218 First Hugs

by E. L. Todd

  “I don’t know…” How would I choose between two amazing men? Everyone would tell me to pick Ace, and they were probably right. But my wedding dress was still in the closet, and my ring was still sitting in the nightstand. Memories like that couldn’t be easily erased. They lingered on forever…in both my mind and my heart.

  Evan rubbed his hand across his jaw as he looked at the floor. “When Ace was here the other night…did you…never mind.” He dropped his hand and looked out the window. “Forget I said anything.”

  I knew exactly what he was asking, and since we were in this situation, I thought he had the right to know. “Yes.”

  He closed his eyes, cringing at the response.

  “I’m still in love with Ace. I think he’s one of the most amazing guys I’ve ever met. Despite what you’ve put me through, I know I can trust again. I know I can trust him to always be faithful to me. He’s great with the girls, and he’s such a good friend to me. If he’d said something to me months ago…I would have jumped into his arms. But now I’m confused. I hate you for what you did to me. You hurt me so much that I couldn’t get out of bed. But the second you were back in my life, I felt that electrical touch whenever we were close to each other. Every time you kissed me, I melted. I didn’t think about Rebecca because it just felt like us again. And when you finally understood how much you hurt me…I knew you were truly sorry for what you did. When you said you wished you could take it back, I knew you meant it. My trust has been broken, but I don’t think you would ever betray me again.”

  He looked at me with a focused expression, his gaze hard and intense at the same time. “Then pick me.”

  “Not so simple…”

  He stepped toward me, approaching me on my side of the kitchen. “I love you with all my heart.” His hands moved to my hips, and he gave me a gentle squeeze. “We can be a family again. I could move back in and be here every day. We could have dinner together every night and help the girls with their homework. Sleep in late every Sunday and make pancakes in the morning…”

  “I know…”

  He cupped my face with one hand and brushed my cheek with his thumb. “I know I made the stupidest mistake of my life, but please forgive me. Amy, please. I’ll do anything to make it up to you. I’ll spend the rest of our lives showing you how sorry I am.”

  “I know, Evan. I’ve already forgiven you.”

  He pressed his forehead to mine. “Then be with me. Please don’t pick him.”

  I closed my eyes and tried not to cry. I didn’t like seeing Evan beg me like this, let himself be so vulnerable like this. He was always strong and affectionate at the same time, never so desperate.

  “Ace is a great guy,” he admitted. “Honestly, if you aren’t going to be with me, he’s my first pick. He’d treat you right, and he’d be good to the girls. The idea of having some other guy watch my daughters makes me sick to my stomach…but not Ace. I can’t lie to you and say he doesn’t deserve you more than I do…because he does. He didn’t fuck up. I did. But…I love you. I really love you. I love you in the strongest and fiercest kind of way. I know what it’s like to lose you, to live without you, and now I never want to go through that ever again. I’m gonna be everything you deserve in a husband. I’ll be the most committed, loyal, and affectionate husband in the goddamn world. Yes, I made a stupid mistake, but I learned from it. I learned that I was an idiot for ever letting you go.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. His face moved into the crook of my neck, and he breathed quietly. “It’s selfish of me to ask you to pick me…but I’m gonna be selfish.”

  * * *

  Bree texted me after work. Everyone is coming over to whip up new specials. You in?

  It was a working dinner. We hadn’t had one of those in a while. I hadn’t done anything other than think about Evan and Ace, so I might as well do something more productive. Evan had stayed late last night talking about our relationship. He didn’t spend the night because he knew that wouldn’t be appropriate anymore. Yeah, I’ll be there. I texted Evan next, knowing I didn’t need to ask Sara to babysit all the time. Would you mind watching the girls for a few hours? I have to work tonight.

  The three dots popped up immediately. You’re working the night shift? I could hear the tone of surprise in the message.

