by Vivian Ward
“People like me?” he finishes my sentence with a clever grin tugging at his lips. God, why does he have to be so gorgeous? “That’s why we’re playing at Rigozzi’s. Joline,” he puts his hand on my cheek, cradling my face, “I can’t play in the casinos. Not with their facial recognition software. There are too many eyes in the sky there. I play underground for a reason.”
His phone rings, interrupting our conversation but he glances at the screen and clicks to ignore it before stuffing it out of sight.
“What would happen if you walked into a casino?” I whisper. I already know the answer, but I want to hear him say it. I need his honesty.
“Well,” he lowers his fingers to my arm and begins softly tracing my skin. “As soon as they see me—either with their own eyes or once the cameras alerted them to who I am—they’d have their biggest, baddest security guards come sweep me out of the way of cameras and people. They’d take me to a private, secluded area and…,” his voice trails off. His eyes are dancing back and forth as though he’s replaying something in his mind. “See this scar? This is where they used a screwdriver for my last warning,” he points to the area behind his ear.
I gasp.
“Oh my,” he allows my fingers to trace the area. The indented scar behind his ear is deep and thick. I can almost imagine how they stabbed him there, twisting and turning the screwdriver in place as a warning to never cheat their casino again. “Zack,” I whisper, “I’m so sorry.”
As I continue imagining what happened to him on that particular night, a shiver races down my spine as I wonder if my security guard friends at my old casino ever did that to anyone. They always laughed and talked to me, walked me out to my car and once, one of them even followed me home after some creep had been hitting on me for an entire week. The final straw was when he left roses on my car one night. I was so freaked out that I was scared to go home. He shouldn’t have known which vehicle was mine out of hundreds, if not thousands, of other cars parked in the same garage. There was no telling what else he knew about me.
But even though the security guards were friends of mine, they were enemies of people like Zack. They hate men like him. Despise more accurately describes the correct term. If I join him, I will be one of those guys. One of the enemies.
I’d be in the same danger.
But Zack would protect me. There’s no doubt about that. I’ve always known I could trust him with my life.
“It’s in the past,” he brushes my hand away. “Besides, that’s why I do it underground now. There are no cameras, it’s harder for them to figure it out, and then there’s my crew. We’re a loyal pack. We always stick together.”
“I’ve got to ask,” I start. But I’m almost too afraid to ask, too terrified to know the answer. I choose my words carefully. “Who’s spot did I replace last night, and why?”
“You’re replacing Andy because she had to go out of town to handle her parent’s estate. Her dad died two years ago, so all that was left was her mom. She passed away in her sleep a week ago, and it’s been hell playing without her. We need another spotter. Bad. And you did so wonderfully last night. You’re exactly what our crew needs.”
“Can’t you just wait for her to come back?”
“She could be gone a few weeks, it could be months, or it might take up to two years. Hell, she might not ever come back. The problem is, we can’t sit around and wait.”
“Zack, I can’t do it. Not for that long. I’m afraid that I’ll get caught, we’ll get caught, and I don’t know what will happen.”
“Joline, you’re the best option that I have. Working in a casino, you know how to cheat, what dealers and other players look for, and you can avoid getting caught because you know exactly how it’s done.”
I can’t believe that I’m even considering helping him. It could get me killed; both of us, actually. The look in his eyes says there’s more to this story. I want to ask, but just like before, I’m afraid of the answer. The less I know, the better off I probably am.
“Why is this so important? Are you that addicted? Addicted to cheating and gambling? There are places you can go to get help if you think—”
He laughs and holds up his hand, silencing me. “I’m not so weak that I can’t control myself. There are very few things that I can’t live without,” his hand slides along my upper thigh. “Gambling is not one of them.”
His warm hand is still on my leg, and his mouth is only inches from my earlobe. I can feel his breath tickling my skin, and it’s making me so wet. If he moves his hand, my wetness will betray me, and I don’t want it to do that.
We’ve always been friends. Close friends. I can help him out, right? For just a little while?
But then I think about his brother, and how we’ve been casually dating. Trent would be so hurt if he knew that I spent the night with his brother. He’d never believe that we didn’t do anything. No sex, no nothing. Just fell asleep.
His oceanic eyes are staring at me, waiting for an answer. For reasons that I can’t understand, I say yes before I have another chance to think about it. I want to help him, even if it means putting myself in danger. He needs me. Trent doesn’t have to know everything I do. Not only am I helping a good friend, but I’m also getting myself out of my financial mess until I can figure out a permanent solution. I just know that if I keep trying, I’ll find a job before too long. Something is bound to pop up.
“Good,” his eyes smile, pleased with my answer. “I’ll pick you up at 9:30 sharp. Wear something sexy.”
Odd. I remember his brother telling me the same thing for our first ‘unofficial’ business date.
“Why?”
“So you can distract the dealer and the other players at the table, beautiful.”
“Oh.” I can feel myself blushing.
