From the moment I saw her lying there, I knew I was right where I was supposed to be. I approached the bed and leaned down to kiss her warm skin. She was sleeping soundly and I wondered if they had her on some kind of medication to help her to relax. Since waking up, she’d been under so much stress. I kept my voice low, hoping not to wake her. Even with her sleeping, I knew there were things I had to say. She may not remember our love, but I had to be able to express my sincere devotion to our future. “I’m sorry for what happened tonight. Ash, maybe I’m goin’ crazy, but if that was really you tonight, somehow there with me when I needed you the most, thank you. You saved my life and I promise that I’ll find a way to get us through this. I’ll find a way to get the twins back and we’ll be waiting for you when you wake up. Nothin’s goin’ to keep us apart, Ash. I promise. I just need you to come back to me. Please, baby. I need you so much,” I whispered.
Although she never responded, I couldn’t remember feeling as close to her as I did in that very moment. I couldn’t explain it, and maybe I’d never be able to, but I knew that we were connected, not just physically, but somehow spiritually as well.
Chapter 27
Shayne
I woke up in a chair across from where Ash’s bed had been, except it wasn’t there. A security officer was standing over me with his hands on his hips. After sitting up straight I looked around to see Ash’s father on the opposite side of the room. My body must have been so exhausted that I’d slept through him arriving and the nurse taking her out for tests.
“Sir, you’re going to need to come with me.”
I looked at Mr. Tilly. “Why? What did I do?”
He never looked my way. “Make sure he doesn’t come back in here again.”
Instead of listening and leaving quietly, I walked over and got in his face. “I have every right to be here with her.”
“No, you don’t.”
“You can’t keep her away from me.”
“Shayne, you may think you know what you want, but you’ll never be anywhere near good enough for my daughter, especially after last night. You may have fooled the ER doctor, but you aren’t fooling me. There is no way I’d ever let someone as unstable as you around my daughter or my grandchildren. Whatever you’re thinking, it’s not going to work. Go home, Shayne. It’s over. Last night gave me everything I need to make sure you never come near my family again. Don’t make me take this to court. You won’t win and you know it. I’ve got so much against you. You really don’t want to get more on my bad side.”
Anger was building inside of me. How he knew why I’d been in the hospital was a whole different issue. What bothered me most was that he was planning on using it against me, to prevent me from ever having anything to do with the twins or their mother.
“Fuck you! Your threats mean nothin’ to me. You can’t tell me what to do.”
“The hell I can’t. Boy, don’t make me take this to another level.”
“Don’t you stand there and threaten me. I ain’t afraid of you, or your friends. Your daughter chose me. She wants me here.”
“My daughter hasn’t said what she’s wanted for a long time now. She doesn’t get to make that choice anymore.” He pointed to the security guards. “For the last time, get this piece of shit out of here.”
“You’re goin’ to regret this. When she finds out, she’s goin’ to hate you for keepin’ us apart.”
He didn’t answer as they escorted me out of the room. When we got to the elevator they shoved me towards it. “Do us a favor and don’t come back. The patients on this level don’t like having to hear all this. Be courteous and keep your distance.”
I waited for a couple minutes before taking the stairs back up to the floor Ashley was on. If he thought he was going to scare me, he had another thing coming. I wasn’t going to let him or anyone else keep me from Ash. The faster she recovered, the quicker I could get the twins back. Without Ash, I didn’t have a chance.
My second attempt at sneaking into her room were a huge failure. One of the security guards spotted me coming out of the stairway. He approached me and I lifted my hands surrendering my efforts. “You can’t blame a guy for tryin’.”
Out of the corner of my eyes I noticed Mr. Tilly. He was pointed towards me and talking to Ashley’s doctor. I knew in that moment that he was telling them that I was no longer permitted to visit with his daughter.
I had no idea of the extent he was about to take things, nor was I prepared for how it was going to be a major setback to my new outlook on life.
The police met me on the first floor, accompanied by the missing security guard from upstairs. I knew they were waiting for me, and regretted making a second attempt at telling Ash’s dad where to go. He wasn’t just threatening me. The man was making it known that he was willing to go to extreme measures to keep me away from his daughter.
The only good thing was that I ended up getting a ride back to my car at the beach, along with a promise that if I tried to visit Ashley for any reason, they’d take me jail.
By the time I went home there was a off-duty deputy at my door, serving me with papers stating that I had to stay away from Ashley. He’d had a judge write up a protection order, like I was a threat to his daughter.
Suddenly everything I’d done the night before almost seemed like it had been a good idea after all. As much as I wanted my future with Ashley, the more I thought about it, the more I knew he’d never let it happen. If I’d died, at least I wouldn’t have to go through the constant pain that I was dealing with.
Since drowning myself in the ocean didn’t work, and my body still felt like it had been beat up, I made myself a few stiff drinks and sat alone in my kitchen drinking them. As embarrassing as it was, I broke down a few times knowing that there was little I could do to rectify my situation. I’d made so many sacrifices with all good intentions and that son-of-a-bitch was keeping me away from supporting his daughter.
