“I have no idea,” answered Renie. “He’s been acting this way since we saw the doctor.”
“Post adrenalin-rush maybe.”
“I think he’s angry with me about something.”
“Why would he be angry with you?”
“Again, no idea.”
“Where are they?” Renie asked Ben when she got inside.
“Downstairs. He wanted to make sure she stayed asleep.”
Liv asked Ben to go into town to get the crib, and he told her his parents had one at their place. He’d run and get it.
“I better go check on them,” Renie said once he’d left.
“Okay, honey. Let me know if you need anything.”
“Billy?” Renie said softly when she walked into the room.
“Shh,” he answered. She turned on the small lamp that sat on the dresser, so she could see where she was going in the dark room.
She sat down on the bed. Willow was asleep between them. They stayed quiet for a few minutes. Renie lay down and let her eyes close.
“I don’t understand it.”
“What did you say?” She must’ve dozed off.
“I don’t understand why you did it.”
“Did what Billy?”
“Come on, let’s not talk in here. I don’t want her to wake up.” His voice was a cross between a snap and a whisper.
They went out of the door and saw Liv and the boys in the family room.
Liv saw them and asked the boys to come upstairs with her. She thanked them for being so quiet, but suggested they give Billy and Renie privacy.
“Thanks,” Renie murmured as they walked by.
Renie slid down the wall outside the bedroom door, and Billy sat down across from her with his back against the opposite wall.
“Tell me what’s going on, Billy.”
“It hurts. It hurts that it took you so God damned long. And for no reason.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You. You’re so good with her. As though there’s never been a problem. So why? Why did you take so fucking long, Renie?”
She raised her knees up in front of her, crossed her arms over them, and put her head down.
“Don’t you dare hide from me. Answer me dammit. Why? You put me through hell, and now you act as if…”
“As if what, Billy?”
He started to speak, and shook his head.
“You act as if you…care about her.” His knees came up and he put his head down on his arms as she had. “It’s makin’ me fucking crazy.”
Renie moved across the hall and sat up against him. “It wasn’t her Billy. It was never Willow.”
“Well what was it then? What? I’m trying to understand how you could go from not wanting to know her to being so good with her.”
“I thought yesterday…I thought you understood.”
“I did, part of it. But now…it seems as though it was all for nothing. All the hurt, all the time we were apart. There was no reason for it.”
She didn’t answer. She got up, walked into her room, grabbed her shoes and jacket, and went upstairs. “Stay with her,” she snapped at him.
She didn’t see her mother when she got upstairs, but Ben was sitting at the table with the boys. They were eating ice cream.
“Where ya off to?” he asked.
“Going for a walk,” she answered, and slammed the front door closed behind her.
“What was that all about?” Liv asked, walking back into the kitchen.
The three of them shrugged their shoulders.
Liv found Billy sitting on the floor outside of the bedroom when she went downstairs.
“What’s going on with you, Patterson?”
“I’m pissed.”
“I never would’ve guessed.” She paused. “What are you pissed about?”
“That it’s fine. It’s all fine. Why the hell did it take us eight months to get here if there’s no fucking problem?” He took a deep breath.
“Shit, Liv, Willow loves Renie. Here I thought I was gonna have to run interference between them, ya know? But no, she’s fine. And I’m not talkin’ about Willow, I’m talkin’ about Renie. Did you see her? She was fine. She was better than fine. She’s great with Willow.”
Liv took a deep breath.
“I missed her so much. And there wasn’t anything I could do about it. I couldn’t leave Willow to come chasin’ after Renie. Not when she was so little.” He put his head back down on his arms.
“It’s got to be one way or the other Billy. You have to decide which it will be and stick with it.”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about now, Liv?”
“You can’t tell her you understood how she felt one minute, and then turn around and tell her you don’t understand her actions the next. Her feelings drove her actions.”
“But she’s fine.”
“Billy, you know her. When has Renie not been fine?”
He didn’t answer.
“If you stopped for a minute and paid attention, you’d see she’s not fine. You’d see she’s scared to death by all of this. It’s what she does. She keeps her feelings to herself when she thinks it might upset someone else. She pretends as though everything is fine until she gets to the point where she implodes. That’s what these last eight months have been about. They haven’t been about you, or about your daughter. They’ve been about my daughter.”
Billy looked up at Liv.
“Instead of being mad at her, maybe you should talk to her, and see how she is. You won’t find out by looking at her, Billy. Jesus, haven’t you learned anything?” Now Liv was mad at him.
“Okay, okay, settle down,” he said. Jeez, he didn’t need Liv mad at him too.
“Don’t you tell me to settle down, Billy Patterson. Do you realize your mother was the only person who realized what was going on with Renie? I didn’t know how she felt about you. I never saw it, and I’m her mother. How do you think that makes me feel?”
She stood. “So pull your head out of your ass, Billy. Go find her and tell her you’re sorry.”
“But—”
“Go!” She stomped her foot and pointed at the stairs.
“Willow.”
“For Christ’s sake, Billy. I’ll stay with Willow. Go find her.”