I’m not sure how he’s talked me into doing this, but he did. Damn, he’s good. Still, in the hotel room, I instantly regret my decision. I want to back out, but I can’t. Hopefully, by tonight, I’ll still be able to go through with it because I need the money as much as he needs my help.
Chapter 9
Past
Stability.
That’s one thing that I’ve always wanted for myself, in addition to independence.
I’ve never been one to rely on others, but sometimes I’ve lacked in judgment, like when I moved to Vegas.
I was naive to believe that moving thousands of miles away from home would fix things. If anything, all it did was complicate my situation more.
I should have dealt with my feelings about Trent and Zack a long time ago, but I didn’t. Instead, I hoped things would just go away, die down on their own, but that’s not how life works.
Trent is as solid as a rock. He knows what he wants in life, has stability, independence and experience. Those are all admirable qualities to have. I know I certainly wish I had them.
Zack is the complete opposite.
Some may say he’s shady; some say daring. I say he’s just like me. Call it what you want, but we’re two peas in a pod.
Ironically, I had a premonition almost as though it were a dream after our Trent took me to a play last night.
We saw Love Letters which is almost very similar to mine and his relationship. Our deep connection to one another has always been there, but it seems as though time and distance have always kept us apart.
His life consists of organization, extreme talent, and a will to succeed. I’ve always had prestige for him, and it was never more clear than during our date.
My life consists of disorganization, failed attempts, and a way of complicating things beyond their control. I wish I could be more like Trent, but I’m not so sure it’s in the cards for me.
Reaching into the popcorn, I look into his eyes while he’s watching the play and it’s at this moment that I realize this play is very similar to our lives, but he doesn’t seem to notice. He’s just happy to be with me, enjoying our time together.
Sitting in the theater, he t
akes my hand in his and kisses the back of it. Some say that this is a term of endearment, love, and admiration; though, I’m not sure how anyone can love me with as much of a mess as my life is.
Watching the play, I closely follow along with Melissa and Andrew’s stories. The pair is romantically attached even though they live so far apart, even from a young age and communicate any way they can.
While Melissa fails a streak of good schools that have been made available to her, Andrew does the opposite and flourishes at some of the countries top-notch schools. Similarly how Trent and I kind of went our own separate ways even though we were both—at one point—in the same spot, educationally speaking.
From there, Andrew has to go to war for the good of our country and while away, Melissa marries; though, the communication, through—you guessed it—letters, never ceases between the two. It’s like somehow; they always remained connected in one strange way or another.
No matter how many miles apart Trent and I have always been apart, I’ve always been able to reach out to him. We could have remained in constant contact all these years through, but I chose not to because I could never make a decision between him and his brother.
When Andrew returns home from the war, he continues with his life and becomes stronger, more successful and more defined in who he is. Poor Melissa, though, much like me, finds herself in a dilapidating marriage, winds up becoming an alcoholic and alienates herself from her family.
Of course, as all love stories go, the two eventually become a couple, but it’s too late for them. Andrew writes a final letter to her mom after his sweet Melissa passes in an unfortunate death making it crystal clear how much they meant to one another over the years and how much they gave each other.
It’s an extraordinary love story, but I can’t help but wonder how much of it rings true for Trent and I. There are so many similarities, yet so many differences.
After the play, we head back to his house to have some wine and soak in the hot tub, but I can’t shake this sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It’s like I watched mine and Trent’s relationship play out until the end, right in front of my very own eyes.
But how accurate or true could this be?
I’d rather not live an unstable life hopping from one job to the next, not knowing how I’d pay my next bill or my next car, and I sure didn’t want to guess if and how Trent and I would work. I wish I had half of the confidence and perseverance that Trent has.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as we settle into the hot tub.
I put my lips to the rim of the wine glass and stare at his handsome features before taking a long, slow sip of the delicious red wine. There’s no doubt he pays thousands of dollars per bottle.
The sweet wine rolls around my mouth as the bubbles pop on my tongue and I debate my answer.
“That play that we watched. What did you think about it?”
He laughs at my silly question. We both know there are more things on my mind than the events of the play, but in my opinion, that’s where it all started, with the play.
“Come on, Joline, we both know you weren’t thinking about that silly play, but if you must know, I liked it.”
“What did you like?”
“Specifically?” he drinks from his wine glass. “The way you watched it so intently. It seems like it must have had an impact on you if you’re still talking about it.”
He knows me well.
“I don’t know if impact is the right word, but it did make me think. It kind of reminded me of our relationship.”
“Ours?” he asks.
He scoots next to me and doesn’t stop until our legs are touching. The water shooting out of the jets near me is obscured by his frame, diminishing the little veil of protection that was separating us seconds ago as he outstretches his arm around me.
Taking another long sip of wine, I pretend like my question wasn’t silly. At least, I didn’t think it was.
“Yes. Didn’t you pick up on the similarities?”
