He grabbed both of my hands and pulled me close to him. My belly pressed against his belt. “Look at me, Ash.” I did as he said. “You look sexy.”
I laughed. “Yeah right. I look like a giant pink blimp.”
He reached his hands around and grabbed my ass, pulling me closer to him. “I was going to make you breakfast, but if you keep talkin’ like that I’m goin’ to have to undress you and show you just how sexy I think you are.”
I turned my head away as his lips made contact with my face. He waited for me to turn back around to kiss me softly on my mouth. I didn’t fight him, because I knew I wanted to feel his touch.
Finally, he pulled away and traced my lips with his own. Being with Shayne wasn’t like being with any other man. I’d always been the person making the extra effort, but he didn’t expect things from me. He claimed that I was different and that he couldn’t stop wanting to please me. Whether that was the truth, or it was because he felt bad for me, I was at a point where I didn’t care.
I wanted whatever he was offering me, because I’d fallen madly in love with him.
As the heat continued to increase between my legs, so did the rumbling in my stomach. When Shayne felt the vibration, he pulled away and rubbed it. “Let’s eat and then, if you’re up to it, we’ll go back in the bedroom and spend the whole day in bed. I’ll rub your feet and be your slave.”
“Why?” I had to know.
Shayne laughed and ran the back of his hand over my cheek. “I told you why.”
I bit down on my lip and felt my cheeks burning. Admitting my feelings to Shayne hadn’t been easy, especially when I’d been around watching him mope over his ex. Then there was Megan, a girl he seemed to be interested in. I think that’s when my feelings for Shayne started to change. Lacey was different, because she’d been in his life before, but Megan was a new threat. I didn’t look at her in a mean way, but more like she was going to get a chance with Shayne.
That’s when it all made sense.
I’d fallen for him, because he’d taken care of me and given me a way out of all my problems. He’d offered to help me when everyone in our lives despised me. He’d confided in me and trusted me with his secrets, but mostly, he’d become my most-trusted friend.
I wanted to raise the twins with Shayne, because he loved them already and through everything he’d been through, he’d put our situation first. I couldn’t name another man that would make such a sacrifice. He was brave and generous, and I didn’t want to share that.
“I still can’t believe this is happenin’.” After a beautiful night of exploring each other, it was just surreal. “I have a hard time believing this isn’t just a dream.”
He sighed heavily and gave me a serious look. “We don’t have to make this weird, Ash. We already live together. This doesn’t need to get strange.”
I don’t know why I said it. Perhaps it was because I felt like he’d held back the night before, or maybe he was afraid of being inside of me due to my pregnancy. “I want you.”
He laughed and then froze. “You mean now?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“But you’re starvin’.”
I backed us up until we were in my room again. “I don’t want to wait anymore. You won’t hurt me. I read all about it. As long as we go slow, we’ll be fine.”
I didn’t want to go into premature labor again, but I wanted him desperately and I wasn’t being very rational.
Shayne probably saved me from myself. He backed away, leaving me sitting on the bed. “I will wait for that, Ash, because we need those babies to grow before we get to meet them. It’s not because I don’t want you. Every time you look at me with those blue eyes, my dick gets hard. You’re gorgeous and I want to know what it’s like to fuck you, but it’s not happenin’ today. I’ll do anything else, just not that. I can’t imagine hurtin’ any of you.”
I accepted his explanation, because I didn’t have a choice. As horny as I was, I knew we couldn’t risk it.
I was going to have to wait.
“This sucks.”
He leaned his head on mine. “I know, but it’s not forever.”
“You’re going to have to put a shirt on and stop showering. I don’t think I can handle this,” I motioned to his naked chest. “And not be able to feel what it’s like to sleep with you.”
We kissed slowly, and as his tongue connected with mine, I closed my eyes. When he pulled away, I opened them to see him looking right at me. I reached over and touched his lips with my fingertips. “I know you’re going to break my heart, but I can’t stop myself.”
