by Sue Horsford
Gabriel paused. “I don’t want us to do anything that hurts you emotionally, so I’ll meet you halfway. You can look me in the eye from now on, except for when I expressly forbid you to.”
“Thank you, Master.”
“But that doesn’t alter the fact you’ve been disobedient today,” he said, his voice stern. “I’m going to punish you now and it’s going to be severe to show you what happens when you choose to deliberately defy me.” He fell silent for a moment. “Was it deliberate, sweetheart, or did you just forget?” He was offering me a way out, but I couldn’t lie to him.
“It was deliberate, Master.”
“I see. Thank you for being honest with me.”
He brought the brush down across my backside over and over while I wept and promised never to disobey him again. It seemed to go on for much longer than previous spankings and by the time it was over, I was sobbing so hard I could hardly catch my breath.
Gabriel pulled me down off his lap and back up into a seated position then he held me while I cried against his chest. “Ssshh, baby,” he soothed me. “I’m sorry if that really hurt, but I can’t have my submissive acting willfully and not do anything about it.”
“I know,” I sniffled. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”
“Did it hurt much more than the other times I’ve spanked you?”
“Yes, but I understand why.” And I did understand. We’d agreed to base our entire relationship on a dynamic we both wanted and my actions today had threatened to undermine that dynamic. If Gabriel had been more lenient with me, then at some level, I would have been disappointed. I would have felt he didn’t take his responsibility as my Master seriously. The thought that I hadn’t taken my responsibilities as his sub seriously brought on a fresh flood of tears.
Gabriel stroked my hair in silence for a moment, then he said, “Would you like me to give you a safe word to use during punishments?”
I stared at him in astonishment. “I thought having a safe word during punishments defeated the object,” I said.
“So did I.” He wiped a stray tear from my cheek with his thumb, and I tilted my head sideways so my face was cupped in his palm. “But maybe I was wrong. I want your obedience and that means punishing you if you disobey. But to see you weeping like this and to know I’m the cause…” He stopped and shook his head. “It makes me wonder if I’m pushing you too far, sweetheart.”
I reached up and stroked his hair. “Gabriel, I wasn’t crying because of the pain. I was upset because I’d disobeyed you. I want more than anything to be your perfect submissive and you having to punish me brings it home to me that I haven’t been all I wanted to be.”
“So you don’t want a safe word, then?”
I shook my head, smiling. “No, Gabriel. I don’t need a safe word. I trust you.”
He stared into my eyes with something like wonder. “Remind me to show you how much I love you when we get home.”
My groin tightened deliciously. “Shall we go home now, then?”
Gabriel laughed. “Not just yet, kitten. We haven’t finished our shopping.” He opened the car door. “Come on. I want to find somewhere to have lunch.” As I climbed out of the car, he slapped my behind. “You’re going to need to keep your strength up.”
We found a little Italian restaurant for lunch and, after our main course, Gabriel ordered one bowl of ice cream.
“Now, madam,” he said with a wicked smile as he picked up the spoon. “You’re so keen to look me in the eye, I’m going to feed you this ice cream and you are not going to take your eyes off me. Do you understand, sweetheart?”
“Yes, Sir,” I breathed. I remembered how he’d done this before and how embarrassed, yet strangely excited I’d been. I was already feeling turned on after my punishment. My rear was throbbing and on fire, but I never felt so erotically and emotionally bound to Gabriel as I did when he’d physically chastised me. “Last time I fed you in public,” he said, raising a spoonful of ice cream to my lips, “I got the impression you wanted the floor to open up and swallow you.”
I took the ice cream into my mouth, never looking away from his beautiful eyes, trying to shut out the restaurant, trying not to notice if anyone was staring.
“You’re doing it again, sweetheart,” he said. “If people are watching, who cares? You’ve chosen to be my submissive. Let the world see you’re proud of your choice.”
He was right. I should have the courage of my convictions. I lifted my chin proudly and smiled at my Master.
