He was sure Liv was freaking out, and he wanted to laugh, but Renie left him stunned. He couldn’t get past what she said, that she was going to talk. Part of him couldn’t wait to finally know what she was thinking, the other part of him was scared shitless.
When she said she needed to call her mom, it reminded him he need to call his too, check on his baby girl. That scared him shitless too. What if that made Renie freak out?
“I need to call home too, Renie,” he said, grabbing her wrist so she’d look at him. “I need to check on Willow.”
“I know you do, Billy.” He let her go, and she walked into the other room while she punched the speed dial on her phone.
“Hey, Mom,” Renie said when her mom answered the phone.
“Hey, Renie. Everything okay?”
“I’m with Billy. As far as everything being okay, it is for now anyway.”
“Do you need anything?”
“Pooh’s in the barn.”
“Yes I know. I went and said hello. She looks good. And Micah’s happy.”
“Good. Um, I’m not sure when I’ll be back.”
“That’s fine. Text me so I don’t worry.”
“It won’t be tonight.”
“I figured that, Renie.” She laughed. “You’re welcome to bring him around here in the morning.”
“He has to bring me home,” Renie said wistfully. “Okay, gotta go, Mom. Bye.”
“Bye, Renie. I love you.”
“Love you too.”
“That’d be great, Mom. Thanks. Yep, talk to you later,” she heard Billy say when she walked back in the room.
“Willow’s sleeping. She’s gonna call me when she’s awake.”
Renie didn’t know where to start. They had a lot to talk about—the changes in her life as much as the changes in his. It wouldn’t be easy for her to tell Billy about Jace. And listening to Billy talk about his baby? She wasn’t sure she could bear it.
“Do you have a picture of her?”
“Come here and I’ll show you some.”
Billy held his phone out to her. “Swipe your finger if you want to see more. There are hundreds.” He laughed.
Renie swiped her finger several times. He couldn’t read her expression.
“She’s beautiful,” Renie whispered. “She looks so much like you.”
“You’re gonna think this is crazy, but…”
“But what?”
“God, Renie.” He put his arms around her and kissed her neck. “I think she looks like you. Maybe it’s because you’re the two people I love most in the world, so when I look at her, I see love, and love is you.”
Her eyes filled with tears, and she set the phone in his hand.
“She’s growin’ up so fast. She’ll be a year old in a few weeks.”
She took his phone back and looked at more of the photos. Many were of the two of them together. “You’re good with her.”
“She’s my life.” This was the hardest part, he knew it was. He could pretend she wasn’t, but she was, and if Renie couldn’t live with that, there wasn’t any hope for them.
“I know she is.” She was going back through the pictures again, slower this time. “I can tell.”
“You left me because of her.”
“I left you because of you. I left you because of me. I wasn’t sure I could handle it. No, that’s not right. I knew I couldn’t handle it.”
“What about now? You still feelin’ the same way?”
It took her so damn long to answer him he thought he would jump out of his skin.
“I don’t know. You said it yourself. I’m different. I’ve spent more time with myself. I’ve gotten to know myself better. Part of that was seeing myself through someone else’s eyes.”
There it was, the knife in his heart that he’d been waiting for. There was someone else.
“Whose eyes?”
“That’s not important.”
“If it wasn’t important, you wouldn’t have said it.”
“A friend. Someone I met this summer. I went to work at a dude ranch. I’m sure Dottie told you.”
“She did, and I thought it was great. Was it fun?”
“Fun? It was a lot of hard work is what it was.”
“I bet ya had some fun though, didn’t ya?”
Yeah, she had. She had fun. She worked hard, and she didn’t spend every minute thinking about Billy Patterson, as she had every day of her life before she went to the ranch.
“I didn’t spend all my time thinking about you.”
“No? That’s good, right?”
“Right. It’s what I needed, Billy. I needed to get away from you for a while.”
“I wish it hadn’t been so far away from me. I missed you so damn much.”
“I missed you too, Billy. You already know that.” She stood and walked to the other side of the room. She turned and leaned back against the wall. “I’m not ready to be anyone’s mama, Billy.”
“Maybe you could get to know her a little bit, instead of thinkin’ you need to be her mama.”
“Isn’t that what you want though? Be honest, Billy. If you could have anything you wanted, would you pack me up and take me home with you? Marry me and keep me in your bed? Make me your baby’s mama?”
At one time, that might have been true. Back when he had no idea how to take care of a baby, or what it meant to be somebody’s father. It would’ve been real easy to lean on Renie that way. But, he was different now too. He didn’t let his own mother take care of Willow very often, just on rare occasions. In fact, he’d be willing to bet his parents would say they didn’t get enough time alone with their granddaughter.
“No, that wouldn’t be what I wanted, even if I could have things my way.”
“I’m sorry, Billy, but I don’t believe you.”
“Then let me prove it to you.”
“How will you do that?”