He seemed defeated and shook his head. “You’re wrong, Ash. I promise you that this is different. I’ll spend as long as it takes proving that to you.”
My insecurities were only going to make things harder for our new relationship. I made a silent plea to myself to give him a chance. After all, I wanted him for as long as he wanted to be around.
Chapter 3
Shayne
She didn’t understand that she was different. I could see it in her eyes that she was scared. She thought I was going to change my mind and drop her like every other relationship in my life.
I couldn’t explain what it was, but I couldn’t imagine her NOT being in my life. Whatever was happening between us was mutual and I looked forward to it getting even more intense.
As far as the sex went, well we still did other things. Ashley had given me the go-ahead a few times, but I wasn’t willing to take the chance of hurting her and the twins.
We’d been living as a couple for a while, and in that time, I’d never felt like I was missing something in our relationship. Ashley and I had too many other things to worry about when it came to our future. We had two little ones that would be here before we knew it.
I worried about being able to provide for them and giving them the best life they could possibly have. Ashley worried about my family. In fact, it was the only thing that we argued about – and it wasn’t going to stop anytime soon.
It wasn’t just my cousin Ford that was against our relationship. Both sets of our parents made it a point to throw everything she’d ever done in my face, so much that I refused to tell her what they were saying or thinking. I’d drag her to family dinners all the while knowing that they were talking behind her back.
Not only did it hurt me, but I also knew it would break her heart.
I’d never condone the things that Ashley did when she was trying to get Ford back, but knowing how much I loved her only showed me what I would be capable of if I ever lost her.
I suppose that aspect was hard for everyone to understand. I’d never loved anyone more than myself, so the idea that it happened with Ashley boggled their minds. Of all the people in the world I’d pick someone that nobody wanted to be around.
It didn’t matter how it happened, or even when. I was completely in awe of her.
When I went to work, I couldn’t wait to get home.
When she went to bed, I couldn’t wait to climb in next to her.
Being around each other never got old, so I made it a point to constantly show her affection, reminding her that I wasn’t going anywhere.
For the most part, we’d known each other since we were young kids. She’d been best friends with my cousin Harley and they did everything together before she passed away.
That was another thing that really bothered me about my family.
Ashley didn’t just lose her best friend. She’d lost her boyfriend, and the only support she had to get through the loss. The family had abandoned her, sending her on an uncontrolled breakdown. She started acting out, hanging out with our loser friends from the beach, and even sleeping with random guys to make herself feel desired.
Ford hadn’t just dumped her. He’d shut her out of his life. To add fuel to an already burning fire, he’d then hooked up with Sky and the rest is history.
I don’t think anyone from our family even considered what it was like for her, or h
ow any person would be able to handle it gracefully.
I, for one, couldn’t blame her, or hold it against her. I’d seen her drinking away her sorrows, and drowning herself in party atmospheres to avoid what was really happening in her life. I wanted to prove to her, and everyone else that they’d all been wrong.
I won’t ever forget the moment that we knew she was in labor. She’d been stuck on bed-rest for a while, only really getting up to use the bathroom or go to her weekly doctor’s visit. The twins were growing inside of her and we knew with each day that passed they had a better chance at being healthy when they were born.
It was morning, but the sun wasn’t fully up. Ash climbed out of bed, waking me when the mattress moved. I sat up to make sure she was okay and then let my head fall back down on the feather pillow.
Her voice echoed off of the porcelain walls of the bathroom as she cried out my name. I didn’t even remember making the leap off the bed and arriving at her side. Ash was standing in front of the sink in a puddle of clear liquid. “My water just broke.”
I placed my hand on the small of her back and guided her out of the room. She stood there while I removed her shorts and got her something dry to put on. “It’s goin’ to be okay. We’ve talked about this and we know what to do.”
Ash tried to smile, but I could tell she was scared. Her body was shaking heavily as the reality of what was happening was overwhelming her. “Shayne,” she cried out.
