by Jeff Walsh
“Authorized,” Taam said. “Prepare for launch.”
Bartl had already strapped into a seat facing the ship's main display. Alvin converted himself into a box like structure and was currently strapped into an alcove on the wall.
“You two, take the seats next to Bartl,” Taam said. “Computer initiate coupling and secure passengers.”
“Look, we're really sorry,” Marcus said.
“It's fine, and you're right,” Taam said. “I've asked too much from you without giving you what was needed. If we can get Anthony back, we can all sit down and I'll run any questions you have through Alvin. That way you'll know exactly what's going on.”
“What do you mean, 'if we can get him back?'” Genny asked.
“We've been floating for six minutes since the broadcast came on,” Bartl answered. “Galvn's processing time gives him about another fifty five minutes at most, and we are thirty eight minutes away.”
“Okay,” Marcus said. “That's not so bad.”
“Then,” Bartl continued. “We have to gain clearance for entry, hope we can dock on our own instead of waiting for a shuttle. After that we need to make our way to the Galvn Processing Center for Processing and Reprocessing, file a contestment, all in under fifteen minutes. I don't know about Earth Mark II's legal system, but out here, that's pushing it.
Marcus and Genny sat down and buckles and straps sprung out of their seats and secured them.
“Alvin,” Marcus said. “Can you still hear us?”
“I sure can great new buddy,” Alvin answered, although his voice was muffled.
“You can't lie?” Marcus asked.
“I sure can't,” Alvin answered. “It's apart of my core programming.”
“Is Anthony going to die?” Marcus asked.
He pressed his head against the back of his seat and squeezed his eyes shut. The answer was clear.
“The probability of our good friend Anthony's death is eighty-five to one,” Alvin answered. “Don't worry though, I'm sure his funeral will represent him, and his life, most wonderfully.”
“Computer,” Taam said, clamping in a final buckle. “Punch it.”
҉
“Look, I'm new here,” Anthony said to a rather large looking creature who was easily ten feet tall and five feet wide. Everything about the creature was squared off. It wore some sort of metallic plating for clothing and a mask that hid most of its facial features. Well, it hid everything except for the eyes. Those bright blue triangular eyes.
“Really, I had no idea,” Anthony continued to protest. “You've got to believe me.” The creature wrapped its massive hand around Anthony and hoisted him into the air.
“You called me a wall,” the creature said.
“I did,” Anthony said. “But it was meant as a compliment. I mean look at you. What are you anyway?”
The creature yanked hard and tossed Anthony across the holding cell. Anthony slammed into the ground and felt every ounce of air make a mad dash out of his lungs.
“Hey,” a tall, skinny, lizard-like creature, who was wearing a gray and gold uniform, said from outside their cell. “You two keep it down in there.”
Anthony looked at the uniform, and after observing the badge and patches he deduced that he was in some sort of space police station.
Oddly enough the large, wall like creature cowered in fear at the mere sound of the lizard creature's voice. Anthony looked at the behemoth and back to the rather scrawny officer, then back to the living wall.
“You scared of that guy?” Anthony asked.
The creature had already fallen to its knees in terror and was now just shaking its head back and forth sobbing in fear.
“Hey,” Anthony said. “It's alright, he isn’t coming in.” Anthony propped himself up on his feet and slowly walked toward the gigantic beast.
“Easy there. Calm down, the scrawny lizard monster man is gone.”
Anthony approached cautiously and the enormous creature continued to sob uncontrollably. “There, there,” Anthony said, patting the creature on the back.
Suddenly, the massive creature leapt to its feet and wrapped its huge arms around Anthony. Before Anthony could even react, the creature hoisted him off the ground. At first Anthony thought he was being attacked again. However, upon the sound of more weeping, and the slow rocking back and forth, Anthony quickly realized the beast was hugging him.
“Hey there buddy,” Anthony said. “Calm down, it'll be...okay.” The creature squeezed tighter and a dozen or so popping noises came from Anthony's back. He winced in pain.
“Ack!” Anthony wheezed out.
