by Sky Corgan
Boldly, I rolled onto my side, propping my head up on my hand to ask, “When are we going to have sex?”
His body stiffened for a moment, as if the question caught him off-guard. “We're not.”
“What?” This had to be a mistake. He couldn't possibly have done all of that to me and then not have plans to have sex. It just . . . wasn't fair.
“We're not going to have sex,” he repeated, and then sat with the clipboard to finish jotting down his notes.
“Why not?” I frowned, not bothering to hide it.
“Because you're a virgin, and I don't have sex with virgins.” He kept looking down at the clipboard, and I couldn't help but think he was avoiding my eyes.
“What if I'm willing? I mean, what if I want to?”
“It doesn't matter.” He finally looked up at me, his expression serious and emotionless as always. “I know you might think this is what you want, but it's really not. You're just aroused right now.”
“But it is what I want,” I insisted.
“Your first time should be with someone you love.”
“Ha! We just did all this, and now you're getting on a moral high horse.” I threw my legs over the bed angrily, grabbing my clothing and jerking them back on.
“Cheyenne,” he sighed. “It's not a moral issue, it's a psychological one.”
“How so?”
“I know a lot of girls. The ones who regret their first time are almost always the ones who don't have it with someone special.”
“You are special to me. I thought you would have figured that out by now,” I blurted the words out and then instantly regretted them. Now I sounded like a lovesick stalker. He probably wouldn't want me to come back.
Damien's voice softened. “I just . . . don't want you to regret it. I'm sorry, but I'm not budging on this.”
I was screaming on the inside. Then what is the point of these stupid lessons? Were you just trying to seduce me and make me want you more? If that was the case, then you're an absolutely cruel and horrible monster.
It wasn't true though, and I knew it. To him, this was all professional. Strictly professional.
It took everything in me to calm myself, realizing I had overreacted. Part of me knew I should leave and never come back, but I was so addicted to him. I couldn't stand the thought of giving up our one-on-one sessions, of not being intimately close to him. Even if I couldn't have him, I could pretend. It wasn't healthy but . . . but. Ugh, I was such an emotional mess.
“So, what if I wasn't a virgin?” I asked, wrapping my arms around myself as if I felt like I had just been violated. Even if he didn't deserve it, I wanted him to feel guilty. He led me on in a sense . . . kinda.
“Then you would have lied to me, and I wouldn't be very happy about it.” He scowled.
I sighed, “I didn't lie. I'm just saying . . . well, what if I wasn't a virgin? Like, what if, at some point during our lessons, I had sex with someone else? Would you feel differently about having sex with me?”
He quirked an eyebrow, giving me a strange look. “I don't have sex with women in relationships either.”
This was pointless. The only thing I could gather was that he didn't want to have sex with me at all, which was absolutely soul crushing. Maybe these lessons were a bad idea. Sure, he had given me more pleasure in one afternoon than I had experienced in my entire life, but was it really worth it for the emotional roller coaster I had to ride?
I left Damien Reed's house with an empty aching between my legs and a frown on my face. That night, I cried myself to sleep, though I wasn't sure why. It was my fault, really, for making things into more than what they were. Damien was my teacher, and I was his student, that was all. There would never be a romantic relationship between us.
Why he had invited me to take his kinky lessons, I didn't know. Perhaps it was out of guilt for what had happened in his classroom. I was beginning to wish he hadn't felt so damn guilty though.
Forced to Watch
Monday came, and classes went on as normal. Well, normal for every class except for Art Appreciation. I watched Damien Reed like a hawk. He regarded me no differently than he ever had, and it was beginning to drive me a bit crazy. How could he pretend that nothing had gone on between us—that nothing was going on between us? Because there was nothing going on between us. I was just blowing things out of proportion again.
I scowled into my textbook, feeling oddly lonely. This was all too much for me to handle. I needed someone to confide in, but I couldn't risk getting Damien in trouble. As much as I was emotionally torn by these lessons, I didn't want them to stop. The thought of not being able to see Damien on a personal level was painful to me, perhaps because I knew he would likely replace me with another student.
When school was over, I called up Tanya to meet me at our local hangout. I munched on a salad absentmindedly while she instantly went into a spiel about this new guy she was seeing. It wasn't uncommon for her to sleep with the same guy several times until she got bored with him, but the way she was talking about this guy was different.
“Oh, Chey. He's so mature and romantic. Not like all those other guys,” she gushed. “He wants to take me out to a fancy restaurant this weekend and then take me home to meet his parents.”
“Ut oh.” I tried to force myself to grin. “If he wants you to meet his parents, then it must be serious. Are you going to go?”
“I don't know. I'm kind of worried things are moving a little too fast, but I don't want to screw this up by telling him I'm not ready, you know?”
I gave her a serious look. “Having sex on the first date is moving too fast. Meeting a guy's parents is the natural progression of a relationship.”
“I'm just not used to doing things like this.”
“Well, if you're really interested in this guy, then you're going to have to get used to it.”
“I suppose so.” She frowned at her hamburger. “I just wish we could put it off for a while. The sex is so good, but I just don't feel ready for that step. It's a big step.”
