by Sydney Marie
I begin to hear Marina’s voice in the background and another’s, but I do not pay enough attention to unveil them. My eyes stare at the undergrowth as it seems to sway back and forth. Could be the wind, or could be something peering through the dense leaves. My eyes study each gap, searching for the pair of eyes, searching for someth—
“Evangeline.”
I jump in my spot as my heart jolts in my chest. Looking up, I see Sebastian standing in front of me. I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair.
“You scared me.”
“What are you looking at?” he questions and scans the trees himself.
“Nothing. I…Nothing.”
“She’s been looking out that window every morning,” Marina confesses for me.
I gaze up at her with pleading eyes, not wanting Sebastian to worry about me, or think I am even more insane than before.
“You have?” Sebastian focuses in on me, making me shrink. “Why?”
“I just look out the window. The scenery is beautiful in the morning.” I lie, though I do enjoy the scenery.
The birds’ songs sound much more magical after the sun rises and the day is just beginning.
Sebastian does not seem very convinced, but I did not expect him to be.
“Fiona, she wants to meet you.”
“Fiona, Andrew’s mate? The girl who let me borrow her clothes?”
“Yes. I thought I could bring you over. Distract yourself for a bit, no more staring out windows,” Sebastian says.
Distract myself, that sounds nice. I can no longer escape from the pesky thoughts in my sleep, so a friend should do me good. I cannot keep bothering Henry whenever I want to chat about nonsense anyway.
Fiona. I hope she is kind. I hope she does not mind that I borrowed her clothes when I first got here. Though I doubt Fiona would only want to meet me so she can yell about how she despises sharing. I have never had a friend that is a girl, besides the Moon Goddess, but I do not label her as a friend. The Moon Goddess is more of a mother figure to me. Henry is the only friend that I have had who is a boy. It seems quite sad now that I think about it. A life in hiding is a life alone, I suppose.
I should take advantage of this moment and enjoy making a new friend. My younger self would have conquered this opportunity with excitement, and she would have strived, determined to live life to the fullest. My younger self-imagined herself playing and laughing with the other kids, watching down from the attic window with tears in her eyes. I have to do this for her.
“Sebastian.” I grab his attention as I follow him along. “I was looking for him in the forest.”
“I know you were.”
“Then why did you ask?”
“I was hoping you’d say something different.”
I grab his arm, halting our movements for a moment. His eyes look into mine.
“I did say something different.”
“Yes, but you’re not a very good liar.”
I let go of his arm, missing the feeling of his skin against mine. The mate bond is sure to leave a longing in my heart.
“I don’t want you to worry.”
“Evangeline,” he says my name, toying with my emotions. “You believe a man is going to come and kill you.”
“Because he might.”
“You are frustrating.” He exhales.
“How?”
This time, he stops me from moving ahead.
“Because I could surround you with ways of protection and you will still feel unsafe and still jump every time that alpha is mentioned.”
“Because it is my fear. You cannot protect me from my fears,” I dramatically say.
The rest of the way is silent, not a word spoken by either of us until Sebastian brings me up to the house. He tells me that he will be back later after knocking firmly on the door.
A girl opens it, maybe a year or two older than me. Fiona, I am assuming, reminds me of the dolls I used to play with. Her smile is sweet and inviting. Her hair is jet black and forms shiny, large curls, and her entire aura makes you want to please her. I look up at her with admiration, wanting to know how she makes everything seem dandy.
“You must be Evangeline.” Her voice is like an angel’s—a voice you would want to sing lullabies, rocking you to sleep.
“Um, yes,” I awkwardly say.
I thought this was going to be easy, a walk in the park. How am I supposed to make friends with a perfect girl like her if I suddenly cannot remember my name?
“Fiona?” I ask, hoping that the person in front of me is not Fiona so that I can get another chance.
“Of course,” she says with a toothy smile. All her teeth were straight and white.
“Please come in. I’m so happy you’re here. You’re so pretty.”
Am I pretty? If I am pretty, she is something above gorgeous. Next to her, I probably resemble a troll, preferably one from under a bridge.
I look back at Sebastian, wanting to know if he sees Fiona the way I do and he seems to.
“I’ll be back to get you later unless you two end up at the house somehow,” he tells me again, but this time, I abruptly grab his hand, not wanting him to go.
This feels all too familiar.
He gives me a questioning look.
“I’ll give you two a moment to say goodbye.” Fiona blushes and politely closes the door.
“What’s wrong, Evangeline?” he asks, and I do not let go of his hand.
My breaths quicken as the memories come back to me, though I am not sure why they are affecting me now. Sebastian has left me before this, leaving the house for the searches and for alpha duties, but for some reason, this time it is different.
“Where are you going?”
“To the west border,” he tells me briefly. “Are you alright?”
“When will you get me? What time?”
“Probably in a few hours, maybe more. Just get to know Fiona and have fun. I’ll be back.”
Sebastian makes a move to walk away, but my grip on him tightens, not letting him go.