  The gang is getting together to prepare new specials for the next two weeks. We used to do it all the time, so Evan knew what I was talking about. We hadn’t done it lately because we’d all had too much on our plates.

  Gotcha. I’ll be there in a few.

  He arrived thirty minutes later, wearing a shirt that fit his arms nicely. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, knowing my clothes were probably going to get stained in Bree’s kitchen. He looked at me as if I were wearing a ball gown and pearls. I missed the way he used to look at me like that. It was nice. “Thanks for helping me out.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. We’re a team.”

  I grabbed my purse and pulled it over my shoulder, keeping my distance from him. I didn’t want to get too close to him for fear of where it would be lead. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

  “Bring me some leftovers, okay?” he asked with a smile.

  “There probably won’t be anything left. Blade is a pig.” I smiled back before I walked out and headed to Bree’s house a few blocks away. Ace was going to be there, but Evan didn’t mention him. There was no way for me to avoid Ace, just as there was no way for me to avoid Evan.

  I arrived fifteen minutes later and walked inside.

  “I say we try the chicken piccata,” Bree said at the counter.

  “No,” Blade snapped. “That’s such a blah dish. You can get that anywhere.”

  “It’s not blah,” Bree countered. “Right, Cypress?”

  Cypress shrugged. “No, it’s not blah…”

  Blade rolled his eyes. “Of course, he’s gonna agree with whatever you say. Not fair. What do you think, Ace?”

  Ace didn’t answer their questions because he’d been staring at me since I walked in the door. It was a look that should only occur behind closed doors, but he didn’t seem to care. “Hey.” He walked toward me and hugged me.

  Blade and Cypress both watched us, their eyebrows raised.

  They clearly had no idea what was going on.

  Ace held me with his solid arms, and immediately, I forgot about Evan. I just thought about this strong man who had always been there for me no matter what. Last time we were along together, we made love on my kitchen counter, our bodies moving together perfectly.

  “You look nice,” he whispered against my ear.

  “Thanks…you do too.”

  He finally pulled away, but his eyes were still on me, announcing to everyone in the room that we weren’t just friends. Even someone as dense as Blade would notice.

  Cypress eyed us back and forth before he cocked his head to the side. “Uh…something going on?”

  I looked at Bree.

  She shook her head, telling me she hadn’t told them about Ace.

  I wasn’t planning on telling them, not to be deceitful, but to protect Ace from Cypress’s wrath. He was the overprotective brother I never had.

  Ace didn’t look afraid before he answered. “I told Amelia that I wanted to be with her. She’s thinking it over, but that’s not gonna stop me from hugging her.”

  Cypress looked even more confused than before. “Wait…what?”

  I took over so Ace wouldn’t have to say anymore. “Ace and I have been hooking up for the past few months. I told him how I felt about him, but he ended things. Turns out, he walked away because he thought I was going to get back together with Evan, and he didn’t want to interfere. But I’ve fallen in love with him in the process…so here we are.”

  Cypress stared at me blankly, like he couldn’t digest all that information in such a limited amount of time. Blade looked just as lost. “So…then you guys are together?” Cypress asked.
“That’s what you’re telling us?”

  “Not quite,” I said. “I’ve been spending a lot more time with Evan, and now I’m kinda confused about what to do…” It was an awkward thing to say in front of Ace, but since we were all together 24/7, there was no point in holding back. He would just hear it from someone else anyway.

  “Whoa, back up,” Cypress said. “You’re thinking about taking Evan back?”

  “The biggest scumbag on the planet?” Blade asked incredulously. “That guy could—”

  “Guys.” Ace silenced them with just a single word. “Look, we all don’t like Evan for what he did, me included. But they were married for eight years, and they’re still a family. Evan seems sorry for what he did. I don’t think he’s ever going to mess around again. But none of that even matters because it’s not our decision, and it’s none of our business. Amelia is family, and we have to respect how she feels because this is the father of her kids. Alright?”

  That shut them up.

