by Liz K. Lorde
“Are you awake?” She asked.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Jasmine turned her head in the darkness of the bedroom and noted that his eyes were definitely closed. “You’re sleep talking…”
“How would you know? He can do it, I’m not going anywhere near it.”
“I seriously have no idea what you’re going on about,” Jasmine whispered before turning her head back and laying down against the soft, cool pillow.
She wondered if he even knew that he did this.
Chapter Eighteen
Gabriel
There was a deep darkness, and within it were the blurred faces of the members of the Steel Knights. They had no eyes, but their looks of judgment could be felt – they found him weak, they found him unworthy.
Allen, Alex, Sexton, Luke. He could feel the hate coming off of them and the bones of his body vibrated with a cold fear.
You’re letting them down. They can smell the cowardice on you, he thought.
Gabriel felt it again. The kiss of fire all over his body, the thunderous roar – like cannons firing in the drums of his ears. Pinpricks of pain exploded all around and he was in that coffee store once more; glimpsing a final sight of that girl who looked like her.
But she’s gone.
He heard the howl of screams, the hoot of trash excited to enact violence – even at the cost of innocent lives. There was too, the familiar noise, that horrible noise – of glass shattering, of wooden tables splintering; and the gushing of his own blood.
I can’t move. He felt the sweet sting of tears against his eyes. But I need to … I’m nothing if I can’t move, I’m nothing if I can’t help them.
Please.
The world of shadows gave way to the image of Kayla Rochester, he could hear her cold voice belittling Luke. Rows of chairs came into view, and the grass sprouted from the black – bright and green; and the sky dripped into life, a dull and emotionless shade of gray.
It wasn’t raining that day, but Gabriel distinctly recalled that it felt like it would at any moment. He saw Luke standing over the coffin, placing roses and falling to his knees.
The words that he spoke, the things that she said. Everyone cried that day.
Except her.
It all washed away in a quick moment and Gabriel found himself once more in the cold, suffocating darkness. He thought back on when he was just a boy, and he would wake up in the middle of the night – amidst a great terror that would pin him to the bed. He would break out in a cold sweat and his eyes would open, but his body would not move.
It feels so much worse than that. I wish I’d died that day.
He could not tell how long he had been lost, how long had passed since that terrible moment.
But even in the darkness, there was one light. He was sure that Luke had come to see him; though it was hard to tell the living from his dreams, he was certain, absolutely certain that Luke had been to see him.
He couldn’t have dreamed all of those moments, all of those words. He clung to the story of Buttercup and Westley; to the vengeance of Inigo Montoya.
I’m not alone, he tried to convince himself; the mantra repeating a thousand times over and a thousand times still.
He squeezed his hand as hard as he could, but all he could feel was his finger moving.
Fire lanced Gabriel’s heart. It moved? He felt as though he were falling, a great pandemonium overcoming him. In his mind, he kicked and thrashed and raged – but his toe moved, and he felt his left leg twitch. Nervous, excited pinpricks danced across his body – the sound of something beeping could be made out, if only barely.
Weakness was the poison that his bones drank so deep. Everything felt like it did when he was with the world of the living, except now it seemed that sandbags were strapped to every limb on his body.
I’ve never had to try so hard just to lift a finger. The darkness didn’t seem so dark anymore, no, it was more of a faint, blackish red. Gabriel lifted the lids of his eyes, so that they were slits. The room itself was dim, with the lights above giving out a warm white illumination.
I’m alive? His vision became blurry once more, as though he were under water – and the pain of it struck him through his chest, the bones of his body weighted and heavy. He pinched out hot little drops of water from the corner of his eyes and he tried so hard to lift his head, but it felt like trying to move against the consuming tide; every strain or effort was met with an equal oppression.
The sound of something blipping was still fresh on Gabriel’s mind. Steadily increasing in pace. He tilted his head just under an inch to the left, and tried to form words, though nothing would come out – he closed his eyes and slowly opened them again, a bit more than the last. It was there, on a lonely wooden chair, in the corner of the room that he spied him. Again he tried to form the words, to say his name, but they would not come.
Relief. Such palpable and full relief washed over him, to know that he was not wrong – that there was someone in this world who cared weather he lived or he died or he wasted away into nothing.
Nothing. That was still what he felt.
If I cannot move… if I can’t speak. His mind eased back into the distant memories of his past, being graced with the visions of the great, green field. Oh and how the lights would pierce the sky beneath the cover of night; he could hear them cheering and chanting for his team. Even still, it was remembered, the way that coach Joel looked at him – like he knew something that Gabriel did not, like he knew there was a lion waiting to dance and claim his crown.
Those days’r gone, he lamented, and the sting of tears threatening to well became ever more apparent. Gabriel noted that Luke wasn’t wearing his jacket, and that the cover of The Princess Bride obscured his face as he lay slumped in the wooden chair.
“L—uke.”
The machine monitoring his vitals beeped quicker and quicker still. Gabriel flexed his right hand a little, getting more and more movement out of his joints. He had never felt so prisoned in his own body, so ravaged of his spirit. Glancing downwards towards his chest, a hot wave of anxiety washed over him – expecting to see blood where he had been shot.
