by J Bree
He’ll never have to pick between Lips and his family because she is family.
He’ll never have to worry about anything happening to her like it did to his mom.
“Fuck, you didn’t say she was bringing a fucking member of the Twelve! We don’t like your type around here.”
We both turn to find a huge, tattooed biker looking fierce at the top of the staircase that leads down into Illi’s workroom. Aodhan subtlety shifts so his body covers me but I huff at the newcomer.
“Roxas, if you don’t like members of the Twelve then why do you follow Lips around the Bay when she’s home keeping tabs for Illi? I’m pretty sure you have a Boar tramp stamp on your body somewhere, I’m just not invested enough to go looking.”
His eyes narrow at me and it’s all an act because he’s trying to psych Aodhan out. He only lasts ten seconds before a grin splits across his face, all teeth and savagery. “Well, well, if it isn’t the Queen of Mounts Bay. You’re looking all grown up these days. If you’re looking for a little taste of rough—“
Illi’s voice calls out from his workroom, “She’s had enough rough, shut your fucking mouth before I have to kill you. Same rules for Queenie as my girl and the kid, I’ll fucking gut you.”
Roxas rolls his eyes and pushes away from the wall. “Fine, spoil my fucking fun. I’ve had a long week of hunting down fucking dealers in the Bay for you, the very least you could do is flirt a little.”
I squeeze Aodhan’s hand before dropping it, stalking forward towards the staircase. “I don’t take on charity cases and you were working for Illi, not me. If you want payment, I’ll write a check.”
Roxas shrugs and flips the bird at Aodhan. “I don’t take rich bitch money, you might wanna get that stick outta your ass—“
Illi snarls, “Shut your fucking mouth about her before I come up there and shut it for you.”
I brush past the biker like he’s nothing because I know exactly how to deal with egos like this. No one ever mentions money if they’re secure in themselves, obviously he’s got a chip on his shoulder about the ‘easy’ life I must have had.
I hate that type of asshole.
I miss Ash and Harley being here to snarl at anyone who treats me like that but missing them doesn’t help me now so I leave the biker behind as I walk down to the workroom.
There’s a small landing at the bottom of the stairs before the workroom where Illi leaves his jacket and cleans off before he goes upstairs to his wife. Odie once told me he’s meticulous about never going home to her dirty and he’ll always have a long shower before he’ll so much as hold her hand after a bloody night of work.
It’s very sweet and entirely the reason I think their relationship works.
Illi ducks his head out of the workroom and huffs at me. “No wonder he started his shit, you’re wearing designer shoes down here. Grad some of the plastic covers, there’s blood all over the floor.”
I roll my eyes and Aodhan grabs my purse while I get dressed. He really is too much of a gentleman to have grown up here in the Bay. Roxas snarks at him as he walks past and I consider asking Lips if we can kill him.
That would be nice after this week of mine.
Once I’ve kitted up, I follow Illi back into his murder room and find the dealer already strapped to a chair there, bleeding profusely from several different wounds. He looks as though he’s been beaten with a baseball bat, though it only takes a glance at the state of Harbin’s knuckles to know it was his meaty fists that did the damage.
“Did you get anything out of him?”
Harbin shrugs. “A whole lotta shit that doesn’t concern us. Like we give a fuck about what move the Ox is making. He’s fucking pathetic.”
I shrug and bend at the waist until I’m staring the dealer in the face. “Still, could be useful for other things. Are you dealing for the Fox? He’s the most likely choice for taking over the Jackal’s drugs, what with their relationships for the parties they threw together.”
The dealer looks so offended at having me speak to him. I can read it on his face. A woman in heels and red lipstick, standing here talking about ‘men’s business.’ I’ve seen that look a million times before, it’s not hard to pick out.
He spits out blood, aiming and hitting my shoe.
I stare down at it with enough panic at the thought of what diseases he might be carrying that I think the whole room takes a deep breath, waiting for me to scream and lose my shit.
Illi has been around for my reactions to the heads arriving in boxes so I expect it to be him coming to my rescue but Aodhan beats him to it, dragging the dealer from his chair and throwing him to the ground at my feet. When the dealer tried to struggle his way to his knees Aodhan uses the sole of his boot on the back of his neck to the ground.
“Say the word and I’ll snap his fucking neck, Queenie.”
I take a wet wipe out of my purse and wipe down my shoe, just to get the blood off for long enough to finish the interrogation but I will be burning these shoes the moment I can. My skin is crawling and I want to vomit but I keep the panic from my face.
The dealer takes my silence as a death warrant. “I don’t know who the fuck the boss is! No one does, he stays in his fucking castle! All I know is we were told to cross the eyes out, the Jackal is dead and they want the message out that there’s a new player taking over.”
I glance over at Illi and he stalks over to me, crouching over to where the guy is gasping for air under Aodhan’s boot. “Gimme the exact orders. Tell me exactly what you were told.”
The guy hacks out a breath, wheezing out, “That’s it man! Take a black fucking marker and cross the eyes out.”
Aodhan’s eyes collide with mine.
