Ben sat down on the chair next to her and looked at Jake. “I bet Jace was Jake’s age the last time I saw him. He might have been younger than that. Wow.” He shook his head. “How is he? Was Tucker there too?”
Renie told them about visiting their place in Aspen and seeing Tucker’s art, and then told them Jace was in Spain with his family.
“Are we allowed to ask about the other one?”
“No, Ben, we’re not,” answered Liv.
He held his hands up. “Never much liked Cowboy Patterson anyway,” he mumbled. “Get you more wine?”
“Sure.” Renie got up and followed him into the kitchen to fill her own glass.
“He calls your mom sometimes.”
“I figured he did.”
“She talks to Dottie and Bill, too.”
“I wouldn’t expect her not to.”
Billy checked the Black Mountain Ranch website to confirm they’d closed for the season. As he scrolled through the pages, he did his best not to look at the photos, but he couldn’t help himself. Renie was in several of them, and she looked happy.
There were photos of her on horseback, dancing, and on cattle drives. The most precious one was of her sitting off to the side of what appeared to be a chuck wagon dinner. She had a daisy in her hand, and she was looking away from the camera. He looked closer at the photo. The cowboy standing behind her was looking at her in a way that Billy would’ve been if he’d been there.
He didn’t like it one bit, but what did he expect—that she was pining away for him the way he was for her? She’d given him no reason in the last seven months to believe she cared a hoot about him, missed him, or even thought about him.
He heard the back door open and shut the computer down.
“There’s my girl!” He walked toward his mom and took Willow out of her arms.
“Dada,” she said, putting her head on his shoulder.
“She’s tired. Didn’t sleep a wink all afternoon.”
“You ready for a nap, baby girl?”
Willow rubbed her face on his chest, a telltale sign.
“Let’s go snuggle for a bit.”
Billy walked toward her bedroom.
“I’ll stay for a few minutes, if you want to talk,” his mother offered.
“Got somethin’ to tell me?”
When she nodded her head, Billy doubted it was good news.
“She’s home,” his mother said when he came back out from Willow’s room.
“I know.”
“What about Pooh?”
“She knows where her horse is.”
“Uh huh.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Take Pooh to Crested Butte.”
“Mama—”
“It’s the right thing to do. Renie Fairchild will do anything to avoid confrontation, Billy. You of all people should know that. Don’t force this. If you care about her, you’ll make it easier for her.”
“Even if I break my own heart in the process?”
“So, Jace, huh? Should we be planning a family reunion?”
“Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves.”
“My daddy would sure love to see them. Jace’s daddy is his cousin. Our grandfathers were brothers. My grandfather came to Crested Butte. Jace’s granddad went to Aspen.”
“Again, Ben, let’s not start making plans.”
“Did you say he’s in Spain?”
“Yeah. He’ll be back around Thanksgiving.”
“Thanksgiving?”
“Back off, Ben. I’m not kidding.”
Liv came into the kitchen and put her arms around Ben’s waist. “Causing problems, cowboy?”
“Nah. Matchmaking. That’s all I’m doin’. Right, Renie?”
Renie smiled and walked toward the stairs. “I’m happy to be home.”
“I’m happy to have you here, sweet girl. It’s nice to see you smile.”
“Thanks, Mom. And thanks, Ben, for letting me stay here.”
“Your home, too. Always and forever.”
Renie threw herself across her bed and rolled onto her back. She wasn’t ready to declare open season on her relationship with Jace. If you could call it that. He’d made it clear he wanted to continue what they started at the ranch, but she wasn’t sure she did.
Billy had been on her mind more often since she got here. She told her mom that she was done spending all her time thinking about him, but she was lying.
Ben climbed into bed next to Liv and wiggled his arm under her to pull her closer. “What do you think she’s gonna do?”
“I don’t know. She won’t talk about Billy. If she were as ‘done’ with him as she says she is, she wouldn’t be so sensitive about him.”
“What about Pooh? Should I go get her? Would that make it easier on everybody?”
Liv kissed his cheek. “That’s sweet of you to offer.” She put her head down on his chest. “Let’s give it a little while longer. Her horse, her responsibility—also her only remaining tie to Billy.”
“You’re thinking Pooh is still there on purpose.”
“Very much so.”
“Maybe I should stay out of it.”
“Usually best when you’re dealing with affairs of someone else’s heart.”
13
It had been two weeks since Renie arrived back in the life she thought she left behind in May. While she felt better than before she left, being back here drove home how much the changes in her life had only been temporary. She needed something to keep her busy, so she didn’t dwell so much on her unhappiness.
With places gearing up for ski season, Renie asked Ben if they had any openings at The Goat, the Rice family’s bar on the main drag downtown. He was quick to say yes, and told her he wanted her to stay busy, hang out with people her own age, and not slip back into the funk she’d been in last spring. She agreed. That was why she asked about the job in the first place.
“I hope you’re okay with it,” he said to Liv after he’d already told Renie she could work there.
Renie looked at her mother with a hopeful expression.
