak.
The teacher asked again, angrier this time, but no one answered. He called a student to erase the board. I could have told him that Rea did it, I could have shown the slip, but I didn’t want to be mocked a second time.
‘Are you okay, Vasu?’ He was standing next to me, his hand on my shoulder.
‘Yes, sir,’ I said more confidently than I actually was.
‘Do you know who did this?’
I looked in Rea’s direction. She was sitting in the first row. Like all other children, she too was looking at me. She lowered her head as soon as our eyes met. I ran my eyes over everyone.
‘No, sir.’ I could barely speak.
‘Don’t take it seriously,’ he advised. ‘Some people are insensitive cowards.’
I kept a tight check on my emotions throughout the day. At the end of every class, my friends would come and try to cheer me up. I acted as if it hadn’t affected me. Every time I moved, the rustling of the letter in my pocket would remind me how dumb I had been. I didn’t eat my lunch during recess, nor did I step out of class.
The day ended and I went home. I missed chess again. ‘Munshiji has come,’ Varun announced to mum.
I went straight to my room, with my shoes on.
They both entered after me.
‘No chess today either?’ she asked. ‘I’m not well.’
She touched my forehead.
‘Does he have fever?’ Varun asked.
‘No,’ she replied. ‘What happened, Vasu?’
‘Nothing.’
‘How will we know if you don’t tell us?’ ‘Leave me alone!’
‘My Munshiji is upset?’
I didn’t answer. Varun and mum seemed to have reached a silent agreement that she leave the room.
Mother called my master again to let him know that I wasn’t feeling well. Varun latched the door and sat next to me.
‘Will you please tell me, Vasu?’
‘I don’t want to talk about it, Varun.’ ‘At least talk to me. I’m your brother.’ I just kept quiet.
‘Do you want to take my bike for a ride?’ I shook my head.
He brought the fishbowl from his desk and place
d it on mine.
‘You can keep Muffin forever,’ he said affectionately. ‘One smile!’
I didn’t react.
‘Come on, let’s go.’ He held my wrist. ‘I’ll buy you a new chess set.’
I released myself from his grip.
‘Tell me, Vasu.’ He put his finger under my chin to lift my head. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘And what will you do?’ ‘Try me.’
I pushed his hand away.
‘Did someone bully you at school?’ he guessed. ‘Just say it and I’ll break his kneecaps tomorrow.’
‘No!’ I shrieked. Varun was quite capable of it. He had a little gang of his own.
‘Did Anand sir say anything?’
I shook my head.
‘Are you in any trouble at school? Did some teacher scold you or something?’
‘No, Varun, nothing of that sort.’ I suddenly realized how much he cared about me.
‘Wait a minute,’ he exclaimed, ‘I know it!’
I glanced at him to see if he really had guessed it, because he sounded so confident.
‘You failed some exam, didn’t you?’ ‘Noooo!’
‘I’ve exhausted all possibilities, Vasu,’ he said in a low voice. ‘I can’t see you like this, brother. Tell me what happened. I love you.’
It was something about those words – I love you – that melted my toughness and I started crying. Quietly.
He heaved a sigh of relief. ‘Tell me now.’
‘I can’t, I can’t.’ My tears turned from a light drizzle into a waterfall.
Varun’s face turned grave. He looked even sadder than I was. ‘Is it about a girl?’
I kept quiet.
‘It’s about a girl, isn’t it?’
I nodded. Only just.
‘How did I miss it!’ he exclaimed with joy. He clapped. ‘Yes, yes, I should have known. Munshiji has grown up!’
I was mad at him for being so insensitive. I cursed myself for trusting him.
‘That’s all? You’re upset because of a girl? Wait a moment.
She dumped you, didn’t she?’
I didn’t think there was any point telling him that I had been ditched even before I was hitched.
‘Do you know why I keep Muffin at my desk?’ he asked. ‘You said I could have her forever now.’
‘Yes, yes, but do you know why I used to keep her at my desk?’ I had no interest in his dumb questions so I kept quiet. ‘Come on, ask me why!’
‘Why?’ I asked. ‘It’s a reminder!’ ‘What reminder?’
He brought the bowl closer to me and asked me to put my hand in it.
‘No, I’m not poking Muffin!’
‘I’m not asking you to do that,’ he persisted. ‘Just put your hand in the bowl for a few seconds.’
‘Why?’
‘Just do it for my sake.’
‘No,’ I protested. ‘Tell me why first.’
‘I will tell you, I promise,’ he said. ‘Just put your hand in it.’
I did. And as soon as I did, Muffin swam to my hand thinking it was food. It felt nice to touch her.
‘What did you feel?’ ‘Muffin.’
‘Yes, but what’s Muffin?’ ‘Fish.’
‘Exactly, bro, exactly,’ he said triumphantly. ‘That’s my point!’ ‘What?’
‘Fish!’ He pointed at the bowl. ‘There’s plenty of fish in the sea.’
My depression vanished with a poof and I laughed out loud. He was right. The haughty Rea was not the only girl on this planet. Someday, when I’d become a chess champion, she’d curse herself for playing the heartless prank on me.
‘That’s my Munshi.’ Varun kept the bowl back. ‘Don’t waste your tears over some fish. Just keep the food ready and they will come in hoards.’
I couldn’t stop giggling.
‘Look at me,’ he continued. ‘I don’t have any special talents, yet I have many girlfriends. And you are a chess prodigy, a sharp thinker. Girls – they like all this shit. They’ll fall at your feet, my champion.’