Illi snarls, “They specified a color? Or are you ad-libbing that shit? We want specifics or you’re gonna be sold to cannibals by the pound, they enjoy skinny crackheads. Something about the tenderness of the meat.”
Disgusting but effective, the dealer almost shits himself right there on the ground at our feet. “Yes! Yes, he said black. He was specific about it.”
Chapter Thirteen
Odie is the sweetest woman alive but if she doesn’t give me the secret to her macaron recipe, I might strangle her in her sleep.
I’m wise enough not to say this to her but Illi reads it on my face all the same, smirking at me and popping an entire chocolate macaron in his mouth in one go because he’s a total savage.
I realize my mind is very disordered right now, I know what’s going on, but that doesn’t stop the fixation from happening. Nothing can stop it, not after years of Ash and Harley and Blaise all trying to calm me down, not even Lips’ quiet acceptance of this problem of mine, nothing can stop it except letting it burn out of my system, destroying everything around me.
Ash does the same thing.
The perks of our childhood locked in a mansion with Joseph Beaumont Sr.
So I try to lock it down just enough that Aodhan doesn’t realize I’m crazy and Illi doesn’t call Ash home to me, and it kind of works a little because it doesn’t matter how many times I try to make the macarons, they never turn out right, and that’s a real issue.
The most important issue of the night, one might say… if they’re utterly detached from reality.
“Tell me what goes wrong with them and I will help solve the problem, la Reine.” Odie murmurs, setting a cup of coffee in front of me. It’s too sweet, I can smell it from here, but I don’t have the heart to tell her.
Roxas snickers at me under his breath like it’s hilarious that I’m thumbing through a cookbook muttering in French with her but Aodhan keeps shifting in his chair. I’ve grown up almost exclusively around men and I know exactly what that shifting means.
If Aodhan ever makes a move, I can try whispering some French in his ear and see where that takes us. It would have been handy to know back when—
No.
I’m going to stop thinking about that place.
I’m not going to let
it ruin my life or the chance of this relationship with Aodhan and I’m already on the edge of doing that for myself.
I fucked Atticus in a storage room.
What I did to Aodhan in that interrogation room, it doesn’t matter that I was doing it to save his life, I didn’t give him a choice. I was doing it whether he agreed to or not and that’s on me.
I’m the monster.
Illi clears his throat and says, “Queenie, we need to talk about what the dealer said. Stop worrying about the biscuits, you can fuck around with them later.”
Clearly, he knows nothing of how my mind works because I definitely do not want to think about what the dealer said.
Everyone in the Bay knows about the color system.
There’s no way anyone would choose a color that carefully without wanting it to mean something which means the dealer is trying to frame the Crow for something.
Or that the Crow has taken on the drug empire.
“The Crow would never do it. He would never deal drugs,” I say, keeping my eyes on the recipe book but it says all the same things as mine does at home.
Maybe I should come over for a cooking class with Odie? Maybe that would fix the macaron problem? Maybe I should go home and cook twelve dozen batches until they come out right?
Odie’s hand slowly slips into mine on the page in front of us both, stopping the flipping. I glance up at her and she murmurs to me, quiet enough that even Illi won’t be able to catch the words, “Do you need me to call la Loup? Or Ash?”
I realize my hands are trembling.
I look over at Illi and he’s staring at me like he’s expecting me to start screaming and breaking his plates. I mean… they are the worst shade of red I’ve ever seen. It’s as though Illi wants everyone to think he’s serving food in bowls of blood. There’s a whole plethora of reds he could choose from and he goes with that shade?
Unacceptable.
“O’Cronin, take her home and leave her alone. If she starts smashing shit, don’t stop her,” Illi says, and I roll my eyes at him.
Aodhan looks mildly confused but he gets up.
“I’m fine.” My voice doesn’t sound right even to my own ears.
Illi huffs. “No woman who has ever said she’s fine in the history of women was actually fine. Between the spit on your shoes and the idea of the Crow stooping to that level you’re done for the day. I’ll call the kid, let her know to call you later.”
I very carefully straighten up and shake my hands out but nothing stops the shaking.
Joey was bad before he started taking drugs.
He was vicious and violent, he was petty and jealous of Ash and I. Mom loved us both a lot more than she loved him, even though it upset her to feel that way. She knew there was something wrong with him but nothing she ever did would fix him. He was jealous that Ash loved me too. He was jealous that he wasn’t going to have a partner in crime, that Ash would rather walk into my father’s rooms of pain and death and die for me than ever let that horror touch me.
The drugs just made everything worse.
The fights Ash and I would have when he and Blaise first started smoking weed together, I was so angry at him for daring to touch it. What if he changed? What if the drugs made him hate me too?
What if the violence in him suddenly shifted and became like the violence in Joey?
I only let it go because it helped with his anxiety and insomnia, but I would never have accepted him taking anything stronger. The handful of times Blaise had tried harder drugs I threatened him with rehab.
How could Atticus do this?
“Fucking Christ, that’s why you don’t let little rich bitches come play with the big hitters. Can’t even handle a little bit of blood, why the fuck the Wolf would keep you around is beyond me. Unless she’s fucking you too, what’s one more in her bed?”