I stood up, placing my hands on both of her cheeks. “Close your eyes and breathe, baby. Just breathe.”
She started doing the constructive breathing exercises, but in between she would ask things. “You need to call my parents.” Deep breath. “Check to make sure everything is in my bag.” Deep breath. “What if I give birth in the car?”
I kept from laughing at her, knowing she was panicking for a legitimate reason. “I’m getting ready to call the doctor. Slip on your shoes and sit down while I get everything ready.” It was necessary to keep my composure, even when I considered calling my parents and begging them to help us. Ashley needed me and I was determined to nurture her through the whole process.
While shuffling through the bag to make that last double check, I turned to see her sobbing on the bed. Within a second I was at her side. “Ash, look at me.” I waited to see those blue eyes looking into mine. Our hands connected and I squeezed a bit to remind her that she wasn’t alone. If doing that over and over would help, I’d do it. “Let’s go bring our two children into this world.”
There was nothing like seeing her pain turn into excitement and I knew why that was. I’d called them my children, because in my heart that’s exactly what they were to me. I’d been there for the entire pregnancy, and while my brother had signed off all parental rights, I’d pretty much taken his place. They weren’t just my girlfriend’s children. They were also my blood. Naturally, calling myself their father wasn’t a difficult decision. If I knew anything about what I wanted in my life, it was them.
Wasting no time, I put the bag over my shoulder and held out my hand to help Ash get her footing. Standing up was difficult with all of the extra weight she was carrying. She never liked to talk about it, but Ash had gained almost eighty pounds. She hated the way she looked, even though the only thing I saw was her beauty.
We reached the car in no time at all, and I got her in and buckled before heading to the driver’s side and getting on our way. We’d been doing the breathing techniques the whole time it took us to get to the hospital. Her contractions were about four minutes apart and both of us knew that it wouldn’t be much longer.
Like every expectant cliché father, I rushed into the hospital, grabbing the security guard to get a wheelchair and take my woman to safety. He must have been familiar with the drill, because the next thing I knew we were in the elevator.
Ash was in a bunch of pain. She couldn’t get comfortable sitting in the chair. Once the elevator doors opened, and a nurse spotted us, she rushed over to attend to our situation.
Even though we’d called the Obstetrician during the ride over, they weren’t expecting us. It took a bit for them to take us to a birthing room. Her doctor arrived right after Ashley had changed into a gown and climbed onto the hospital bed. They did an exam and let us know that it was already time to push.
I’d never seen someone give birth, and wasn’t prepared for the amount of blood and other bodily fluids involved in the actual event. There were a few times where I could feel the bile rushing to my mouth, but I swallowed it back, knowing that I had to be strong for Ash. She cried, screamed, and dug into my hand as she held it. With each push came more excitement for me, but less for her. The pain had become too much, and since she’d progressed so quickly, there was no time for painkillers.
I watched my poor girlfriend push until her face turned purple. A little head became apparent, only to go back inside of her. With each push the baby came out further, finally enough for the doctor to grab the shoulder and arm to help her out.
Sheer panic struck me when I watched them handling her, sticking things inside of her mouth and sucking the bodily fluids out.
Then I heard the cries of the newborn. In that very moment I knew how real this all was for us. Ashley’s eyes were focused on the baby, until we heard the sounds of her breathing on her own. Then she had to get back to pushing the next baby out.
It was all so chaotic. On one hand, I wanted to go over and be with the baby. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her that I loved her already. On the other, I knew I couldn’t leave Ash. She was only half of the way done.
Baby number two came out faster. He slipped right out and a burst of screams from his fully developed lungs filled the room.
