by Vivian Ward
“I swear to you!” I get off the bed and open my laptop. “See?” I point to the browser. “Here’s the classified ads from The Post right here, and,” I click on the next tab to my email, “Here is where I sent off my resume.”
“I don’t know, Joline. What am I supposed to believe? You stole my heart, stomped on it, bled it out, and now you want me to put it back together so we can be a couple? Do you hear what you’re asking me to do?”
Well, when you put it like that….
“Please, I’m begging you. Let’s start over. Give me a second chance.”
“No.”
Did I just hear him right? He flat out said no. Not even an, “I’ll think about it.” Nothing, like he has no heart; maybe because I ripped it out of him.
“I’m pregnant.”
It was the only thing I could think to say to get him to listen to me and to keep him from leaving me. I was afraid that if I didn’t do something drastic, he might walk out of my life forever.
I’m so consumed with shame, guilt, and sadness. All I want is to feel his arms wrapped around me, telling me that everything will be okay, but that warmth never comes.
His face is callous, stone-like.
We’ve been friends for almost two decades.
TWO DECADES.
You’d think after nearly 20 years, you could read someone like a book, but his cover his hiding all of his expressions.
“Is it mine or is it his?” he asks.
The question is like a sucker punch to the gut.
How am I supposed to answer that? I can’t because I don’t even know.
While Zack and I did have sex—a lot of sex—it’s still very possible that Trent is the father. The timing lines up just right that there’s a 50/50 chance, or maybe 60/40 or 70/30. Hell, at this point, it’s anybody’s guess.
But I want the baby to be his. I need the baby to be Trent’s baby.
“You don’t even fucking know, do you?”
I shake my head.
“I think it’s yours.”
“Why?”
“I-I don’t know; it’s just a feeling that I get.”
He inhales so deeply that I can see his chest filling up with air, almost like he’s filling up a balloon.
“What are you going to do?”
That’s a question I’ve been asking myself ever since the plus sign popped up in the bathroom.
Obviously, I’m keeping the baby but other than that, I don’t know what my plans are. I’ve never believed in abortion, but if I have to, I’ll raise this baby alone. It’s not what I want, but we don’t always get what we want.
“I’m going to keep it.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he shakes his head. “I was talking about my brother.”
Zack. He wants me to tell him what I’m going to do about Zack.
“He doesn’t know about the pregnancy. I haven’t told anyone, except you.”
“You’re done with him. If we’re going to make this work, then you’ve got to cut all ties with him.”
I don’t know what to say to that. I’ve got to go with him when he tries to pay off the two thugs who want to hurt him.
“I have to help him. I’ve got to—,”.
“No, you don’t understand. You’re done. Nothing else to do with him.”
“You don’t understand,”I protest. “Those guys—the ones that told you about us—they want to hurt him, if not kill him. I have to go with him when he pays these guys off to make sure nothing happens, or if it does, I can turn them in.”
His eyebrows scrunch up as his face twists.
“Are you serious? Do you hear yourself? What’s petite little miss Joline going to do to save a big boy like Zack? You can’t help him, especially in your condition.”
Anger rises up in my throat like bile. I’m tired of him treating me like a porcelain doll.
Let me take care of you. Let me do this for you. You can’t do that, you’re so fragile. You might break.
“Your brother’s life might be at stake and he can’t do this alone. I’ve got to help him—with or without your blessing. I can’t let them murder him.”
“And what are you going to do?”
“My job is to hide in the backseat and film everything so if they do anything to him, I can turn them into the police.”
“And what? What if they come after you, Joline? What if they see you or find you somehow? You won’t have a chance to defend yourself against those guys. Don’t forget, I saw them. I know what they look like; how big they are.”
That’s where he’s wrong.
“You are aware of the fact that your brother keeps a gun on him and in his vehicle at all times, right? Do you think I’d be dumb enough to hide in the backseat and be a sitting duck?”
“I can’t let you do that. I can’t let you put yourself in danger. I’ll go.”
“The two of you can’t get along for five minutes. There’s no way you’ll be able to go with him.”
“If it means protecting you I’ll do it. That doesn’t mean that I won’t kill him myself, but I’m not going to let you get hurt.”
That’s Trent for you; no matter how badly I hurt him, he’s always right there for me. It’s a reminder of why I love him, but it makes the knife twist a little deeper as to why I betrayed him.
“Come home with me tonight. Please.”
Chapter 22
Trent’s house feels and looks so different. It feels like I haven’t been here in ages.
“Are you hungry?” he asks.
“A little.”
He flips the light on in the kitchen and opens the fridge, searching for something to eat.
“How about a grilled cheese sandwich?”
“Sure.”
Having him cook for me seems a little weird. Right now I feel like I should be doing everything for him, but that’s not how he is.
After we eat a semi-late dinner, he puts our plates in the dishwasher and carries me to his bedroom, and I let him. I’m so exhausted and drained—mentally, emotionally, and physically. Staying in the hotel room, being constantly on the go, and finding out that I’m pregnant is sensory overload.
