“Yeah, she is a toughie. I’m proud of her.”
“See you tomorrow, Miz Clement.” Lark turned and walked toward her office at the corner of the gym.
“See ya.” Mawmaw grinned her crooked little grin. “Coffee?”
I liked her new mischievous smile. “Sounds good, I’ll follow you to the dining room.”
****
Carlton refused to sit in the recliner. He slept most of the afternoon. I sat next to his bedside, knitting a teal shawl for Mawmaw with yarn Aunt Melanie had given me.
“Hey.” His gravelly voice filled the quiet bedroom when he awakened.
“Hey, yourself. How ya feelin’?”
“Like...been hit...by a bus.”
“That bad, huh?” I straightened his blanket.
“Yep.”
“Lady S?” He asked about Mawmaw every day since I’d told him about her stroke.
“She walked in the parallel bars today. It was great.”
He smiled. Actually showed his teeth. “Good.”
“She’s a fighter.”
He nodded. “That is true.” He grimaced.
“Do you need something for pain?”
Another nod.
I headed to the kitchen for his medicine. This was not good. I’d given him pain meds less than four hours ago. His pain grew in intensity and required increased doses of medication. Before long, he would be incoherent from the large dosage of drugs, and even if Mawmaw could make it here before he passed, he wouldn’t even know she was here. I sighed.
After I administered the medication, his gaze met mine. His tired eyes lacked the usual sparkle. “Won’t...be...long.” He lifted his hand for mine.
I slid my hand into his. “Hang in there, Carlton. It’s all in God’s timing.”
“I’m ready.” He took deep breaths. “So tired.”
“I know you are.” Should I ask again? I sensed time running out and doubt crept in where I’d been confident only this morning. Lord, give me the words.
“Grandpa.”
He smiled with weakened lips that quivered slightly from the effort.
“You know...” I inhaled deeply. “...it’s time to forgive yourself. God has already forgiven you.”
He stared at me with blank eyes. “It was...wrong.”
“I know, but your sickness controlled you. It’s the past. Let it go.”
“Still wrong.”
Would he feel the same if he knew Mawmaw had forgiven him? The unspoken words scorched my lips. All I had to tell him was Mawmaw had forgiven him. It would make such a big difference to him. But as much as the words begged to be spoken, they dissolved before I voiced them. She hadn’t told me she’d forgiven him. And I couldn’t lie to him. He deserved more. Even if my lie would ease his troubled soul, it would serve to be based on something less than what he needed. He needed truth. I needed truth. We all did.
He reached for my hand, squeezed, and allowed his eyes to slowly close. “You…good.” With that, he leaned his head to the side and allowed the medication to take him to the only place he could find rest for now.
Trente Et Un
Labor Day weekend loomed, and Mama invited the whole family to her house. It seemed she had a special announcement. Usually I have a sense for what Mama was up to, but, on this, I hadn’t a clue.
Carlton’s condition continued to slowly deteriorate. Darcy and I worked hard to keep him alert. Managing his pain required higher doses of drugs, rendering him unaware of his surroundings. Yesterday, in a moment of acute awareness, he asked if I would suffocate him with his pillow. Before I could answer, he’d fallen back into his drug-induced sleep.
I prayed for his release from the pain. At that point, I wasn’t sure if I wanted him freed of his physical or mental pain, unsure which one hurt him the most. A part of me regretted ever learning the truth about this man and for growing to love him as much as I did. Seeing him suffer like this jabbed shards of glass through my breaking heart. The bigger part of me thanked God for allowing me to know my grandfather in this special way. Once again, another example of God turning bad into good and using His perfect timing.
Hopefully, Mama’s announcement would offer some respite of good news during this hard time. So much bad had happened in the past few months, maybe it was time for a bit of good news.
Sunday morning, we arrived at Mama’s house to decorations on the doorframe.
I sat next to Anthony and Angelle on Mama’s couch watching Mama and Aunt Melanie standing next to the fireplace. My aunt had her arm around my Mama’s waist.
Mawmaw, whom I’d picked up from the rehab facility, sat in her wheelchair next to the couch.