“Where is she?”
“I don’t know!” Liv was yelling at him now. He’d better leave or she’d wake up Willow, or maybe hit him with something.
When he went out the front door, Renie was sitting on the porch steps. He sat down next to her.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” she answered.
“I’m sorry.”
“Billy, just because things seem—”
“Stop.” He put his hand on her arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of that.”
She looked away from him.
“This won’t be easy, I know that. And I’m sorry I got mad at you.”
“But?”
“Nope. No buts. I’m sorry, and I’m not gonna make any excuses.”
“But you’re still mad at me.”
“Yeah, I am. I might be mad at you for a while, but that’s my problem. And it isn’t so much that I’m mad at you, I’m hurt. You hurt me.”
She started to say something.
“But,” he said before she could. “That’s how I feel if I’m thinkin’ about me. If I start thinkin’ about you, I’m not mad. I have to keep workin’ on it, Renie.”
“I thought you understood.”
“I did. I do. I get confused sometimes. Your mom told me that I can’t tell you that I understand how you felt, but then turn around and say that I don’t understand what you did. That made a lot of sense to me. I’m hurt by your actions, but I understand how you feel. It’s gotta be one or the other.”
“And?”
“I’m here and I’m not goin’ anywhere. Unless you come with me, that is.”
He took her hand in his. “You didn’t throw
your ring out in the pasture. That’s a good sign.”
She laughed. “I wouldn’t do that, Billy.”
“Nah, you wouldn’t. Sounds more like somethin’ I’d do.”
23
“Hey, Mom,” Renie said when she walked in the front door.
“Hey, honey, or should I say, honeys.”
Renie set Willow down. She ran over and wrapped her arms around Liv’s legs. “Gah-ma.”
“You are melting my heart, little girl. Did you hear that? She called me Gah-ma.”
“Better than Bah-ma,” Renie answered.
“What brings you two here this morning? Not that you ever need a reason.”
“Billy is painting Willow’s bedroom and the house smells. I thought I should get her out of there.”
“Are you getting settled in okay?”
“Yeah, almost everything is finished, except her room.”
Billy and Renie had been busy furnishing the house. She felt as though all she did lately was wait for furniture or appliances to be delivered. They’d gone to Denver the week before and stocked up on kitchen stuff, bedding, towels—all the essential little stuff they could fit in the back of Billy’s truck.
“Have you talked to Paige lately?”
“Yep, I talked to her this morning?”
“Did she say anything about Blythe?”
“Yes.”
“She’s not coming, is she?”
“No, honey, she’s not.”
“I’ve been trying to get in touch with her, but she’s not responding.”
“She’s upset, Renie. Part of her feels stupid about how she pestered you about Billy. The other part of her is mad that you never told her how you felt. And then, you disappeared on her. She’s not just mad, she’s hurt.”
“Sounds familiar.”
Liv set the dish down she had in her hand, and motioned to Renie to come sit next to her.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about, and now is as good a time as any.”
“Oh, no. If you’re about to tell me you’re mad at me too, I’m not up for it.”
“No, that isn’t it at all. Do you want to hear what I have to say?”
“As long as you don’t yell at me.”
“Oh, honey. I never yell at you.”
“You scold me.”
“I won’t do that either. Well, maybe a little, but in a good way.”
“Great.”
Willow toddled over and climbed up on Renie’s lap. “You love me don’t you, Willow? You’ll protect me from Gah-ma.”
“Gah-ma,” Willow said, looking at Liv, who pulled her phone out of her pocket and handed it to Willow to play with.
“Don’t do that, she’ll want to play with everyone’s phone now.”
Liv pointed to herself. “Gah-mas get to do whatever they want. That’s the beauty of it. No rules for gah-mas.”
“Okay, let’s get this over with. Scold away.”
“Honey, you need to learn to stand up for yourself.”
“Huh?”
“I mean it. How much of Blythe’s crap have you put up with over the years? My guess is that it’s been a lot. She doesn’t want to talk to you? Send her an email. Say you’re sorry you didn’t tell her how you felt about Billy. You don’t have to say anything more than you’re sorry. We all need to accept that you need time and space too, in the same way everyone else does.”
“I can’t, Mom.”
“You can, and you have to. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but the days of Renie-the-doormat are over. I won’t stand for it any longer.”
“I am a doormat sometimes.”
“Sometimes?”
“Back off, Mom, I’m agreeing with you.”
“Good. So apologize and tell her to get over it. Tell her she owes you some slack. Demand it.”
Renie looked at Willow. “Gah-ma’s feisty today!”
Liv kept Willow entertained while Renie used her laptop to send Blythe an email.
“Okay, done,” she said a few minutes later.
“Good. Do you feel better?”
“I do, but at the end I begged a little. I want her to come for Thanksgiving. I couldn’t help myself.”
“Speaking of Thanksgiving…has Billy talked to you about it?”
“About what?”
“He asked Ben to invite Jace and his family.”
“He did what?”
“I was afraid this would be your reaction.”
