He picked up her wine glass and handed it to her, before picking his up and touching it to hers. “Forever, Renie—I promise.”
Jason came out from the back with their first course.
“Foie gras with brioche toast points on a bed of truffled apple and chive greens, with raspberry coulis, sauternes gelee and demi-glace,” he said before disappearing back into the kitchen.
“Billy this is so…romantic.” She kissed him, hard, on the lips.
He reached around and grasped the back of her neck with his hand, holding her there, kissing her more deeply. “I love you so much,” he murmured before moving away from her.
21
Music played softly in the background. The voice was so familiar. It was Ben, but in a way she’d never heard him perform before, just his voice, accompanied by a piano.
“What is this?” she asked.
“Hmm?”
“The music. What is it?”
“A gift, from Ben.”
“Why?”
“Because I asked him for it.”
“I’ve never heard this song before,” Renie murmured.
“Beautiful, isn’t it? Like you.”
He brought her hand to his lips again, and kissed across the back of it. “Dance with me,” he said.
He stood and held his hand out to her. Someone turned the music up slightly, and he moved her across the open floor.
“I love having you in my arms.”
She leaned further into him.
“I remember the first time I held you this way. Close to me. Your body touching mine, this way.” He kissed her neck, below her ear, softly. “I wanted you then, Renie. I wanted to make love to you that night. Did you know? Did you feel it?”
She knew exactly when he meant. And yes, she’d felt it. “I wanted it too, Billy.”
He led her back to the table when the song ended, and pulled her chair out. When she was seated, he moved her hair over her shoulder, leaned down, and kissed the back of her neck. She shivered as the current from his lips ran through her body.
He sat, and this time Raj came out from the kitchen.
“How is everything?” he asked.
“Wonderful,” Renie answered.
Jason joined him with their next course.
“Spiced carrot soup,” he said. “With paprika-roasted crab, and pistachio dust. Bon appetit.”
The two men disappeared again.
Billy raised his glass. “Another promise, Renie.”
She raised hers too, and waited.
“I promise to dance with you, hold you close, touch your body with mine. I never want us to lose that connection.”
This time Renie touched her glass to his first. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them.
“Forever, Renie—I promise.”
They were both quiet, looking into each other’s eyes.
“What is this?” she murmured.
“He calls it Patience.”
Oh, love, it’s a difficult thing for me
I always want too much
And end up lonely
Over my head
Awkwardly
Hands in my pockets
Laugh in the wrong place and want to leave
Cause I’m not patient and I should be
Because I know I have it in me.
“I love it. Is he recording it?”
“He said he might be.”
Raj came out and cleared their plates, refilled their wine glasses and once again, disappeared.
“Another dance?” Billy asked.
“I’d love it.”
This time Billy moved slower, and kissed her. Their bodies stopped moving as their lips sought each other’s. Billy ran his hands down the sleeves of her sweater.
“So soft,” he said. “My favorite.”
“Why I wore it.”
“When you came upstairs and I saw you in it, all I could think about was running my hands under it, feeling your skin, caressing you with my hands.” He slipped his hands under her sweater and circled her waist, slowly inching up.
The song ended, but he continued to hold her close, his hands touching her, moving slowly up and down her back.
“I promise to show you with my eyes, my hands, my lips, and every other part of my body, how much I love you, how much I desire you.”
He began to sway again, to the music, dancing her back closer to the table. “Forever, Renie—I promise.”
“I love you, Billy.” She held him tighter and lay her head against his chest.
“Our next course is probably on its way, although right now, the only appetite I seem to have is for you.”
He pulled her chair out again, and as before, he moved her hair to the side, to kiss the back of her neck.
“I love it when you let your hair down, Renie, when you let it fall over your shoulders. You wore it this way for me tonight, didn’t you?”
“Mmm hmm,” she murmured, falling back against him.
When Jason came out from the back, Billy sat back down.
“Elk tenderloin with truffle-whipped potatoes, baby carrots, and roasted baby beets,” he said, setting a plate in front of each of them.
They sat quietly after they finished their entrée. More of Ben’s music serenading them.
That’s when I met your mother,
The girl of my dreams,
The most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
She said boy can I tell you a wonderful thing
I can’t help but notice you staring at me
I know I shouldn’t say this
But I really believe
I can tell by your eyes
That you’re in love with me.
“This is such a different style for him.”
“He said he’s never written this way before.”
“He loves her so much, doesn’t he?” she asked.
“He does.”
Billy stroked her face. He looked into her eyes and she could see it, feel it—how much he loved her.
“I promise to love you, with everything I am and everything I’ll ever be, to give you my heart, to hold your hand. Forever, Renie—I promise.”
She closed her eyes, and smiled.
“You are so beautiful.”
“So are you,” she answered.
