Riff flashed a portal next to them and grinned when Will shook his head. “You’ll get used to it.”
“I hope not.” Will sounded quite sincere.
“I’ll be staying at the Keeper’s House until further notice,” Riff told them. “I’ll stay in touch with you, Dr. Cassidy. Shandari says it should be safe for you to come to Kaarmanesh in two days. I can take you then.”
“Yes,” Tina said. “That should be soon enough. But if I call you in a few hours, will you have information about Clive’s condition?”
“I shall have a full report of all current knowledge for you,” Riff said, with a little bow. Tina thought that was an elegant way to do it.
Maybe she’d work on the bow for her own use with the families of her patients.
Chapter 39
Tina agreed to go home with Will, where Marilyn fed her a substantial breakfast and put her to bed in the quiet guest room at the back of the house.
She slept for twenty-seven hours.
Upon waking, the only thing that saved her from frantic worry was Riff’s report, which Will gave to her along with another breakfast. The report included a summary from Shandari, who was overseeing Clive’s treatment. They had given him two short sessions to heal the worst of his injuries, including a transfusion of blood to replace what he had lost. He’d awakened this morning, groggy and semi-coherent. Now he was sleeping again. A note at the bottom of the report informed Tina that Riff stood ready to escort her to Kaarmanesh whenever she was ready.
She would have dashed right off, but she didn’t know where her car was, and Will insisted on an examination before she started running around. Tina protested that Shandari would examine her, but Will only shrugged and said it wasn’t his fault she had two doctors.
Tina slipped through the next hour in a daze, focused on her injured lover in Kaarmanesh. She was relieved when Will pronounced the baby in good condition. Sheriff Ringstrom dropped by with her car, which he said had not been easy to find even though the invisibility spell had broken when Damien died. A few of Kasia’s ravens had come across it sometime yesterday.
Feeling as if she was watching herself from a distance, Tina drove to her house to shower and change. As she pulled into her garage, the daze vanished with dizzying suddenness, leaving her cold and terrified. She’d been hiding in the daze, she realized, in a subconscious attempt to separate herself from all that had happened.
When she closed the garage door, she felt as if she was cutting off an escape path. Shaking, she walked through the side door into her kitchen, her glance darting in frantic fear to see everything at once. Why was she afraid? Nothing had happened to her here. Had it?
She remembered that Damien had been here, sharing that meal. Then she remembered Beowulf, and sank to the floor, staring with bleak despair at his water dish in the corner.
Her life had changed. Tina stared at Beowulf’s dish and understood that she would discover more every day, all the many ways in which her life had changed.
Her terror began to ease. Damien was dead. Flashbacks were common in trauma victims; she needed to stay aware of that. She would let Shandari know it was happening. Her gaze moved to her arms and the healing cuts. The scars glared back at her, half-healed and not quite painless. Her leg ached, as if to chide her for walking around.
There was a downside to magical healing, she realized. The half-healed wounds lulled her into thinking the trauma had happened weeks ago. They made her think that she should be further along in her emotional recovery.
It had been just two days since her rescue. She was still a wreck of fresh and violent emotions. She very much wanted to feel Clive’s arms around her.
In the end, that’s what got her moving. She hurried—a quick shower, fresh clothes. Pride forced her to apply a touch of makeup, but she settled for just removing the tangles from her hair and tucking it behind her ears. Unsure of how long she would be in Kaarmanesh, she threw a few things into a bag. She left her home without a single backward glance.
~~
As promised, Riff met Tina at Sebastian Ruth’s house. In the forest, she learned of another way she had changed.
She could see the portal.
It rose from the forest floor, appearing as ripples in the air. Tina narrowed her eyes at it, but it didn’t change or disappear, so she shrugged and went through, her hand on Riff’s arm. It didn’t feel any different.
Once in Kaarmanesh, her vision seemed out of sorts, as if she was looking through polarized lenses. She decided to ask Shandari about it, but when Riff brought her to the Healing Center in Farendale, she didn’t remember.
“Clive is in the garden,” Shandari told her. “I insisted he walk around a bit, but he can’t wait to see you.”
“I can’t wait to see him.” Tina’s heart beat faster.
“Take the left corridor through there.” Shandari gestured to a set of glass double doors. “The entrance to the garden is at the end of that corridor.”
Through the doors, Tina saw sunlight brightening the corridor. She lifted a hand to shade her eyes. Her shoes made no sound on the soft floor, making her feel as if she was drifting through the glow. At the doorway, she paused and let her eyes adjust.
The garden was lovely. She had no doubt of that, although she did not even glance at it. She saw nothing except the man sitting on a bench about thirty feet in front of her. Clive’s back was to her. In front of him, a fountain splashed and sent cascades of water through the air. With the sun in her eyes, Clive appeared as a silhouette against the water. A dark shimmer surrounded him, pulsing with the threatening yellow, black, and blue colors of a bruise. She could just make out a lighter blue that outlined the shimmering bruise.
This was something else to ask Shandari about, but it could wait. She stepped into the garden and walked silently toward Clive. As she neared, the bruise around him faded, and she breathed out in relief, glad to see him free of the ugly thing.