“It is kind of a big step,” I admitted, feeling suddenly jealous. Damien Reed had parents who I'd never meet because they lived in Washington, not like he would want to introduce me to them anyway. Maybe I could introduce mine to him through a parent-teacher conference. Force him to meet my parents. How romantic is that? I thought sarcastically.
“What about your guy?” she asked. “Is something wrong? You don't look too happy.”
“I don't think things are going too well with us.”
“Why not?”
“Well, I wanted to have sex this weekend.”
“Chey, oh my God.” Her voice rose a few octaves in unmerited excitement, as if the news was so incredibly shocking. “And? Did you do it?”
“No. He said he wasn't interested in sex with me because I'm a virgin.”
“What?” Her expression turned confused.
“I know.”
“Are you sure he really has a penis?”
“Oh, I'm sure,” I replied, thinking of Damien's naked cock which I had fervently sucked on over my panties.
“What about balls? Does he have balls? Because this guy doesn't sound like a regular guy.”
“He's not a regular guy. I think that's the problem. He's very mature and reserved.”
“And neutered, apparently. Seriously, what guy on the face of the planet turns down sex?”
Damien Reed, I thought bitterly.
“If he doesn't want you to be a virgin, then he could easily remedy that problem. Common sense, right? I mean, what, does he want you to go screw other people or something?”
“I don't know.” I shook my head in frustration.
“You should forget about that loser. If he doesn't want to have sex with you, then there's something wrong with him. It's his lose.”
But I couldn't forget about him. Damien Reed seemed to infect my every waking thought that wasn't occupied by school. It was annoying but uncontrollable.
> “I'll figure out something,” I mumbled, sighing afterward.
Why couldn't he be normal? Or why couldn't he have been a student? I wanted a relationship, not this twisted . . . thing we had going on. Maybe Tanya was right. Perhaps I should at least make an effort to forget about him. The best way to do that was to replace him, but I didn't have the patience to wait for Prince Charming to fall into my lap. I needed someone now.
As if reading my mind, Tanya asked, “Have you spoken to Chase lately?”
“No,” I replied thoughtfully, “but I think I'll give him a call.”
Unlike Tanya and I, Chase had decided to take a year off of school before starting college. He said he wanted to move out of his parents' house and experience life for a while before he had to get serious again. And so he had. A week after our graduation, he landed a job at the local hardware store. By the end of his first month working, he saved up enough money to get an apartment.
I stood outside his door. The butterflies that plagued me every time I went to Damien's Reed house had decided to accompany me to see Chase as well, though this time the feeling was slightly different. Chase was familiar, an old friend, but it had been so long since I'd seen or talked to him that I wasn't quite sure what to expect.
He answered the door with the same goofy ear to ear grin I was used to seeing on him. Why I had stayed away so long, I didn't know. Yes, he had feelings for me—feelings I wasn't sure I reciprocated, but at the end of the day, we were still friends.
“I've missed you so much,” he said, embracing me as if he'd never let me go. It felt good to be in a man's arms, strong and warm and secure. Unlike Damien Reed, this man wasn't afraid to show his feelings, and every one of them were completely sincere. He'd never do anything to hurt me. Ever.
“I've missed you too,” I replied, pulling away from the embrace to get a better look at him. Nothing had changed. He still towered over me, still had blonde hair that he wore slicked down, still had glasses. He was still my Chase. Good old familiar Chase.
“Come in. Come in.” He moved out of the way to let me inside.
The apartment was small and cramped, and not the cleanest of places. This was definitely a bachelor pad. Not the tidy cohesive kind of bachelor pad that Damien Reed kept, but the just-out-of-high-school bachelor pad, with mismatched particle board furniture everywhere, empty pizza boxes on the kitchen counter, and carpet that badly needed a vacuum run over it.
“It looks nice,” I lied, smiling politely as I took a seat on a sofa that I was almost certain I'd seen in his parents' basement.
“I work hard for it,” he said proudly, offering me a soda as he sat beside me. “How are things going with school?”
“They're okay. Nothing too exciting to report.” Again, it was a lie, but I refused to tell him about Damien Reed. Things were a bit strained between us as it was. I didn't want to muddy up the water right from the start.
“Are you getting good grades?”
“I think so, so far, at least.”
“Good. Good.” He looked at the table in front of us, avoiding my gaze. “Meet any guys?”
Now that was an awkward question. “No.” I smiled at him. “You meet any girls since I last saw you?”
His face lit up at my answer. “No. I've been too busy working to have time for girls. I mean, I'd make time for the right girl.”
He looked so timid and adorable. Completely the opposite of Damien Reed.
“I'm sorry about how things ended with us. I mean, last time we spoke,” I said.
“Oh? I didn't think things ended too badly. I mean, you basically just stopped talking to me.” He shrugged.
“I know, but it was a shitty thing to do. I just didn't know how to cope then. But I do now.”
“What do you mean?” He gave me a confused look.
The butterflies in my stomach took flight, and I couldn't believe what I was about to say, but I forced the words out, none the less. “I know this is kind of out of the blue, but I was wondering if you wanted to have sex.”
“What?” His mouth gaped open in shock, and I thought his jaw might hit the floor.