Jason joined them once again. “Your final course this evening,” he said, setting one large wine glass between the two of them. “Strawberries, raspberries, and blackberries, with Grand Marnier and Crème Anglaise.” He winked at Renie before he left them alone.
“Billy, this has been a magnificently romantic evening. I love it so much, and you so much, for doing this. It means everything to me.”
“I would do anything for you.” He gripped the back of her neck and brought her head to his, until her forehead touched his. “Anything. I cannot live without you. Do you understand me?”
There was a cry in his voice that she understood all too well. She felt it in her soul, whenever she thought about losing him.
And then, as if he could read her thoughts, he said, “I promise to do everything in my power to never, ever leave you. I mean it. Forever, Renie—I promise.”
She cried then. Because that was her fear. What if she had to go through life as her mother had, without him, the love of her life?
What if she fell in love with Willow too, and Billy left them both? How could she go on…without him? She wasn’t as strong as her mother was. She wouldn’t be able to do it. She couldn’t raise Willow on her own, without him.
His eyes bored into hers. Even through her tears she could feel the heat of them. He understood. That was what he was trying to tell her. What he’d been trying to tell her all night.
“Oh God, Billy,” she cried. “I’m so scared.”
“I know,” he whispered.
He took her hand and slipped something on her finger. She could barely see it through her tears, but it didn’t matter what it looked like. What it meant, mat
tered.
“Marry me, Irene Louise Fairchild. Love me and let me love you for the rest of our lives.”
“Yes, Billy, I’ll marry you,” she answered. “And I’ll love you, and let you love me. Forever.”
The drive back to the ranch was serene. That’s what he was feeling—serenity.
“Where is everybody?” she asked when they drove up to the house.
“Camp-out.”
“Camp-out? It’s freezing. Where did they go?”
“My house.”
“Your house? All of them? Don’t the boys have school tomorrow?”
“I’ll take you there tomorrow. It’s in town.”
“I’ve been there. Remember?”
“No, Renie. This is our house. Here, in Crested Butte. You and me. And Willow.”
She gasped. “What did you do? You didn’t sell the ranch did you?”
He looked at her and smiled. “No, of course I didn’t sell the ranch. Silly girl.”
“But, you bought a house here?”
“Yep.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted to. Are you ready to go inside?”
“I guess so. Are we staying here tonight? Alone?”
“Yep, we are.”
“Then, yes. I’m definitely ready to go inside.”
They were just inside the front door when Billy spun her around, and ran his hands under her sweater.
“Everything else off, except this,” he murmured.
She led him into the great room and motioned at the fireplace. “Light the fire.”
“Oh, baby, you have no idea how lit my fire already is.”
Renie spread a blanket out in front of the hearth, and tossed a couple of pillows on it.
“C’mere, so I can hug you,” Billy said. “God, you’re so sexy.” He sat down with his back up against the coffee table. Renie sat in front of him. She leaned back and closed her eyes.
“I want to remember every moment of this night.” He moved his hands from her waist to her breasts. “I love this sweater,” he said, nuzzling his cheek against her shoulder. “But not as much as I love what’s under it.”
Renie turned around to face him. “Kiss me.”
“God, I can feel your heart pounding under my hand,” Billy said. His kiss was hard and raw. “Tonight is the night we started our forever, Renie.”
His body was tight with everything he’d been holding in for so long. All of the emotion he’d felt for the last eight months, the uncertainty of what would happen between them, came flowing out.
He wasn’t gentle, he plundered. He didn’t give, he took. And she was as eager as he was, her passion for him was that of desperate need. She was no longer afraid, there was no fear. When she trembled, it was with longing.
Renie wanted to remember every moment as much as he did. She wanted to wrap it up and keep it in her heart, so when she felt doubt, she could pull it out and blanket herself in it.
She wrapped her body around his, taking what she wanted—tasting, savoring, and lingering.
And then suddenly, everything changed. What was once frantic between them became a slow dance of hands and lips and murmurs. Billy stroked her with his hands, slowly. “I want to own every inch of this body.” He kissed down the side of her arm, then her waist, and down her hip. Her lips began taking their ownership of his body too.
“I’ve got to be inside you, Renie. I need to be. I want to fill you, join with you, never be separated from you.”
“Hurry,” she answered, and again their pace changed. They were lost in each other, delirious as they quivered together.
Billy reached up and held her face in his hands. “You and me, forever—do you promise?”
“Billy,” she whispered, half hoping she wouldn’t wake him. She wanted a few minutes to look at him. They hadn’t talked about when yet, but soon Billy would be her husband. They would spend the rest of their lives together, as friends, as lovers, as soulmates. They would be partners, companions on life’s journey.
Tomorrow their journey would begin, and the first step would be meeting his daughter—the little girl Renie had been so afraid to share him with. She prayed she’d have the strength to let those fears go, and learn to love her without hesitation.
