by Carol Voss
He hated putting her through this, but how could he help her move past it if he didn’t know what happened? He stroked her arm. “Please go on.”
She blew out a breath. “I’ve never told anyone what happened.”
“Maybe it will help if you do.”
She peered into his eyes as if looking for something. Reassurance? Compassion? Understanding? “One day he was driving me home to stay with my parents for a while, and he told me he was transferring to UCLA. He said he couldn’t marry me. That he couldn’t deal with his guilt after the accident.” She put her hand to her throat.
A weight seemed to descend to Peter’s chest. She didn’t have to tell him how devastated she’d been. He could see it in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jessie.”
He wanted to blame Neil for not being strong enough to handle his guilt over the accident. After all, Jessie forgave the guy. What more did he need? But Neil hadn’t been a winner in this, either. He’d lost Jessie. “One thing you need to know—I will never hurt you like that. Never.”
Sighing, she studied him as if mulling over his words. “I almost believe you.” She lifted her chin as if she’d made a decision. “But the stakes with Jake are too high, Peter. I won’t take a chance.”
Her words hit him hard, her tone so final. Together, they seemed to leave no room for compromise. He looked away. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
He couldn’t deny it. He was hurt. He was disappointed. And he’d never felt more alone.
Chapter Thirteen
“You must like green or you wouldn’t have bought the shirt you’re wearing.” Jessie’s voice sounded almost as raw as her nerves. Surrounded by furniture displays and the smells of new everything, she felt completely overwhelmed by the huge selection the store carried. Whatever possessed her to think she could remember enough from her college courses in decorating to advise Peter on furniture for his new condo?
Subdued and withdrawn ever since he’d picked her and Jake up at the motel, he looked down at his polo shirt as if noticing its color for the first time. “I bought it because it’s comfortable.”
She gave her head a little shake. “Do you like green?”
He bent and adjusted the stroller to support sleeping Jake’s head. “It’s okay.”
How noncommittal could he get? “I can see you feel passionately about color.”
Straightening, he gave her a raised eyebrow without any hint of amusement.
She sighed. Clearly, he hadn’t forgotten her rejection last night any more than she had. She hadn’t forgotten his touch, either. Nor the admiration in his eyes. She’d wanted him to kiss her so much.
Before she’d come to her senses.
And she understood completely why he was withdrawn and quiet. Rejection was never easy. She’d hurt him. She felt terrible about that, but she’d had to end any speculation he might have about a relationship that could never happen. Not telling him the whole truth about why also weighed heavily on her conscience.
She sighed. If only she could get her mind off last night and on to furniture shopping. As it was, she was floundering in a big way. “I don’t know what made me think I could help you with your condo, Peter.”
He frowned. “I’m depending on you, Jessie. What colors do you think I’d like to live with?”
No question, his big, empty condo was a clean slate waiting for a woman’s touch to soften it and turn it into a home. Whoa, girl. He needed a child-friendly home, but a masculine, bachelor one. Not one with her stamp on it. His place could never be hers. And neither could the man.
Nibbling her lower lip, she did her best to reach for any knowledge she might have once possessed to get herself started. She remembered one of the most important things in decorating a client’s space was providing a reflection of that client. She knew Peter better than she’d ever know a client. Undoubtedly the problem. Or was it? If she got her act together, maybe it could be the solution. “I think you’d like to live with warm colors.”
“Warm colors?” He sounded vaguely interested.
She tried to envision colors that reflected him. “Warm browns to tie in with the wood floors. Orange—no—red accents, I think. Red is stronger, more powerful. And maybe…bronze metals?”
He squinted as if he couldn’t understand how she’d ever come up with such a harebrained scheme.
She tried to calm her panic. “Do you hate it?”
A slow smile softened his face. “Warm, strong, powerful? Sounds good.”
Warm, strong and powerful. That was the way she saw him. With a few additions. But his flicker of interest spurred her imagination. “Do we have the colors, then?”