“Easy there big fella,” he said trying to free one arm. “No need to squeeze me til my head pops off.”
Finally, after some wiggling, Anthony freed his left arm. Although his efforts were successful, he suddenly realized he wasn't exactly sure why he needed his arm free. After considering his options, the only real viable choice was to pat the creature on the shoulder. He would've patted the creature on the back, however, Anthony's arm wasn't long enough to reach.
After a few moments, the creature's sobbing stopped. Its grasp loosened, and it began to make a whistling, purring sound. Anthony, still being slightly clutched by the creature, leaned back as far as he could and took notice that the creature's eyes were starting to become droopy. The creature's grasp began to relax and Anthony tumbled to the floor, landed on his feet, and stumbled back a couple steps.
The creature, however, collapsed with a thud. As Anthony composed himself he took notice that the creature no longer made the purring whistle noise. In fact, it was making no noises at all.
He jostled the creature with his foot. The lifeless roll that came next startled him. Anthony kicked harder in the hopes the creature was asleep. The creature rolled over on its back and made a gurgling noise.
“Holy...” Anthony said, but was cut short by the lizard like officer.
“What did you do?” The officer wheezed out. “Stand back, place your appendages against the wall.”
Quickly, Anthony turned on the spot and assumed the position. He watched as the officer touched the creature's face and then removed a black wand-like device from his officer's belt. He passed it over the limp, massive form on the ground, stood, and said, “You killed him.”
“What!” Anthony exclaimed as he turned and faced the officer. “He was terrified of you, I was trying to make him feel better.”
“Sure,” the lizard officer said. “Like you didn't know a Catulian can never fully relax or their brain shuts off.”
“Seriously?” Anthony responded.
“First we get you for admitted illegal Psy Net activity,” the officer said. “And now we have you on video, killing Marty.”
“Marty,” Anthony said. “His name was Marty? I don't know why I expected it to be something like, Zarkan the Terrible, or Collusius Maximus. You know, something menacing.”
“Wow,” the officer said. “First, Psy Net crimes, then murder, now you break Galvn code 184-59, and right in front of me.”
“What?” Anthony said. He shook his head back and forth, and brought his hands up gesturing that it was all a mistake. “Look, a few hours ago I was in a jeep with my friends. I'm not a criminal. I'm just stupid. I have no knowledge of any of these laws.
“What is Galvn code 184-59 anyway?”
“Speaking ill of the dead,” the officer said.
“Oh man,” Anthony responded, sounding surprised. “My mom used to tell me never to do that.”
“You even admit your atrocities,” the officer said.
“That's not what I...” Anthony started to say.
Unfortunately, the officer had reached his limit. He pulled out a blue pistol with a large canister strapped atop of it. Five hoses ran down each side of the canister and were connected to the frame of the gun.
The officer pulled the trigger and a shot of blue and green dust smacked Anthony right in the face. As he wiped the dust from his eyes he took
notice that everything began to dim. A few seconds later everything around him started to go swirly.
҉
“Wow, that's not good,” Bartl said.
“What? What's going on?” Marcus asked.
“I guess your boyfriend is racking up a crime spree,” Bartl responded.
“Wait. What. No. He isn't my boyfriend,” Marcus responded.
“Of course he is,” Bartl answered back. “You're his friend. He's a boy, correct? Boyfriend.”
“Well, I guess technically that's true, but you see—” Marcus started to respond but was cut short.
“What do you mean crime spree?” Genny chimed in.
“Well Marcus' boyfriend is now being charged with Murder Alphis, admitted knowledge of Galvn code 184-59 and a violation thereof. That's all in addition to his illegal use of the Psy Net.”
“Murder,” Marcus stated. “Anthony killed someone?”
“Not just murder,” Bartl responded. “Your boyfriend committed Murder Alphis.”
“Oh of course,” Marcus said. “Murder Alphis. What's Murder Alphis? And really, you can stop saying he's my boyfriend. Sure we are friends, and we are both male, but you know...”