  “I’m not gonna lie and say I don’t want her to pick me,” Ace continued. “She should be with me. I’m the most loyal and honest guy on the planet. I’d protect her…and love her. But if she wants to be with Evan, it won’t affect our friendship or affection for one another. We just wanted to say that so everything is out in the open.”

  How could I not pick Ace after that? He was so confident and smooth. I didn’t know too many guys like that. He defended me just when the pack was about to rip me apart.

  Cypress finally relaxed, taking Ace’s words to heart.

  Blade backed off too.

  “I’m sorry I kept fooling around with her behind everyone’s backs,” Ace continued. “But for my part, it meant something to me. I wasn’t using her. I wanted to be with her. I was just hesitant because I knew Evan would come back into the picture…and I was right. It was only a matter of time before he realized what he threw away.”

  Heavy silence filled the air as everyone held their breath, waiting for Cypress to have some kind of reaction. Bree kept eyeing him hesitantly, wondering if he would explode or simmer.

  Cypress realized everyone was staring at him, so he finally said something. “I’m not mad, everyone. Calm down. Under the circumstances, there’s nothing to be upset about.”

  That went over well.

  “So you’re basically stuck in a love triangle now?” Blade asked.

  “I wouldn’t call it a love triangle,” I said. “Just…a triangle.”

  Bree came to my aid when she knew I was uncomfortable. “Anyway, we need to get cookin’. Otherwise, we’ll be here all night. Blade, flatten the chicken. Cypress, get the pans going.”

  I loved my sister. “I’ll take care of the pasta.”

  * * *

  “Man, I’ll never eat again.” Blade sat back against the dining chair and rubbed his nonexistent stomach.

  “Yeah, right.” Bree rolled her eyes. “You’ll be hungry again in thirty minutes.”

  “If Celeste is cooking,” Blade said. “That woman always makes me hungry…for a lot of things.”

  Now I rolled my eyes. “TMI.”

  “You wanna talk about TMI?” Blade asked. “What about that little speech Ace gave about your hookups? That was a lot of info to get in ten seconds.” He rubbed his stomach again.

  Ace changed the subject. “Everything was good, if you ask me. I think we should incorporate everything.”

  “Not the quesadilla,” Cypress said. “Way too cheesy.”

  “I agree,” I said. “Most people around here are health conscious. They won’t eat that.”

  “Cheese is amazing,” Blade said. “Everyone should eat it. The French love cheese. That’s all I see Celeste eat—and wine.”

  “Did you like the quesadilla?” Cypress asked.

  After a long pause, Blade shrugged. “Eh.”

  “Then the quesadilla is out,” Ace said. “But we’ll keep everything else. I think the piccata will be a nice addition to Olives. We haven’t updated the specials in a while.”

  “True,” Cypress said. “Now who’s gonna clean this up?” He looked at Bree.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Because I’m a woman, I’m expected to clean?”

  “No,” Cypress said. “You just like things done in a particular way. Whenever I help, you get mad and redo it.”

  Ace laughed. “That’s very true.”

  Bree rolled her eyes, but a smile was on her lips.

  “I was kidding anyway,” Cypress said. “We can knock this out in ten minutes if we do it together.”

  We all worked in the kitchen, and within fifteen minutes, it was done. It was getting late and we all had work in the morning, so we said our goodbyes and walked home. Though Ace’s house was in the opposite direction, he walked me back to my place.

  We walked together in silence, but the emptiness was heavy with the things we didn’t say. My hands were in the pockets of my jeans, and he glanced at me every thirty seconds.

  I finally said something. “I don’t mind you walking me home, but Evan is with the girls.”

  “Does he have a problem with me now?”

  “Actually, no. He said you were a good guy, and he would understand if I picked you.”

  Ace nodded in approval. “Didn’t expect him to say that. Sounds like he’s matured.”

  “Yeah…I think he has.”

