“Yep.”
“Then you’re in for an awkward conversation. He couldn’t have missed the lip-lock we were in when he approached the table.”
It was Renie’s turn to put her face in her hands. More than Will, she was worried about Billy. She had to call him, but she had no idea what she would say.
“What’s happening with him?”
“I’m sure he’s furious.”
“Let’s go back to the house. You can call him from there. I’ll make myself scarce. Maybe I’ll visit Uncle Bud and Aunt Ginny for a while.”
“Why are you being so nice about this?”
“Oh, I’m not. Not at all. I fully expect you to be honest with him, Irene. And I’m not leaving. I’m staying for dinner, and I plan to be sitting next to you when I do.”
Jace dropped her off at Ben’s, but didn’t come in. He drove away before she’d gotten inside.
“Oh dear, what’s happened?” her mother asked.
“He’s going to Bud and Ginny’s. I need to call Billy.”
Renie was downstairs with her door shut before Liv could ask her another question.
18
Billy was nearly frantic. It was all he could do not to call Liv, but Renie was an adult and calling her mother because he was worried about her was not an appropriate thing to do. In fact, if anything had happened to Renie, he knew Liv would contact him.
No, Renie was out with this Jace guy, the one she’d spent the summer with. Who taught her more about herself.
Willow started to cry, and he realized he hadn’t been paying attention to her. He was so upset about Renie, he’d forgotten his baby girl. Shit. What kind of dad was he?
He picked her up, and snuggled her against him. Once she had his undivided attention, she calmed down. More warning flags shot up around him. Maybe Renie’s instincts were dead on, and it would be harder to juggle the two of them than he thought. It broke his heart to think she might be right.
His cell vibrated in his pocket and he set Willow down on the floor to answer it. As soon as he did, she started to wail again.
“Hey,” he answered. “Can you hang on a minute?”
He didn’t wait for Renie’s answer, he set the phone down so he could pick Willow up again.
“Hi,” he said once he had his baby girl settled. “Where are you?”
“I’m home.”
“Yeah?”
He was pissed, and he didn’t care if she knew it. She would’ve been pissed too, if the situations were in reverse.
“Billy, I—”
Willow started to cry again.
“Hey, Renie. Willow’s fussy. I need to take care of her. I’ll call you later.”
He hung up on her. Because Willow was fussy. She knew that wasn’t the only reason he had. But still. Wasn’t that the very thing she was most worried about? That Willow would always come first? Their entire lives would revolve around Willow, whether Renie was ready for that kind of life or not.
She wasn’t even twenty-four. Was that the life she wanted?
She came back upstairs, boots on, ready to go for a ride. She’d never felt so glad that Pooh was out in the barn and no longer at Billy’s.
“Where are you off to?” Liv asked.
“Riding over to Bud and Ginny’s.”
“Did you talk to Billy?”
“Yep, for about three seconds. He hung up on me because Willow was fussy.”
“Oh, dear.”
“You got that right. Ya know, I don’t need this shit from him. He wants it all, and he doesn’t care how much he tramples on everyone around him to get it.”
“Wow, that was quick,” Jace said when Renie walked into Bud and Ginny’s house.
“Yep.”
“Did you make your phone call?”
“Yep.”
“I guess you don’t want to talk about it.”
“Not now, I don’t.”
Ginny walked into the kitchen. “Oh! Hi, Renie. I didn’t know you were in here.”
“I just got here. Bud’s putting Pooh in the barn. I’m not intruding, am I?”
“No, not at all. I was about to start dinner. We’ve got a crowd coming tonight to see Jace.”
Renie rolled up her sleeves. “Put me to work then.”
Jace watched her maneuver her way around the kitchen. It was clear she was pissed. He wanted to ask her about her conversation, but didn’t want to do it in front of Aunt Ginny.
She was here though, and that had to mean something. He walked over to where she was and kissed her cheek. She turned, smiled at him, and kissed him on the lips. Yeah, he didn’t care about how her conversation with Billy went. If she was kissing him, she was his, at least for the next few hours.
Billy knew he’d handled the call with Renie in the worst way possible. Everything she was worried about, that Willow would be his first priority, was thrown in her face. And he hung up on her. Perfect way to drive her straight into someone else’s arms.
He heard the back door open and turned to see his mother standing in his kitchen.
“Should we change our plans for Thanksgiving?”
Shit. What had she heard and how had she heard it already?
“Billy, I love ya,” she said after listening to his side of the story. “No mama could love her son more, but I have to be honest with you. You are an idiot.”
“I’m an idiot? You’re siding with her? She’s been off doing who knows what with another man and you’re siding with her?”
“No, I’m not. I’m not siding with either one of you. I’m just saying that you’re an idiot. Don’t you think you should have at least let her tell you what’s going on?”
“Why? So she could tell me that she’d spent the day with another man? No, thank you.”