Gabriel tried to twist and turn his body, but little would come of it. The blanket across his body felt impossibly heavy, and he could feel the cold stickiness of sweat clinging to his skin. His tongue flicked across his lips and he swallowed; it was as though the nurses had decided to play a cruel joke on him, and stuff his mouth full of cotton balls. I’m so thirsty, if I could just have a sip of something, of anything.
He had never wanted for water so much in his life; no night of drinking, no evening of playing against the Madison Tigers – none could compare.
Gabriel called out Luke’s name again, louder this time, more clearly. But the man did not budge from his spot of rest on that chair. The machine blipped quicker and Gabriel’s chest expanded as he took in a deep breath, his eyes widening further. He balled his hand into a fist and another set of warm tears were squeezed from his eyes.
He yelled out Luke’s name.
Chapter Nineteen
Jasmine
Gabriel had been awake for over two hours before Jasmine had managed to get to him. Luke had called her immediately and let her know the good news. It had since passed, but at the time, Jasmine had found herself distracted by a curious sense of nausea.
She hadn’t seen Luke so happy in a long time, the man wore smirks as his smiles – but today he was beaming from ear to ear. So good to have him smiling again.
Jasmine had dressed nicely, wearing her purple blouse buttoned down enough to reveal her neckline; she opted for a simple pair of light stonewashed jeans and for Luke she had decided to wear her black laced bra and panties.
Luke was sitting next to Gabriel, and Gabriel himself was propped up in his bed – only able to move so much, it was honestly a miracle that the man woke up at all. Most were not so lucky, since he wasn’t under for very long it was likely that he hadn’t sustai
ned much important damage, and would probably see his full range of motor function come back to him within at most a month’s time.
She noted how red Gabriel’s eyes were. Was he crying? The man looked like he hadn’t slept for days, ironically enough. He weakly brought his arm up and grabbed a cup of cold water
“Did you find the guy?” Gabriel asked Luke.
“Which?”
“The one that hired the mechanic,” there was a cold fire in the man’s eyes.
Luke’s head sunk down an inch, “No. No I haven’t had the chance, like I said earlier – I can only juggle so many things at once.”
Gabriel brushed back a rogue strand of his silken brown hair, “You need to look at the club,” he said, “you need to look at everyone.”
“I know, and I will. When the time is right; Allen wants me dead, can’t exactly politely investigate by myself now can I? Only reason he probably hasn’t done anything about it’s cause he’s too scared someone close to us actually pulled it off.”
“Then let me handle it.”
Jasmine stepped forward, “There’s only one thing that you need to be handling, and that’s getting better.”
Gabriel’s head whipped over to her, his dark, chocolate eyes locking on her. “I’m not going to get better sitting around.”
“Sitting around is exactly what you need, mostly. You need sleep and controlled exertion, you’re in no position to do whatever it is exactly, that you feel like you need to do.”
The man looked visibly upset, “I can’t stay here and be useless.”
Luke said, “You’re not useless—“
“Yes I am!” Gabriel’s shout was maybe half as loud as one would expect, it was plain to see that it took some effort to even speak. “I’ve never been like this,” he said, “not once in my life. If I’m not moving, if I’m not doing something then I’m not living. I refuse to be benched.”
Jasmine padded over to Luke’s side and put an arm around him, looking over at Gabriel with soft eyes. “Just take it day by day.”
The man seemed to calm then, letting out a long breath and sinking further into the comfort of his bed. “Alright,” he said, “day by day,” he turned to Luke. “But if you need me for anything, if I can help in any way with your club, just say the word.”
“Just get better man, I want you there and strong when you’re my right hand. We’re gonna do this together,” Luke glanced at Jasmine, inviting a curl of heat at her chest, “the three of us.”
Chapter Twenty
Jasmine
“Oh, sorry,” Jasmine said, grabbing her phone, “it’s the boyfriend,” she smiled. Her eyes spied outside the glass window, looking for that car. Before she had gotten to the homely café on Pemberton, Jasmine had noticed someone following her – but they did not seem to stop where she had, and seemingly vanished.
Kate West sipped her chai tea, “Must be nice to have someone hounding you for your heart.”
“Oh don’t be so bitter now,” Jasmine swiped her phone and put it to her ear, “you’ll find someone, you just have to stop trying so hard is all.”
“If it were only that easy,” she complained.
Luke’s voice filled Jasmine’s ear, dark as dusk, “What’s up sexy, I missed you this morning.”
Suddenly she became aware of an ache between her legs, “Mm, I bet you did. I’m out with Kate – what’re you up to?”
“At Gabriel’s, gonna have to clean the place up for whenever they release him,” Luke cleared his throat, “someone that I know helped me make quite a mess.”
Jasmine rolled her eyes, “I’m not apologizing, you had plenty of time to clean it before coming over and making my place your domain.”
“Your places are my domain, babe.”
“Are you sure it’s safe?” Jasmine asked, “I mean, you know… not that I want you to stay over or anything; I’m just worried about you being there and not here.”
Kate’s brow raised at that. She sipped her chai once more.
“Relax darling, I’ll be fine – the boys got my back.”