It was bullshit.
When I’d run out of rum, I got up from the kitchen table and walked upstairs. Seeing the bright colors of the twin’s room caught my attention. As much as it hurt, I found myself walking toward my little boy’s room.
I missed his smile so much and the way his eyes reminded me of his mothers.
I looked around his room, touching a picture of the four of us that I’d hung on the wall the day after I’d finished painting. I couldn’t wait for Ash to see how I’d decorated both of them the way she’d talked about. As a matter of fact, I’d decorated almost everything in the house so far according to how she wanted it.
Sadness filled my heart when I thought about it all being for nothing.
I didn’t know if she’d ever recover, and if she did, I didn’t know if she’d remember me. With her father keeping us apart, there was little I could do to change things. It was a brutal reality from the optimism I had when I woke up that morning.
I spent the rest of the night in Eli’s room, looking around at the open, empty drawers and thinking about how many times I’d changed him, fed him, promised to love him forever. Going into Beka’s room was out of the question. That little girl had such a strong hold on my heart that I knew I couldn’t bear it.
I sat there in misery until the sun started to come up that next morning. Time had gotten away from me as my mind had completely gone into shock.
When I didn’t call or show up for the work Ford took it upon himself to come check on me, after calling my phone until the battery shut it off. He knocked on the door three times before coming in through the back.
“Shayne? You in here?”
I brought my legs up to my chest, but didn’t get up from Eli’s carpeted floor. “I’m up here.”
Ford talked as he started walking up the steps. “Dude, I’ve been callin’ you for hours.” He froze when he walked into the room and saw the drawers hanging out and most of Eli’s belonging gone. The look on his face told me that he already knew why I hadn’t showed up for work.
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p; “Yeah, so they’re gone. Everyone knows the truth.”
He looked away and said something under his breath before turning his undivided attention back to me. “Did you want this?”
“Fuck no! How could you even ask me that?”
“What the hell happened?”
I shook my head, but couldn’t look at him when I spoke. My eyes burned as if I’d gotten a chemical in them. I’d cried more in one night than I’d cried in my whole life. I hadn’t just lost my girlfriend and the hope of having a future with her, I’d lost my kids, after I’d promised to be the best daddy in the world. “They’re gone, Ford. They’re all gone. It’s all gone, man.”
My rambles must have made him realize that I couldn’t talk about it without getting choked up. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number. “Hey, it’s me. Look I’ve got a family emergency and won’t be back in today. Can you forward my calls to this phone and cancel my three o’clock?”
Hearing him cancelling his schedule to be with me made me feel worse. I was so pathetic that he was refusing to leave my side. “You don’t have to do that. I’m fine.”
He put his phone away and held out his hand. “Get up, Shayne. Get your ass in the shower while I go make some coffee. You’ve worked too hard to let your life go to hell.”
Not wanting to get on his bad side, I walked into my bathroom and did as he said. When the hot water pounded down over my head so did the events of the night before. I replayed everything they’d said to me. I watched my children being put into that vehicle, but refused to do anything about it. “I should have fought for them.” I pounded my fist on the shower wall, cracking a piece of tile. I’d been working so hard to fix up the place just to destroy it from stupidity. It had become apparent that I was just as mad at myself as I was with the rest of the world.
After taking out my anger on my fist, I got dressed and went downstairs to look for some ice. Ford was sitting at the table looking down at his phone. He was aware that I was in the room, but said nothing as I made a cup of coffee and attended to my hand. I sat down across from him, determined to find out what his intentions were, because I wasn’t in the mood to be dicked around. “So, what’s up?”
“You tell me.”
I looked down at my coffee. “I just don’t care about nothin’ anymore. Everything I ever wanted is gone. It’s all fuckin’ gone,” I repeated.
“You and I both know it ain’t gone. Shayne, wake the hell up and look at what you’re doin’ to yourself. Ash is alive, cuz. She’s fuckin’ breathin’. Do you know how amazin’ that is? She survived an aneurism in her damn head. Sure, she’s goin’ to need time to recover, but she will. There’s no way a woman like that could permanently forget what you’ve done for her. There’s no way in hell.”
“Well, I can’t visit her anymore, since her dad put out a protective order against me. Besides, I hate seein’ the way she looks at me like I’m a stranger. They’re releasing her to her parents, which means it will be even harder for me to reconnect with her.”
“What about you and the twins? Don’t you want to fight for them?”
“Don’t ask me dumb questions. You know I do, but I also can’t keep them away from Ash. If she’s going to be at her parents, then they need to be with her. She’ll be scared, but make it through it because she has them. When she’s ready they’ll tell her that she’s their mother. Maybe one day she’ll regain her memories. It’s just ain’t goin’ to be any time soon. Hell, all she knows right now is how much you mean to her.”
“Look, the doctors asked me not to tell her the truth. I’m only bein’ quiet until the time is right. You think Sky wants me stoppin’ by the hospital like that? She hates it, but I’m not doin’ it for her. I’m doin’ it for you, Shayne, because the more active her brain is the faster she’ll remember that I’m not the man she’s in love with. Now, you can sit here wastin’ away to nothin’, or you can fight for them, because this is where the three of them belong.”