“How do you know that? What if you spent the day with Liv?”
“That’s different. She’s Renie’s mom.”
“Yes, but she’s another woman. That would’ve been completely innocent on both your parts. Maybe this was innocent too.”
“Nope, not the same thing at all. I never had sex with Liv. Sorry to be blunt, Mama, but that’s the difference.”
“Okay, well here’s a question for you then. Are you going to act like such a jackass that she has no choice but to pick the other man instead of you? Cause that’s the road you’re on, Billy. You’re gonna drive her right into his arms instead of yours. Is that what you want?”
“No. It isn’t.”
“So what are you gonna do about it.”
“I don’t know.”
The place was a madhouse, there was no other word for it. Between Ben, his brothers, their wives, Jace, Ben’s two boys, Bud and Ginny, and her and her mother, Renie was completely overwhelmed. The only other time in her life that she was around this many people having dinner was Thanksgiving, at Patterson Ranch in their dining hall, when all the cowboys and families came together to celebrate.
What would she do about this Thanksgiving? Billy was bringing Willow, and Dottie and Bill were coming too. She and Billy needed to talk about today, and resolve things before the two of them ruined the holiday for everyone else.
Blythe was coming with her parents too, and she had a lot of making up to do with her friend. In fact, she wouldn’t be all that surprised if Blythe decided not to come.
She couldn’t blame her. She knew she’d been a lousy friend to her the last year. If you counted how long she had been dishonest with Blythe about how she felt about Billy, she’d been a lousy friend for years.
Renie needed fresh air. She went out and stood on the porch. A few minutes later, Jace joined her.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
“I messed things up today.”
“With Billy?”
“Yeah, with Billy.”
He put his arm around her, and she rested her head against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Jace, but Billy has been…a significant part of my world for most of my life.”
“You love him.”
“More than anything.”
“This thing with us, what do you think that’s all about?”
“I like you Jace, very much. I love Billy, but I like you, and I’m attracted to you. I’m not sure what that says about me.”
He turned her in his arms, so she was facing him.
“You can’t ignore it. At the very least, you need to figure out why.”
“Why what?”
“There must be something that’s missing with Billy that you find with me. I’m not saying this because I’m crazy about you. Even if I walk away from you right now and never look back, you’ll still need to figure out this thing with Patterson.”
“You’re being awfully nice about this.”
“Yeah, I care about you…there, I admitted it,” he teased.
“It’s that thing, you know, the nothing ever bothers you thing.”
“As I’ve told you before, this bothers me, a lot. But, there isn’t much I can do about it. If he didn’t mean something to you, you wouldn’t be out here fretting about it.”
She turned so her back was to him, but he kept his arms around her waist.
She saw a truck coming down one of the ranch roads, but didn’t pay much attention to it. The Rice family employed a lot of ranch hands. It wasn’t unusual to see a truck or two out on the back roads.
As it got closer, she realized it was on the main road, and it was heading toward Ben’s place. Something about it didn’t feel right, and she stiffened.
“What’s up?”
“I don’t know. Something about that truck…”
“Maybe you should say something to Ben.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
She turned away from Jace and dug out her cell phone.
We need to talk, she texted Billy.
I know we do, he answered.
Where are you?
Here.
Here? As in Crested Butte? Was that his truck she just saw barreling toward Ben’s house?
“Jace, would you mind telling Ben I took his truck? I’m heading over to the house.” On the ranch, most everyone left their keys in the ignition, it was a habit.
“Wait, do you think you should go alone? I can go with you. Or maybe let Ben go if you’re worried about it.”
“It’s okay, I know who it is.” As she pulled the truck away, she caught sight of Jace, still standing on the front porch. She hated to do this to him, but what she’d done today to Billy was worse.
It didn’t look as though anybody was home when he pulled up, but Renie texted him saying they needed to talk a minute ago. Maybe she was home alone. He knocked on the front door, but there was no answer. He turned around and saw the headlights of another truck coming toward the house. He leaned against the porch railing and waited.
“Hi,” she said, jumping out of the truck.
“Hi.”
She walked up the steps to where he stood on the porch. “You drove all the way here.”
“Yep.”
“How come?”
“Cause my mama told me I was being a jackass.”
She stood close enough to touch, and before he could reach for her, she put her fingers through his belt loops, pulling him closer to her.
“About what?”
“What you spent your day doin’.”
She let go of his belt loops, put her arms around his waist and her head against his chest.
“I’m sorry.”
“About what?”
“About today.”
“Do I even wanna know?”
“No. You don’t. But you need to.”
“Shit,” he said. “I was afraid of this.”
“Come on, let’s go inside.”
Renie pulled her vibrating cell out of her pocket as she walked in the front door. “Hey, Mom.”
“Renie, is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Billy’s here.”
“Oh.”
“Jace knows, or at least he knows I left.”
“He came in and told Ben.”
“I gotta go, Mom, but everything’s okay.”