“What do I know?” Bartl asked.
“Boyfriends?” Marcus responded, slightly chuckling and with eye brows raised.
“Are you really doing this right now?” Genny asked. “You want to make a big deal out of the phrase, 'boyfriends?' Anthony is probably going to die, and you're here making a big deal about being called boyfriends?”
“Well,” Marcus said, his eyes looking away from Genny. “When you put it like that. I mean, it's not like I'm wasting time.”
“You're ridiculous,” Genny said.
Marcus rolled his eyes slightly and looked toward Bartl, “So, what exactly is Murder Alphis?”
“Murder, by passive relaxation techniques,” Bartl responded. “Horrifying.”
“Passive...relaxation,” Marcus repeated.
“Techniques,” Bartl finished.
“Techniques, right,” Marcus repeated. “Uhh, what exactly does that mean?”
“It means your boyfriend,” Taam answered, “killed something by putting it to sleep. Probably some creature that doesn't sleep, or isn't supposed to sleep. They're usually overly aggressive and wildly moody.”
“Now you too, with the boyfriend,” Marcus muttered as he slouched in his seat.
“This isn't good,” Taam continued. “We're still eight minutes away, and with Anthony rackin' up the charges over on Galvn III, they might not even bother with a trial.”
“Your boyfriend might already be dead,” Bartl said.
Marcus just sat there and looked through a window watching light streak by.
For a moment no one made a sound as Marcus looked solemn.
“It's really bothering you that they keep calling him your boyfriend isn't it?” Genny asked.
“So much,” Marcus blurted out.
҉
Anthony awoke; his eyes burned. It felt like someone had filled them with sand. He lightly rubbed his eyes and the sudden memory of having been shot in the face with something came flooding back.
He blinked a couple times; his vision was blurry. He could make out basic shapes but everything was a heavily shaded green'ish blue. “What happened?” Anthony said aloud.
“Now that the criminal, 'Where am I? I didn't know. Holy crap, what is that thing? No don't put me in...' has awoken, let him speak for himself before he is debonded from the physical.”
The sound of an unfamiliar voice, along with the words “criminal” and “debonded from the physical,” caused Anthony to attempt to regain his sight frantically.
A sudden wave of cold washed over him and then instantly faded. It felt like he had been submerged in ice water, and immediately pulled out on a warm summer day. After the shocking sensation lifted, Anthony noticed his vision was once again restored. His first sight was that of the lizard officer replacing another gun of some type back into a holster.
Anthony's face puzzled as he looked at the gun.
The lizard officer, taking notice of Anthony's expression pulled the gun back out and held it up.
“The Freeze-Thaw Ultimate,” he said. “The pinnacle of nonlethal crowd control devices. Created by Gadgets, Gizmos, and Everything You Could Ever Want Company, this completely freezes any living thing and then instantly thaws them. The absolute shock caused to the body alleviates all hostile actions intended, and also clears up most allergies. It can also be calibrated to remove the affects of other nonlethal weapons, such as the Dust Blaster World Spinner, which is what I shot you with earlier.”
The lizard officer's face took on a proud look, after which he turned and addressed the room. “This proceeding is to finalize the actions of the criminal known as,” just then Anthony's recording played over an intercom. “Where am I? I didn't know. Holy crap, what is that thing, No don't put me in.”
“I'm not a criminal,” Anthony said slowly.
He felt disoriented and this room was quite different than the cell he had been in prior.
“It'sh all a mishtake.” He said, slightly slurring his words. “I'm new to spaysh, I promissh...why am I shlurring my worshhs?”
“Do you deny your actions?” Came a booming voice to Anthony's right.
Still feeling dizzy and confused, Anthony turned his wobbly head toward the voice. The shock of what he saw only confused him further. Sitting in a tiny wooden chair was the smallest, cutest bird he had ever seen. It sat in a chair that stood upon a gray stone pillar, which placed it at eye level with Anthony. As he took in the rest of the scene, he noticed that he was in some sort of courtroom, and everything was made from the same gray stone as the bird's pillar.