He heard her sigh, and stood, balancing on a cane. He turned to face her, and all her medical training did her no good at all. Like her, his injuries were being healed in stages, and every visible part of him displayed bruises or patched-up torn skin. She could see a slight indentation in his throat where the silver wolf had crushed his windpipe. He didn’t say anything, but his eyes were filled with love, desire, and relief.
She couldn’t force any words past the ache in her own throat, so she just reached for him. He dropped the cane and pulled her to him. She slid her arms around his back, and rested against him, complete at last.
That was something else that had changed.
Tina felt Clive tremble with the effort to stay upright, so she sank onto the bench with him, their arms still around each other. She brushed a soft kiss on his lips, wary of his injuries. He deepened the kiss, his tongue encouraging her lips to open for him. Heat engulfed her and she lost track of everything but his mouth, his heartbeat, his arms. And his hands, which were not at all staying on her back.
She moaned, desperate with need. He broke the kiss and sighed into her hair.
“Ah Tina, I’m so glad you’re here.” His voice was low and hoarse, but his words were clear.
She pulled back enough to see his face, and traced a finger along a sealed, jagged cut on his cheek. “Help me, Clive,” she said, and felt his hands tighten on her shoulders.
“Anything,” he said.
“I want to be with you. But how do I leave my whole life behind?” She remembered the terror at home and her gaze drifted from Clive’s face as she turned inward to consider it. “But I don’t know if I can live at home anymore. So much has happened. I don’t think I’m the same person …”
She blinked as Clive cupped her face in his hands and turned her gaze to him. The shimmering darkness was back, but she stared into his eyes, seeing his love for her in the golden depths.
“You are still the person you are, Tina,” he said, his voice serious and gentle. “Don’t think that you have to make these big deci
sions immediately. You are right about so much happening to you.” His thumbs caressed her cheeks. “I am so sorry to be the cause of it. I will help you through it, if you’ll let me. I won’t make any demands of you. I only want you to know that I love you. That I want you to be with me, that I want us to raise our son together. But you must take whatever time you need.”
“It will be some time before I can learn to think clearly around you.” She stroked his back and leaned forward to bring her lips close to his. “I lose all my good sense when you’re near.”
His answering kiss brought her to trembling surrender as fire coursed along her spine. She breathed him in with the kiss, dizzy with the comforting scent of him. He still touched her face, but now he moved one hand down to her breast, lifting it with a firm squeeze.
She spoke without moving her lips away from his. “When can you go home? I want to be alone with you.”
He smiled and rested his forehead against hers while he fondled her breast. “I don’t know. Maybe they’ll let me go earlier, knowing a doctor will be with me.”
She drew back and laughed with him, relieved that her desire sank to a controllable notch. She noticed the swirling darkness around him again, although the pretty blue outline looked brighter. She squinted at it.
“Clive, what is that?”
“What?”
“This thing around you.” She traced it with her finger. “It’s dark, and it pulses a little.”
He took her hand and held it against his chest. “You can see that? Have you always seen it?”
Tina shook her head, bewildered. “No. I never saw it until I came into this garden.”
“It’s my aura.” He let the words fall between them, as if a death knell sounded.
She saw fear in his eyes, and she turned a horrified gaze upon the darkness as understanding dawned.
“That… thing is the aura of a werewolf? It’s what everyone here sees when they look at you?”
Clive nodded and loosened his grip on her hand. He dropped his gaze to his lap, a mask of shame hiding the joy of a moment ago.
This time it was she who cupped hands around his face. She pulled upward, forcing him to look at her. The emptiness in his eyes broke her heart. It also made her angry.
“You expect me to walk away, don’t you? Because for some reason, now I can see you for what you really are?”
His head jerked in her hands as he nodded. He closed his eyes.
“Bullshit,” she said, and he opened his eyes to stare at her. “That’s not you, Clive. Maybe it represents the werewolf, but it doesn’t represent you. You’ve fought it all your life because you know it’s not what you are.” Now that she had his attention, she let go of his face and pointed at it, her finger tracing the outline. “The blue that surrounds it is you, isn’t it, the you that existed before you were infected? It’s still there because that’s who you are, Clive. It looks very strong.”
“You don’t understand how it works, Tina.” He shook his head. “What it means.”
“I suspect a lot of what you people believe is based on centuries of prejudice.” She raised her chin, her jaw tight. “I know you’re not a bad person, Clive. I’ve seen how Kasia and Shandari feel about you. I saw all those people in the forest who were determined to save you, people who know you and like you. More than that, they respect you.”
He clenched his hands into fists on his lap. “Yes, I believe you’re right about that. But Tina, you have to understand what it will be like for you here, if you are with me. You’ll be living under the weight of those centuries of prejudice, just as I do, every day of my life. All those people respect me, Tina. But none of them socialize with me in public.”
“Not even Shandari? Or Kasia?”
He shook his head.
“I will,” she said, lifting her chin.
His laugh sounded bitter. “You will be just as ostracized. Do you understand that there are many places we can’t even go? Restaurants, theaters, certain neighborhoods… werewolves are not welcome. We are restricted to our own areas.”