I shook my head. “Parker told everyone he’s the father. It’s never goin’ to be the same. Nobody is goin’ to want to help me get them back. Hell, the whole family thinks the idea of me bein’ a father is ridiculous.”
“Ash didn’t have to put your name on that birth certificate. Even if you asked her, it was ultimately her decision. She knew all along who she wanted their father to be. Don’t get me wrong, Shayne, but I don’t understand how you’d let a blood test or her bastard father keep you from your kids.”
He was right.
Nothing should have stopped me from being with the twins. “So now what can I do? Her dad said he’d take me to court. I have papers issued against me. I could go to jail.”
“You get this fuckin’ old house perfect and you march your ass to that court house and file for custody.”
“I won’t win and you know it.”
“How do you know if you don’t try? Fight for what you want. Stop bein’ a pussy for once.” He meant that to calm the mood and for a second maybe it did.
“I ain’t a pussy. I just know that I don’t stand a chance against that man. Besides, he’s even got my dad on his side.”
Ford raised one brow. “I wouldn’t go that far.” He paused. “Have you ever tried to have a normal conversation with your dad about the twins? I mean, sure he knows the truth, but don’t you think it’s time for him to hear why you did what you did?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. No matter what I say he’s not goin’ to support me. This was as much his idea as it was Ash’s dad.”
“I get that you’re hurtin’, but I still think it’s worth a try. Here’s how I see it. You’ve got two choices. You can give up, stop goin’ to work and let the bank take this house from you. You’ll find some shit job or end up back at your dad’s shop, livin’ in a one bedroom apartment and wakin’ up to women that you can’t even remember their names. Or you can fight for what you want and maybe even get it. At least if you tried and fail, you can look back and know that you didn’t give up.”
His advice was fantastic. The only problem was that I didn’t know where to begin. “I don’t know how to make that happen.”
He stood up from the table and grabbed a piece of paper off the counter. “Get a pen and make a list of all the shit we need to do to get this house completely done.”
He sat back down and watched as I listed everything left to do. I slid the paper toward him. “Here.”
“Alright, so since we’re both off for the rest of the day, we’re goin’ to drive to Salisbury, stop by the hospital and see Ash before they move her, and then we’re going to the Home Depot and pickin’ up the rest of the stuff. I can’t be here every night, but you can count me in for a couple nights a week and at least Saturdays.”
“You don’t have to help me, Ford. I got myself into this mess. I can figure out how to get myself out.”
He laughed at me and took a drink of his coffee. “If I was in trouble, you’d be there for me, wouldn’t ya?”
I looked over at my cousin, feeling overwhelmed. Of all the people in my family that had given up on me, it was him that was pulling me off the ledge of giving up on my life. “Yeah, I would. No matter what it was, I’d be there, but I already owe you so much, Ford. You’re the last person I deserve to get help from.”
He leaned forward. “You’re my family, my kin. I don’t give a damn what’s happened in the past. This is more important than any of that. It ain’t about boyfriend-girlfriend bullshit. This is about your future and those twins deserve to be a part of this family, no matter who knocked their mother up.”
“Well that’s one way of puttin’ it.”
“You get what I meant by it.”
I did.
I completely understood why it was necessary to stop feeling sorry for myself and do something before it was too late.
I didn’t talk much during the ride to the hospital. Seeing Ash was difficult for me. Even though her hair was starting to grow back, the scars were apparent. It always
took me back to the days before it all happened. She’d complained of a headache and I was too stupid to think that it could have been something worse. Had I said something or forced her to go to the doctor we could have prevented all of this. I think in some ways I held myself responsible. Though indirect, I knew if I’d have made her, she would have gone.
Neither of us were sure about the time she was to be discharged. I’m sure her father had fought tooth and nail for her to be cared for privately, at home. With all of the technologies available, I didn’t understand why he thought taking her home was a good idea. If it were up to me I would keep her where she could receive the best care, but I wasn’t a doctor and it certainly wasn’t my call. Besides, it had been months since her accident.
I think I knew something was wrong when I reached the outside of her room and heard her dad arguing with the medical staff.
“No, I was told that my daughter could come home.”
“Sir, the doctor thinks it would be a better situation if she was temporarily moved to the rehabilitation center. He discussed this all with you last night. It’s only been eight weeks since she’s been taken off the ventilators. Your daughter needs constant supervision. The facility is fully equipped and we have a full staff that will be able to work with your daughter as often and she’ll allow us.”
“Hun, maybe we should just listen to them. If it will help her get better, don’t you want to try?”
His next words pissed me off so much that Ford had to grab my arm to keep me from kicking his ass. “We talked about this already. What if she doesn’t get better? What if that kid keeps pushing himself on her and she remembers? Do you really want to lose her again? She never has to remember her last words to me. She’ll be safe in our home. We’ll take care of the twins.”
Remember Me Page 16