He gave a nod.
Yes! “Then let’s talk about style preferences.”
“I’m sure it will come as no surprise that I don’t know one style from the other.”
Of course he didn’t. She scanned furniture displays near them, a particular sofa snagging her attention. “Do you want to see if we can find a clean-lined, comfortable couch that’s perfect for you?”
“Absolutely. Lead on.”
She smiled, relieved he still had faith in her despite last night. How could she not feel good about that? For the first time today, she was beginning to have a little faith in herself. Maybe she really could help him with his condo after all.
Standing in Karen and Scott’s small foyer with Jessie and Jake, the pride in Peter’s chest managed to eclipse the hurt and disappointment he still felt after Jessie’s rejection last night. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so proud. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been looking forward to this moment.
“He looks even more like his daddy than in the pictures you showed us, Peter.” Masking her obvious fatigue with a smile, Karen clasped Jessie’s hand. “It’s good to finally meet you.”
Jessie smiled. “And you. Peter’s told me so much about you and Scott.”
“He’s waiting for us in the sunroom.” Karen led the way through their tiny, cluttered living room and into the airy sunroom.
“Well, hello.” Paler than usual, Scott sat in his recliner, a blanket tucked around his legs in spite of the warm room.
Worry gnawed the edges of Peter’s mind. Unfortunately, whether the new drug would help Scott or not was still in the if column.
Jessie bent to look into Scott’s eyes. “I’m so glad to meet you,” she said sincerely.
Scott grinned. “The pleasure’s mine, Jessie.”
Peter’s throat was so tight, all he could do was beam down at them. He’d known Scott and Karen would love Jessie. What wasn’t to love?
Jessie straightened and smiled at Peter as if she sensed how much her meeting his friends meant to him. She seemed to understand him on so many levels, it boggled his mind. She liked him, he was sure of it. Just as sure as he was that she’d wanted him to kiss her last night…almost as much as he’d wanted to kiss her. But then, he reminded himself, she’d played her just-friends card.
Trouble was, he was pretty much past the just-friends stage of their relationship.
“And who’s this handsome little guy?” Scott focused on Jake. “Can it be Jake?”
Jake solemnly studied Scott.
“I can see you’re sizing me up. Smart boy.” Scott met Peter’s eyes. “He’s amazing, Peter.”
Peter grinned, his heart full enough to burst.
Karen motioned to the settee flanking Scott’s chair.
Peter sat down and settled Jake on his lap.
Jessie sat beside them.
Doing his best to distract himself from her closeness, Peter dug a little car from his pocket and handed it to Jake.
“Car.” Jake held it up for Scott and Karen to see.
“Very nice,” Scott said on a chuckle. “Jessie, I hope you made Peter buy something for that big empty condo of his.”
Jessie laughed. “We almost bought out the store.”
“You’re a shopping dynamo.” Peter smiled at her. “She really knows what she’s doing, t
oo. My place is going to be terrific.”
“I’m surprised you got him to look at furniture,” Karen said. “But to actually buy some? I’m impressed.”
“We bought dishes and glasses. We even bought a couple pans,” Peter offered.
“Pans?” Karen raised her eyebrow. “Are you planning to cook?”
“You never know. Actually, I’m hoping Jessie and Jake will be visiting. Often. Jessie knows what to do with pans. And little boys. And decorating.” He grinned at her.
She gave him a shy and very charming smile.
“Do you have training in decorating?” Karen asked.
“Some. It was my major in college.”
Peter looked at her, surprised. “Then why do you run a diner?”
“Because we already have a decorator in Noah’s Crossing who barely gets by. And the diner happened to be for sale when I needed a business.”
“I’m surprised you moved to a town where you couldn’t put your degree to work for you,” Karen said.
“I’d need another year of college to earn my degree. But I needed to go home.”