“Good girl,” he said, then added cryptically, “This is good practice for when we go in the next shop.”
Gabriel stopped the car on a side street a couple of miles away from the town center and turned to me. “We’re going to buy some more toys, sweetheart. Do you remember how I asked you to behave in that shop in Chester?”
“Yes, Sir.”
“You were very quietly submissive, as I remember. I don’t think anyone was aware of the dynamics of our relationship.”
“No, Sir.”
He took both of my hands in his and looked at me seriously. “In this shop, everyone will know you’re my submissive. You will not raise your eyes to mine until we’ve left the shop, you’ll address me as Master and you’ll obey my every command.
“Yes, Sir.”
My apprehension must have shown on my face because he laughed softly. “Babe, this shop specializes in BDSM gear. It’s not Ann Summers. No one’s going to be buying fluffy handcuffs for their hen night. They expect couples like us to come in.” He raised my hand to his lips and kissed it softly. “Now, are you going to be a vanilla girl playing at BDSM, or are you going to be my beautiful submissive woman who’s proud of who she is?”
I bowed my head. “I’m proud of who I am, Master.”
“Good girl. I want you at my side at all times unless I tell you otherwise, do you hear me?”
“Yes, Master.”
Without another word, he strode into the shop. Obediently, I walked at his side, eyes downcast, aware only of the rich red carpet and the heady smell of leather. There was only one other customer in the shop, a woman looking at fetish clothing. Gabriel strolled over to where she was standing and I stuck to his side as if attached by an invisible thread. He picked up a dress in shiny black latex with a cutaway at the back. “This is a spanking dress,” he said, not bothering to lower his voice. “When you’re wearing it, your ass will be on show, ready for discipline at all times. Do you like it, my pet?”
“Yes, Master,” I said in a clear, carrying voice.
“Stay there,” he said suddenly and walked away from me.
After a few minutes, the woman edged closer to me. “Do you and your Dom play with other people?” she asked in a low voice.
I glanced at her, startled at hearing her refer to Gabriel as my Dom. “I…erm…no, we don’t.”
“That’s a shame,” she said.
Gabriel returned and placed his hand in the small of my back reassuringly and I looked back down at the floor.
“Hello,” said the woman. “I was just talking to your sub. I hope that was all right.”
“Well, I didn’t give her explicit instructions not to talk to anyone,” he said. “I hope she was quiet and respectful.”
The woman laughed, a deep, throaty sound. “Well, she didn’t call me Madam if that’s what you mean.”
It was surreal to hear two people discussing me like this as if I had no voice of my own. Should I have addressed her as Madam? She must be a Dominatrix, then. I felt unaccountably jealous. I knew that as a Domme, she was no threat to me, but still, I knew she and Gabriel shared a common bond and I didn’t like it. I wanted her to go away. I wanted it to be just me and my Master.
“I approve of the spanking dress,” said the woman. “I’m sure she’ll look beautiful in it.”
“Oh, I know she will,” said Gabriel. An unmistakable note of pride in his voice sent a thrill of pleasure rushing through me. “I’ve bought thi
s for her as well,” he said.
I was aware of him showing something to the woman.
“Very nice,” she said approvingly. “She’s going to love it.”
“I hope so. What do you think, kitten?”
I raised my gaze from the floor and examined the contraption he held in his hands. For a moment, I couldn’t work out what it was. It looked like two black leather belts, joined at right angles to each other, each one fastened with a small silver padlock. In one of them there were two holes a couple of inches apart.
“It’s a chastity belt,” said Gabriel. “The two holes are for a butt plug and a dildo. I’ll strap you into this for hours at a time, both your entrances will be filled at once. I might tie you up and leave you to focus on the feeling or I might lead you around on your knees with your collar and leash or I might have you wear it to do the household chores. What do you think of that, my pet? Do you like your new toy?”
Was he really saying all this in front of a total stranger? My cheeks burned with embarrassment but, like the good submissive I was hoping to be, I said, “Yes, Master.”