I hugged him tight. So tight that I didn’t want to let him go. Back in school, I had been thinking of ways to become invisible, including throwing myself from the school terrace. And now, none of that mattered. I realized that I’d missed two days of practice.
‘Thank you, bro,’ I said. ‘I love you.’
‘Let me go now,’ he said. ‘I’m not used to hugging guys.’ We burst into laughter.
‘Do I still get to take your bike for a ride?’ I mumbled. ‘Umm … okay.’
‘And will you still buy me a new chess set?’
‘You greedy monkey!’
‘Let’s go and do that right away.’
I tore up the letter and the slip – flushed them down the toilet with joy. It meant nothing. Varun and I went out for a ride, movie and dinner. He got me a rosewood chess set from his savings. How easily he erased my pain. I love you, Varun.
THE SOUL OF CHESS
I HAD GOT over the previous day’s incident like a bad dream, but its memory was still vivid and my heart still sore. I rode a little slower and made it to school just in time. The blackboard was blank. I kept my bag in the drawer and left for the assembly. My eyes didn’t seek out Rea. I got back in class to a surprise, though. Just as unexpected as the previous day’s. In the last row, where I always sat, my bench partner wasn’t the usual guy. Someone else had come even earlier and taken that spot – none other than the wicked Rea Joshi. Rea plot-hatching Joshi. The same Rea, who was never seen in any other row other than the first, was sitting on the last bench.
What does she want now?
Suddenly, my palms felt sweaty. My body tingled, as if a million ants were biting me. My heart was alternating between sudden spurts of excitement and quick bursts of anger. I was angry because I’d been humiliated. Or rejected. Cheated maybe. I couldn’t tell.
The teacher still hadn’t arrived. I hesitantly walked to my desk.
‘H … Hi, Vasu,’ Rea said in a sombre tone.
No, Vasu, don’t even look at her. Have some respect. Show her you don’t need her.
I don’t know if she was smiling or not, because I didn’t look at her. But my tone-deaf heart did skip a beat. It wouldn’t listen to my reasoning.
I made a sorry attempt to not glance at her. It was like spotting a beautiful, hand-carved rosewood chess set in a shop, but looking the other way since you know if you stay there for any more than a few seconds, you will want it so desperately that you wouldn’t mind stealing it. Your mind will keep hovering around it like bees around a flower. So, the best thing is to not treat yourself to that visual and mental feast. That’s the only way to avoid the mess.
With a stern look, I opened my drawer, picked my bag and occupied another desk – the corner-most one, which was almost always vacant because it was a bit rickety. Right now, it matched my own condition.
‘Vasu? I’m sor—’ She called from behind but I ignored her. Once again, my heart knocked hard, but I held my fort. It felt strangely empowering to ignore and dismiss her, even though she was right there.
The day passed agonisingly slowly. I skipped lunch and immersed myself in chess during breaks. Rea continued to be at the back of my mind. Maybe I should have sat with her. Maybe she wanted to apologize. What if she was playing another prank on me? What if she never approaches me again?
It was time for the last class – drawing period. When it came to drawing, Taklu was not the only inconvenient factor; there was the drawing book itself. It was larger than any other book. I hated carrying it because it was always protruding out of my bag. So no matter how hard I tried to protect it, it would be all deckle-edged in a matter of days. And Taklu would unfailingly remind me that I was careless. I’d never ask my parents to spend 300-odd rupees on a bigger school bag just to please
my drawing teacher.
I pulled out the monster book and something slipped out and fell on the floor. It was a letter. From Rea. She must have slid it in the morning, immediately after the assembly. What a lovely thing, this drawing book. It’s so good that it sticks out, inviting important letters.
I looked in Rea’s direction. She was looking at me as if she was waiting for me to read the letter. I contemplated tearing it up to show her I didn’t care. But, of course, this was a fleeting thought. In the most beautiful handwriting, was written:
My dear Vasu,
Only I know how I mustered up the courage to sit next to you today. I’m really sorry for yesterday and the day before. If you believe me, it wasn’t my idea but, dumb that I am, I just got carried away.
I know it sounds really crazy. I know. But with this terrible prank, I at least got your attention. I am very sorry.
There’s much I want to say to you. I’ll wait for you, Vasu, hoping that one day you will sit next to me.
Love ya!
Yours
R
P.S. Please don’t share this letter with anyone. Please.
‘Vasu?’ Taklu roared. ‘What are you reading?’
‘Nothing, Ta …, er, sir.’ I quickly stuffed the letter in my pocket.
‘I called out three times! What have you got there?’
‘No, sir. Nothing, I mean.’
‘What, no sir?’ He came closer and pulled my hand out of my pocket.
‘Sir!’ I screamed. ‘It’s a personal letter!’
‘Not in my class!’ He made another attempt to reach my pocket.
‘Sir!’ I pushed his hand away with all my might. ‘This is none of your business!’
A strange hush fell in class.
‘You are coming with me to the principal’s office, right now!’ I stood there quiet but no less mad.
I glanced at Rea. Her face had turned ashen, like mine had been the previous day. ‘Now!’ He was already at the door, yelling.
At the principal’s office, Taklu dramatized every action of mine, saying how he stepped away in time to avoid me shoving him to the ground, etc. He tried to convince her that no warning or meeting with my parents was necessary and that an expulsion letter was the only viable option. I was a bad influence on other students, according to him.