Peter met Jessie’s eyes. “Jake entered the picture while she was recovering from injuries from a car accident,” he explained.
“Sounds as if you have your hands pretty full,” Karen observed.
“Yes,” Jessie agreed.
Coughing, Scott reached for a tissue on the table beside him. “Peter talks about you and Jake all the time,” he wheezed.
“He’s pretty taken with your parents, too,” Karen offered. “And your aunts and uncles and cousins.”
Jessie laughed. “I suppose he told you, I’m related to half of Noah’s Crossing.”
“At least,” he joked. Things couldn’t be going better, could they? “By the way, your Aunt Lou mailed me an invitation to her daughter’s wedding next weekend.”
“Then you’ll meet the entire clan,” Jessie said.
He smiled, warmed by her inclusion in a family event despite her reservations about their relationship.
“He’s a lot more fun now that he doesn’t spend every waking moment in the lab,” Scott said. “You and Jake have really opened up his world. Thank you for that, Jessie.”
Peter should probably be embarrassed. In truth, he was a lot more curious about how Jessie would respond. He looked at her.
She met his eyes. “He’s good for Jake and me, also.”
His heart spilled over. Wow. She’d given a better response than he could ever have imagined. He wanted to kiss her on the spot.
But if she felt so good about him, why was she convinced things would go wrong if they got more involved? He just didn’t get it. Bending, he retrieved Jake’s car from the floor and handed it to his son.
“Tanku.” Jake pointed to Peter. “Daddy Pedo.”
Goose bumps swarmed Peter’s skin. He looked at Jake. Had he called him Daddy? Jake laughed.
Bursting out laughing, Peter turned to Jessie. “Did you hear him?”
She nodded, tears glistening in her eyes.
He held her gaze, desperately wanting to hug her. Instead, he turned to Karen and Scott. “Did you hear him call me Daddy?”
They smiled. “Loud and clear,” Scott said.
Feeling like king of the mountain, Peter stroked his son’s head. “I want at least a dozen of these little guys!”
Scott laughed. “I’d love to see that.”
Peter gave Jessie a wink.
But she wasn’t laughing. She, obviously, didn’t think he was nearly as funny as he did.
Jessie lay her head back against the seat as Peter drove away from Scott and Karen’s home. “Their courage is so inspiring. They’re amazing, Peter.”
“Yes.”
“I thought I understood your dedication to your research, but meeting Scott and Karen, I understand completely why you’re so driven to find answers. You can’t give up.”
“No,” he said quietly.
“And what a wonderful time for Jake to call you Daddy.”
Peter laughed. “I couldn’t believe it.”
She’d been so happy for Peter, so caught up in the moment, his comment about wanting a dozen little guys had stopped her cold. A cruel joke he had no idea he was playing.
But cruel or not, she’d needed the reminder, hadn’t she?
“They’re just as impressed with you and Jake, you know.”
She smiled. “Thank you.” She looked around. He seemed to be heading for the interstate, not the car rental place at the airport. “Jake and I are dropping you at the car-rental place, right?”
“I’ve decided to drive you home.”
“What?” She whipped around to look at him. “But you can’t. Didn’t you say you have work waiting for you at the lab?”
He frowned. “There’s no reason you need to worry about driving all that way.”
He was putting her and Jake before his work? Her heart stuttered. But she couldn’t let him do that. His work was too important. And she was perfectly capable of driving home. Surprisingly, she was actually looking forward to the challenge. Imagine that. “But I’m looking forward to driving your SUV again.”
He took his eyes off the road long enough to shoot her a skeptical glance.
“Or maybe you don’t trust my driving? Did I fail your driving instruction class this morning?” she asked.
“Of course not.”
“Then I promise we’ll be fine on the back roads with your nifty navigator to keep us from getting lost. Honest.”
His jaw clenched. “You wouldn’t just say that to keep me from making the trip, would you?”