The fog of my panic lifts just enough for me to notice the room get very quiet, very quickly.
I run my hands down my legs as a very dangerous calm settles over me.
Harbin lets out a breath. “I’m not gonna dig you outta this. I’m just gonna watch you bleed.”
Roxas scoffs at him. “And who the fuck is gonna make me bleed?”
Illi glances over at me and then smirks. Aodhan’s eyes haven’t left me but I look back over to him and shake my head a little.
I’m over this bullshit.
I kiss Odie’s cheek and murmur a quiet ‘au revoir’ to her. I grab my purse and walk past the table, stopping at Roxas and then I lean down until I’m in his face and smirk.
I use the same tone I always do when I’m dealing with some piece of Mounty trash that means nothing to me as I tear the little illusion Roxas has built for himself to pieces, “You think you’re tough because you ride a bike? Hang out with your little friends? Or is it because your body count is so high? I wonder what would happen to you if some of those skeletons came back to bite you because you weren’t always as smart as you are now, were you? No, back before you lit your old identity on fire and started again in the Bay you were nothing but a little crackhead baby in the slums of New York. You thought I wouldn’t recognize the accent, you thought I wouldn’t make sure I knew everything about every last ally of my family? Please. You’re a worthless, poser biker who thinks killing a few men makes you brave. What happened to you as a child broke you and now you’re making it all with that patch of yours. Still, you’re trapped because you signed your life away to the Boar of all men. Pathetic. And how is your brother doing these days? Can he walk yet?”
His eyes narrow at me, the shock wearing off enough that he thinks about putting his hands on me but I’m not scared.
Not with Illi and Aodhan here. Not with Ash and Harley and Blaise only a phone call away.
Not while I wear the Wolf of Mounts Bay’s insignia on my body and her love and loyalty in my heart.
If he touched me, he wouldn’t be breathing for much longer and for the first time that doesn’t make me feel powerless, like some precious thing to be protected and a burden on my loved ones.
Sometimes I guess I need to be reminded that I’m strong by myself but with my family I’m unstoppable.
I pat his cheek like he’s a simpleton and then I glance back up at an impressed Aodhan. “I’d like to go home now.”
Aodhan watches me carefully as he drives me home but I’m too busy trying to contain the mess my head is in to call him out for it.
“Do you have a file about me somewhere? Do you already know all about the skeletons in my closet?” he murmurs and I sigh, staring out at the city around us. He’s taking a different way home but I know all of the possible routes and I still feel safe here.
“I do. I’ve had a file on you from the moment I found out about Harley, I’ve known about you long before you even knew I existed.”
He nods, frowning just a little. “And if you wanted to destroy me, what would you say?”
I frown. “I don’t want to destroy you Aodhan, but I think I’m already doing a great job of it. Maybe I should fuck someone else, someone other than Atticus just to really fuck my life up. Jesus Christ, why do I keep saying his name? Can we go a little faster? I need to get home.”
Aodhan takes a turn and it’s definitely not the way home now. “Tell me. What’s in my file that’ll break me?”
I shift in my seat so I’m staring at him like he’s lost his mind because I think he has. “I need to go home, Aodhan. I need a shower and a new kitchen or maybe I’ll bake. Can we stop at the store on the way? Never mind, I’ll get a delivery.”
He pulls into a large parking lot at the fishing docks. There’s only one boat here being loaded up and men shouting out orders that I can hear through the closed car doors once Aodhan kills the engine.
“My dad beat my mom every day of their marriage. Was that in the file?”
I keep my eyes glued on what’s happening on the boat. “Yes. Your mum died from it and then he started beating your sister. You’re the only one left now y
ou put a bullet in Domhnall. You have cousins though, dozens of them. I don’t really know how you keep making all of this time to come see me when you’re busy being the head of your family over there.”
He pulls the keys out of the ignition and settles back in his seat.
I get the feeling we’re not going home and I really don’t want to explain to him just how badly I need to break some things. To scour my skin until it bleeds, to strip everything away until the barren void and new beginning settles the panic in my chest.
“My sister killed my mom.”
My eyes widen a little and the chaos in my head settles down enough that I can listen to him… for now. I don’t know how long it will last.
“My dad did beat my mom and me but he left Cara alone. He beat my mom because he saw her as property and he beat me because that’s how you learn to be a man. He always said Éibhear spoiled Harley you know… always said that he was going to turn out soft because he actually loved his son. I think Éibhear was too different for the family, that’s the real reason they fucking destroyed Iris and then killed him. They never liked it when people did things different.”
I look over at him but his eyes are focusing on the boat, to where they’re getting ready to leave for another long day of fishing.
He continues. “So, my dad never laid a hand on Cara but mom did. She was a mean old bitch but she knew better than to hit her around me or dad. Jack and I did what we could to keep the kids all safe but I didn’t see what was happening to my own sister… not until I came home to find Ma dead and Cara sobbing over it. She’d slit her own wrists over it, told me she didn’t want to go to prison over it. I cleaned her up, got Ma dealt with, and then I told Cara I wouldn’t let Domhnall hurt her. I told her we were done with that shit now and I’d keep her safe.”