“Good girl.” He turned to the woman. “Enjoy the rest of your shopping.”
Outside the shop, I said to Gabriel, “Please may I speak, Sir?”
Gabriel stopped and reached his hands around my neck and removed my torque. “You can say anything you like now, babe.”
I held out my hand for the torque and replaced it around my neck. “I like wearing it. It reminds me that I belong to you,” I said, gazing up into his beautiful eyes.
Gabriel laughed. “I hope you’ll never forget you belong to me, sweetheart. Now, what was it you wanted to say?”
“That woman, she asked me if we played with other people and I said no. You don’t want to play with other people, do you?”
Gabriel pulled me into his arms. “Right now, all I want is me and you,” he said. “But maybe one day, I’ll take you to a fetish club. I’ll lead you around on your leash and let everyone see the beautiful woman who has chosen to give herself to me.” At my wide-eyed look, he laughed again. “But only if you want it, darling. I only ever want to give you what you want.”
“Isn’t it about what you want?” I said. “You’re the boss.”
Gabriel opened the passenger door of the car, handed me in and fastened the seatbelt for me before going round to the driver’s side.
In the car he said to me, “As your Dom, it’s my job to take care of you and to make you feel safe and cherished. Yes, I’m training you to serve me and part of that training involves pushing your limits so you can grow as a submissive. Part of your training also involves disciplining you when you disobey and sometimes that will feel very hard for you to take. But I would never do anything that might scare you or repulse you. You’re far too precious to me. I’m here to teach you and guide you, but you must always be honest with me and tell me if I’m asking too much of you. Do you promise, sweetheart?”
“I do, Gabriel. What about me? What do you expect from me as a submissive?”
Gabriel smiled at me, pure love in his eyes. “To trust me, to know I’ll always have your best interests at heart. To obey me but to always remember you have your safe word if things become too much, to confide in me all your hopes and fears and to be open to trying new things.”
“Will there be many new things?” I asked him, squirming in my seat.
“Oh, yes,” said my Master, starting the engine and flashing me a wicked grin. “This is just the beginning.”
Epilogue
“Here you go, girls.” Karl hands me a glass of Prosecco and gives Ginny her sparkling ginger beer in a wine glass so she can at least pretend she’s having a drink with me.
“Karl!” Lily calls from upstairs. “Story!”
She has the same imperious manner as her mother, the same unshakeable belief that she’s the center of the universe, and I can’t help but smile to myself.
Ginny smiles at Karl apologetically. “Do you mind, babe?”
“Mind? It’s The Gruffalo again. How could I mind?” Karl gives us a look of mock tragedy.
“Well, tell her she needs to go straight to sleep afterwards. She’s got a big day tomorrow.” Ginny sighs. “She’ll never sleep tonight. She’s far too excited.”
“Kaaaaarl!”
“I’m coming, sweet pea.”
Shortly after Lily was born, Ginny complained to me that because she was a single mother no man would ever want her. Then, thanks to my mother insisting that now she had a baby to think of, Ginny should get a fire safety check on her flat, a handsome fireman called Karl called on her one afternoon, and a year later, Ginny left the flat and moved in with him.
Karl loves Lily as if she was his own daughter and the feeling is almost mutual, but not quite. For, as much as Lily loves Karl, there’s only one Daddy.
Watching Lily and Gabriel together is like taking a trip back through time and looking at Ginny and Dad. There’s that same unbreakable bond and that same total absorption in each other. But this time, instead of being eaten up with jealousy, I’m perfectly happy to sit and watch. Besides, this new side of Gabriel is a never-ending source of amusement to me. To hear him talk about setting boundaries and being firm, you’d imagine him to be quite the strict father, but I’m afraid Lily leads him a merry dance as he’s quite helpless to deny her anything.
As for my own relationship with Lily, she’s the daughter of my sister and the man I love more than my own life. I couldn’t love her more if she were my own daughter.