Mama’s friends from her Bible study group filled every sitting surface in the room.
“Everyone.” Aunt Melanie lifted her glass of sweet tea and turned toward Mama. “My beautiful sister has an announcement to make.”
It seemed such a formal presentation. What were these two up to?
“Today.” Mama cleared her throat. “Pastor Chuck from Grace Community Church has agreed to baptize me right here behind my house in Bijou Bayou.”
Wow, I hadn’t expected that one. At that moment Chuck and Debra appeared from the kitchen. Mama getting baptized? I guess I never thought that she’d never been. Mama’s electric smile and twinkling gaze scanned the room. Her violet eyes burst with happiness. My heart smiled with her. I jumped from my seat and ran to her. “Mama, I’m happy for you.” She embraced me, and I returned the hug.
“Thank you, Cheryl. It means the world to me you’re here. I love you.”
Our gazes met. I saw years of emotion she hadn’t shared, and I hoped she saw the same in mine. I really loved her and wanted more than anything to be part of her life.
Anthony and Angelle rushed to her also. “Let’s get this going!”
The family and Mama’s friends from her Bible study group made their way out the back door and down the stairway to the bank of the glistening Bijou Bayou. I pushed Mawmaw in her wheelchair toward the outside elevator Mama had installed.
Pushing Mawmaw through the thick St. Augustine grass required Anthony’s help, but we made it to the small dock of the shallow cut in area where Mama and Chuck walked into the bayou.
Chuck spoke about how it was never too late to dedicate our lives to Christ and that no matter what we’d done in the past, it was just that—the past. He prayed for Mama’s faith, that it would grow strong, and she would be a reflection of Jesus in all she encountered. He spoke of the importance of the rite of baptism and its symbol of faith in the crucified, buried, and risen Savior. After her immersion, Mama was officially baptized in Bijou Bayou.
Later that afternoon, after we’d all feasted in true South Louisiana tradition on as many possible Cajun dishes as the kitchen could hold, we sat around the living room visiting, also in true South Louisiana tradition.
I slipped away from the group and out the back door to retrieve the prop needed for my own exciting announcement. I walked back into the house and toward Mawmaw, who stayed in her spot. “We have another surprise for everyone.”
Our guests turned as I produced a walker with front wheels and a right arm platform attached. When I placed it in front of Mawmaw’s wheelchair, silence as thick as the evening fog filled the room.
“Mawmaw has something she wants to share with all of you.”
Mawmaw stood from her chair. I helped slide her weak arm under the Velcro straps of the arm platform and guided her fingers to form around the handle. She held tight with her left hand and pushed the walker across the carpet while taking slow methodical steps toward a shocked Mama and Aunt Melanie, who stood twenty feet away.
I pushed the wheelchair behind Mawmaw loving the joy in Mama’s eyes as she waited with both hands steepled around her mouth.
Silence filled the room while Mawmaw trudged across the carpet to where her daughters stood. Once, Mama tried to run toward her, but Mawmaw backed her off with a guttural “No.”
&nb
sp; Aunt Melanie, with eyes glistening, linked her arm through Mama’s to keep her still.
With each step closer to Mama and Aunt Melanie, Mawmaw stood taller and braved longer steps.
Anthony broke the silence with rhythmic claps. Angelle followed with Chuck and Debra. Before long everyone in the room joined in.
The applause fueled Mawmaw. She smiled and stood even taller. When she reached her daughters, she stopped and tested her balance. Once certain of her stance, she reached to Mama with her left hand and hugged her neck. “Congrats.”
When she released Mama’s neck, I rolled the chair behind her and released her right arm from the straps. “You can sit now, Mawmaw.”
She reached for the chair with her left hand and descended onto the cushioned seat.
Mama and Aunt Melanie stared at Mawmaw through tears. They stood in awe not sure what to say or do.
Finally, Mama spoke. “This is awesome, Mama. You are amazing, and I love you.” Mama held onto Mawmaw’s hand. Aunt Melanie hugged her neck. “You are such an inspiration to me. I love you.”
