by J Bree
I take a seat next to Lips and shoot Harley a glare when he grumbles at me over it. Lips shoots a little smile at him and he calms down a little. She wears that smile so hesitantly still, like she doesn’t really want to admit just how happy she is. Like maybe if she admits it everything will fall apart.
I know the feeling well.
Ash huffs as he sits down and knocks back the entire glass of bourbon Blaise poured for him in one go. I roll my eyes.
The dramatics are about to start.
He opens his mouth and Lips cuts him off. “I can’t eat if you’re going to argue. If you want me to finish my plate then you’ll have to leave it off for tomorrow.”
Blaise snickers at the end of the table. “Way to shut him down, Star.”
Ash shoots a glare at him but Harley elbows him. “Just leave it. You’ve been fucking ranting for weeks about it, Floss is fine. She’s a big girl, she can make her own choices.”
Ash doesn’t look at all like he’s going to back down but then Blaise distracts him with some stupid plan for their trip and Lips piles on with plans for picking up her little sister Posey from Mississippi.
I need to have a full background check on Poe’s entire MC family before they make it there. If there’s anything that flags, we’ll need to get her out of there. Now, I know that chances are the Devil himself will have been thorough about where he allows his beloved sister to live but it can’t hurt to look into it myself.
I’m not very fond of bikers.
The Boar is very firmly on my shitlist for lying to Lips about their relation for so long. They were both members of the Twelve for years and not once did he bother to mention to her that not only did he know who her father was but that he was actually her uncle.
He might have helped take down the Jackal but he’s still not someone I will ever trust.
Once dinner is over, I scrub the kitchen down and deep clean the oven. Lips hangs around with me for a while before Ash drags her off to bed, still pissed off at the world and probably wanting to hate-fuck his angry right out.
Thank God for the sound-proofing I thought to put into this place.
There’re things a girl doesn’t need to hear her brother doing and my bestie is one of those things.
When everything is finally shining to my standards and the chaos in my head has settled a little, I park myself on the couch with my phone to work through some leads I’m already chasing on the Graves siblings. I get the TV going in the background with something that won’t draw in my attention at all and none of my old favorites that are sure to make me spiral into a self-pity party.
I leave that to Blaise.
It’s quiet for over an hour and I assume I’m the only one awake so when Harley creeps into the living room and sits down next to me I hold in a sigh.
I knew he was too accommodating at dinner.
I toe my slippers off and then prop my feet up in his lap because if I’m going to be forced to listen to whatever he’s going to throw at me then I should get a foot rub in.
He huffs at me like he always does but gets to work anyway, his thumbs pressing into the arch of my feet just the way I like it. I’d won a bet against him for free foot rubs in freshman year and I’ve never been so happy with being right.
I knew he’d fall for the Mounty girl, I just didn’t realize at the time that we all would.
“I need to know that you’re not going to do anything stupid while we’re gone.”
I side-eye him. “Since when do I do stupid things? That’s your job.”
He huffs at me again and keeps his eyes on the reality show on the TV. He looks so much younger and calmer than the guy I’ve spent the last four years of high school with. He looks happy.
Still, I desperately want to feel the same way.
“Floss, you haven’t been… right since the Jackal took you. I don’t know what happened in there and Aodhan has promised me that he was with you the whole time but I know something happened. I know you. I know something hurt you too deep for you to talk about it and Lips told me to leave you alone about it but I’m not sure I can wait you out.”
The soft and sincere tones cut right through me.
I don’t want to cry and I can’t afford to slip into pity for myself or worse. I can’t think about what really happened in that room.
I blink away tears and clear my throat until the lump shifts a little. “The Jackal is dead. The hurt is all that’s left to worry about and I need some quiet to heal from that. I promise, if there was something you could… kill or avenge for me, I’d tell you. There’s nothing left to do but get through this.”
He nods and shifts to put my feet back down on the ground before he tugs me into a hug. “Ash isn’t the only one who breathes for you, Floss. I’d level fucking cities for you, any of us would. If you need some quiet then it’s yours, just… just don’t drown in it.”
Chapter Two
The bus arrives in the early afternoon, empty but with a driver who barely bats an eyelid at Blaise and Harley snarking at each other. Lips looks a little wary of him but when he ignores the rampant PDA she’s getting from all three of her guys she relaxes a little.
The bus is packed and ready to go in no time and I start to go about hugging them all goodbye. Blaise is the quickest and easiest, I swear he’s still half convinced that if he hugs me for longer than a second Ash will assume we’re secretly in love and kill him which is utterly ridiculous considering they’re both dating my best friend.
Harley’s hugs always feel as though he’s trying to break my heart in half because I feel every inch of the sadness and loneliness in him that I did the very first time we hugged after we got him out of juvie. Maybe it’s just in my head, maybe he really is whole now that he’s found his place in the world, but still I feel gutted when I finally let him go to pull Lips into my arms.
She hugs me without hesitation now, clinging to me just as fiercely as I cling to her.