He told her, in all his promises tonight, that he understood. He promised to pay attention to her, to listen, to plan special moments for the two of them. And most importantly, he promised not to leave her.
Her brain told her it was a promise he didn’t have power over, but her heart knew that Billy understood how great that fear was for her. The more they talked about it, gave it words, the more that fear would dissipate.
Her love for him was pure, the essence of who she was. Acknowledging her feelings, rather than burying them, would bring them closer together, instead of driving them apart. She should have trusted Billy would know that. He knew how she felt, he knew what to say, he knew how to comfort her. All those months she’d gone without his comfort, when it was the thing she needed more than air.
Billy was awake and studying her. “You are so lost in thought. In every memory I have of you there is a component of it that involves me wonderin’ what you were thinkin’. There is always somethin’ goin’ through this beautiful head of yours.” He stroked her hair and moved it away from her face. “I want to be the man who gets the rare and special privilege of being the recipient of your thoughts. The one you trust enough to share them with. To get the gift of you. Will you let me be that man?”
“You are that man, Billy. Every thought has been yours, because they are all of you. All my life you have been the voice, the face, the smile in my head. Even when I couldn’t talk to you, I heard you. And I felt you. I never doubted that you loved me. Not ever.”
“We talked about us tonight, Renie. We need to talk about Willow. I need to know how you’re feeling, what you’re thinking.”
“I don’t feel as afraid. I’m not as worried about how I’ll share you with her, because I know there will be a part of you that you keep just for me.”
“Always. There will be a part of me that is for you alone. And if we give Willow brothers and sisters, there will still be a part of me that belongs only to you. In the same way that no matter how many people I have to share you with, I know there is a part of your heart you’ll keep separate for me.”
“You know me so well. You know the perfect thing to say. Don’t you?”
“It isn’t so much that I know what to say, it’s more that I know what to feel. I can feel you. When you’re scared, I feel it. When you’re worried, I feel it.”
She smiled and started to speak. He put his fingers on her lips to silence her.
“That’s how it’s always been for you too, hasn’t it? Even when you were a little girl, you knew how I was feeling.”
“Yes,” she answered simply.
“That’s why I’m grounded when I’m with you, because you do that for me.”
“I do?”
“You do, and I want to be the person who grounds you.”
“We need to talk about Jace, Renie.”
“It isn’t necessary, Billy. We’re—”
“Friends. I know. You’re good friends. Jace is a good guy. And you know, he’s also family, in a weird and convoluted third-cousin-in-law way.”
“Why are you talking about him as though you know him?”
“Because he called me.”
She sat up. “He did?”
“Yep. He did. That’s how good of a friend he is to you.”
“Oh.” Her brow furrowed, and she tucked her hands under her legs. Billy took her arm and pulled one back out.
“Listen to me.” He put his hand on her chin and turned her head, so she was looking into his eyes. “There wasn’t anything Jace said to me that I didn’t already know. He cares enough about you to want to make sure of it.”
He winked then. “Before he gave me his permission to ask you to marry me.”
“You’re kidding
.”
“I am…a little,” he laughed. “I talked to your mom, too.”
“That explains the conversation she and I had this morning. She was apologizing for not being a better mother to me.”
He shook his head. “I gotta tell you, she was a nervous wreck. I thought for sure she would blow the whole surprise.”
“That explains even more.”
“Hey, can we get into a real bed?” he said, changing the subject. “If we sleep on the floor all night, no matter how romantic it is, I won’t be able to move tomorrow. You gotta remember, I’m a lot older than you are. And you’re the one who’s gonna have to take care of me.”
“I’ve had fantasies about you sneaking into my bedroom, Billy…let’s play out some of those tonight.”
Billy stood. “You wanna play out fantasies, sugar, I’m your man.” He kissed the side of her face. “I’m your man no matter what,” he said more seriously.
“Before we go to sleep, I promised I’d text your mom. And if I don’t, she’ll make Ben crazy cause I’m sure she’s pacin’ the floor wondering what’s happening with us. This next part is important. Are you paying attention?”
“Yes, Billy.” She rolled her eyes.
“How do you want to handle things with Willow tomorrow? Do you want them to come here, and bring Willow with them? Or would you rather you and I go to the house.”
“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t think it matters.”
“There.”
“You’re sure.”
“Yep. Positive.”
“How did you go from not knowing to being so positive?”
“Cause you bought a house. And even though I’m not sure why you did, I’m guessing it’ll be our home at least part of the year.”
“Yeah, still not following what this has to do with Willow.”
“Let’s christen our new home together, the three of us. As a family.”
“I like it.” He leaned over and kissed her. “I also bought it so we could have a place near your mom.”
“I know.”
“I want our family to grow, Renie. I want us to have another baby. I want to start working on that right away.”
“Maybe we should stop talking and start working on those fantasies I mentioned then.”
Dance with Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 2) Page 21