“Love you.” Mawmaw whispered to Melanie and Mama. She turned to Anthony and then to me. “All you.”
As I glanced around the room, my throat cinched with emotion. Our family, dysfunctional and struggling, was together and supporting one another. I’d never heard Mawmaw tell Mama she loved her before.
The words resonated through the room and floated around us like God’s embrace, infusing us with hope. Hope that the truths revealed would make us stronger and free us from the bonds keeping us from being all we could to each other. It offered hope that she would be around a while longer and our family would be whole. A family who knew each other’s ugliness, but still stood firm in support.
Mawmaw pushed her chair back into her spot and looked directly into my eyes. “I’m ready to see Carlton.”
Trente-Deux
Beau’s lips lingered on the edge of his soft drink straw while he waited for my answer. We sat in the diner Wednesday afternoon and reflected on all that had happened since my return to Bijou Bayou. He had lost a wife.
I’d gained a grandfather and a newfound relationship with my mother.
The events changed both of us.
He lifted his eyebrows and met my gaze head on. “Well? Stayin’ or leavin’?”
I hadn’t given much thought to whether I would stay in Bijou Bayou once my job with Carlton was over. Something I didn’t want to think about. Finally, I blurted out my first thought. “I think I’ll stick around.” The reasons I left all those years ago seemed pointless now. I enjoyed having family and trusted old friends around. “It’s comforting to be here now. Something I never thought I’d feel and certainly not anything I’d ever say out loud.”
I smiled when he shot me his all-knowing look. He laughed. “It’s taken a long time for you, Te. But you’re here now and that’s what’s important.”
“I suppose so.” A quick glance at my watch confirmed what I’d suspected. Time to go. I promised I’d meet Mama, Anthony, and Aunt Melanie for dinner at Charlie’s. “I gotta run. See you next week?”
He lifted his drink in a mock toast. “I’ll be here.”
I flipped a few dollars on the table to cover my sweet tea and apple pie.
“Whoa, no way. This is my treat.” He stuffed the dollars into the side pocket of my purse as I tried to slip by him.
I abandoned any argument, knowing it was futile. We met on Wednesdays after work because I’d started working Wednesday mornings since Carlton’s condition had worsened. Our conversations offered new insights into each of our lives, and I loved getting to know Beau again.
While he hadn’t changed a whole lot, he had changed immensely. Beau’s gentle kindness continued to permeate his worldview and contributed to his very essence. He had matured into a leader and wise counselor. I loved his ideas and listened when he shared spiritual knowledge with me. Most of all, he kept his sense of humor and made me laugh until my sides ached.
I headed toward the door and on my way out, Mrs. Martin walked in. “Cheryl, honey, it’s good to see you.” She embraced me in a hug that I thought I would never break free from. No judgmental looks, she seemed genuinely happy to see me. She waved at Beau on her way to her table.
“My turn next time.” I called to Beau from near the door.
“We’ll see.” His response followed me. I shook my head. That was my dear friend, Beau. A true southern gentleman.
A gentle breeze brushed across my face. It gave the promise of autumn and cooler temperatures. And maybe the promise of a happy future here in Podunk Bayou Dullsville. The thought brought a smile.
****
Carlton’s steady whizzing greeted me as I entered his room.
Anthony sat in the recliner next to his bed holding his hand. He’d gotten here early. “Hey, Sis.” He stood when I approached and pecked a kiss on my cheek.
Today would be the day Mawmaw would see him.
Mama chatted nonstop last night at dinner about the upcoming meeting.
I wasn’t sure who in our family was more excited. But seeing Carlton’s condition this morning tempered some of the joy.
Darcy stood at his bedside adjusting the drip on his IV.
“How was last night?” I placed my handbag and knitting bag on the floor next to the antique dresser.
She tilted her head toward the kitchen.
Anthony moved to the recliner and returned Carlton’s hand into his own while Darcy and I walked to the kitchen.
“He’s fading, Cheryl. His pain has increased, and he needs higher dosages of the medication to keep it barely under control. I can’t see how he can take much more of this.”