I wonder how she’ll react to the news of a new baby brother or sister. Ginny only found out she was pregnant a few weeks ago and so far only Karl, Gabriel and I know. Ginny didn’t want to eclipse my big occasion by announcing it now. The old Ginny wouldn’t have given my feelings a second thought, but this new Ginny is softer, kinder, her sharp edges rubbed smooth by motherhood. It’s safe to say Lily has been the making of her. At last, Ginny has someone she loves more than she loves herself. She’s even made an effort to be friendly with Steph, which has made life a lot easier.
And I’ve come to realize that I do love Ginny. I did a terrible thing, something no sister should ever do, and she’s found it in her heart to forgive me, which is more than I deserve.
Strange as it may seem, it was our mother who brought about our reconciliation. A few weeks after I came home and moved in with Gabriel, she summoned Ginny and I to dinner and gave us both a stern lecture. She told us men would come and go, but we’d always be sisters and now that her first grandchild was on the way, she expected the two of us to be there for each other.
“What on earth will he think when not only do his parents not get on, but his mother and aunt don’t speak to each other, either?”
“I don’t know why you’re having a go at me,” Ginny had complained. “I’m not the one who caused this situation. I’m the victim here. You should be on my side.”
“I know how hurt you are, Virginia,” my mother said reprovingly, “but you’re about to be a mother and mothers make sacrifices for their children.” She sighed. “If I could put my children first by staying married to your father, then I’m sure you can manage to do the same and forgive your sister.”
It didn’t happen overnight, but, gradually, Ginny started to come round. At first there was an uneasy truce, called mainly to appease our mother, but seven months later, when she asked me to go with her to the hospital, I realized I had my sister back.
My mother has taken to being a grandmother in a way she never took to being a mother, and when she looks at Lily, her face lights up with a joy I’ve never seen before. While, if Nanny Barbara, as Lily calls her other Grandma, had her way, Ginny and Karl would go out every night, so she could have her precious darling all to herself.
Lily’s grandfather, Andrew, died of a massive heart attack a few weeks before Lily was born. We don’t talk about him to Lily, though Ginny talks about Granddad Nick as if he’s just nipped out for a loaf of bread.
&n
bsp; I sip my wine, making it last as long as possible. I need to keep a clear head for the morning.
“I saw Matt in town yesterday,” says Ginny casually.
I flinch. I always got on with Paul’s brother in the past, but the last time I saw him, he left me in no doubt as to what he thought of me. I can hardly blame him.
“How is he? Has he heard from Paul?”
“Yeah, he’s still with Caroline. They’re in New Zealand at the moment, working on a kiwi fruit farm.” Ginny watches carefully for my reaction.
I shake my head in bemusement.
After the divorce, Paul sold the house and went off working his way around the world with Caroline, a twenty-seven-year-old interior designer. Maybe I wasn’t the only one feeling held back by the security of our marriage. While we were splitting our possessions, I’d finally asked him about the pictures of Ginny. He’d told me that he just liked looking at her and that he never would have actually done anything. “Everyone has fantasies, Faye,” he’d said. “Not all of us act on them,” he’d added pointedly.
There’s no lack of adventure in my life now. Every three months or so, Gabriel and I drive down to a fetish club in London so we can be ourselves without worrying that we might bump into someone we know. Gabriel tends to dress in black jeans and a black shirt, but I have a whole new wardrobe of shiny latex dresses, PVC boots and even a leather bondage harness. We don’t play with other people. That’s never been something I’ve fancied, but I’m now completely at ease being led around on a leash by my Master and being dominated in public. Also, speaking to other Doms has given Gabriel some fiendish new ideas.
I used to look at Ginny and feel inadequate because I didn’t have her perfect cheekbones and cute little nose, but now I look in the mirror and I see a beautiful, sensual woman, living the life she was meant to live.
It hasn’t been the easiest life choice. As Gabriel warned me, sometimes it’s hard for me to learn the lessons he teaches, but my submission has given me strength and purpose. It’s set me free from the demons of my past. I’ve even forgiven my father.