I might be the one pushing for this time apart but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss her so badly my heart is hurting in my chest. I have to focus on my breathing to keep it even, to stop the panic from clawing at my throat and stealing the ability to speak to her.
I’m not just saying goodbye to my brother.
I’m saying goodbye to the last four years of living and breathing my family, these four people who have occupied every second of my time and energy.
It’s six months away from each other. Six tiny months but it might as well be all of eternity, my heart breaks the same way.
“Call me. All the fucking time, just text me for no reason at all. I’m really going to miss you. Is it too late to run away together? The Caribbean is still an option.”
I snort at her and blink quickly to stop any tears from falling. “I think Harley would duel me for your hand. Ash would throw the biggest tantrum about it too, I couldn’t deal with it without bleeding him out.”
Lips chuckles and pats the knife strapped to my hip. “You could too. I’d pay to see you use it.”
And then there’s Ash.
He hugs me like he’s scared I’ll disappear the second he lets go.
I hug him back the exact same way.
It doesn’t matter how much our lives change, we came into this world together and from our first breaths we’ve been at each other’s sides through all of the hell we’ve been put through. Even these six months apart might just be too much but I have to try.
I have to get some space to work through what was done to me.
There’s the sound of a car pulling into the drive and Ash turns me until his body is covering me entirely as though we’re about to be shot at, ignoring me when I huff at him in annoyance.
“What the hell is O’Cronin doing here? Did you know he was coming?”
I ignore the snarl in his voice and carefully step around him to find Aodhan and Jack in the driveway, getting out of the car and grinning at Harley.
Harley doesn’t look like either of t
hem. Where he’s all fair hair, blue eyes, and gold skin, his Irish cousins are dark hair, green eyes and roguish grins. Aodhan is just as tall as Harley and just as broad but without the muscle mass Harley put on in the last few years of hitting the gym hard to cope with the terror of Lips being in constant danger.
I know for a fact that he’s still ripped under the charcoal tee he’s wearing though.
My stomach fills with nervous flutters at their arrival but it’s not exactly a bad feeling.
They both give Lips respectful nods but Harley has relaxed a little around his cousins, enough that he can greet them with a grin.
“We’re just here to see you off, I thought we might’ve missed you,” Aodhan says with the same rogue grin on his face that Harley has when he’s flirting with Lips. It hits me in my gut that they share just as much blood as Harley and I do, that he might not look like either of us but there are little signs of the O’Cronins there.
That would have annoyed me before but after spending time with Aodhan and Jack, now… it’s not such a bad thing. Liam and Domhnall were evil but so was Senior. We’re not our parents.
Lips certainly isn’t.
Ash glares at Aodhan but Harley and Blaise manhandle him onto the bus, laughing and joking like children.
My heart hurts just a little at being left behind but I know I need this. There’s something about this next six months that feels so pivotal to me and I know if I keep hiding behind my brother that I’ll never be who I want to be.
Senior is dead.
I can be whoever the hell I want to be without my father looming over me like an executioner about to swing a sword.
I just don’t exactly know who it is I want to be. I thought the answer to that was free. Yet now that I am free, I’m still not happy. I’m alive, I’m a billionaire, my brother is safe and loved.
What else could I ask for?
“I think if we’re quick about packing, I can get you on that bus before it leaves the state.”
I give Aodhan a glare but he only laughs at me.
“What? You look like you’re about to cry, Beaumont.”
I huff at him and turn on my heel to walk back into my house. They both chuckle and follow after me, proving Ash right in his assumptions about what they were really here for.
I wait until I’m inside the foyer before I confront them. “If Harley put you both up to following me around while he’s gone then you can leave, I want some peace and quiet.”
Aodhan shrugs and closes the door behind them. “He asked me to check in on you. I told him that was already the plan, I’m keeping an eye out for any of the Jackal’s men that were left over from his destruction. You know I’m not going to leave anything to chance when it comes to you.”
I ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I nod. That’s been my only real concern about being by myself. Lips has taught me enough to know what I’m doing but the way that Diarmuid had so easily captured me still lies heavy on my shoulders.
I train with a lot more purpose now.
“Do you have any plans for tonight?”
I startle out of my thoughts and look back over to him. I finally understand just where Lips got her jumpiness from. Trauma will do that to a person and the Jackal is still alive and taunting me inside my head.
It hurts me to think about how he must be inside hers too.
“No plans. I’m going to cook for myself, probably do some yoga and then head off to bed. I have a meeting to attend tomorrow night, as do you, so an early night would do me some good.”
Jack huffs and scratches at the scruff on his cheeks a little. He still looks rough around the edges, in need of a long shower and a shave at the very least, but I don’t hold it against him. The loss of his love and their unborn child isn’t something you just bounce back from.
“The night is early, Beaumont. How about you come to a party with us? Let your hair down a little. Why should your family have all of the fun while you stay home and do all of the work?” Aodhan grins at me and all I can see is the O’Cronin charm that must have melted my aunt Iris’s heart.
I’m immune to it thanks to Harley.
“I can’t. I hope you both have fun though, drinking and dancing in the Bay does look like a good time.”
