by Alyse Zaftig
Instantly, beads of sweat pop out on his forehead. He motions for me to stop while he's on the phone, but I like the feeling of power with him under my tongue. I can feel his muscles flexing as he forces himself not to thrust into my mouth. His breathing is starting to speed up, so I caress his balls. He's wincing as if he's in pain, but I know it's the effort of holding back.
Marjorie is yelling at him about not speaking, but I don't know if he's capable of speaking at the moment. His eyes are tightly shut. There's a quivering in his thighs which means that he's about to explode.
And then he does explode in my mouth, crying "Elia!"
Marjorie stops berating him. I finish swallowing his come.
"What was that?" Marjorie asks sharply.
"Nothing," he pants. "I think I heard Elia in the other room, that's all."
"You're strangely out of breath," I can hear her say.
"I was just trying to tell her to stop Danny from putting his finger in a light socket," Jeff lies.
"Hmm," Marjorie says.
I roll out of bed to use Jeff's bathroom. When I come back, he's no longer on the phone. Jeff is tying his tie.
“I have to go to work,” he says, pulling me close to kiss me on the mouth. When he finally lets me go, I’m breathless. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Chapter 27
Secretary’s Confrontation
Jeff
ONE HOUR LATER
"You should stay away from her."
I look at the assistant that I've had for a decade. "What, Marjorie?" I’m trying to review materials for one of today’s meetings. Two seconds ago, my primary concern was the CAGR of one of our business units. Now, it seems that my marriage concerns Marjorie.
"I don't approve of your relationship with that young lady," she says, her lips pursed. "She's far too young for you, far too vulnerable. You need a woman by your side, not a little girl."
"She's not a little girl anymore." "You must be joking. I can remember giving her peppermint candy when she was five. She is half your age."
I don't have much to say to that. She really is half my age. She just makes me feel alive in a way that I thought was lost forever when my wife died.
"It's a rebound thing," Marjorie says. "And it's cruel of you to let her have any hopes that it'll turn into something more. You need to break things off with her for her own good. You’re not done grieving for your first wife.“
"No," I say. I'm not done with her.
"Yes," she says. "Think of how her father would feel if you led her on for years. It’s bad enough that you married her. You need to end things before they go too far. What if you were together for five years? How could you steal her youth from her? And you know that Eric would murder you for sleeping with her. I know what I heard on the phone.”
I feel like a terrible human being anyway, having sex with my young teenage neighbor who is also the daughter of my best friend. And when he finds out, he's going to blow. I need to make sure that we have a professional and amicable relationship. I know what I have to do.
Chapter 28
Dumping
Elia
The door opens to reveal him. I lean in for a kiss, standing on tiptoe. His big hands to my hips. Jeff's lips touch mine, but I can tell his heart isn't in it.
"Something's wrong." I open my eyes and look up at him. There's something sad in his eyes. "Spit it out."
"I can't do this anymore."
My stomach feels like it just dropped through the floor. "What?" I tug at my earlobe, sure that I couldn't have heard what I just did.
"I don't want to pretend that we're getting married anymore, Elia. You're just too young for me."
I don't want to cry in front of him. His words hit me as if he'd just jammed a knife in my chest.
"I see," I say. But I don't see at all. "It's for the best," Jeff says. He clears his throat. "With a little time, you'll see."
"Cool," I say, my voice flat. "Then I hope you'll understand if I quit."
His face gets a little sadder. He nods. "Yeah, I understand. I'll send you your last paycheck and that'll be the end of it."
"Awesome," I say, biting my lip and hoping that the tears don't spill over. Don't cry! "I'll go now. Bye."
I turn away from him and finally let my tears spill down my face. I'm angry. I want to shout at him, to ask him how he could dump me like this when I thought we had something real. Something good. But all I'm doing is grabbing my stuff and heading next door.
My dad isn't home, so I can run upstairs to my room and hide under my covers. I wish I never met Jeff. I wish that I had never done anything with him ever. I feel like there's a bleeding knife wound in the center of my chest. I don't know how long it will take to heal, if it ever does.
Night falls. I don't turn on my lights. I can hear my dad's car get into the driveway. I text my dad that I'm in bed, so he knows that I'm home but not to disturb me. He texts me back.
I'm so tired. I can't do anything anymore but fall asleep in this soft bed.
Chapter 29
Waking Up
Elia
When I wake up, I look at the clock. It's half an hour before I need to be next door to take care of Danny.
Then I remember what happened yesterday. I'm not taking care of Danny. I don't want to get out of bed, to be honest. Maybe if I just stay here, I can pretend that today is a good day.
My father is not the kind of person who would allow his daughter to hide under the covers. He has something to say about sloth. So I roll out of bed and brush my teeth. I'm going to escape.
"Morning," I say, coming down the stairs. My dad has a plate with one egg left and half a slice of toast. He's eaten the same breakfast every day for the past few decades. Eggs and bread are pretty simple to come by.
"Want something?"
"I don't really eat much for breakfast," I say, because it's true. Also the thought of eating anything at all makes me feel like I want to throw up.