It is all coming to me:
Her eyes gaze up at mine—with that lovely chocolate color that usually brings a smile to my face—but this time, I could not smile. I latch onto her arm tightly with all the strength I have.
“Sweetheart, we’ll be back in a few days, okay? Grandma will take care of you until then.”
“I don’t know Grandma,” I mumble.
“Well, you can get to know her. She can play dolls with you.” My mother strokes my cheek, wiping the stray tears from them. “Don’t cry. Daddy and I are coming back.”
I could see the pain in her eyes.
“Please don’t go. Why can’t I stay with you?”
“The pack isn’t safe right now. Once things clear up from the attack, I’ll be knocking on the door, alright?”
I shake my head, gripping her tightly. “Don’t leave me.”
The tears continue to fall down my cheeks, only to have more follow behind.
“Please don’t go.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she whispers while pulling her arm from my grasp. “Daddy and I will be back. We’ll be back,” she calls to me as she hurries to my father in the distance.
My grandmother holds onto my shoulders, stopping me from chasing after her. I sob, and I sob, and I sob.
“Mom!” I shout at the trees. “Mom!”
“Evangeline?” Sebastian’s voice caresses me. “Are you crying?”
Suddenly, my hand shoots up to my cheeks, and I fiercely wipe the tears off my face.
“No, I mean…No, I just.” I struggle to come up with the right thing to say.
Turning away from him, I curse myself and fan my eyes with my hands.
Sebastian grabs me and turns me back around, facing him.
“What happened? What did I say?” The concern is evident on his face, and I hate myself for making him feel this way.
“You didn’t do anything. I-I just…I don’t know.”
“Calm down,” he tells me until some sort of realization comes to his eyes.
He places his hands on either side of me, forcing me to look up at his handsome face.
“I’m coming back. I’m coming back, okay? I’ll be at the west border.” Sebastian points in the direction. “I’ll be just over there. If you need me, tell Fiona, and she will take you to me.”
I nod.
“You know what? Just step outside, scream my name, and I will come running. I’m not going anywhere.”
I take few deep breaths, trusting Sebastian, trusting that I will see him again. “Okay, okay. Can I have a hug?”
Sebastian does not think twice before wrapping his arms around me. I take in his scent greedily and finally find myself relaxing.
“If you need me—”
“I’ll scream.” I interrupt as we pull apart.
At this moment, I feel close to him. I feel our bond strengthening, and it is a good feeling.
“Thank you.”
I watch Sebastian walk away for a few seconds before slowly opening the door and peeking inside.
“Fiona?” I call into the house.
“Right here.” She pulls my gaze to the side, and I see her sitting in a small living room. “You two are so cute. Please, come in.”
Once inside, Fiona offers me water and a snack, which I kindly refuse, so she leads me towards the living room. I sit down on a couch while she takes a chair across from me. Trying to act proper, I place my hands neatly on my lap.
“So I heard about how you and Sebastian met. Andrew told me the story. You are so brave for saving those rogues like that.”
She must not know that they were dirty rogues.
“Oh, it was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I didn’t know much about packs and how they work, but thank you.”
“You were a rogue?”
“Sort of. I lived with my grandmother, but before that, I belonged to a pack. How did you and Andrew meet?”
A smile lights up her face. “Well, back before I met Andrew, I was a bit of a party girl. Oh my gosh. My friends and I used to drive all the way to the closest city and see what we could get ourselves into. One night, we were walking down the street, and across the road, Andrew was walking the opposite way. I felt it. You know the pull, his scent, and I knew he was my mate. I was so excited and taken by him that I stupidly stepped out into the road and almost got hit by a car. I don’t know why, but for some reason, I thought that the world had suddenly stopped spinning for me. Andrew saw all this, obviously going through the feelings too, and he ran across the road, dodging cars to make sure I was okay.”
I watch her as she begins to fill with color, probably thinking back to the exact moment, remembering everything she felt.
“Right when I looked up at his face, I knew he was going to be the end of me. He changed me for the better, making me into the person I am today. I don’t know where I would be without him. But I’m sure you know how it is. Sebastian, he looks at you with such adoration.”
“Really?” I let a small smile form on my lips and a light blush coat my cheeks.
“Oh, it is as clear as day. I can tell that he cares about you and wants to protect you.”
A moment passes while I think about her words.
“Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes. I’m assuming you got them back?”
“Oh, yes. Marina thanked me enough already. Don’t worry about it. My younger sister used to steal my clothes all the time.”
“Your younger sister, is she part of this pack?”
Fiona shakes her head, letting the curls bounce off her shoulders. “No, she’s still in my old pack, but hopefully she’ll find her mate soon.”
“Do you miss your family?” I ask.
Maybe we could have this in common.
“All of the time. At first, I was excited to leave home and start my own life, but now I try and visit them as often as possible.”
Our conversation continues, and I find myself enjoying her company. She was intimidating at first, but once I began to dig, Fiona became a normal person. All I had to do was open my mind and not worry about anything else, which was difficult at first.
Sebastian keeps coming to mind, making me wonder what he might be doing at that exact moment. Could he be thinking about me? Is it selfish to desire for his thoughts to be only of me?