“No. If I was as nervous as I was on the way down, I’d take you up on your offer. But I’m feeling much more confident. Thanks to your encouragement.”
“My pleasure. But the credit belongs to you, Jessie.”
Of course, he’d say that. “I think Aunt Lou was right. It was good to get away from the normal routine for a couple days. I’d almost forgotten there really is a world outside Noah’s Crossing.”
He gave her his crooked grin. “Funny how much of my world is centered in Noah’s Crossing now. And not only because Jake is there.”
She couldn’t deny his words warmed her heart. But she had no right to accept them. “Please don’t say that, Peter.”
“It’s the truth.”
Heart aching, she wanted to reach out and touch him. Instead, she shook her head and turned to look out the side window. He was the most thoughtful, kind, considerate man on the planet. He made her believe in herself. And the more time she spent with him, the more time she wanted to be with him.
Oh God, if only I could be the woman he needs.
But she knew better. Just as she knew she wasn’t being fair to Peter by not telling him she could never give him the babies he wanted.
I should tell him, God. But he never looks at me with pity in his eyes. That will change the minute I tell him. Just like it changed when I told Neil and Clarissa.
Peter hovered beside his SUV in the car-rental lot, unwilling to let Jessie and Jake go. “Thanks for your ideas, your help shopping…”
“Did I get too carried away?”
“Are you kidding? I’m really looking forward to the furniture delivery. I’ll be able to sit in my living room on something other than that hard, stone hearth.”
She smiled. “Are you planning to use your new coffee maker tomorrow morning?”
“Absolutely. Thanks for setting it up for me.”
She smiled. “You’re very welcome.”
“I’ll think of you every time I make a cup of coffee.”
“Peter…” Her smile dimmed a little. “I guess I’d better get on the road so I can be home before dark.”
“You’re sure you don’t want me to drive you home?”
“I’m sure.”
He blew out a breath, wanting to lean in the window and kiss her goodbye. Unfortunately, she’d drawn the line at friendship. He looked at Jake sound asleep in his car
seat in the back. “You should have a quiet ride, at least for a while.”
“I’ll keep him safe, Peter. I promise.”
“You stay safe, too, Jessie.” Needing to touch her, he reached through the window and laid his hand on her shoulder.
She gave him a hesitant smile. “You, too.”
“I’ve loved having you and Jake here.”
“It’s been fun.” She started the car.
He withdrew his hand.
With a wave, she drove away.
It felt like the sun went out.
The two people who gave him so much to smile about every single day were on their way to Noah’s Crossing. Away from him.
Why hadn’t he insisted on driving them home?
He blew out a breath. Jessie had wanted to drive, and he’d wanted to encourage her. But a car accident could happen to anyone. In the blink of an eye.
And what about deer? Why hadn’t he thought about deer? Dusk always brought out several that had no compunction about jumping into a car’s path.
He’d never worried much about people before, except for Scott. He had the feeling worry was the downside of caring. He remembered Jessie offering to pray for Scott and him. Maybe he should give it a try.
But what should he say? What did one say to the Supreme Being who’d created everything, including him? Should he assume God knew him? Maybe. Didn’t He know everything and everybody?
Peter cleared his throat as if he was about to give a speech. He’d laugh at himself if this wasn’t such serious business. Uh, God…this is Peter…Sheridan. I’m new at this…but I guess you know that. I have an important request. Hope that’s okay my first time out of the gate. I’d like you to watch out for Jessie and Jake and keep them safe. Thank you.
Only God knew if he’d done it right. Shaking his head, he strode for the airport terminal to pick up his car. By the way, God, I’m not asking because I think I deserve consideration. But because Jessie and Jake do.
Chapter Fourteen
Needing to burn off energy, Jessie rolled paint on the bedroom wall she’d left unfinished the night Peter showed up unexpectedly. She’d called him as soon as she’d pulled into her parents’ driveway to let him know they’d arrived ahead of the rain she’d heard of on a radio forecast.