Aodhan steps up towards me and shoves his hands in his pockets. “Why not? You say you can’t, but why exactly can you not have a fun night out? The Jackal is dead, you’ll be with me and Jack the whole time, no one is going to so much as side-eye you. Fuck, half the Bay knows who you belong to anyway… no one touches the Wolf or her pack.”
I swallow.
There really isn’t a real reason why I can’t go, I just… I haven’t done anything this reckless since Rory and without Lips to come save me this feels dangerous.
“Okay, but I warn you, it’ll take me at least two hours to get ready. I’m not some Mounty girl who can just throw some rags on and call it good.”
Aodhan grins and shrugs. “I’ll raid your fridge for beers, we know where the theatre room is.”
He says theatre like it’s an insult but I’m used to the way he speaks now so it doesn’t upset me at all.
It takes me almost three hours to get ready, mostly because I have no idea what I should wear to something like this. White is the obvious choice but this isn’t an official outing so I don’t necessarily have to. Nothing red, that much is for certain and nothing in any of the colors that are already taken from members outside of our allies.
It’s stupid and it’s foolish, but I stick with something safe and I wear black.
Lots of people wear black so it’s not as though I’m doing anything wrong but I’m also trying very hard not to provoke anything from Atticus at the moment and showing up to the docks of the Bay at a party in his colors seems reckless.
I do it anyway.
“Holy shit. That’s a fucking dress.”
I roll my eyes at Aodhan as I come down the stairs, my legs as steady as ever even in ten-inch stilettos and such a short hemline. “Well done on your keen observation skills. Honestly, sometimes I wonder about you, O’Cronin.”
Jack scoffs and mumbles, “I think he meant that you look like sex on heels and he’s a little fucking worried about taking you into the party like that. We’re going to be working overtime keeping hands the fuck off of you.”
I glance down and smile at the long lines of my exposed legs. “Good. There’s no point going out if you’re not ruining someone’s life.”
Aodhan tips back his head and laughs. “There she is! There’s the Ice Queen. I thought we lost her for a second, my cousin would’ve been pissed.”
I roll my eyes at him again and then I take his arm. He looks a little shocked that I’m touching him but I’ve always been a tactile person. There’s never been a shortage in family that would hold me or take my hand when I needed it.
It never occurred to me that maybe he’d object to it.
Jack gets the door and then we walk out to the car. It’s a classic, an Impala that I know Harley drools over every chance he gets. It isn’t pristine, the seats all need some work, but it’s still a very nice car.
Aodhan helps me into the front seat, a little clumsy like he’s never shown this sort of chivalry to a woman before and he’s winging it. Jack climbs into the back, folding his legs up with a grunt. I take a second to check them both out and I feel just a little over dressed. Both of them are in jeans, distressed from wear and certainly not a fashion choice, and while they’re both clean they’re not at all dressed for the occasion.
“Where did you get the Impala? It’s a new purchase, right?”
Aodhan starts the engine and the roar is like nothing else. I’m not exactly a car person but I spend enough time with Harley and Ash to know the ins and outs. Ash prefers his European sports cars over the grunt of the muscle cars but it’s all variations of the same equation.
“It was Domhnall’s. I wanted to sell it, fuck him, but… it’s too fucking pretty for that shit. So
instead I drive it around doing shit for people he hates and enjoy every second without him.”
Jack changes the subject, steering it away from their dead scumbag relatives and onto safer topics.
I check my phone as he talks and try not to laugh at the stupid messages I’m already getting from Lips and the guys. I should not miss them yet. I definitely shouldn’t miss them the day they’ve left, I woke up with Lips and Ash arguing in my bedroom about waking me up. Ash wanted to force me onto the bus because he couldn’t bear to leave me behind.
He messages tell me he’s still feeling that way.
I hesitate for a second and then I snap a photo of myself in the car with the O’Cronins, my outfit and red lipstick clearly in view and then I send it to her with a single line of text.
Wish me luck, the Bay isn’t going to know what hit it.
Aodhan chuckles at me and says, “You know they’ll turn around and come back for you, right? There’s no way they’ll let you go.”
My phone buzzes and I hold my breath a little as I check it.
Down at the docks? Illi is around, text him if you need anything. Have fun and remember to stab first. I love you.
I refuse to get weepy over Lips trusting me. I refuse to cry over her finally feeling comfortable telling me she loves me, that we’re as close as blood these days and the universe brought us together to start this rag-tag family together.
Great, maybe I will cry.
“We have, what, four hours maybe until they get here? Let’s head straight for the bar when we get there,” Jack snarks from the backseat and I huff at them both.
“They’re not coming back. I can go out if I want to, I’m not their prisoner.”
Aodhan grins and I’m tempted to ruin his life. They’re both baiting me to convince me that this is a good idea. They want me angry and fighting back about going out so I enjoy my night but… I’m still on the fence about it.
I wish I wanted to go out and drink and find some stupid man to spend the night with. I wish I wanted to act my age for a minute but really, I just want to stay home and plan out how to take control of the Bay completely.