“You’re bringing me back to when Andrew and I first started off as mates. The glimmer in your eye will give you away every time.” Fiona pulls me back down to earth. “Mates, they make everything seem okay. They turn on the light when things get dark. They yell at you when you put yourself at risk. They make a crumbling world seem like a paradise. All to keep you happy. You’ll think that you don’t deserve him, or at least I did, but know that he is thinking the same way.”
Chapter 11
My time in the attic was difficult. Not only was I very young, but I did not understand why I had to be hidden away. All I knew was that my ability held me back in some ways. It held me back from making friends with other children. It held me back from learning with others. It held my mind back and caused me stress.
Communicating with the Moon Goddess was a shoulder for me to lean on when I shouted that I could not go any further. When the desert sun boiled my back, and the climb seemed too hard, she gave me a drink of water and threw me a rope. I counted on her, and for the most part, she answered my calls.
I remember some days more clearly than others. The winter months blend together, mix into one long day, while the summer months are chopped up by the hour. I watched the snow from my attic window, the rain, and the leaves falling from the trees. I would watch the children dance in the white fluff, stomp into puddles, and toss bundles of browns, oranges, and reds into the sky.
My memories faded, and I no longer remembered what it was like to scream, laugh, and play. No matter the season, the attic always had a shadow cast over it.
When I was not in the attic, I was downstairs with my mother and my father, mornings for breakfast and nighttime for dinner. My lunch was brought to me by my mother who regularly had the luna over, though I never knew why.
I do remember one day while I was playing with my dolls, I heard loud voices erupting from downstairs. My feet scurried to the window, and I watched as a man came rushing out the front door. My mother followed quickly behind him, shouting that she had nothing to hide, but clearly, she did. She told him to stop coming here and that it was an invasion of privacy with no reason behind it. They could not prove anything. Although the scene confused me as a child, it makes too much sense to me now.
The next day we left for grandmother’s.
I did not understand for a long time. Why was I kept separate? Why could I not attend lessons with the other children? Why did I have to be utterly, terribly, and outright alone? I tried to make sense of it all, and now I do.
My childhood was stolen by a man whose face I have never seen. A man so absolutely obsessed with seeking revenge. This stranger is turning my soul black with hatred. I hate him for snatching my early years. I hate him for ripping me away from my parents, and I hate him for making me jump every time there is a creek in the house. My mind is consumed by him, by this alpha.
Why can I not live in peace? Why can I not grow with my mate without interruption? Why can I not escape him? All of this because of my ability—an ability I did not choose.
I look out the window now and gaze into the trees. Night wraps around them as the sun drops west, replace by the dim moon.
I lie back and shut my eyes for the night.
My mind conjures all kinds of terrors when I sleep, and I cannot escape them.
The forest floor is damp underneath my feet, like a sponge it sinks when I step, releasing a thick dark liquid onto my toes. There is a dense fog engulfing the trees and bushes, consuming whatever lies in its path. It sits in the air like a hefty smoke. I know it is here. I can feel it around me. I can smell the pungent stench that emit
s off it. My nose scrunches from the foul reek and my eyes water.
I am tired of running, screaming, and shouting for my parents and my mate, for they never come. The moon casts the spotlight down upon me, and I hold my breath, waiting—waiting for the beast to appear and for the chase to commence. This time though, I am exhausted from the running, falling, and stumbling back up again. Defeat is standing before me, and I want to reach out and give in.
What if I feed the beast? Give it what it wants. What will happen? The worst outcome would be that I die in my dream and wake up.
A low, rough growl grabs my attention, and I spin around. The beast is here. My eyes squeeze shut, and I swallow hard. The beast is coming closer. My hands wrap into fists at my sides. The beast is running. The beast is running towards me, sprinting with pounding steps. I cannot do it. I open my eyes, but it is too late. The beast pounces and digs its long, bent claws into my stomach, tearing through my flesh.
I spring up in the bed, breathing heavy and sweating profusely. The feeling of my stomach being dug into haunts my skin, making my head spin and my stomach bubble up in protest. Hot tears run down my cheeks with no sign of stopping. Immediately, I selfishly shake Sebastian awake.
“Sebastian,” I frantically whisper his name. “Sebastian.”
He wakes in a matter of seconds.
“Evangeline,” he breathes out. “What’s happening? Did you have another nightmare?”
“I’m sorry,” I ramble. “I didn’t want to wake you, but the beast killed me. I let it kill me, and it tore open my stomach and—”
He hushes me and tugs me into his embrace. Familiar feelings rush through me, and I finally feel safe. It is in his arms where nothing can touch me, where not even the alpha can penetrate my mind. An invisible barrier is built between the world and us, and not even my fears can bust through.
Sebastian gently strokes my hair as I lie in his hold, willing to push past my anxiety and nerves to only be with him. It may be the adrenaline from my nightmare or the overwhelming sensation of protection, but I rest my head on his chest and breathe in his scent—his delicious, addictive scent that sends me into a state of complete assurance.