"Something wrong?" he asks. "You don't sound so good."
"I want to throw up," I say. Then I turn and spew into our sink. Good thing it's clear. My dad doesn't like to have a lot of dirty dishes hanging around.
"Do you have a bug? You shouldn't go over there today. You don't want Danny to get sick."
I sink down into a chair at the table. "I was fired. Danny won't get sick." I don't like the sick taste of acid in my throat. I need to run the water so the vomit will go down the drain but I can't make myself.
"Go back to bed, buttercup," my dad says. "I'll clean up."
If my dad weren't here, I'd be crawling upstairs. But he is here, which means that I slowly and unsteadily make my way to the stairs and climb up them. They feel like they are a million miles long. I know that there are fewer than 2 dozen steps, but it doesn't feel like it at the moment. When I get upstairs, I go into my room and close the door. Then I throw myself facedown on the bed.
I wake up when someone turns the light in my room.
"You awake?"
"Yeah," I say, my voice a little bleary.
"I brought you some peppermint tea," my dad says. "That's what your grandmother used to give me."
My grandmother died in a car accident before I was ever born. I know that she was a terrifying lady but one with a heart of gold.
"Thanks, Dad," I say, sipping a little of the tea after taking the mug from him. It feels good. I realize that I didn't even rinse out my mouth after barfing.
"Do you want to see a doctor?"
"It's probably something dumb that'll disappear in a day or so," I tell my dad.
Famous last words.
Chapter 30
Hyperemesis Gravidarum
Elia
After a week of nonstop barfing when I wake up in the morning, I realize that I have to face the truth and leave the house. I'm not ready for a doctor to confirm my hunch, so I wait until Dad has gone to work before going out to the nearest pharmacy.
I buy an EPT and creep into the de
serted bathroom in the back. I pee on a stick and count the time in my head. After I've counted enough seconds, I look at the stick.
Positive.
Part of me wants to go out there and buy more tests. But the rational part of me knows that there's a chance that I need to talk to a doctor.
"You're pregnant."
I stare at the OBGYN that I looked up on the Internet. Not long ago, I was going to a pediatrician.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"You're pregnant," she says.
"I can't be pregnant," I say.
"Well, you better get ready for it. The baby is coming, whether you like it or not. Would you like an ultrasound?"
"I guess," I say.
"I have to warn you, it's going to be intravaginal. You aren't far enough along for us to do it externally," she warns me.
"Okay," I say.
So I let her do things to me that I was not expecting. But I'm rewarded with the picture of a tiny little blob inside of my womb.
I feel a surge of terror, it's true. But I also am thrilled that I'm having a baby. Will it throw a wrench in everything? Yes. Do I have to face Jeff again? Yeah. But I can't wait to have this baby.
"I can tell that you're excited. Do you know who the father is?"
I nod.
"Will you tell him?" "I'm not sure," I tell her. I really don't know. For one thing, he lives next door to us. He'd probably notice if I had a kid. But if I had some kind of rebound relationship, maybe he'd never know.
I stop that train of thought right in its tracks. I can't do that to Jeff. I know that he's stressed out, trying to take care of Danny and the business, but he does love his kid and thinks that Danny is the center of the universe.
"Let's get you started on a course of prenatal vitamins," the doctor says, scribbling something on a pad. "And then you'll be set. Let's schedule another appointment for you a month from now."
I go to the front and pay my co-pay. I schedule an appointment for a month away. And the whole time, I'm wondering how Jeff is going to react. I know that he'll be happy about the baby. He probably won't be happy that I'm the mother.
"I'll take care of you," I whisper to the baby, putting my hand on my soft stomach. "I'll always love you."
Chapter 31
Afternoon Nap
Elia
Before I can talk myself out of it, I knock on Jeff's door as soon as I come down our street. I can hear Danny crying. I check my watch. It's time for his afternoon nap.
Jeff opens the door with Danny sitting on his hip. His hair is disheveled and Danny's face is red, as if he's been screaming for a while. When Danny sees me, he imperiously stretches out his arms. As soon as I take him, he shuts up. I kiss his squishy little tear-stained cheek.
"Thank God you're here," Jeff says. "I know we have to talk, but give me a half hour, okay?" He runs into his office and shuts the door.
"You're a little smelly," I tell Danny. "I think you pooped. And I think you could use a bath." Bathing him always makes him sleepy.
I carry Danny into the bathroom and fill the baby tub. I wipe his butt before he gets in. He splashes a little bit and gets me wet, but I don't mind. I use baby soap on his body and very carefully lather and rinse his little head, shielding his eyes with my hand. Then I wrap him in a fuzzy towel and put him on the changing table to slap a diaper on him. His eyes are more closed than open at this point. I sit down on the couch in Danny's room and I feel his whole body relax. I carefully move him into the crib, watching his chest rise and fall. He's okay.
I just don't know if I am. When I think of Danny getting a little brother, I swell with pride. But I still haven't talked to Jeff about my news.