I don’t know how many times I kissed my girlfriend’s hands, cheek and forehead during the whole episode. I was so proud of her and wanted her to know it. A little girl with a pink hat was placed into her mother’s arms. That’s when I felt the sting coming from my eyes. It was beautiful to see her wrapped in Ashley’s welcome arms. What was even more rewarding was when I turned to see a nurse handing me a little boy wrapped tightly in a receiving blanket. From the moment I felt him in my arms, I knew he was mine, and that I’d do anything to protect him and his sister. It only took one glance to fall in love with them and one moment to know for sure that this was exactly where I was supposed to be. While the doctor finished up with Ash, we celebrated by holding the twins and looking at them as if we’d never seen anything more beautiful. I didn’t know about their mother, but I for sure, thought they were the most perfect infants I’d ever seen.
“You did it, baby. You did it all by yourself.” I was more than proud of her.
She shook her head, but never took her eyes off of the twins. “No. We did it, Shayne.” For a brief moment her attention went to me. “Thank you so much.”
I leaned in to kiss her, but whispered something in her ear to reassure her of any doubts that she might be carrying. “I want to be listed as their father on that birth certificate, Ash. Please let me be their dad.”
It was life changing, and possibly something that I’d never be prepared for, but it was my choice. From their first breath, I wanted them to be mine and I was going to make sure that nobody could ever take them away from me.
Chapter 4
Ashley
I would have liked to say that I was given a huge shower and the twins were already being spoiled by a ton of family members. It would have been wonderful to feel the support of everyone coming together for the twins.
That’s not exactly how things went for us.
Of course both sets of our parents came to the hospital, bringing gifts and excitement. After months of discussing names, I decided to name my son after Shayne’s grandfather, Elias. He was Greek, and although I didn’t know much about him, I knew that Elias meant, my God is the Lord, so what better name for my son to have? Shayne and I had both been brought up in a Christian background, so it was only fitting that we picked names
that reflected that.
My daughter was also easy to pick. Rebekah had been the wife of Isaac. Shayne and I agreed that we loved the name.
Looking at my twins never got old, but seeing other’s fall in love with them was even more fulfilling. In the days after I’d given birth, I was showered with attention and support. Shayne’s parents were with us everyday. Peyton stopped by with her boyfriend Jamey, but Parker never made an appearance. It was probably better that way, considering that he wanted nothing to do with me or the children. Shayne didn’t seem broken up over it either. As far as he was concerned, a permanent wedge had been formed between he and his brother. The more Shayne loved the twins, the more animosity he had for his brother who never wanted them.
The rest of Shayne’s family never showed up to wish us well while we were in the hospital. It wasn’t like I expected Ford or his parents to come by; it was just that for some reason, I felt like the children offered us all a new beginning. I thought things would finally change.
When the newness wore off and we were finally discharged from the hospital, Shayne stayed home with me for the first week. It was hard, having to take care of two helpless little miracles, and I was so lucky to have him by my side doing everything he could to alleviate some of the stress.
Everyone, including his family, underestimated Shayne when it came to me and the twins. It was as if they were all waiting for him to walk away.
To be honest I thought the same.
Each night that went without sleep I swore he’d change his mind. Yet, through them all, he seemed even more vested in our relationship. He’d even given the twins little nicknames. Eli and Beka were his blood, his niece and nephew, but to him they were his own children. Seeing a man falling in love with your children was the most adoring act that I’d ever experienced. If I hadn’t already fallen in love with him, I was definitely head over heels now.
During those first few days home, we spent most of our time learning how to be parents. It wasn’t as easy as changing a couple diapers and feeding them a few bottles. Being a mom was a twenty-four hour commitment. For the most part, I enjoyed the experience. Don’t get me wrong. Sleep deprivation hit me hard and I felt like my body was twenty extra pounds of loose skin. My once sexy figure had been replaced with one that proved, without a doubt, that I’d birthed twins. That didn’t even cover the way my vagina felt. After an episiotomy, I was left with pain whenever I tried to walk. Even though we were a couple, it was a little embarrassing telling Shayne about my crotch problems.
Remember Me Page 2