She knew it was too soon to ask, knew better than to even be thinking or feeling it – but she wanted him around more. I have a guest room and everything, Jasmine lamented. “Alright, I’ll stop by later tonight then.”
Jasmine exchanged goodbyes with Luke and set down her phone, picking at her tiramisu with her fork and scooping up a delectable little bite. The moist, coffee flavored treat melted in her mouth. She let out a small moan of delight, her eyes widening a smidgen, “God that’s so good – when did they make crack legal?”
“Implying you’re a junkie that would know what it tastes like.”
“I can’t believe you don’t like it,” Jasmine picked at the desert with her fork, scrounging another fork full.
Kate popped her knuckles, “Yeah, well it tastes like ass to me,” she mused, “and it goes all to your tits for you,” she made a gesture with her hand, “for me? Right to the waist.”
Jasmine’s cheeks reddened a bit at that, but she shrugged and took another bite.
The bell to the front door rang pleasantly as someone entered.
Kate brought up her phone and spoke a word, “God it’s expensive, but do you think this would look good on me?”
“Sure. You can make anything look good.”
“Cut the crap – do you think I can wear it? I feel like it might not… ugh, it’s so pretty though. I want it, Jas.” From the corner of her eye, Jasmine could make our the silvery hairs of an older woman; whom was wearing a thick, black, all-lace dress with flower patterns.
Jasmine smiled as she looked over what Kate was so excited about. It was a sunset orange sundress with revealing little ‘cuts’ along the waist to show off one’s hips, and had a set of lacey tassels around the hem of the dress. “You know you want it, you might as well just give into temptation now and buy it.”
Something curious was in the air, Jasmine felt a flicker of sickly, nervous heat flow through her. She turned her head and looked at that woman that she had seen from her peripheral, and she saw that the woman was staring back.
The ends of Jasmine’s fingers wished to splinter from her body, and the hairs on her neck bristled, her eyes widening in recognition. For one brief heartbeat of time, all of her air had been punched from her.
“Mom?”
Chapter Twenty-One
Gabriel
Each step was more draining than the last. “That’s good Mr. Galavante, keep it up,” the woman, Nedra Moraine, encouraged, but the words themselves did not feel so encouraging. They felt like little reminders, each one their own small stabbing. Nedra herself, who was right behind Gabriel, keeping her long black arms at his hips, was a tall twenty something physical trainer. She had long braided hair that went down to her hind end, and wore dark green colors for a top; black Capris hugged the skin of her legs and a silver piercing adorned her dainty nose. “Keep going you’re doing just fine,” her voice was soft and reassuring.
It’s too much, Gabriel thought. I cannot do this. And yet he continued onwards; beads of sweat rolled down his face as he stepped forward again, his hands gripping the rails at his sides so tight, that his fingers turned ghost white. They said that the bullets had not hit anything critical, but because he was out for so long he needed to ‘jumpstart’ his body back into gear. He had spent most of last night working to get most of his upper body moving; that seemed to come to him much easier than the lower half. Even still, his muscles burned with a fire – and any movement that he made seemed to require ten times the concentration and or effort that it once did.
How anyone could endure this for months, if not years, to regain the functions of their body was beyond him. Gabriel grit his teeth and a guttural noise escaped his lips. He stopped dead in his tracks. He heard Nedra speak, heard her sweet offerings – but they didn’t matter.
You have to get better. Please. You must. Just move, just move an inch. Gabriel’s legs did nothing but shudder.
The weight that surrounded him slipped away in an instant, and he began to fall to the ground.
It was the sweetest release that he never imagined; it was the cool rain beneath the summer’s sky, letting go; it was the touch of a woman’s hand against his naked flesh beneath the spying stars.
Nedra caught him, “Whoa, whoa,” she said. “It’s alright,” she assured, saying the words with some strain in her voice – her muscles tensed as she guided his limp body to his knees.
“No,” Gabriel let out an exasperated sigh, feeling the sweat glide down the lines of his face. “I have to walk,” he shook his head. His throat tightened with a molten substance and he could not swallow it away; nor could he will the stinging just behind his eyes to cease.
“You will,” Nedra promised. She strained under the weight of Gabriel’s body and lifted him up to his feet. “Come now,” she said, “you’ve done enough for today.”
“I can go again,” he turned his head to face the woman, and repeated himself.
Nedra insisted that he rest, that she would not let him go any further.
And so he sank back into the bed; the bed that claimed him, that when he slept he would dream of shadowy tendrils that would pinion him down. Gabriel was afraid. Afraid to close his eyes, lest he never wake up again.
***
Gabriel turned the page of The Princess Bride and let out a breath. His body was still sore from earlier, but he had made a few phone calls – even if he could not leave the hospital just yet, he was determined to do something of merit. Tonight he’d speak to Alex, Sexton, Benny and Allen.
I’ll never have the patience for sittin’ around.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Luke
“Hope you don’t mind the crowd,” Luke said, taking a bite of his buttered toast. Across the table sat Fenris from the Darkbringers MC; the two were sitting down at Henry’s – a café in the roofless agora on Madison Street.
Fenris raised a hand, “It’s no bother.”