Liv was back to keeping Willow occupied while Renie called Billy.
“Billy, why would you do this? And more importantly, why didn’t you discuss it with me first?”
“I know, I shoulda talked to you about it. But Renie, it felt like the right thing to do.”
“Why?”
“Now wait a minute, girl. Aren’t you the one who told me you and Jace were friends? Doesn’t make sense that you’re gettin’ this upset about me invitin’ one of your friends to join us for Thanksgiving.”
“Just because I said we were friends doesn’t mean we should start spending holidays with him.”
“Listen, he’s Ben’s cousin—”
“Who up until last month he hadn’t seen for years.”
“As I was saying before you interrupted me, which was rude by the way, he helped me, Renie. He didn’t have to do that.”
She still didn’t know what that meant. Billy told her Jace called him, but not much more than that. Were they friends now too? That might be a little awkward.
“Doesn’t matter anyway, sugar. The deed’s done.”
“Ben didn’t think it might be a good idea to ask me about it before he did it?”
“Nah, I told him you were fine with it.”
“Billy!”
“Come on, we gotta do it sometime. We’re gonna be runnin’ into him at family gatherings, might as well start now.”
“Fine. But next time, at least talk to me about it.”
“You’re not mad at me are ya? Cause if you are, why don’t you see if your mama can babysit Willow while we, ya know, have make-up sex.”
That put a smile on her face, as he knew it would. “No, I’m not mad at you, Billy.”
“Damn. Wanna see if your mama will babysit Willow anyway? I’m craving a little alone time with you, darlin’.”
“How’d it go?” her mom asked when she came back inside.
“Not much I can do about it now. It isn’t as if I’d ask Ben to un-invite him. It will be awkward, though.”
“We’ll have a full house, honey. You can avoid him.”
“Thanks. That helps not at all. By the way, Billy wanted me to ask if you could babysit Willow.”
“Of course I can. When?”
“Now. Too short notice?”
“No, it’s fine,” she chuckled. “We don’t have any plans. Better get your babysitting in.” She rubbed her belly. “Soon I’ll have my hands full, won’t I, Willow?”
Willow rubbed her belly too.
“We’ve been talking about the new baby, haven’t we?”
“How are you feeling anyway?”
“Great. Much better now that the morning sickness has subsided.”
We’re on tonight, she texted Billy.
Why we gotta wait til tonight? he answered. Which made her laugh, then blush.
“Go ahead,” Liv said.
“What?”
“Go. We’re good here. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
“You’re sure?”
“Leave, Renie, before I change my mind.”
“Thanks, Mom,” she said, leaning down to kiss her cheek. “Bye-bye, baby girl.”
“Bye-bye, Bah-ma,” Willow answered.
“Call us if she gets too fussy.”
Renie left Willow’s diaper bag, and they hadn’t taken the porta-crib back to Ben’s parent’s house, so Willow had everything she needed for the night.
“Okay, we’ll call you.” Liv smirked. “We won’t call them will we, baby? We�
��ll have a great night, just you, me and Grandpa Ben.”
“How’s he like being called Grandpa?”
“He grumbles, but he loves it.” She winked. “Now, go!”
Renie stopped and picked up a bottle of wine, cheese and crackers, and strawberries on her way back to the house. It would be their first night alone since the night Billy proposed. It hadn’t stopped them from making love every night, but there was something different about knowing Willow wasn’t in the next room, and they wouldn’t have to worry about her waking up at an inopportune moment.
“Come here, girl.” Billy greeted her at the back door. “What’s this? Wine? You must not be too mad at me.”
“I can’t stay mad at you, Billy. You know that. Especially once I see those damn dimples.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled up against her hair. “I love you, Renie.”
“I love you too, Billy.”
“Come show me then.”
Blythe gave in and agreed to come to Thanksgiving with the warning that Renie owed her, and she expected her to fix her up with a hot skier. Great, thought Renie. Maybe she’d placate her by taking her out to The Goat one night while she was there. There’d be a couple contenders for hot skier at the Rice family’s bar. Maybe CB Rice, or at least Ben, would consider playing over the weekend. It had been a long time since Renie had seen them play, and she didn’t think that Billy ever had.
By Monday, Ben and Liv’s house was full. Dottie and Bill were staying in Renie’s room, Paige and Mark were in Luke’s room, and Luke was bunking with Jake in his room.
Jace and his family were staying in the main house with Bud and Ginny.
“I’m proud of my mama,” said Ben. “She didn’t try once to talk us into having dinner at the main house instead of here.”
“Oh, no. Do you think she wanted to? I don’t want to offend her. Ben, why didn’t you say something sooner?”
He wrapped his arms around her. “I think she’s more than happy to pass the gauntlet to you, Liv. Maybe next year one of the other daughters-in-law will host.”
Liv raised her eyebrows. She couldn’t imagine either one of her sisters-in-law hosting a crowd of people.
“No?” Ben laughed, picking up on her thought process. “Well maybe you and my mama can switch off every other year.”
Dance with Me (Cowboys of Crested Butte Book 2) Page 23