“Even you, as a law officer?”
“While on duty, I have access to any place in Kaarmanesh, if it is necessary. Often, another officer is sent rather than me. It makes things easier. And most of my work is done in the Flatlands, where no one knows what I am. Although,” his lips tightened as he glanced away from her, his face bleak, “even that has been taken away in a recent ruling. The search for Fontaine was the last time I was allowed in the Flatlands. I’m restricted to desk duty from now on.”
“What? But what about me? What about the baby?”
He touched the back of her hand, tentative. She turned it and gripped his hand.
“Any involvement I have must be in Kaarmanesh.”
Tina found it hard to breathe and she stood with haste, to pace a few steps, gasping until her lungs filled with air. When she turned back to Clive, he was holding his cane as if ready to stand, concern etched on his face. She swiped at the tears that covered her cheeks and sat to face him again, taking his hand in hers. She had to touch him. She longed to give him all the human love he’d been denied.
“We are trying to cure this thing,” she said. “I think we’ll be successful, although I don’t know how much time it will take.”
“If you do, perhaps things will change. I don’t know.” He lifted her hand to his lips, then held it against his cheek.
She put her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder, relieved when he returned her embrace.
“I will be with you here,” she said. “If that is the only way we can be together. But I can’t just leave Green Roads. I have patients there.” She felt better thinking of practical things. “I’ll probably spend a few days a week here, working with Shandari. But I’ll need to spend time at home too. Will and I may need to advertise for another doctor.”
A lump in her throat forced her stop talking. Was she really thinking of never returning to Green Roads?
“That is a decision for many weeks from now, perhaps even months from now.” Clive rubbed her back. He managed to sound soothing despite the rasp in his voice. “Don’t think it about yet. Your plan sounds plausible. It will give you time to adjust.”
Tina heard his voice trail off and realized that he was getting tired. She gave him a final squeeze and stood, handing his cane to him.
“Let’s go back to your room. You’ve been out here long enough.” She glanced at her stomach while they walked. “I can see your aura, but I can’t see the baby’s. Why is that?”
“No one can see their own aura,” he said. “At least, not without a lot of training. During pregnancy, the baby is part of the mother, so you can’t see the aura.”
“Does it… look like yours?” she asked, hoping he wasn’t offended. “Everyone tells me they can tell he’s a werewolf by his aura.”
Clive stopped and turned to look down at her belly. “He has the swirling dark aura you see around me. The dark is interspersed with emerald and orange, colors which are strong in your own aura.”
Tears burned Tina’s eyes. Blinking, she glanced up at Clive, seeing her anguish mirrored in his expression. She felt a little better when he squeezed her hand.
“You’ll heal him,” he assured her. “You and Shandari will find a way. I truly believe that.”
“I can’t imagine what life will be like for him if we don’t. Is it painful when you change?”
“At first, yes,” he said reluctantly.
“Can a baby survive it?”
“I don’t know, Tina.” His hand tightened on hers. His eyes were hollow with regret.
They heard someone clearing their throat and looked up. Shandari stood in the doorway, her face reflecting the pain she felt from them.
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she said, coming toward them. “Kasia is here with Sensa Raison. They wish to speak with both of you.”
“Who is Sensa Raison?” Tina looked from Clive to Shandari, puzzled.
“Kasia’s boss,” Clive said. “He’s also a council member.”
“Which means…?”
“Council members act as judges and lawmakers within their regions,” Shandari explained. “They are appointed for life.”
“What do they want with me?” Tina asked, gripping Clive’s hand.
Shandari started to speak, but Clive held up a hand. He turned to Tina. “It was the Council’s ruling that forbids my returning to your world. Beyond that, you must realize they have an interest in you and our baby. And a responsibility as well.”
“To whom?”
“The people of Kaarmanesh,” Shandari said, and Tina blinked at the authority of her tone.
“You mean they might decide my baby is dangerous, an animal not worth treating as human? The way they let werewolves be treated?” Her voice was louder by the time she finished.
Clive and Shandari were both silent. Tina waited, breathing hard. When Shandari spoke, her voice was kind.
“I think you’ll find they are quite reasonable. Sensa Raison holds Clive in high regard. Please, Tina, remember that Kasia is your friend and Clive’s as well. Come see what they have to say.”
But she won’t go out to dinner with him, Tina thought, her bitterness still high. Neither will you. Clive’s stiff posture made her realize that her protests were just making it worse. She nodded and stuck close to Clive as they walked with Shandari to his room.
Unlike a typical hospital room, it contained a small sofa and table, as well as a desk and chair. The bed was large enough for two, and made up with a white comforter.
Kasia stood in front of the sofa, next to a man so odd-looking that Tina wasn’t sure if he was a man. Kasia introduced him as her boss, Sensa Raison. He was tall and thin, with long white hair tucked behind furry, pointed ears. His nose looked human enough, but his eyes were large and oval, with long, thick lashes.
Like a goat’s, Tina thought, which was when she noticed that his legs ended in hoofs. She didn’t dare look for a tail.
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