“I’m not sure exactly, but I can tell you this, when I’m with my daughter, I’m a different person. I’ve grown up too. As hard as it was to be away from you, as much as I missed you, I have to admit, it was a good thing for me too.” He got up and came over to where she stood.
“I leaned on you too much.”
“You did, Billy. You took me for granted.”
“Yes, I did. That was something I realized even before I found out about Willow.” He pulled her back to the bed.
“When I came up to your apartment, I realized it. I expected you to be there for me.”
“I can’t go back to that, Billy.”
“I don’t want you to, Renie. I really don’t. I know you don’t believe me. I want you more than I want to breathe, but not the way it was before.”
“So what do we do?”
“I have no idea.” He laughed a little. “I prepared more for how I’d handle it if you refused to talk to me. I didn’t plan what I’d do if you did talk to me. And I didn’t plan for this at all.”
“Me, either,” she said, kissing her way from his neck up to his lips.
“I need you so bad. My body wants to stay connected to yours all the time—all the damn time. I love you so fucking much.”
It was his turn to take over, he wanted her, and he needed to show her how much. He grabbed her panties and yanked them off, pushed her onto the bed, and back against the pillows. He pulled her shirt over her head, and ran his lips over her body, trying hard not to miss an inch of her skin. He went slowly, torturing her with his hands and his tongue.
This was how he wanted her, writhing beneath him, begging him for more. By the time he was finished, he wanted Renie begging him to love her.
Daylight streamed in the windows when he opened his eyes. He grabbed his phone, hoping he hadn’t missed a call from his mother last night. He and Renie were so wrapped up in each other, he forgot he had a phone. They’d taken their time, and she begged for him, as much as he begged for her.
There wasn’t a call. Willow must have slept through the night, or if sh
e did wake up, his mother decided it was too late to call. Since it was a little before seven, he’d wait. If she didn’t call in an hour, he’d call her. No way Willow would sleep past eight.
Renie was still sound asleep. Whenever he looked at Willow, he wondered if his heart had room to love anyone else. As his gaze rested on Renie, he knew he had more than enough love for both of them.
He hadn’t forgotten her comment about seeing herself through someone else’s eyes. Had she had room in her heart to love him too?
When Renie rolled over and groaned, he kissed the back of her neck.
“Don’t you start that, Billy Patterson. I’m not gonna be able to walk today as it is, and I really want to ride Pooh.”
“I’d love to go ridin’ with you, pretty girl. You think your mama will let me ride Micah?”
“Not a chance in hell, but Ben will let you ride his horse.”
“Ben has a horse?”
“Give me a break, Billy. Ben has a ranch. And it’s bigger than yours.”
He started to tickle her. “Now that was just plain mean. You don’t compare the size of a man’s ranch, Renie Fairchild.”
“Let’s go ride, cowboy.”
“Not yet, cowgirl,” he kissed his way down the back of her body.
Billy’s phone rang.
“Answer it.”
“I’ll call her back.”
“Answer it,” Renie said again, rolling away from him.
“Ah, shit.”
Billy grabbed the phone. “Hey, Mama.”
He got up and walked out of the bedroom. Renie went in to the bathroom and turned on the shower. She wasn’t ready to hear the conversations he had with Willow, or about Willow. She wasn’t ready for anything to do with Willow.
It ate her up that she felt the way she did. She loved kids, so why the problem with this one in particular?
Billy opened the bathroom door a few minutes later. “Can I come in?”
“Sure.” She reached out and grabbed a towel. “I’m finished anyway.”
“I was thinking more about joining you—finishing what we started.”
“I don’t think so, Billy.” Renie was out of the shower and drying off, but the water was still running. Billy reached in and turned it off.
He put his hands over hers on the towel. “Come on, now.”
“No, I don’t feel like it anymore.”
“You’re poutin’, darlin’.” He leaned forward and grabbed her lower lip between his teeth. She breathed in deeply and let the towel fall to the floor. Billy pushed off his boxer briefs, reached behind her and turned the shower back on.
“I’m gonna get you dirty, and then all clean again, baby.”
She couldn’t resist him. He was persuasive, and so damn sexy. She let him move her back under the water, but she couldn’t get Willow’s image out of her head. She turned him around, so his back was to the stream of water, opened the shower door, and stepped out.
“Renie, what’re you doin’?”
“I’m done, Billy.”
He didn’t like the sound of that. Done with what? When he came out of the bathroom, he found her sitting in the kitchen, eating a piece of cold pizza.
“Still poutin’?”
“Don’t, Billy.”
“Find any coffee?”
“Yeah, I made some,” she answered, pointing toward the French Press sitting on the counter.
“I want you to meet her. That’s it. She’s a lot less scary in person.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I think you’re more afraid of the idea of her, and once you meet her, you’ll feel different.”
That he was right didn’t change anything. “Can you take me home now? I mean to Ben’s.”
“Of course I can. You gonna invite me in when we get there, or are you gonna make me give you a kiss goodbye on the front porch?”
“Are you going home?” Already?
“I could be talked into staying, if you’ll come back here with me after we’ve seen your mom and Ben.”