“I've been thinking about us . . . a lot lately. I think I do have . . . those kinds of feelings for you. I just need to be sure, and I think that if we slept together, it might help me to make up my mind.”
“Oh,” he sounded a bit disappointed, or confused. I couldn't tell which one.
“I mean, I can totally understand if you don't want to. I know it's really weird me coming over here after so long and asking this.”
“It's fine,” he laughed softly. “I want to, I just don't want you to think that's the only thing I want. We haven't seen each other in so long. I had thought you were trying to forget about me, to be honest.”
“No. I just needed a break, to sort out my thoughts and feelings,” I sighed, worried he would reject me too.
“So, you've really been thinking about me this entire time?” He looked hopeful.
“How could I forget about you? We spent all of high school together?”
“Yeah.”
“The truth of the matter is that I've been holding onto my virginity forever like it's something sacred, waiting for a worthy guy to give it to. I don't think there's anyone more worthy than you. You've stuck by my side for the past four years, through thick and thin, through good times and bad. Even when I pushed you away, all it took was one phone call for you to welcome me back with open arms. How many other guys would do that?” My words were completely sincere. Even when life had been crazy and upside-down in the past, Chase had always been there, my rock. He had been my friend, my companion, my protection, the warm arms that held me, the shoulder I cried on, the nonjudgmental face that listened to my problems.
“Wow, Chey.” He rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed by my words. “I didn't know you thought of me that way.”
“I do think of you that way. I've just never said it before.”
“So, you're still a virgin then?” he asked timidly.
“Of course I am, you dope.” I smacked his arm. “I didn't just come up with that whole speech to lie to you.”
“Sorry. Sorry.” He winced away. “So, if we have sex, does that mean you'll be my girlfriend?”
“No.” I shook my head. “It means I'll have a better understanding of my feelings for you, hopefully. We can see how things go from there.”
“Wow. You've really changed a lot.”
“What do you mean?” I gave him a queer look.
“I mean, I didn't think you'd ever be willing to sleep with someone you're not dating.”
“Well, you're not just someone.”
He sighed, getting that dreamy lovestruck look in his eyes that I'd only seen a handful of times. “Thanks. That makes me feel good.”
“You should feel good. Now, are you down or not?” I asked with a smirk.
“I think I'm down.” He nodded, scooting a bit closer to me.
Our first kiss was far from romantic. Chase leaned forward, awkwardly putting his arms around me. We craned our necks at the same time, in the same direction, and then both giggled as we simultaneously tried to reposition.
“This isn't going to work,” he said, sounding slightly agitated. “Stay still.”
This time, I straightened myself, allowing him to come to me. Our lips met, and electricity raged through me. The sparks were good, but they weren't Damien Reed sparks. Why did I have to think of him at a time like this. Stop it, Chey. Stop it.
I let Chase lead while I followed. His kiss was a lot rougher than Damien's, infused with lustful passion. While Damien had been reserved, Chase felt recklessly wanton, his tongue working to explore every centimeter of the slick cavern of my mouth. It was a bit overwhelming, but still felt good. Our lips made wet noises as they moved together.
Already, Chase was overpowering me, pushing me down on the sofa. I could feel the thick bulge of his crotch pressing between my legs, and I parted them reflexively, though the so
fa beneath us made it a bit difficult. My hand slipped down, moving to grip his member, rubbing it over his pants. It felt absolutely enormous, though I had half expected it. High school girls talked, and word on campus was that Chase was hung like a horse. That didn't seem to be a lie.
“Bed,” he murmured around my mouth, breaking away from the kiss to take me by the hand and lead me to the bedroom. His bed was unmade, and it looked like the sheets hadn't been changed in a while. I scowled at it, but said nothing, staring at the light switch while Chase pulled off his shirt.
I wondered how mad he would be if I asked if we could turn the lights off. The idea of losing my virginity in his tiny filthy apartment was becoming less and less appealing. At least, if the lights were off, I could pretend I was somewhere clean, like my house, or Damien's classroom. Chase's parents were real neat freaks. I shouldn't be so surprised that he had decided to live like a pig once he broke free of them. Maybe it would be better if I came back later and gave him time to clean, I thought, but before I could open my mouth to voice objection, he was grabbing me by the hips and pulling me on top of him on the bed. Thankfully, the skirt I was wearing wasn't a pencil skirt. Otherwise, it might have ripped.
I could feel his excitement rising between my legs, pressing hard against my skirt and panties. Despite my disgust at the surroundings, my female parts began to moisten. Perhaps it was automatic from having a cock so close to them. Ever since I started lessons with Damien Reed, it had taken a lot less to get me hot and bothered.
My new-found self-confidence spurred me to take control, leaning down to flick my tongue across one of Chase's nipples while I clawed my nails down his stomach. He had a nice swimmers build, with defined abdominal muscles and smooth hairless skin. He groaned as my lips teased his nipple.
By that time, my hand had reached the waistband of his pants, and I quickly worked to unfasten his belt and release the monster within. It was every bit as big as I had anticipated. At least eight inches long, and thick. There was a small crock where it bent slightly to the right, but that didn't make it any less impressive.