  We walked up my street, but when we were a few houses down, Ace stopped.

  I knew a conversation was coming.

  “Have you thought any more about who you’re going to pick?”

  “Yeah…a lot.”

  “And?”

  “I don’t have an answer, Ace. I’m not sure how to decide.”

  Ace didn’t show even a hint of frustration. “I can understand the dilemma. I wish I’d done something sooner instead of waiting so long. Your sister was right…”

  She was dead right. If Ace had told me how he felt sooner, I wouldn’t have let Evan into my heart again. But that was in the past, and it didn’t matter now. “I think I should choose you. You’re the better guy, Ace. When you broke things off…I was so upset. You make me feel good about myself…”

  His eyes softened.

  “But with Evan…there’s a lot of history there. When we were married, we were happy. And we have our girls…”

  “I know,” he whispered. “I’m not going to give you my two cents on the matter because I’m obviously biased. But you’ll make the right decision on your own.”

  He was right; he would be completely biased. But my curiosity got the best of me. “I want to know what you think, Ace. As a friend…”

  He cocked his head to the side. “You’re sure about that?”

  I nodded.

  “I think if you go back to him, you’ll be happy. I don’t think Evan will do anything that stupid again. But you’ll always be haunted by what he did. It’ll be a shadow over your lives forever. Everyone will know what happened and think less of you for going back to him. I also think you’re one of the most selfless people in the world who always does the right thing for everyone else, so you want to be with Evan to make him happy. You know he’s sorry for what he did, and you love him so much that you want to give him what he wants. You want to make the girls happy by having their father around all the time. But what about what you want, Amelia?”

  I stared into his face, which was barely visible since the sun was gone and there was only one streetlight on the road. His words pierced right through me, hitting in every vulnerable place I had. His words carried so much truth, there was no way I could ignore their power.

  Ace knew his words struck me in the right spot when his expression softened. “Maybe you should go on one date with each of us. One dinner, one time. After you go out with both of us, you make your decision. Seems fair.”

  “That sounds like an episode of The Bachelor.”

  He shrugged. “We both want the girl, so we’ll go through the charade.”

  Ace was good-looking and swee
t. He could have any woman he wanted without having to subject himself to such an indignity. “What do you say?”

  “I’ll run it by him.”

  “Let me know how it goes.” He didn’t kiss me goodnight. Instead, he gave me a hard hug before he walked the opposite way down the street, sparing me the difficult interaction I would have with Evan if he walked me to the front door.

  I went inside my house and found Evan in the living room with the girls. They were playing with their dolls, and Evan had a boy doll of his own. They seemed to be having tea together, something the girls usually did with their stuffed animals.

  Watching them together ignited a pain in my chest. Before Evan had left me, I’d counted my family as my biggest blessing. No matter how difficult things got, we always had each other. I would always come home to this—even if we were living in a shack.

  It was all I ever wanted.

  When Evan noticed I was there, he put the doll down and met me in the entryway. “How was work?”

  “Fattening.”

  He smiled at me, looking handsome without even trying. “Sounds like fun.”

  “I’m just glad we didn’t go over the dessert menu.”

  “I definitely would have crashed if you had.” He glanced at the girls before he turned back to me. “They had their baths and brushed their teeth. They just wanted to see you before bed.”

  “Aww…” Times like that made me love being a mom. Sometimes they could be brats from hell, and sometimes they could be the sweetest angels in the world.

  Evan continued to stand there like he had more to say, but words didn’t form on his lips.

  “I talked to Ace about our situation.”

  He stared at me.

  “He said I should go on one date with each of you before I make my decision.”

  Evan crossed his arms over his chest. “Sounds fair. I’m in.”

  I’d thought Evan would reject the idea. “You’re sure?”

  “Yeah. But I want to go last.”

  “Why?”

  “Whoever goes last is the last person you’ll be thinking about. Did he lay out any rules?”

  “No…”