WHAT IT WAS
BECAUSE IT WASN’T nobody else, okay? You gon ask me that question, straight up, now that you thirteen, and you haven’t looked around all your life? Who you saw?
Lafayette. Fine brother. Played football when we went to school. Uh-huh. Left Cerise cause she workin and he ain’t. Like she jumpin for joy about that situation. Like she ain’t scramblin. Tryin to keep up with her boys. You seen her when we were at Rite Aid. She drives all the way to Pomona for work. Yeah, you walked away when we started talking.
They hung out at the basketball court. At the park. Same as we did. Me and your daddy. We didn’t go to the movies. Ain’t had no car or money half the time.
Didn’t call it dating. You sound like some old lady.
People just said, You mess with Chess now? And you said yeah or no. They would say to him, Is that you, brother? And he would say, Hell yeah.
That’s me. Then you just hung out. House party sometimes. Or the park.
Then he wanted Glorette. Like all of them. He said that was his true love.
Nobody said it was Louisiana or Alabama. Now you need to close your mouth, cause you edgin over to rude and I ain’t readin that map now. Not while I’m drivin your behind to another birthday party where I gotta hear you talk about how our party is you go shoppin with your daddy and then I take you out for étouffée. Creola’s where my mama always took me for my birthday, and if you don’t like it you can make yourself some eggs.
No, I ain’t stayin. Sonia bring you home when she get Trinette.
Cause by the time they hit that piñata it feel like they crackin my skull.
Cause it’s August, okay? What does that mean?
Right. Means it’s hot as hell, and you know I do that one late return every year for Ezekiel Baptist. That’s about two hundred pages Reverend Hines gave me last week.
Here. Take the present.
What? When you buy instant chai? Thanks, baby. Go.
WHAT DO YOU mean, Give up? Why did we give up?
What? Why did I give up on him? Like it’s my fault he—
No. I ain’t doin this now. Wait til we get on the freeway, please, before you start the game show.
Yeah, I heard you. Trinette’s daddy was there. And—
So Sonia gave him some cake? I know what he did. He probably got to the rink late, stood around with Darnell and Nacho and them, watched y’all untie your skates, said y’all were gettin too big and he could hardly stand lookin at you, and then Sonia gave him some cake and pizza and they talked for a couple minutes and then y’all did presents.
Why wouldn’t I be right? You think this is a movie?
So Sonia supposed to scream at him about the past and throw cake in his face, right in front of Trinette?
And he would move back in with Sonia and be a daddy like you see on TV? Turn into Damon Wayans or some shit like that?
Yeah, I cussed.
Don’t even think about it.
Cause that’s half of Trinette. And I ain’t sayin a damn thing more, so you can turn up your Walkman and turn your face out the window.
WHEN I SEE y’all walkin around, it’s like seein me and Sonia and Glorette and Sisia in some crazy funhouse mirror.
What you mean, where? Everywhere. The funhouse is every street. Every walkway in the damn mall. That Seventies Show. Girls have Afro puffs and those puckery shirts we used to wear. But the belly. We didn’t show ourselves like that.
Yeah, you seen Chaka Khan, on that first Rufus album. Those big bellbottom jeans and a little t-shirt. Okay. Her stomach flat and her navel look like it’s laughin.
Yeah. Y’all can call em flares.
I looked like Nona Hendryx. Patti Labelle’s runnin buddy. No, you ain’t gon find no album cover with her. Not unless you look through all the albums your daddy took with him.
Eight years ago.
Navel string. You know what? The old ladies on Jacaranda Street, when I was so little, used to tell my mother and the others, “Bring the navel string home from that dang hospital so we can bury it by the porch. Else you gon lose your child.”
They lost most of us anyway.
But you girls. No, you ain’t gettin left here by yourself. I’ll wait for you. No, I ain’t goin into Payless. Not today. Cause my feet hurt. I ain’t lookin at shoes today. Mall benches hard as sittin on a curb.
We had little babydoll shirts, too. But we didn’t have the bra strap danglin out in a special color. Belly rollin over the jeans, the diamond hangin on a chain out the navel, pubic hair practically showin. That blonde girl—I can see her hipbones way above her jeans. Like she went and sewed rocks under her skin.
We used to see those ads for Wate-On in Ebony. So you could get your womanly curves and the brothers would want you. But we didn’t have no trouble with them wantin us.
YOU GOT DARNELL, the brother you see with the landscaping truck. Three girls. He ain’t run away. But it’s somethin about him. He likes that truck, likes his house, likes comin home and Brenda makes gumbo and he drink a beer and sit on his porch. Cause that’s what he does.
Esther ain’t had nobody since Killer Joe. Cause she do hair all day, got ten people in the house, and all her kids. You see her across the street sittin on the porch at night. Glad to be alone for a few minutes before somebody want somethin.
I know you see them. I see them. I’m sittin on the porch with you, okay? You. All your clothes clean, and your hair braided, and your homework done, and my pile of 1040s sittin there waitin for me when you take your narrow behind off to bed.