The lizard officer was now sitting in a stone chair next to another creature that looked like a mix between a chicken and a goat. The chicken-goat was wearing a bow-tie and a top hat, and had robotic arms which held a file of some sort.
“You were asked a question,” the booming voice came again.
Anthony turned slowly, looked at the little bird again, and said, “Was that you?” He said, slurring beginning to clear.
“I've had quite enough of this,” the bird said so loudly the entire room shook.
Anthony's mouth dropped open as the shock of what he saw rushed into his mind. His brain quickly attempted to attribute the overwhelming voice to the tiny little creature, but it was struggling.
“Your gracious Magistrate,” the chicken-goat said. “I've been reviewing my clients papers, and while his crimes are ever heinous, he has told the truth. From what I can gather, Mr. 'Where am I? I didn't know. Holy crap, what is that thing. No don't put me in,' was in fact a resident of Earth Mark II, as of twenty four hours ago. He left Earth Mark II on an unknown transport just before the planet was repossessed due to missed payments.”
“Yeah,” Anthony mumbled out. “What, uhh, yeah, that. I told you. I didn't do any of anything on purpose. I really don't know what's going on.”
“You really expect us to believe you Mr. 'Where am I? I didn't know. Holy crap, what is that thing. No don't put me in,'” the lizard officer said.
“Why do you keep replaying that sound clip of me?” Anthony asked.
“That is your name isn't it?” The little bird asked. “Mr. 'Where am I? I didn't know. Holy crap, what is that thing, no don't put me in.'”
“No,” Anthony answered. “My name's Anthony Monte.”
“So now you admit you lied on your voice iDent,” the lizard officer asked. “Bring down the Matter Disbonder.”
Anthony watched as a massive machine descended from the ceiling. It had sharp, knife-like objects on skinny metal arms all over it, as well as dozens of laser lights, which were all different colors. At the very center of the machine was a helmet-like form.
The moment the machine came to a stop, Anthony lost control of his body. He suddenly sat upright and without any thought he placed his head into the helmet
. The knives started whirling around slicing into the air, and the lasers started spinning clockwise around the helmet. The entire machine made buzzing and whirring sounds. Try as he might, Anthony could not move.
The chicken-goat placed his face into his robotic hands and shook its head.
What is this thing? Anthony thought to himself.
“The Matter Disbonder is one of the very few inventions not created by Gadgets, Gizmos, and Everything You Could Ever Want Company,” the familiar voice of the Platnium's computer said in Anthony's head.
He paused for a moment, caught off guard by the secondary voice suddenly in his head.
“Instead,” the computer continued. “It was created by the only real competitor to come out of the Gurn Galaxy, We Make Stuff & Stuff. In fact, the Matter Disbonder is the only invention We Make Stuff & Stuff ever created that Gadgets, Gizmos, and Everything You Could Ever Want Company has not managed to out do with their own creation.
“The Matter Disbonder places the recipient into a cranial protection device, then using laser guided lasers, and really sharp and pointy objects, it carves up the recipient into billions of tiny particles. These particles are then vacuumed up, and dumped into the nearest waste basket.
“When Gadgets, Gizmos, and Everything You Could Ever Want Company was asked why they had not created their own version of the Matter Disbonder, they graciously responded by saying, “You don't mess with perfection.”
“Wait, why is the computer's voice in my head?” Anthony blurted out.
Just then he saw a knife whiz by his face.
“I mean,” he said, voice panicked. “Look, I'm sorry.”
Everyone gasped and the chicken-goat fainted.
A sensation fell over Anthony. It felt as though his eyes were being forced to roll back. Colors began to flash across everything, then it all went black.
Chapter 7
“We're starting our decent,” Taam said. “The bay doors are opening. Bartl, get them out of the harnesses. I'm landing us directly in front of the Contestment & Appeals building. As soon as we touch down, all of you follow Alvin. He knows exactly where to go and he'll be able to fill out the paper work faster than any of us. I'll follow once I get the ship situated.”