She tried to stifle her sigh of relief. At least he was willing to stay one more day, before she had to give him back to the other woman in his life.
We’re headed back, Renie texted her mom.
Have you eaten?
No.
Ben’s making breakfast.
Billy’s with me.
I know.
“You’re invited for breakfast,” Renie said, putting her phone in her pocket.
Billy looked out the window and shook his head. “I’m nervous.”
“I am, too.”
“Why are you nervous?”
“Why are you?”
“I love that about you.”
“What?”
“How you answer a question with a question.”
“I don’t do that.”
“You always do that.”
“Do I sometimes get a look on my face like I’ve eaten something sour?”
Billy laughed. “Yep, you do that too.”
“What else do I do?”
“Let’s see. You sit on your hands when you’re nervous.” She stuck her hands in her pockets.
“You talk in your sleep.”
Uh oh. “What do I talk about?”
“Not much I can decipher. Although I’ve always been able to understand it when you say my name.” Billy took her hand. He brought it up to his lips and kissed across her knuckles.
He grinned. “I love how it sounds when you’re all sleepy, and you moan a little. Makes me hard as a rock when I hear it.”
“What else?”
“That you do?”
“Yeah.”
They weren’t all the way to Ben’s house, but Billy pulled the truck over anyway.
“You’re not very good at sharing.”
“Are you saying that because it suits your purpose, or am I really not good at sharing?”
“You’re an only child. And an only grandchild, by the way, even though your grandparents have been gone a long time. You’ve never had siblings to share with, or even cousins. You’ve had your mama’s undivided attention. In fact, before she met Ben, you were the only thing in her life, except the ranch, and the horses.”
“I’ve heard enough.”
“You care more about the people you love than anyone I’ve ever known. You can coax a smile out of an unhappy person with that quick wit of yours.
“I’ve watched you charm the most miserable people into cracking a smile. I’ve seen you calm a horse that’s skittish because they’re in a new barn, and nothing is familiar to them. I watched you care for your mama even when she was doin’ her best to act as mean and nasty as she could be.”
“Anything else?”
“You love me with your whole heart and soul, and as scared as you are of this, you can’t help yourself, you’re gonna figure out how to make this work.”
It was her turn to look out the window, but he could see the tear slide down her cheek.
“Talk to me, baby.”
“You’re right about me.”
“Which part?”
“I’m not good at sharing.”
When they walked in the house, it was as though Billy was walking into her mom’s house back at the ranch in Monument. He shrugged off his jacket, hung it on the hook by the door, and was in the kitchen hugging her mom before Renie had her boots off.
He picked her up and swung her around. “I missed you so much, Livvie. Almost as much as I missed your daughter.”
Ben looked as though he wanted to throttle Billy. Was he upset with him, or had he just never liked him? Renie remembered that before Ben and her mom got back together, he thought there was something between them. But now he knew otherwise, so what was that look on his face all about? He turned and caught her watching him. His face changed completely as he gave her one of his smiles. Dottie hugged, Ben smiled.
“I missed you too, cowboy,” Liv said, when Billy set her back on her feet
. She looked a little green and held onto the counter for a minute.
“Mom? Are you okay?”
Liv held up a hand and started to answer, but hurried off in the direction of the bathroom before she could.
“Is she okay?” she looked at Ben.
“She’s okay.”
“She’s sick. Why are you making her cook breakfast?”
Ben pulled her into a hug. “I don’t make your mom do anything, Renie. You know that. She’s fine.”
Liv came out of the bathroom, but she didn’t look fine to her. She saw Billy catch Ben’s eye, and she didn’t miss the smile that passed between them.
“Honey, we should talk.” Liv was reaching out for her hand.
“You two are jerks,” Renie said to them as her mother led her into the other room.
“Renie, sit down.”
“Okay, but maybe you should sit down. You’re the one who’s sick.”
“I’m not sick, Renie. I’m having a baby.”
“Oh.”
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Just give me a minute.”
Renie went into the bathroom her mother just came out of.
“That didn’t go as I expected,” said Liv, walking back into the kitchen. “I’m pregnant, Billy, in case you hadn’t put two and two together.”
“Sorry I swung you around.”
“It’s okay. First trimester, I would’ve gotten sick whether you swung me around or not.”
Ben was grinning from ear to ear and circled Liv’s waist with his big arm. He whispered something in her ear that Billy was glad he couldn’t hear.
Renie came around the corner looking a little stunned.
“You okay?” Billy whispered.
“Yes.” Her tone was gruff, but it was the smile that lit up her face that told him she was fine.
Billy laughed. Renie would be learning a great deal about sharing in the next few months.
“Congratulations, Mama.” Renie kissed her mother’s cheek, and then Ben’s. “You too, Big Daddy.”
“Since you’re not riding, can I take Micah out after breakfast?” Billy asked.
Liv started to say something, but caught Billy’s smirk. “Hell no, you’re not riding my horse, Billy Patterson.”
Dance with Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 2) Page 14