“It’s something, anyway, Renie,” Liv answered. “You’ll be twenty-four in three months. I really wish I could talk you into getting back into the vet program in Fort Collins.”
“No.”
Liv held up her hands in surrender. “Okay, I’ll drop it.”
A few hours later, Renie woke with a start. She’d been dreaming about Billy again. She wished she could find the damn off-switch for Billy dreams. She’d give anything not to think about him, dream about him, yearn for him, ache for him, not miss him so much that her heart hurt the way it did.
She thought by now it would have gotten easier, but it felt the same today as it had earlier this year, when she’d left him in San Antonio, standing in the hospital doorway holding his baby.
It was different during the summer, she was distracted then. Now that she didn’t have Jace to distract her, she felt as though she was right back where she started. A tear ran down her cheek that she didn’t bother to brush it away.
“Renie, are you in there?” asked Luke, Ben’s ten-year-old son.
“Yep. You can come in,” she answered.
Luke opened the door slowly and walked into the dark room.
“Are you crying, Renie?”
“Nah.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You’re on to me, aren’t you?”
Luke walked over to the window and opened the blinds.
“What are you doing?” she covered her eyes against the sunlight that streamed in.
“It’s afternoon, time to get up and do something with your day.”
“Who are you?”
“I’m your worst nightmare,” Luke joked, sounding more like his dad than a little boy.
“Go away.” She buried her head under her pillow. “I worked until two in the morning, Luke. I’m tired.”
“Let’s ride today, Renie.”
“No.”
“Thanks, Luke. It’s a sweet offer, but I’m tired. Maybe tomorrow?”
“You used to be the happiest person I knew. Now you’re the saddest.”
“That’s not fair, Luke. I’m not sad, I’m tired.”
“Why’re you crying then?”
Renie stayed in a room on the lowest level of the three in Ben’s house. It reminded her of her mother’s house, where Billy lived now, but it had another level.
There were two other bedrooms on the bottom floor, where Jake and Luke stayed when they were here, instead of at their mom’s. Renie stayed in Luke’s room before she went to the ranch, but when she got back, her mother had this room ready for her instead.
All three of the bedrooms had their own bathroom attached. There was also a family room on this level, complete with a big screen television, a pool table, foosball, and a ping-pong table.
The main level had another family room, along with the kitchen, dining room, and master bedroom. Her mother used the small bedroom next to the master as an office. The top floor of the house had been converted into a recording studio, conference room, and office for Ben. His band, CB Rice, had exploded in popularity in the last couple of years. The people she worked with at The Goat told a lot of stories about Ben and his brothers. Most of the things they talked about happened before Ben got sober.
It was a good reminder that most people had some kind of pain in their life, she wasn’t the only one who walked around with what felt like a gaping hole in her chest.
“Have you talked to her?” Billy asked his mom.
“Livvie, or Renie?” Dottie talked to Liv at least once a week, Billy knew that much.
“Either.”
“I talked to Liv a couple of days ago.”
“How’s she doin’?”
“Which one?”
He gave her exasperated look. “As if my life isn’t hard enough, Mama. Come on.”
Dottie shook her head. “Liv is concerned about her. Renie’s workin’ at The Goat for the season.”
Willow started babbling through the monitor. She rarely ever cried when she first woke up, she babbled. He’d go in to get her, and she’d be standing up in her crib, watching the door, waiting for him. As soon as he walked in she’d babble even more, and reach out for him to pick her up.
“There’s my pretty girl.” He kissed her forehead, and held her close. “Grandma’s here. Let’s go see Grandma.”
Willow kicked her legs and continued her unintelligible stream of conversation. He couldn’t wait until he understood everything she had to tell him. She was a chatterbox, just like Renie used to be. He’d watch her out in the pasture, talking to Pooh a mile a minute. God, he missed her.
He held Willow closer, and she opened her mouth on his cheek. A Willow kiss. He loved them.
She’d gotten used to riding every day at Black Mountain Ranch, and now that she was back in Crested Butte, Renie missed her horse. If she asked, her mom would go get Pooh and bring her to Crested Butte, but she couldn’t ask her to.
Renie walked upstairs and heard her mother talking on the phone.
“I’m open to any suggestions you might have,” she heard her say. Renie waited while her mother listened to the person on the other end of the call.
“If you come up with anything, call me. How’s that sweet baby Willow?”
More silence.
“I’m due for a trip over, I can’t wait to see her. I bet she’s gotten so big since the last time I was there.”
Her mom had been to see Willow? That was news, and not the good kind. How could she betray her like this? Renie stomped back downstairs and slammed the bedroom door behind her. Maybe it was time for her to leave again. If her own mother was sneaking around, going to see Billy’s baby, Renie didn’t want to be around her.
A little while later, her mom came downstairs to tell Renie that she and Ben were going into town for dinner.
“Ben is playing a show in Denver next week, and I’m going with him,” she added.
Renie wanted to tell her that she knew where she was really going, and why, but bit her tongue. If she brought up Willow, her mom would want to talk about Billy, too.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said, Mama.”