I need a good night’s rest, some time to decompress and to feel the comfort of his arms cradling me, forgiving me. It’s all I’ve wanted since I came back home.
At some point, our cuddling in bed turns into kissing and before I know it, both of our clothes are off.
“Joline, I’ve missed you so much,” his lips are hovering just above mine, grazing my skin. “Don’t ever,” he kisses me. “Leave me,” kiss. “Again,” kiss.
His hands are all over me, covering every exposed part of me that his brother touched, almost as if he’s erasing him off of my body.
Parting my legs, I rest one on top of his hip as we lie together on our sides, kissing, holding, feeling, needing, and touching each other.
His erection is teasing me, barely caressing my wetness, as it coasts back and forth, brushing against my clit. I want him inside of me.
I need him inside of me.
Our teeth crash together as we kiss, his erection becoming more evident, more aggressive as he pushes it harder against me. I can’t stand another minute of him not being inside of me.
Rolling onto his back, I straddle him and look him in the eyes. All I see is love staring back at me.
“You belong to me, and only me,” he whispers into my ear.
Grabbing the base of his cock, I lower myself down onto him and take him as deep as I can while I lean over and kiss him. Wonderful kisses filled with so much hope, so much promise.
Sitting on the bench in his shower, I let the hot water cascade over my body as the fog builds up around me.
Tonight is the night that Trent and Zack will have to come together to meet up with the two men that threaten Zack’s very existence on this earth.
Zack wasn’t keen on Trent going in my place, but when he found out that I was pregnant, he agreed that it was best.
I didn’t want Trent to tell his brother about the pregnancy, but he didn’t leave me much of choice in the matter. They were having a heated debate over the phone when he delivered the news. I could only hear one side of the conversation, but it was enough to keep up with what was being said.
“No, she’s not going with you. I’m going in her place,” he said to his brother.
“I don’t care what you and she agreed upon; she’s not doing it.”
There was a long pause.
“You don’t know, do you?”
I begged him not to tell his brother. Shook my head, clasped my hands together, and even got down on one knee.
“She’s fucking pregnant.”
“Yes, pregnant.”
Another pause, this time a bit shorter.
“No, she doesn’t know.”
“That’s what I said,” another pause. “Fine, I’ll see you at 7.”
I’m worried about the two of them going tonight. If the two pit bosses don’t do any killing this evening, they might just kill each other.
Getting out of the shower, I shiver as the rush of cold air licks my skin. Zack should be here any minute, and part of me hopes that he shows up while I’m still in the bathroom getting dressed.
I have no idea what his reaction will be when he sees me for the first time since finding out that I’m pregnant, but I can’t imagine it will be good.
Slipping into my Victoria Secret sweatpants and a matching Pink sweatshirt, I head downstairs to give Trent a kiss before he leaves with his brother tonight and to tell him how much I love him.
Just as I walk past the front door, I hear knocking. I know it’s Zack, and I freeze in place as though I’m not sure what to do. My mind tells me to open the door, but something else tells me I better let Trent do it.
Before another awkward second passes by, Trent appears and opens the door for his brother.
“I have to grab something before we go,” he says to Zack.
The two of us are face to face, standing at the door while Trent leave us alone.
We stare at each other, neither of us knowing what to say before he finally breaks the silence.
“Why didn’t you tell me that you were pregnant?”
“I was still in shock myself.”
It’s an honest answer. I didn’t know what to think after I took the test.
“Is it—,” his voice cuts off, afraid to ask the question.
“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. Your brother and I are dealing with things.”
He nods.
“Okay, I’m all set,” he turns to me. “Joline, you remember what to do if I’m not back by 9.”
I shake my head.
“Call the police.”
“I love you,” he says before he kisses me.
It’s not a peck either.
His lips meet mine, and his tongue finds it way inside my mouth, almost as though he’s claiming me, right before his brother. We kiss passionately for a moment before he lets go of me.
“I love you, too,” I say.
Not long before 9, the two of them pull up in the driveway. Trent’s driving and Zack is doubled over in the front seat with blood all over him.
Worried what happened, I run outside and help Trent bring his brother into the house.
“What did they do?” I ask, worried about Zack.
Trent seems annoyed that I’m so concerned about his brother, and that’s when I notice the dried blood trail coming from his nose. They got him, too.
“They took the bribe money,” Zack says. “But they left me a parting gift.”
I’m not sure what he’s talking about.
“Us, they left us a parting gift,” Trent interrupts.
“What?”
“They beat the shit out of him, probably cracked a few of his ribs,” Trent fills me in. “They told him this was his one and only warning, next time they’ll kill him if they ever see him again.”
Looking over at Zack, I can see the blood coming from his mouth as he winces in pain, still doubled over holding his ribs.
“What’d they do to you?” I ask.
“Nothing,” he straightens his shoulders. “Just showing each other a little brotherly love.”
Damn it. They were fighting with each other. I have no way of knowing who did what to whom.