Surely by now, he’d be able to spot the flaws in our relationship and would be able to detect how closely Love Letters mirrored our own relationship. Well, except Andrew didn’t have a hot, dangerous brother clouding up the mix and I never went to any fancy schools, but I’ve never had anything work in my favor.
“No,” he says. “I think you’re making something out of nothing. What we have going is a good thing, and I don’t know about you, but I’m happy. Very glad.”
I’m happy too, but I can’t stop this nagging, sinking feeling like I’m going to lose him somehow.
“Me too,” I say.
I don’t see a point in making something out of nothing. Maybe he’s right. It’s still too early in our relationship to tell how things will work out.
Maybe for once in my life, I can have some stability.
I do have a dedicated man by my side. One that my dad loves and has a good relationship with—and that’s important to me. My dad has always looked out for me so having his approval of a man tells me that I’m making healthy choices, which is something I need to know or at least, hear now and then.
If only I could find a stable job and get back on my own two feet. I hate not being able to support myself.
Chapter 10
Present
My hands are shaking as I apply my lip gloss and pull my hair back. I can’t believe that I’m actually going through with it. If we get caught, there’s no telling what will happen to us. I’m scared to death, but my credit cards are almost completely maxed out, and I’m no closer to getting a car than I was three months ago when I first arrived home.
I need to get some cash coming in and do it quickly.
The job market hasn’t been so kind to me. I’ve gone on some interviews, but nothing materialized from them. Other than that, I have hunted down job leads, sent my resume out to countless employers who had job postings and filled out applications for anyone who was advertising help wanted that was near my house.
This was the kind of break that I’d been hoping for and wishing for. But why did it feel so wrong? Why did I feel so dirty?
Oh, that’s right.
Maybe because counting cards is highly frowned upon since it’s cheating and I lied to Trent. I lied to him to be with his brother. Maybe not in the sexual aspect, but in the physical. I may just have to change my name to Sleazy Joline because a sleaze ball is the only kind of person who cheats and lies.
I didn’t want to lie to him, but I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. How can I tell him that he’s with a broker loser? Someone who doesn’t know what’s going to happen in her life from one day to the next when he’s got everything planned out.
The lies that I spun to Trent are still tugging at my heart strings from when he called me earlier. I’ll never forget our conversation. It was the first time that I have ever lied to him. Even growing up together, I never lied to him or Zack.
“Where have you been?”
That was the first question out of his mouth as soon as I answered. Not a, “Hello, baby, how are you?” or “I’ve been missing you today.” Nope. A straight up, “Where have you been?”
“Oh, I was sleeping.”
It wasn’t a total lie. I just omitted the “with your brother” part. Shaking my head at myself, I continued on with my charade.
“Sleeping? Where? You know I tried to find you after I left to get my car keys, but you were gone.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I remember you leaving me in a chair, and I guess I was so drunk that I fell out of it and hit my head. Karli and Chris saw me lying on the floor and helped me to my feet. I was really trashed, so Karli had Chris take me to my hotel room that was next door to the reception.”
“Really?”
He sounded like he didn’t believe me. And why should he? I was lying through my teeth.
“Yep,” I laughed nervously. “Chris said he carried me over his shoulder like a toddler and I collapsed on the bed. Housekeeping woke me
this afternoon when they were pounding on the door to clean the room.”
I’m going straight to hell. I know it. God knows it. And Satan’s waiting for me.
“Well, that’s funny. I talked to Chris earlier today, and he never mentioned any of that to me.”
“He must have forgotten all about it. It was a big night for him and Karli,” I tried to reason with him.
Mental note, call Karli later to have our stories match.
“What I find funny is that you disappeared right along with my brother.”
Someone must have sucked the air out of my lungs because I could feel them deflating. It felt like someone was crushing them.
“That’s crazy, maybe he had other plans.”
I wasn’t even about to offer an explanation as to where he went or why we disappeared simultaneously.
“What are you doing tonight? I thought that the two of us could pick up some dinner and hang out. Talk.”
“Oh, um,” I swallowed, even though my mouth was dry. “I can’t hang out tonight. I’ve made plans already, but I’ll take a raincheck for tomorrow.”
“Rain check for tomorrow? You’ve never…,” his voice seemed to grow farther away from the phone. “Hang on. This call is important.”
Without another word, or waiting for me to say okay, he clicked over to the other line. I waited for a few seconds before deciding to hang up. Whatever it was, it must have been important because he still hasn’t called me back.
I have a little time before he’s supposed to arrive so I pick up my phone to call Karli. It’s best to get our stories straight before Trent asks Chris anything.
“Girl! Tell me what’s going on!” she says as she answers the phone.
I’m really getting sick of these new greetings. No ‘hello,' no ‘how’s it going,' no ‘what’s up?’.
“Why? What do you mean?” Goosebumps prickle across my skin and for some reason, I feel like I’m on high alert.
“Girrrrl, Trent called trippin’ today. He was asking Chris all kinds of questions. You better spill it now. Everything.”