“What did I say, Billy? You mean about Pooh?”
“Yeah, and I think you’re right. I’m sure Renie misses her horse like crazy. She’s too damn stubborn, always has been,” he mumbled.
“This goes way beyond stubborn, Billy.”
Billy looked out at the meadow, where he’d spent most of his life watching Renie Fairchild ride her horse. He’d give anything to see that sight again. He wiped a tear away. He knew his mom saw it, but he was beyond caring whether anyone knew he cried. He cried a lot about his broken life.
“What about Willow?”
“What about her?”
“Will you take her with you?”
“Do you think I should?”
“Let me think on it.”
Billy knew it might be a day or two before she got back to him. She liked to think things through. She wasn’t impulsive like him and his dad.
Two days later she walked into his kitchen. Willow was in her high chair, and Billy was trying to get her to eat scrambled eggs, which she wanted no part of.
“Hey, Mama,” he said, getting up to kiss her cheek.
“How’s my beautiful girl?”
Willow reached out her hands and Dottie picked her up.
“Leave her with me and your daddy.”
“You don’t think I should take her?”
“I don’t, and neither does Liv.”
“I wish I understood.”
“Me, too. We all do. No one could’ve predicted this reaction.”
Billy paced back and forth in the kitchen. Pooh tied them together. He knew she’d come and get her horse eventually, or send someone to do it for her. If he did this, and she wouldn’t see him, he’d be cutting that last tie himself.
“You have to prepare yourself, Billy, in case it doesn’t go the way you want it to.”
“I already know how it’s gonna go. She’s gonna refuse to see me.” There he went again, getting choked up. He reached his hands out for Willow, who was all too happy to come see her daddy.
Renie looked at the time on her phone, it was after four in the morning. She used to check her phone all the time to see if Billy sent her a text, but she didn’t anymore. It had been months since there’d been one. It had taken him a while to give up, but he finally had.
She fell asleep not long after she got in bed a couple of hours ago, but then she dreamt about him, and it woke her up.
In this dream they were dancing. She loved to dance with him. When she was a little girl, Billy would twirl her around the dance floor, either by holding her around the waist, or letting her legs swing as he twirled her in circles. Sometimes she’d stand on his feet while he two-stepped her across the floor.
When she got older, he held her close, even before he realized she’d grown up. She remembered the first time it changed between them, at a rodeo in Oklahoma, where her mom was competing in her first barrel race. When Billy asked her to dance, and then took her in his arms, she knew he held her as a woman, not a little girl. It had been one of the best nights of her life.
She rolled over, willing sleep to come, even though she knew it wouldn’t. Instead, she’d toss and turn trying to drive Billy out of her head. She didn’t know why she bothered, it never worked.
Billy was awake, walking the floor with Willow. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get her settled down. He thought about calling his mama, but it was the middle of the night, and he was Willow’s daddy. He needed to figure it out on his own.
He worried she was fussy because she sensed his unease, but she was chewing on his shoulder, which meant she was teething. He hated to give her sugar in the middle of the night, but he had cherry ice-pops in the
freezer. Maybe if he gave her a little bit it would numb her teeth and she’d sleep, and then he could too. He had a long day ahead of him tomorrow, and needed all the sleep he could get.
The next morning Billy loaded Pooh into the trailer. He was almost ready to leave, but wouldn’t until Willow woke up and had breakfast.
There hadn’t been a day since he brought her home that he wasn’t there when she woke up, and he didn’t want today to be the first. He hoped instead it would be tomorrow. That would mean he’d still be in Crested Butte, and if he were, it would mean Renie had agreed to see him. If she didn’t, there’d be no reason for him to stay.
He’d never wanted anything more in his life than he wanted Renie to talk to him again. He didn’t care if she didn’t love him anymore. He’d accept it, although he’d still love her for the rest of his life.
It wasn’t fair for him to ask the same of her, she was still so young. She deserved to have all the fun someone her age should have. She shouldn’t be tied down, taking care of someone else’s baby.
If he knew that’s what she was doing—having fun, dating, staying out too late, laughing…the way he knew she loved to—he’d be happy.
He never meant to break her heart. Never. He was as shocked as anyone to find out his indiscretion had resulted in a baby. He still didn’t know how it had, he’d always been so careful. Now it didn’t matter. Willow was part of his life, the biggest part of it. And he wouldn’t trade her for anything. Not even Renie.
He asked his mother to not tell Liv he was coming. If he had any chance of seeing Renie, his arrival had to be a complete surprise.
14
The drive from Monument to Crested Butte was the longest five hours of his life. He tried to imagine what he’d do if he saw her. And he tried to imagine what he’d do if he didn’t.
What would Liv and Ben do? Would they invite him in, put Renie in the position of having to see him, talk to him, deal with him? He hoped not. If they did, he’d refuse. That wouldn’t be fair to her. She had to decide on her own that she wanted to see him. He wouldn’t force himself on her.
Dance with Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 2) Page 12