That’s enough questions.
No.
You ain’t watchin Law & Order. Then I gotta hear why I ain’t hooked up with that fine brother work for NYPD. Cause he don’t exist, okay? And if he did exist, he sure wouldn’t live on this street. Wrong side of the whole continent, okay?
Plus I’m too old.
Don’t even go there. Thirty-five and you think it’s a miracle I can still walk.
No.
You ain’t grown. Go.
SONIA. YOU TIRED?
How’s Trinette?
Yeah. I know it’s late. What you mean, What I want?
I know you still waitin on that dryer to finish. Don’t play like you done.
Remember when we used to say, What it is?
You forgot? Lafayette and Chess and Sidney come up and say, What it is? When they were tryin to rap to us. What it is, girl? All cool. And we used to say, What it is, what it ain’t, what it never will be.
Okay. Trinette twelve now, right? She asked you about JT yet? Why y’all ain’t together?
I heard. He came to the party and made his appearance.
Melisse gon ask me why I ain’t married somebody responsible. Somebody stayed around. Why I had to mess with somebody like Chess.
Yeah. Even gotta talk about his name. “How did he get a stupid nickname like that? Didn’t guys back then ever call each other by regular names?” Uh-huh. After I told her not to disrespect anyone grown like that, she gon get mad about her own name! Told her for the hundredth time she called for her grandmère and she gon say she got a old-fashion name and everybody make fun of it. Told her that’s disrespect too and sent her butt to her room.
Yeah, again. What, Trinette turn into an angel this week?
See? I don’t take away TV cause we don’t have cable anyway and according to Melisse, Ain’t nothin on.
Yeah, I’m tired. I’m still workin on the returns for Ezekiel Baptist. Reverend Hines eighty now. I been doin all his taxes for ten years.
Look, all I’m sayin is your time gon come. Trinette ain’t jammed you up, she will. Then you get to say what I did. Damn. Melisse gon tell me she can’t believe wasn’t nobody like Theo from the Cosby Show around. She saw Tribute to the Cosbys on TV last week and now she think we just in the wrong place. We should be livin in New York. In a brownstone. She like to say brownstone. Says stucco a foolish word anyway. Italian word and here we are in California. Her teacher said she’s got
a huge vocabulary and she wants her to study for the SAT real early. College prep.
Well, yeah. Why Theo didn’t come on vacation over here to Rio Seco? Coulda shown him the Westside. Coulda taken him to Oscar’s for ribs.
Girl, he probably didn’t eat pork.
WHAT YOU MEAN did I play chess?
They call me that cause when I was on the court I got everybody movin just where I wanted em to and then I made my move and took the rock to the hole.
That all you called for?
Go on to bed, now. Your mama probably think you talkin to some fool.
CAUSE THEY ALWAYS want something.
Even when they say they don’t.
Put on your seatbelt or your mama gon kill me with her eyes.
Why you gon ask me that, Melisse? Your mama told me you ain’t allowed to go out with no fools til you fifteen. Got two years to figure it out your own self. Why you gon ask me?
Melisse. This ain’t my job. My job for you to pick out them clothes for school. Summer last too long for you. You got too much time to be thinking if you askin all these questions.
You asked your mama?
What she say?
What you mean, She say what she said. You gettin a mouth?
Cause they always want somethin. Look, you want clothes right now. And your mama know every August I buy the clothes before you start school.
Watch your mouth. You ain’t half grown, okay?
Look, it’s too goddamn hot in this parking lot to argue. Cause we didn’t have nothin back then. And we was playin ball or whatever, playin three on three, and then the girls come around and want to hang out. And everything costs money.
I’m talking about, Buy me a ice cream from the truck. Give me a ride. You don’t think gas cost money? And everybody ain’t had a car, so we had to borrow a homey’s ride, and he gon want five dollars for gas. And then she gon say, Why you ain’t got me nothin for Christmas? And you just hung with her on the court three, four times. You want somethin and she want somethin and you think what you want free but it ain’t.
No free lunch? Your teacher say that? Ain’t nobody wanted lunch.
SONIA. I HEARD Glorette got herself killed last night. The alley behind that taqueria. She was still workin Palm Avenue. Girl, she still looked so good, and I swear, I would see her walkin and think, How she gon live her life like that, doin all them drugs, and her hair halfway down her back and her legs like Tyra Banks?
Yeah, it was a lotta exercise. Sonia, you too cold.
But we all the same age. She used to sit in front of me in math class.
I used to think I would meet somebody, sittin at the mall waitin on the girls or in New Hong Kong at lunch when I was takin a break from returns.
Not Melisse and Trinette, but shoot, those older girls, they pass by with everything hangin out and their hair perfect. And thongs. At the top of the jeans. The boys have those little-girl twists like we did when we were in diapers. Pants hangin down past sweats hangin down past gym shorts hangin down past boxers.