Billy was waiting for her on the couch in the family room when she came in the house. Somehow he’d managed to light the fireplace during her brief conversation. She sat next to him, tucking her feet under her.
“You hung up on me.”
“You spent the day with another man.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I don’t wanna do this. I don’t wanna go back and forth with you about who did what. Just tell me what the fuck is goin’ on.”
“I don’t know how to explain it.” Renie got up and paced in front of the fireplace. She stopped and held her hands out, as if to warm them, but then kept her back to Billy when she started to speak.
“I was happier to see him than I expected to be. I expected to have a quick cup of coffee and tell him goodbye.”
“But that didn’t happen.”
“He says there’s something I’m missing with you that I find with him.”
Billy didn’t say anything. She turned around to look at him, and his eyes were closed.
“It isn’t just Willow. There are other things I’m worried about, Billy.”
“What other things?”
“I wish I could explain how I’m feeling. But, I can’t. All I know is that I love you. Anything beyond that…”
“What are you afraid of? That’s what it comes down to. There’s something you’re afraid of.”
She shrugged her shoulders.
“You’re right, ya know. You were feeling this way before I found out about Willow. That night in your apartment, you were afraid of me. It near broke my heart Renie, to think you could ever be afraid of me.”
He stood in front of her, but didn’t touch her. “We should have talked about it then. I should have asked you about it before we made love. I think about it all the time, seeing that look in your eyes. That fear. It almost brings me to tears.”
She looked up at him. There were tears in his eyes. She reached up and touched his face.
“Billy—”
“I love you, Renie. Do you know how much? Can you feel it comin’ off me? Too much to be able to handle thinking that you could ever be afraid of me.”
“I’m not afraid of you.”
“You are. You can’t deny it. You have to face whatever it is you’re afraid of.”
“Not you. Us maybe, but not you. I love you, Billy, I have my whole life. I know you’d never hurt me…”
“No, you don’t, and that’s what you’re afraid of. I’m a risk. A huge risk. Because your heart is in it. This other guy? He’s not a risk. He hasn’t climbed into your heart yet. And I pray he never does.”
Billy turned and looked at the fire. “That’s why I’m here ya know. Not because I’m some jealous asshole. I’m here because I don’t want him to have the chance to mean something to you.”
Renie went back to the couch, but Billy stayed where he was.
“If things were different, if I didn’t have Willow, I could stay and fight for you. But I can’t. I feel as though I’m being pulled between the two most important people in my life. I can’t take care of you or her the way I want to. If I take care of you, I’m not there for her. If I’m there for her, I risk losing you.”
She could see the pain on his face. It ran through his body as he said the words. How could she be the cause of such pain? What was wrong with her? How could she do this to him?
“I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know this. If you’re thinking it’s choosing him over me, I’m here to tell you that isn’t it.”
“Are you sure, Billy? I feel as though I’m asking you to choose. And I know you can’t. I mean you can. You have to choose your daughter.”
“Does it really come down to that? I can’t believe it does. I won’t. You haven’t even met her, Renie. You haven’t even tried. You have to try. Isn’t it worth it to try?” He sat down next to her and gripped her shoulders.
“Isn’t it?” he demanded.
She started to cry, tears pouring down her cheeks.
“What are you so afraid of?”
“I…don’t…know,” she said between sobs.
“She’s just a baby. I wish I could understand it. If I could, I’d be able to help you.”
“I don’t understand it myself, Billy. If I don’t understand the way I feel, how I can explain it to you?”
He let go of her shoulders and sat down next to her on the couch. When she leaned into him, he put his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder and took a deep breath.
“What about Thanksgiving?”
“You tell me. My whole family is comin’ to Crested Butte, and they’re doin’ it for us. If you don’t want it to happen, you better say so right now.”
“No, I want it. But, I mean, do you?”
“Of course I do. Jesus, Renie, it’s the thing I’m waiting for to start the rest of my life.”
“You think everything will fall into place that easily?”
“I don’t think it. I hope for it. I pray for it. I want to believe it more than anything.”
“What if it doesn’t?”
“We deal with it then. I wish now we hadn’t waited. The longer we wait, the more anxious you get. I’m right about that. You know I am.”
“I don’t think it’s her. I think it’s you.”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t know if I can share you,” she whispered.
“I know,” he whispered back.
Billy spent the night in Renie’s room, but left at sunrise.
Jace spent the night at Bud and Ginny’s house.
He wanted to know what happened last night, but wasn’t sure how to go about finding out. He called Ben.
“Yep, his truck was here last night, but when I got up this morning it was gone. I know Renie’s out ridin’ Pooh. Dad said she came down to the house a little while ago to ride her home.”
Damn. She’d been here, right outside, and he missed her.
“Mind if I come up to the house? I want to say goodbye, at least.”
“Come on up.” Ben laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
Dance with Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 2) Page 18