“Well, let’s get some ice for you two,” I say.
“No, that’s okay. I’m going to get going home,” Zack says and slips right out the door without uttering so much as another word.
Taking Trent into the bathroom, he flinches when I begin cleaning up his face.
“Be careful,” he says.
“I am.” I get a fresh cotton swab with rubbing alcohol on it and begin cleaning a few cuts he has on his cheek. “So what really happened tonight?”
“You already know.”
“No, I don’t,” I say. “What was that whole brotherly love business about?”
“We traded a few good slugs.”
“I wish you two wouldn’t fight,” I say, applying ointment to one of his gashes. “It’s not worth it.”
“You’re worth it. You’ve always been worth it,” he grabs my hips and pulls me into him. “You know,” he changes the subject. “You’re going to have to go to the doctor soon.”
He plants a soft kiss on my stomach.
“I will. I’ll make an appointment tomorrow. Hopefully, they can tell me how far along I am so I can figure things out.”
Chapter 23
My legs are awkwardly spread in these stirrups, and I am beginning to hate the fact that I’m a woman. Trent’s busy holding my hand while he coaches me on my breathing techniques.
“Yeah, the last thing I want is for you to tell me what to do,” I say to him through clenched teeth. I look at the doctor, “Can I push now?”
I’m already pushing because I feel like I need to; it seems like the baby’s head is right there.
“Stop pushing, Joline! I’m not ready yet,” my doctor warns me. “If you push that kid out before I’m ready, he’s going to shoot out onto the floor. Give me a second to check things out first.”
The doctor slips his latex gloves on as he makes his way over to check me. I want this ordeal to be over. I don’t remember which book I read that said childbirth is the most natural joy in the world, but that author was lying.
With my contractions coming less than a minute apart, I know the end is near. It has to be because I can’t endure this much longer.
Dr. LargeHands pokes his head between my legs and shoves his hand up my hoo-ha.
“Oh, yeah, you’re definitely ready. On the count of three, take a deep breath and push as hard as you can.”
I’m so annoyed that he’s telling me that I’m ready to push. Gee, without him, whatever would I do?
Taking a deep breath, I push on 3, and I can feel the baby’s head beginning to crown. It doesn’t take long, maybe two, three minutes tops, until I hear his lungs screaming with each breath he takes.
“It’s a healthy boy,” the doctor says, wiping him off. “Dad, do you want to cut the cord?”
“Yes!”
Trent practically leaps to the end of the hospital bed, taking the scissors from the doctor to cut the umbilical cord.
After the baby’s all cleaned and weighed, the nurse brings him over to me, swaddled in a white blanket covered in pink and blue footprints.
His wrinkled face is adorable, and he’s so tiny.
“Can my father come in to see the baby?” I ask my doctor.
“Let the nurses get the room cleaned up and then you can have as many visitors as you’d like.”
Trent and I admire all of the baby’s features as the nurses go about cleaning the room and removing all the equipment.
“We need to pick out a name,” I remind him. “What does he look like his name should be?”
“I don’t know, whatever you think.” He lets the baby wrap his hand around his tiny finger. “He’s
so perfect, just like his mother.”
“Thank you,” I kiss him.
“We’re all done if you’d like, I can stop and get your father on my way down to the cafeteria,” my doctor offers.
“Yes, please, that’d be great.”
My dad is in love with the baby the minute he lays eyes on him, and doesn’t stop fussing over him until he leaves when visiting hours are over.
“I guess I’ll leave you and my handsome grandson alone, but I’ll be back tomorrow. You better believe that,” he says.
“Thanks for coming, Dad. I’m glad you got to meet him today.”
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world. I knew when I told Trent I wanted a grandbaby that he’d deliver,” he shakes his hand. “Good job, son.”
“Thanks,” Trent leans in and hugs my dad.
“Do you want to leave with me, or are you staying behind?” my dad asks Trent.
“I think I’ll stay the night with Joline; the nurse said I could.”
“All right, you two kids take it easy. Love you, honey,” my dad bends over the side of my bed, kissing my forehead.
“Love you, too, dad.”
Now that Trent and I finally have some alone time, I feel like I can breathe. It’s been such a hectic day with the doctor, all the nurses, my dad, and the lab people that I haven’t really had a chance to talk to him.
“How are you holding up over there?” I ask him.
“Today was exhausting, but the good news is we get to do it all over again tomorrow. Hopefully, you’ll get to come home then.”
Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I’ve been living with Trent. I thought my dad would get lonely at first, but I was wrong; he does plenty to keep himself busy.
“I, um, wanted to talk to you about tomorrow,” I say to him. “Before I leave the hospital with the baby, we can do a paternity test so we ca—,” he puts his finger to my lips.
“Joline, I don’t care. I don’t care if it’s my baby or not. We’re going to raise him together as one. Will you marry me?”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a ring. It’s the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen.
“Oh, my god. When did you do this? I mean, how long have you been planning this?”