I sit outside of his office door, listening to him conclude a meeting. When it's over, he opens the office door and almost walks right by me to get to the stairs.
"Hey." He whips around and sees me. "Danny?"
"Asleep. He was just tired and fussy. He needed a bath."
"Good," Jeff says, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know how to manage without you."
I blink. I can dance around this, but I need to just say it. My heart is beating in a crazy rhythm. "I have to talk to you about something." "It's for the best," Jeff says, his voice soft. But I can see longing in his face. It was harder to tell yesterday.
"No, it's something else." "Okay, shoot." "I'm pregnant."
Jeff's jaw drops. "What?" he chokes.
"I just went to the doctor. I've been throwing up every morning this week. The doctor confirmed that I'm pregnant." I watch Jeff's face. The surprise is fading into confusion.
"How?" "The first time," I tell him. "We tried to use condom, but once is all it takes. We weren't careful enough."
He sinks on the couch across from me. "I'm not going to ask for a paternity test." I can tell that he's thinking about the bloodstains created by my virginity in his bed.
"I've only slept with you," I say.
He's staring at the floor. I'm terrified that he'll look at me and just order me out, never to darken his doorstep again. What would happen to Danny?
"Marry me."
My jaw drops so far that it should hit the floor. Marry him?
"Marry me, Elia. We'll take care of this. Your baby will have my name. Our baby."
I am still gaping at him like a goldfish.
"I can get a marriage license soon and we'll be married within a week." He stands up. "I'll pay for your wedding dress, of course. Just go to a bridal shop and buy something off the rack."
I clench my fists and can feel anger rising inside of me. "It's that easy, huh?"
"We can cut to the chase, Elia. I know that this may not be what you envisioned, but you're pregnant."
I get to my feet, trying not to yell and wake the baby. "First of all, I can have my baby on my own. And he or she can have my name."
"Snowball's chance in hell," Jeff snorts.
"Second, I don't want to marry you. You broke up with me. I obviously don't mean much to you. And while we can negotiate a fair custody arrangement, I will not be living with you. If I can afford it, I'm moving away." I can see fire in his eyes. "No."
"I'm leaving," I say. "I'll come back tomorrow evening." He makes a move forward as if he wants to grab me and stop me, but I warn him with my eyes that it's not a good idea.
I walk home, almost ready to cry. When I get back to my room, I plop facedown on my bed. I don't even know if I'm crying. I just feel totally drained.
Chapter 32
Toast
Elia
When I wake up, it's the next day. For once, the fetus inside of me isn't making me nauseated. I head downstairs, where my dad is eating his breakfast. I make a few slices of toast and grab butter from the fridge.
"You need some meat or protein," my dad says.
"Not hungry for it," I say. I wait for the toast to pop up. The bottom is burnt while the top part is untoasted, but I don't care very much. I spread butter on my two slices of bread and watch my dad read the morning paper. I think my first move today is to explore my legal options. I should hire a lawyer, I know I should, but I'm going to explore custody agreements in California.
Chapter 33
Custody
Elia
By the time that I need to go to Jeff's house, my eyes can't read anymore. Reading legal statutes is slightly less fun than having your toenails removed. I'm so glad that I never decided to become a lawyer, because all of it is really boring. I knock on his door. He comes to the front.
"Danny's asleep."
I walk inside and go straight to the kitchen. There's dinner sitting on the table.
"Have you eaten?" "No." I sit down at the side that doesn't already have a glass of wine at it. He's poured me orange juice.
"We need to talk."
My stomach turns even though he's made a beautiful mushroom risotto, which is one of my favorite foods in the entire world. I eat bite after bite of it anyway, trying to keep my mouth full.
"
I owe you an apology."
I'm surprised enough to stop eating and look him full in the face. He rubs his chin.
"I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that. I meant to propose to you in a much more romantic fashion, but you surprised me."
I swallow the risotto in my mouth. "You broke up with me."
"I know." He sighs before starting again. "I knew that what we had was worth fighting for, but I didn't know what I'd do with a wife so much younger than me."
My eyes fill with tears. Even talking about his proposal, he's still rejecting me.
"I didn't mean it like that, Elia," Jeff says.
"Then what did you mean?"
"I was too worried about what other people would think, seeing me wed my young, barely legal next door neighbor." "I'm 19," I say.
"I know," he says. "Look, I was at a point where I either needed to marry you or break up with you. It wouldn't be fair to you to lead you on and pretend that I was going to offer you something I couldn't give."
"You obviously chose one path over the other."
"Yeah, I did. And it was a mistake. One you can let me rectify."
I shrug. "If you're asking for a 50/50 custody agreement, I'm okay with that. But the answer to your proposal is still no."
Jeff has an uncomfortable look on his face, as if he's sitting on a pinecone. I almost giggle with that visual.
"Elia..." he starts.
"No," I tell him. "Look, I know that you're a good father. And I'm happy to let this child grow up knowing that you're his or her father. But you dumped me not very long ago, remember? And if I hadn't had morning sickness and gone to the doctor, you wouldn't even be speaking to me right now, let alone proposing."