Melisse say she don’t know how the boys can stand wearin all them piles of clothes to school. And the girls half-naked—they got goose-bumps like—like chickens. When my mama used to pluck them in the back yard.
That ain’t dating. I don’t know why she calls it that.
Well, they’re twelve. Melisse say plenty twelve-year-olds already goin to the movies, out to eat.
I’m hip. Chess never took me out to eat until we were married.
Shut up.
Well, yeah, after that I cooked. So did you. These girls probably go out more at twelve than we did at twenty.
Cause Chess always say nothin free. I wonder what he told Melisse. I wonder did she ask him. I can’t believe Glorette’s gone. Chess say she just vanished off the face of the earth. He said he know who killed her, and I hung up. I ain’t in that. I don’t even want to hear that. You remember she met that musician? Whatever he called his fool self. He just up and left her when she got pregnant.
She fell in love and she never was the same. I ain’t telling Melisse about her. Not about love or whatever else Glorette thought she was doin.
Sonia. She said they would never settle for what we settled for. How am I supposed to tell her?
Wait—that Trinette’s voice? She still up? Alright then. Later.
SONIA.
Sonia.
Why he had to stand out there? Sonia. Why? He knew them kids was dealin around the Launderland and Sundown Liquor. He knew they been fightin. He used to always tell me, Bullet got no name on it—meant for whoever in the way.
Sonia. Why he have to buy Camels? Midnight and he gon stand out there like it’s some goddamn movie from the old days. Foxy Brown. He knew, Sonia. Girl, what I’m supposed to tell Melisse? Oh, my God. Dear God.
You comin now? What about Trinette?
Sonia. Sonia.
SONIA. SHE MAD at me. At me. Keep askin me why I had to be with him.
Why. Why I had to have her with him.
She mad at me. Like it’s my fault he’s dead.
I heard them kids. Talkin about He got gotted. That’s how they call it. And Melisse in her room screamin at me, Why you had to be with him?
Because it wasn’t nothin but him.
HOW YOU GON look at me like that?
Like that.
Like you want me to die, too. Right now, on the way to Target. You think I want to be goin to Target to buy you a black dress? You think I want to stay up all night makin pound cakes for your grandmère? Your daddy’s mama can’t make enough food for all them people, and it ain’t nobody else to help her.
I ain’t Glorette, okay? I ain’t plannin to die. I ain’t doin nothin for me to die. Yeah—I eat fries and I got blood pressure. But I ain’t in the streets. Her son Victor—he lost both his parents now. You got me.
I loved your daddy. Every day. Didn’t have nothin to do with what you thinkin.
I heard you. I always hear you. Just cause I don’t say nothin don’t mean I didn’t hear you.
SONIA.
Now she ain’t said nothin to me for days. Since the service. All them people, and she ain’t said nothin about none of em. Ain’t asked me about a single one. Ain’t made fun of their names, ain’t talked about the funky clothes or how old we all look.
Nothin.
NOW THAT YOU in the front seat I can’t help but hear you. Drivin all over God’s creation for you. Practice and shoppin. What you gon put on his grave? I used to put a slice a ham and a beer on my papa’s grave.
Big Hunk bars and a basketball? You know what? I think that’s perfect.
Melisse.
Don’t cry.
Melisse. If I hadn’t met him, you wouldn’t be you.
Yeah, I know that’s junior high biology. But it’s true. Your eyes, your fingers, all that.
Well, yeah, you got my thighs. Way of the world, baby.
Melisse. Come on.
Okay. Must be better if you talkin cellulite. See, we didn’t even have that word. We just said must be jelly cause jam don’t shake like that. And back then, with your daddy and them, that was a compliment.
Yeah, I know you find that hard to believe.
Where’s practice? Isn’t it at the school gym? Why didn’t you tell me?
Yeah, I washed your socks. Don’t I always?
***
YEAH, YOU SMELL fries. You think I never have to drive during work? I eat in the car on my lunch hour so I can get my prescription or whatever you need at the store.
Why you care what I eat? I know what you eat. Whatever they got at school.
Sometimes Mickey D all I have time for. Drive thru.
Well goddamnit, I know it ain’t good for me.
I know it’s got too many calories, and I know where they go.
You know what? Close your mouth for a while. Til we get off the damn freeway.
We ain’t off yet.
Let me tell you what you told me this month. You said, Mama, look at
People magazine. Check this out. Foxy Brown got a necklace and some dog tags all covered with diamonds. Worth $250,000.
You said, Mama, Tyrese top lip longer than his bottom lip. What that tell you about a person?
You said, It says here the shortest celebrity marriage on record was eight hours.
I ain’t seen you get all mad about that.
Because I heard you. I always hear you, even when you think I don’t.
I heard you, but when you keep askin me Why you pick him? Why weren’t you smarter? And I said Wasn’t no pickin, really, back then. Things just happened. And you got all smartass and said, Excellent. Good plan, Mama. And my mama woulda slapped the pink off your lips.
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