Steel prongs tightened around my heart. I hated his suffering. Lord, be merciful.
“Mama will bring Mawmaw today. Maybe that will help him.” I tried to sound hopeful, but with the progression of his cancer, he probably wouldn’t know she was in the room. Tears burned my eyes.
“Oh, Cheryl. I’m so sorry things have turned out the way they have. I wished they’d gotten together sooner.” She placed her arms around my shoulders and hugged me.
“Me, too. Me, too,” I said and leaned my head onto her shoulder. “Thanks, Darcy.” I stepped away and helped her gather her belongings.
When she walked out the door, she said, “Call me if you need me today. I’m good on three to four hours of sleep.”
I nodded but knew I wouldn’t disturb her sleep.
Once Darcy left, an eerie quiet settled in the kitchen.
I headed back to Carlton’s room. As I stood next to his bed and gazed upon his elderly, frail body, I saw less of the man who needed forgiveness and more of the soul who needed comfort. He’d been forgiven by his Creator and that was the most important thing. I learned from Chuck, he’d accepted Christ as his savior a few weeks back when he realized the end drew near. But while Carlton withered away, he still lived. No matter how close death loomed, Carlton wasn’t a dying man, but God’s creation who still lived and needed comfort.
The Lord showed me a different perspective and was telling me in a gentle firm voice. Do your job, and let Me do Mine.
My job wasn’t to get Mawmaw to forgive him. It was to comfort this man as best as I could as he accepted the inevitable. Death drew near. But until his last breath, he lived.
The cinch around my heart loosened and the freedom to be his nurse, his granddaughter, and his friend rushed in like a raging wave to propel me forward. That’s when my heart exploded with bountiful love, and that’s when I saw him as my grandfather, this tiny man who battled so bravely a horrible, unseen monster that stole his life bit by bit.
I couldn’t grieve the lost years. Only bask in gratitude for the gift of getting to know him. I wanted to treasure his remaining days and show him love and kindness. I wanted so much to show him something good from that evil act so long ago. And that something good from Carlton would live on. I knelt at his bedside.
Anthony followe
d and knelt with me, as well. He grasped my hand while holding onto Carlton with the other.
I cleared my throat. “Lord, You’ve forgiven him and that’s all that matters. It’s my selfish desire that he have Mawmaw’s forgiveness before You take him. Lord, he’s Yours. Give us the strength to go on without him.”
“Amen.” Anthony’s emotion-filled response nearly broke my resolve and sent me sobbing uncontrollably.
Mama’s voice beckoned from the kitchen. “Cheryl, we’re here.”
The squeak from the wheel of Mawmaw’s walker followed Mama’s voice. She’d come.
Anthony helped me stand. We stood next to Carlton’s bed and waited for Mama and Mawmaw to enter.
“Come in. He’s sleeping.”
Aunt Melanie walked in, too. “I hope it’s OK for me to be here.”
I hugged her tightly. “Of course. I’m glad you are.”
“How is he?” Mama and Aunt Mel slid off to the side to allow Mawmaw to enter the room.
I shook my head and lowered my eyes. My tongue refused to form the words. When I met Mama’s gaze, her eyes glistened.
Anthony circled the bed and kissed Mawmaw’s cheek. He walked next to her as her careful steps brought her closer to Carlton’s bed and the chair I had placed next to his bed for her. The same chair where I had sat and read her letters to him—a lifetime ago. His Lady S had come to see him, and he didn’t know it. I squelched the rush of emotion threatening to erupt. I couldn’t fall apart now. Someone needed to be strong for them.
Anthony guided Mama to the recliner on the other side of Carlton’s bed.
Mawmaw lowered herself into the leather armchair and stared at Carlton. Her stoic features remained void of emotion. Slowly, she leaned forward and placed her hand on top of his right hand. Her touch or the fading medication, I’m not sure which, awakened him. He groaned, but didn’t open his eyes.
I leaned close to his left ear and whispered. “Carlton, it’s Cheryl. Someone is here to see you. Your Lady S.”
His lips moved but no sound emerged.
The Vigil Page 22